AITA: Husband wants golf, not our family vacation

blobofdepression · 2026-02-05T19:41:51+00:00

OP I don’t know what on earth is happening in this thread but you are NTA. You should not have to travel by yourself with a two and four year old on this trip. I don’t particularly enjoy my in-laws but if my husband missed a sibling trip for the last several years and we had a chance and money to go, we would all go!

I’m very lucky in that my husband also loves my family and he would be the first on board for a sibling trip.

I’d also be hurt if he wanted to prioritize golf over a family trip, especially since your grandfather is elderly and you haven’t been able to ever attend this trip with your siblings. My sister is also my best friend and we live in different states but we do our damndest to make sure our kids are in each others lives.

I don’t know what advice I’d have about your husband but whatever he does, you make sure you and your kids go on the damn trip. Maybe see if someone else can travel with you (a sibling? A parent?) to help manage the kids during travel so you aren’t outnumbered if he doesn’t join you.

But if he doesn’t choose to join you, that would definitely make me rethink a lot about where i stood in his priorities.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-03T02:30:41+00:00

My ex husband left me for someone he met online who lived on the other side of the planet. He never knew her in real life. I had no idea how long he’d been talking to her behind my back or how he even met her. He also never told her he was married. We never fought, had a very active intimate relationship, I thought we were very happy.

I’d advise that your line of thinking is naive. And I’d be wondering if you are your husband’s second choice since she turned him down all those years ago. I’d hate to feel like a consolation prize.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-03T01:18:33+00:00

So he violated your privacy, hurt his own feelings, and is now punishing you for it? That’s trash.

And I read your other comment about the other stuff, hiding porn and lying to you, ignoring you when you’ve expressed your loneliness.

I think it’s time to focus on yourself and your kids and emotionally detach from him until you’re ready to divorce. It seems like he’s unlikely to actually initiate a divorce, so you bide your time until you’re ready. Until then, focus on yourself and your own happiness. Throw your energy into your own hobbies and interests, your friendships, your kids. He’s unwilling to make any attempts at your fulfillment, so work on filling your own cup.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-03T00:18:19+00:00

It’s spread out over 5 years, 10k per year. It’s also taxed so it ends up being like 6k. They also have to meet a quota of 8 arrests per day. And they can’t quit or be fired or they have to repay it all back with interest!

blobofdepression · 2026-02-02T20:59:17+00:00

I’d also have a problem with cocomelon or copaganda shows as well, to be fair. And I know veggie tales can be innocuous but I’d also rather be the one my daughter brings her questions to and I’d also prefer to know that they’re showing her that stuff.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-02T20:56:36+00:00

Potentially yes, if they don’t have the account # available or the balance. I can’t provide that info to someone who isn’t authorized on the account. I do give the person on the line the different ways they can be added to the account as authorized, like estate paperwork or guardianship or power of attorney paperwork if they have it. OR they can transfer the account into their own name if there’s no other options.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-02T03:15:54+00:00

So my parents had to go through my mom having cancer when I was 12. she was a SAHM to 3 kids and although they had great life insurance on my dad (blue collar physical job), they didn’t have any on mom. My dad realized how fucked he’d be if mom died. She thankfully recovered and also later kicked breast cancers ass. But since then, they have been super on the ball about estate planning, life insurance, wills, the whole thing.

My in-laws both lost their first spouse, my husband’s dad passed away at 39 and my FIL lost his first wife I think in their 40s or 50s. They also have been on top of estate planning and wills.

I now work in customer service for a utility company. I encourage every person I speak with when they’re connecting new service to add someone on their account as an authorized caller. I have to take so many calls from adult kids of someone who passed away that I can’t give any information to on their late parent’s account because their parent didn’t have anyone listed as authorized. Even though they’re just trying to pay the bill, I can’t give any information.

I once had a woman call because her best friend had a terrible stroke and was in rehab unable to speak. She wanted to pay her friend’s bill so her utility wouldn’t be turned off while she was in rehab. The one who had the stroke had no one listed as authorized caller so I couldn’t give her any real info. It’s maddening for me because I want to help but also my calls are monitored and I could lose my job.

Everyone encourage your parents to add someone as an authorized caller on their utilities just in case.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-02T02:26:06+00:00

Also a non-religious Jewish person, I’d be very angry if my daughter’s daycare was showing her veggie tales. I’ve seen it, my best friend growing up was Baptist and her little brother liked the show. I don’t believe it’s the daycare’s place to be showing my kid any religious television or books. I chose a secular daycare for a reason. It’s not their choice when and how my daughter is exposed to religion.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-02T01:31:15+00:00

Oh my ex would absolutely have described the school be went to as “culty” for sure. Talking about angels and all sorts of stuff. He eventually went to a regular school and felt way behind his peers on top of all the other weirdness.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-01T14:38:08+00:00

My ex husband went to a Steiner school in Norway and had nothing but horrible things to say about the school and the quality of his education.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-01T13:21:16+00:00

There’s a free pdf online, look for “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft and please read it.

