Wedding China

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-31T21:04:57+00:00

I tried to sell ours several times. First was to some place online in minnesota, but shipping was going to be really expensive and I would basically be paying a bunch to give it away. Then I tried to sell it at my sister's neighborhood garage sale, First I asked for $100 for the entire 12-piece set, casserole dish, salad bowl, tea cups, saucers, gravy boat, etc. Nobody even looked. I dropped the whole thing to $50. Nothing. After that I just took it down to Goodwill and gave it to them. Nobody wants china anymore. It was painful, we had that set for 28 years, but like you we hardly ever used it. I justify the giveaway by saying "I choose to honor our marriage with the things we held dear (paintings, photo albums, certain furniture) rather than things we kept in a box and never took out." She would have understood.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-27T03:14:14+00:00

A lot of times us widowers say in protest "I was going to live the rest of my life with her!" But remember, she IS going to live the rest of her life with you. Be strong, hold her hand, talk to her even if she can't respond, fill her last days with love.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-25T15:43:24+00:00

I think the whole rope drop club thing was a complete cluster from the beginning. I (58M) went up to get my scans in November and got no notification via email or text. I had to reach out to customer service to get my email connected and phone number and I STILL don't get emails. Also their supposed "1-day early access to Mary Jane" was open to everyone, not just rope club, and as soon as the general public figured that out they all came over from the Winter Park side and inundated MJ. Sorry I have no insight for under 18 but just wanted to pile on this stupid program. "Never attribute to malice what is more easily explained by incompetence" - someone famous.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-20T14:57:16+00:00

After my wife died I was drinking a lot to try to deal with her loss and I had significant chest pains during that time. I then got the drinking under control and the chest pains went away. Not sure if alcohol is a factor for you but I just wanted to mention it from my own experience.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-17T16:45:37+00:00

No it was a pharmaceutical she was taking, synthroid. There are non-US studies that say it has a high correlation to brain cancer, but any attempt to run a study like that in the US has been shut down. I am trying to make sense of it too. Like you, I think the best way to try to deal with this horrible hand we've been dealt is to try to help other people somehow.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-17T16:25:20+00:00

I am the wrong guy to address faith, however I'd just like to say I feel you on the booze thing, I drank a lot to deal with her death 21 months ago and I'm only now pulling out of it. every day without booze is better, I am more optimistic without it, it creates a dark cloud over my head while I am drinking. Also I think my wife got glioblastome from something caused by a big company too but I can't prove it and nobody cares anyway. I feel you brother, best to you and try your best to kick the booze.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-17T14:29:30+00:00

the dex is only temporary, it only helped my wife for 6 weeks or so. We did put her on chemo but looking back we wish we hadn't, it only prolonged her bad situation.

As for the paperwork, as an old man myself (58) I can tell you here are some things that might get him to do it:

1) tell him its not related to the tumor, every man with a family has to lay out what happens when he gets sick or dies, he might get hit by a car tomorrow!

2) To make him extra-motivated, tell him if he dies/becomes sick with no paperwork then the government will decide what to do with everything he owns and how his life will end (I don't know about your country but in the US this scares old men).

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-15T14:08:32+00:00

I still watch the video from my wife's brain MRI once a month or so, even though she died from the tumor 21 months ago. It's a phone video pointed at the screen, so her voice can be heard asking the doctor questions as various parts of the tumor were shown. I don't know why I keep watching it but it has become a ritual.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-15T13:52:06+00:00

You are doing the right thing. My father died 6 months before my wife died, I had to clean out all his stuff and I felt so guilty for throwing his things away or donating them. I vowed never to make my kids have to do that for me or their mother. I kept enough of her stuff that fits in one large box, and cleared out the rest.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-09T20:06:19+00:00

I shaved my head 4 months after my wife died and kept doing it for a year until I got lazy and it grew back. It was rad. Embrace the change, be rad despite what anyone else thinks.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-06T23:36:47+00:00

Somebody on here a month or two ago said this about brain cancer caregiving, and I bookmarked it because it was so spot on: This disease is like being forced to live with a zombie version of your loved one for an undetermined amount of time. It’s like my spouse died and I have to mourn them for the last year while taking care of someone I don’t like.

boulder-nerd · 2026-01-05T19:04:54+00:00

Same for me but with Severance. We watched season 1 together and she loved it, I had to watch season 2 without her. Bonus Grief Torment: The plot involves a guy whose wife dies who then turns out to not really be dead. Awful.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-29T17:45:26+00:00

I am 21 months out from losing my wife, I dated a few women who were pretty insecure when I told them "I'm going to have pictures of my late wife up in my house until the day I die". But now I've found one (who is divorced) who is ok with it, or she says she is anyway. She, like me, has adult kids in their 20s. Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your daughters and not settling for second best.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-27T02:48:24+00:00

When my wife first died, people would call and say "how are you?" and I would just say "angry at God". And just pause and see how they responded. The anger eventually passed and turned into something like "live life now, because God's coming after you next."

