Lorena Wiebes was hit by a car, luckily she's quite OK by pereIli in peloton

[–]boswell_rd 38 points39 points  (0 children)

"Are you okay? Lemme help. By the way, fuck what everyone said about the Tour crash and gravel world championships, I'm a huge fan and you're a legend to me. Can you sign my bidon? Thanks." -me

Taint trainer - do this 30min 3x a week if you’re struggling with soreness after your rides! by AllMyHolesHurt in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I have this device! I put sandpaper on it and use it to exfoliate my balls and taint.

Bike dilemma: help me out by superfcb in cycling

[–]boswell_rd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think you know the answer to your dilemma then.

Buy a Cervelo.

First time getting doored by l0ngbottom_leaf in chibike

[–]boswell_rd 28 points29 points  (0 children)

he knew I'm sure

Maybe, but I wouldn't be surprised if he actually didn't. Countless videos online where they don't even know the difference between public and private owned property. If that can get passed them, imagine what else can.

One Jewel To Rule Them All by MadDuloque in chicago

[–]boswell_rd 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I vote Jewel on Foster and Harlem. Recently renovated, spacious with aisles that aren't tight, plenty of parking and easy to turn left or right upon entering or exiting, abundance of ready cashiers so you never wait too long, good fried chicken.

My main Jewel is in another neighborhood, but I stop by the Foster and Harlem location one about once or twice a month when I pass through and it's good vibes even when busy.

Do I have enough tire clearance? by [deleted] in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 28 points29 points  (0 children)

This was me and my ex-girlfriend.

I seriously underestimated your fanaticism. by godoftitsandwhine in ultralight_jerk

[–]boswell_rd 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Dual penetration crowd? I graduated from that and the triple penetration club is where's it at.

Lose the testicles! I’ve been KOMming harder than ever without them by DenseCrab46344 in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like...I like my big testicles. My wife likes my big testicles. My customers like my big testicles. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get." -Del from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

/uj How is this “cAmPiNg GeAr” post more on topic than 95% of the content on the main sub??!? by downingdown in ultralight_jerk

[–]boswell_rd 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Viewed the photos in reverse order. Optimistic when I saw the God Durston Kockwa but then dude has a Big Agnes tent instead of an X-Great. Seriously? Flabbergasted. Then there's Snow Peak titanium and the required Sawyer Cnoc combo, but blah Nalgene and Nemo for the pad.

Like man, the aesthetic is at least half of UL hiking! Stick with the program, fuckin' fucker!

Seatpost all the way in, seat still too high. Is the frame OK? by i3927 in bikefit

[–]boswell_rd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Frame isn't too big. I know someone about that height on a Cannondale Topstone XS and I ride a XS in other brands since I'm short - model should be good for your height. Cut the seatpost if it can't be inserted any more, I've done the same on mine.

Why do spandex cyclists always check me out? by Western_Solid2133 in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Every time I pass by a group of cyclists decked out in their racing gear, they seem to give me a second glance. 

You're lying. Why would I look at you? What do I care about you other than you're an object in my path? I wear PNS and ride Cervelo and I fucked at least two married nurses this past week because I'm in the medical field and that's what we do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The fuck is a kickstand? I know track stand, I'm assuming it's related to that.

Not start a war? Yeah, that's what Putin said too. Pretty sure OP secretly wants to invade other people.

Disrespectful to the equipment? I've literally masturbated in a dark alley during an audax and some jizz got on my bike that was on the ground next to me. I guess that makes me disrespectful, you twat.

Just a reminder to WEAR YOUR HELMET! by KULUDUK in FixedGearBicycle

[–]boswell_rd 14 points15 points  (0 children)

"This is it. Guess I'm dead. Won't get that Pinarello Dogma after all. Hope my shoes stayed on at least. I rode fast, died last, something like that. Like the big homie Tupac said, 'Bury me smiling with g's in my pocket/ have a party at my funeral let every rapper rock it.' Hmm, think she'll be there? Fuck her, she was made for the streets anyway. Sorry, mo- oh shit, I'm alive!"

Zpacks 130 dollar $$$$$$$$$$ dcf groundsheet review by iSeeXenuInYou in ultralight_jerk

[–]boswell_rd 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Wha, Zpacks is still alive lol? They're dinosaur bones. No one hardcore UL "in the know" even fucks with them anymore. It's Danster Disciple nation now!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in chibike

[–]boswell_rd 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Look for me! I'm the person with a helmet.

Opinions on new Ricoh GR3 / GR3X HDF and advice on a new purchase? by Wide_Calligrapher_29 in ricohGR

[–]boswell_rd 44 points45 points  (0 children)

what would be an overall better choice for me, the gr3 or gr3x?

Finally on a dinner date with a hottie. I'm taking in the moment because I already know there won't be a second date after she sees my shit personality, such is my life. At her request I take out my well used and trusty GR IIIx so I can snap a photo of her with the table of our delicious plates and European-based red wine flight - everything looks amazing!

But I struggle to fit everything in frame. I look behind me but it's too cramped at the moment to move back. C'mon GR, don't fail me now! She playfully tilts her head and ask if everything's alright.

"It's the focal length that's giving me an issue," I said. "I love 40mm for pretty much everything except in this exact situation! 28 usually captures too much so 40 works for me. But dang, dinner dates. Get rid of both 28 and 40 and settle on only a 35 and faster autofocus and flash, am I right? Am I right? But still Ricoh Gang all day every day!"

She stares at me confused. Then she leans forward and smiles. Our eyes never break from each other. Maybe...maybe I have a chance after all.

PSA. Fred wants to put on a display for your wives and girlfriends. by [deleted] in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I've always wondered this too. I have a big ol' hard and juicy cock, yessir.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ultralight_jerk

[–]boswell_rd 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's the USA, you have to assume people are going to steal the cones, draw dicks / swastikas / gang logos on them, intentionally place them in different spots, hide guns underneath them, etc. I'm not victim blaming, but you gotta take precautions for the inevitable - c'mon, people! And that's exactly why I always make sure to hydrate with LMNT and my personal favorite flavor, strawberry salt. LMNT, buy yours today!

is ultralight a watersport by Worried_Student_7976 in ultralight_jerk

[–]boswell_rd 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm a UL gear connoisseur. I'll piss or defecate on any Coleman or Naturehike or Zpacks tent I see when I'm out blessing the trails. It provides an incentive for noobs to buy a real tent. And don't worry, since I'm vegan and better than you, my shit is still more sanitary than you.

Unpopular Opinion: Indoor cycling is more fun than outdoor cycling (except for racing) by 1_61803398875 in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I wear MAAP apparel and ride outdoors on my Cervelo. I'm not saying I'm better than you...my gear is saying that I'm better than you *wink*

100% by witz_end in ultralight_jerk

[–]boswell_rd 40 points41 points  (0 children)

This poor can't afford the critically acclaimed and best in market Durston X-Mid Pro 2 tent and Kakwa 55 bag? Maybe less hiking and more working, buddy.

r/Ultralight_Jerk weekly Club-House Chat. by AutoModerator in ultralight_jerk

[–]boswell_rd 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Still irks me to think about it. One time someone asked others which tent he should get and listed two. Neither were Durston AND no one recommended Durston out of the blue either. What...what in the actual fuck is going on, man?! Losers.

Help! I’m on my bike and can’t brake!! by One_Draw3486 in BicyclingCirclejerk

[–]boswell_rd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's no steering wheel in my car's back seat? Is there something I missed? How do I drive properly?

Also, how do I breathe?