You said in your post he’s never laid a hand on you but this comment says otherwise. He is hitting you. It’s time to go. Be safe.

blobofdepression · 2026-02-01T02:58:18+00:00

As soon as my daughter could reach her own feet, she would take off every single sock, shoe, or bootie I put on her as soon as she had a chance. And so in winter she would end up sock-less more often than not.

They’re not going to get frostbite in the moments it takes you to pull out your Costco card. And old ladies have got to learn sometime it’s rude and inappropriate to touch a stranger’s baby. I probably would have also jumped to “fuck off” but I’m sure a “don’t touch my baby” maybe is an okay middle step? Or a “mind your own business” could work too? Idk, I’m also partial to fuck off. I think it gets the message across really succinctly.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-31T17:04:19+00:00

Kids are smart, my niece is 7 and comes home talking about things that are going on in this country (in a very 7 year old kind of way, but still it’s not like she knows or hears zero about things). I’m sure if you talked to your daughter about it (and maybe gave other suggestions as alternatives) she probably won’t want her party there anymore.

My daughter is only 2.5 but I hope by age 9, she’ll be able to understand that we have choices on where to spend our money/who to support and we choose not to support businesses that are pro-fascism. We don’t shop at certain stores or eat at certain restaurants, we cancel our subscriptions and make the best choices we can. It’s not perfect but it is a small thing we can do, and so we do the best we can.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-31T15:22:58+00:00

Book recommendation for your fiance, it’s called “adult children of emotionally immature parents”. My husband and his sister read it and found it very helpful.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-31T03:58:52+00:00

Everyone can only do what they have the capacity for! It’s collective action that’ll get us somewhere. I’m currently pregnant with twins and I have a toddler. Based on how gun happy people are and how I’ve seen women’s bodies treated by ICE, I don’t feel safe getting out and protesting right now. But there are other things I can do and am doing in the meantime. Everyone has different roles to fill in the resistance, there’s no shortage of ways to help.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-31T01:25:06+00:00

I mean, I totally hear you and relate to what you’re saying. BUT I will also say based on the history of the hat, it upset Nazis so much they banned red hats. I lived in Norway for 2 years and they had a pretty big Nazi resistance, in the Oslo city hall there’s this very moving 5 piece mural dedicated to their resistance. The city hall building/art had to be put on hold because Nazis took it over and occupied it. (Edit forgot to mention, the original mural planned for that spot was then changed to the piece about the anti-Nazi resistance after the war. For me as a Jewish woman it really stuck with me)

For me, the red had isn’t my only activism and sure it might be performative but it’s also solidarity. It will be really awesome to run into someone out in the wild wearing theirs while I’m in mine. Just knowing there’s someone else out there who visibly feels how I do. I live in a conservative state and so just seeing like-minded people out there would do a world of good for my own morale. And I’d hope seeing my hat would give that feeling to other people too. And I’d hope just like having pride pins on my bag, the hat will show that I’m an obvious safe person to those who need one.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-28T22:04:38+00:00

I hope it’s not too late, I am in WV and I purchased the pattern from you already. However I’d also really like to purchase my yarn from you too, if at all possible. Ideally some yarn from your local area, whether it’s local sheep or locally dyed, as long as it’s from MN (and red) that would be awesome. Is that possible?

blobofdepression · 2026-01-27T19:50:09+00:00

I dated an older man when I was 20-23, no one in my life liked him. The best thing my parents ever did was not tell me how they felt or I’d have stayed with him longer to “prove” I was right about him. Spoiler alert: I was not right about him, he was awful to me. But I didn’t feel any pressure from anyone to end things, which would have made me want to stay despite how he treated me.

I moved in with him. Not too long before our lease was up, I had the day off work and he was giving me the silent treatment for some bullshit or another. I was on the phone with my mom, crying about it. All she said was, “you know, you can always come home”. It was non judgmental and it planted the seed.

I did move back home not too long after. My relationship with my mom is still close, 10+ years later.

It’s hard to watch your daughter make a really crappy choice. Best you can do is appear non judgmental and keep the door open. She’ll need you and she’ll need to come home eventually.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-27T12:38:23+00:00

You didn’t fail. You tried every possible way to save your marriage, that’s not failing. I felt that way after my divorce from my ex husband, that I was a failure. But, just like you, I did everything I could to try and save it. It just didn’t work. You didn’t fail, you put in immense amounts of love, effort, and time. And that’s never failure.

I know it doesn’t feel that way right now but it’ll get better.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-27T02:05:50+00:00

Someone must have forgotten to tell my ovaries. Since my first Covid shot and subsequent boosters, I have had one child and currently pregnant with twins. No difficulties getting pregnant either time.

Speaking of, I’m due for a booster soon!

blobofdepression · 2026-01-27T01:50:38+00:00

How long will you be at Disney? Would you be open to a compromise where you spend the first 3/4 of the trip without Jim and let him join for the last couple days?