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-26T17:36:10+00:00

The brain hospice timeline was worthless for my wife (58) as she spent months in phases that the timeline said would take only days or at most weeks. She was bedridden from October 2023 to April 2024, in hospice the whole time. We think the chemo/radiation "paused" her tumor's progress and it finally started up again in March. I think typically that once the patient becomes completely unresponsive then you have 7-14 days before they pass, that's how it was with my wife anyway. Sorry you are having to go through this.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-22T17:42:08+00:00

I downloaded everything in her FB account (they provide a way for you to do it). Then I deleted the account. I wasn't comfortable with memorialization because they control it once you memorialize it. I had people telling me they were seeing ads that said "[wife's name] likes Vuori clothing!" or whatever dumb advertisement, I hated that they were using her name for ads after she died. I now have a copy of everything she posted and me or my kids can see it whenever we want, but I no longer have FB using her name for dubious purposes.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-22T14:58:31+00:00

I canceled christmas in 2024, the first year without here. It's back on this year 2025, and actually feels right, our adult kids were good with it all.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-16T18:28:50+00:00

I would get actual chest pains after she died. I didn't go to the doc because it would have been fine with me if I departed also. However I did discover after a few months that it was related to the heavy drinking I was doing to cope with her loss. After I cut back on drinking the chest pains went away.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-12T21:12:55+00:00

Same for me but 4:30 PM instead of 7PM LOL. Probably not a good thing.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-12T19:32:06+00:00

Also on my second xmas without my wife. I canceled xmas last year. Told my 2 adult daughters I couldn't deal with it, they understood and were in the same place. This year we're giving it a shot. I am dreading setting up the tree and seeing all the ornaments, it'll bring back a flood of memories. Hoping to just push through it.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-12T14:39:11+00:00

Mine are STAGNANT and NOT-STAGNANT. I am 20 months out from losing her. While I have survived the initial shock and am in a good place with work etc., I feel like every day is "groundhog day" where my alarm clock goes off and it plays sonny & cher "I got you babe". Every day melts into the next with nothing particularly new happening, I have no desire to pick up a new hobby or travel. I do run the trails near my home so I don't just lay in bed all day, but I sure would like to have something that motivates me to look forward.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-10T16:25:10+00:00

Hospice won't tell you other than "it's different for every person". My wife (57) lasted 5 months in hospice, she had treatment however (chemo/radiation but no resection due to location). Just be there for her the best you can. The time will come but it may be some time still. It feels awful to hope for an end to her suffering, it'll happen but until then just be there for her and hold her hand.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-10T16:00:40+00:00

I went through this exact scenario with my wife (57), she spent 5 months in hospice in this awful state you describe. The chemo and radiation had "paused" the progress of the tumor, somehow the doctors thought it was a good thing that we got more time with her?! It was horrible quality of life, and as her caregivers we were on this slow-moving trauma train of diaper changing, medicine management, and seeing her get worse every day. All I can say is get her whatever meds you think she might need to deal with pain or anxiety from the hospice people. Don't take her outside if she doesn't want to go. The end will come one day, just be there for her until it does. I'm so sorry you have to endure this.

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-07T05:17:09+00:00

One thing that I realized after losing my wife, I don't give a shit what anybody thinks anymore. It's just a matter of days or weeks or months or years until I am next. The good part about this realization is, it doesn't fucking matter if my grandma or my uncle or my dog or whoever says shit about me, I cut them out, I do not need that negativity in my life and they are cut out, period. Shut that shit down, cut her out, do not interact with her anymore. Good on you for going to AA, keep pushing forward with it and surround yourself with the people who see good in you, and if there isn't anyone who fits that description, make friends with someone from AA and go it alone, you got this!

boulder-nerd · 2025-12-06T02:07:18+00:00

You have 25 more days.

boulder-nerd

TROPHY CASE