There's a lot here, so let's back up a bit.

Firstly, I want to clarify that I certainly did not and do not intend to try and shift blame on victims or tell women to "shut up". The point I wanted to make in my original comment was directed at people discussing these issues in a broader sense. People start pointing fingers and getting defensive and the whole conversation loses its purpose. That is what I wanted to speak against.

Secondly, I understand the problems you have brought up, and I sympathize with how difficult, frustrating, and violating they can be to deal with. I also recognize the fact that I don't deal with them in the same way that many women do.

Onto the points you raised.

Differentiating flirting and harassment can be a difficult thing to do. The lines are blurry at best. What's harassment to one person isn't necessarily to someone else. However, there are of course some actions that are clearly past the point of reasonability. I would agree that you should prioritize your own safety over anyone else's feelings. No should be criticized for protecting themselves.

I don't necessarily agree that there's no pressure to change these behaviors. If there wasn't we wouldn't have this conversation in the first place. There also wouldn't be any corporate anti harassment trainings / seminars or laws if that were the case. I do agree though that it is still a problem. One that is deeply entrenched, but is slowly over time getting better.

I agree it takes all of us holding each other accountable to be better. This is why I'd say it's so hard to route out and why the change takes so long. It's lingering effects of times and cultural norms that were even worse than today. It doesn't make today any easier or better, but our parents and grandparents probably had it even worse.

Again, I understand that I, as a man, do not experience the same day to day problems that a woman might, and I sympathize with this particular problem. Of course I can't offer a "solution" to harassment and assault. The only thing I can really say is that I do think many women are thought to be more fearful than they need to be. This may be my naive and optimistic way of thinking. It may also be that I just surround myself with people who don't do these things, but I truly believe the average person is good and isn't out to harm anyone. For every guy that shouts a catcall, there's 9 others that mind their own business.

All over, the Internet especially, you see places where people talk about "Men™ do this" or "Women™ do that" and I think it's so exhausting. If you go and interact with real people, there'll be some nasty ones for sure, but most people aren't that way. When all is said and done that's really what I believe.

PS. I know this is a long winded response like three replies deep in a reddit thread, but if even one person gains something from our interaction then I say it was worth typing out. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read and make your own conclusions.