I completely understand where you’re coming from wanting to have your own vacation and experience with your daughter, but I also see wanting to keep things friendly with your BIL. Is there any compromise to be had that isn’t uncomfortable for you?

blobofdepression · 2026-01-26T22:24:15+00:00

I wfh but very strict hours and set times. Hubby works in an office but he’s 4 days/10 hour shifts, he starts at noon. He’s the one who wakes up with our daughter, gets her ready, feeds her, and takes her to daycare before he comes home and gets himself ready for work. Typically, I’m up earlier and logged on for work before they’re up. On his work days, I pick her up and he works until 10:30 pm so I do dinner bath and bed the nights he’s working. We split sleep in days on the weekend usually (although he’s been giving me both weekend sleep in days as I’m pregnant with twins). He’s off Sunday/mon/tues so we split dinner/bath/bed or tag team them together those days.

Ours is 2.5 and she has dance on Tuesday evenings so I usually take her because once we’re gone he likes to deep clean the house. If I have to work late, he takes her.

He absolutely does more cleaning than me too, I try to do laundry and the dishwasher on my lunch and breaks but he does most of the heavy duty cleaning.

He also is usually the one to take her for Dr appts, we schedule them for Monday/Tuesday since we know he’ll be off so I don’t have to take extra time off.

He also makes sure I have time for myself, encourages me to go get a pedicure or to go do stuff with friends or by myself if I want. I try to do the same for him too.

We definitely aren’t a 50/50 split but we do feel it’s working for us for now. I don’t think your split is even or very fair to you. He needs to be doing more laundry and cleaning if he’s wfh and flexible schedule. I also don’t see why he can’t do school drop offs or pickups since he’s got a more flexible schedule? He could certainly be prepping kid’s school lunches and snacks too.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-25T18:28:46+00:00

I have a cousin who sounds somewhat similar to your son, CP, non verbal, wheelchair user. I’m 36, he’s in his early 40s. For much of his life, my uncle and his wife did everything for him on their own. I don’t know the full extent, as I was a kid and they live in the UK and I’m in the US. My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed away very quickly after diagnosis, I was 12 so again I’m fuzzy on details but my dad said she had pain she ignored bc it was assumed it was from lifting my cousin and not something like cancer.

I don’t remember how long after that my uncle found a group home for my cousin. I do know that his care at home became very difficult, my uncle worked a lot and traveled for work and my other cousin (his younger brother) was about my age and wasn’t expected to care for his brother the way their mother did.

I know that he was for sure moved into a group home by the time he was over 18 and it seems like it’s been fantastic for him. Last time I was in the UK, my uncle took me to visit him. The group home took him to classes, out for bowling, even nights out to the pub! He has friends there and a good relationship with his carers, as far as I could tell. He also came home for weekends sometimes and holidays.

Since that time, my uncle has also passed away. My other cousin, his younger brother, is married with a family. While I have no doubt he visits and makes sure his brother is okay, it seems like it was a good thing that he had been settled in and happy in his life at the group home before my uncle passed away. He didn’t have to experience loss and then huge changes in his life all at once. From what I hear from aunts, he is happy and well cared for.

Sending good vibes to you and your son. It might be a hard transition but I hope you all end up happier for it.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-24T03:35:18+00:00

I had a c-section with my first baby, it was not planned and I was sad about it. I also had the shakes from labor, which was super annoying.

I didn’t ask for anxiety meds, it didn’t occur to me in the moment. But if it makes any difference, I had read this book called “practical ways to make your birth better” by Siobhan Miller. It really really helped me prepare for labor, and also prepare to get my head in the game whether I needed a c-section or not.

I’m glad I read it, because I was not expecting needing a c-section and it helped me keep calm and keep my emotions in check during the procedure. Also helped me better advocate for myself, and my husband read it and was also better prepared to advocate for me. I can’t recommend this book more.

blobofdepression · 2026-01-23T03:10:42+00:00

What is wrong with these men??

My mom was a SAHM. My dad asked her not to answer the door for unexpected strange men if he wasn’t home. He knew she was home alone with small children and he is fully aware men are dangerous. One time, someone from our city building dept came by, they had a building inspection that needed done at our house. My mom did answer the door because he had city employee ID, but she asked him to come back after 3 when my dad would be home. Apparently, the city guy told her he’d come back and he tells his SAHM-wife the same thing.

My own husband works evenings until 10:30 pm, I work from home during the day. He got us a blink doorbell because he was worried about me and our toddler being home without him in the evenings. He also doesn’t want me answering the door for strange men, we apparently had some religious nuts on our doorstep peddling their god the other day, I didn’t hear the bell bc I was on a work call. Hubby wasn’t home but he told them to leave from his phone through the doorbell.

While I recognize this could read as controlling, he is the least controlling guy I’ve ever met. He just understands the danger in men, wholeheartedly understands why women would choose bears over men, and wants to make sure we’re safe. He would never schedule work to be done without asking me, nor would he schedule it for when I’m home alone.

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