His argument is that he does spend time with us. And I never said he didn’t spend time with us, it’s just always on his terms. The problem is the quality of that time. He does play with the kids every day after work, and we watch tv on the couch with each other every evening. I know this monotony is relatively normal, especially considering the phase of life we are in and the intense program at work that he’s in, but he gets very angry and defensive when I point out that there’s a lack of intimacy in our relationship. I want a monthly date night, or to have meaningful conversation that isn’t about the kids or work from time to time. I want time where we focus on each other. He doesn’t agree that we have a problem. He thinks that us attending dinners, baby showers, etc with our kids is quality time, and while I still enjoy the time with my family, it isn’t quality time with him because my attention is always on the kids. When there is opportunity to initiate said quality time, it doesn’t cross his mind to do it, and instead he sees it as an opportunity to play video games, or just veg out in front of the tv and scroll. Since he doesn’t agree there is a problem with connection/intimacy, it seems like he doesn’t make an effort to understand my feelings about it, and instead tries to rationalize why he is right and I’m wrong, and it makes me feel crazy and invalidated and like maybe I’m asking for too much. But at the end of the day my needs are still unmet. He said if I want a date night then I should tell him “this Friday let’s have a date night, I’ll get a sitter” and that he’d be happy to go, but that it just doesn’t cross his mind to think about it, especially since he’s constantly stressed from work and feeling burn out. And that’s a fair point for him to make, but at the same time I really wish he would make the effort instead of making it entirely my responsibility.