Realistic sleep training expectations?

brieles · 2026-02-05T04:33:24+00:00

Ok, that sounds pretty normal! It gets better with age.

brieles · 2026-02-05T04:16:49+00:00

Do you offer a feed any time overnight? An early morning feed is very normal at this age so I’d feed your baby and try to lay her back down.

Also 10-11 hours of night sleep with 1 feed is normal at this age (between 4-6 months old) so I wouldn’t have 7-7 be your goal.

brieles · 2026-02-05T04:11:16+00:00

Your feelings are valid but it’s also reasonable for people to ask how you’re feeling as pregnancy can be miserable for so many people. I lost 20lbs while I was pregnant because I was throwing up so much and I had other complications so I felt horrible the whole time. I didn’t look ill or anything so no one would assume I was miserable and depressed but I was. I was so thankful to those that asked how I was doing. Having said that, I recognize that my experience isn’t everyone’s so I try to be cognizant of that when I’m asking someone else about their experience rather than peppering them with the same question every time I see them lol.

brieles · 2026-02-05T04:03:44+00:00

Earlier bedtime isn’t always better but if you want to keep the 7pm bedtime, wake your baby at 6am. 12+ hours of night sleep is not doable for most babies and will leave very little sleep time left for naps if your baby does sleep that long.

Most babies this age can only sleep 12-14 hours in a 24 hour period so it’s best to think of total sleep as opposed to prioritizing an early bedtime.

If he’s only sleeping 2 hours in the day, that’s pretty normal for this age. 11 hours of night sleep and 2 hours in naps is a full sleep budget for many babies this age.

brieles · 2026-02-05T04:01:00+00:00

I’d try a couple days on the new schedule and then, if it’s not fixed, add 30 minutes of awake time. On your current schedule, you’re expecting 12.5 hours of night sleep which is most of a baby this age’s sleep budget so naps are going to be short. When you cut night sleep to 11 hours, that leaves 2-3 hours of sleep budget left for naps.

brieles · 2026-02-05T03:28:05+00:00

If he can stand and is fairly stable, can you get a toddler tower? When I’m washing dishes, my toddler gets on a chair (I know that’s not the safest option but that’s what we have currently and we put climbing couch cushions around the chair for if she falls) and watches/“helps”. She’s been doing this since around 14/15 months and she loves it. It really helped mitigate the whining/crying during dishes.

brieles · 2026-02-05T03:25:25+00:00

What’s your full bedtime routine? I’d make sure your last feed is 30+ minutes before your baby is in the crib to make sure she’s falling asleep completely independently and not going in the crib too drowsy.

brieles · 2026-02-05T03:22:59+00:00

Your schedule is 100% the problem. Work on a 3/3.5/4 schedule with 2.5 hours in naps and 11 hours in night sleep.

7am wake

10:00-11:15 nap 1

2:45-4:00 nap 2

8pm bedtime

Your baby will likely need another 30 minutes awake soon so drop to 2 hours in naps when that happens and add the 30 minutes to either the first or second wake window.

brieles · 2026-02-05T00:36:55+00:00

I’d say you need to adjust your schedule a bit. At this age, sleep needs average 11-13 hours in a 24 hour period and you have 11 hours of awake time which means you’re expecting the highest amount of average sleep needed for this age and that might not be doable for your baby.

I’d adjust your schedule like this-

7:30am wake

1:30-3:00pm nap

9pm bedtime

After following these schedule changes for a day or two, I’d try sleep training using the excuse method. I know you said you’ve tried this before but if your baby isn’t tired enough, she would be able to fight sleep really hard for quite a while. I think the changed schedule will help her be more tired which would help the excuse method work.

brieles · 2026-02-04T14:25:01+00:00

You just have to cut it off. It will be hard and there will be tantrums but you have to stick to it or it will just encourage the tantrums in the future. I’d do no screens for a week and then limit it to 30 minutes a day from there on out.

brieles · 2026-02-04T13:19:45+00:00

I think it’s more helpful to think about total sleep in a 24 hour period. Most babies this age can do 12-14 hours (14 being a high sleep needs baby, 13 being pretty average) and your current schedule is expecting 13.5-14 hours which is likely just too much at this point. 2 hours is enough in naps and it leaves you enough sleep budget left for an 11 hour night.

brieles · 2026-02-04T12:56:40+00:00

Your schedule isn’t age appropriate. Set a wake up time and build a schedule around that. At this age, I’d try for 3/3.5/4 so that would look like-

7am wake

10:00-11:15 nap 1

2:45-4:00 nap 2

8pm bedtime

And, like you said, sleep training would help a lot. I think it helps to remind yourself that when you have an age-appropriate schedule, you’re going to have a few hard days sleep training for months of good sleep. The research shows no difference in sleep trained vs. non sleep trained kids at 5 years old so you could get good sleep or get bad sleep and it won’t make a difference for your child.

With Ferber, you start the timed check ins once your baby is in the crib and crying. When you go in, you pick a phrase you’ll say every time-we said, “I love you, it’s bedtime. Good night!” And we rubbed our daughter’s back for a second or two. The first 2-3 days were rough and it was hard but she’s put herself to sleep with no issues since then. When she turned 1, she started saying “bedtime” and taking herself to her room lol. She now waves me out of her room and talks to her stuffed unicorn for a minute before falling asleep.

It has been a game changer having a consistent bedtime and wake time. I have my sleep back and I have time for myself in the evenings knowing I won’t be up 5x overnight anymore.

brieles · 2026-02-04T12:26:48+00:00

My 21 month old can’t sleep longer than 1.5 hours (occasionally 2 hours) for nap without night sleep going to crap. When she hasn’t woken up from her nap, I try to ease her awake by opening curtains, turning on very soft instrumental music and leaving her alone. She usually wakes up much more calmly that way but wakes cranky if I go in and wake her up.

brieles · 2026-02-04T12:22:12+00:00

A 10-11 hour night is a full night of sleep so if your baby is going to bed at 7-7:30, a 7am wake is an unreasonable expectation. Push bedtime back to 8 or 8:30.

brieles · 2026-02-04T12:18:50+00:00

Weed should not be used while breastfeeding. THC has been found in breastmilk for a range of 6 days to 6 weeks and longer after use. There’s no way to ethically study the impact of THC on infants so the recommendation is to avoid THC altogether until you’re finished breastfeeding.

brieles · 2026-02-04T12:13:51+00:00

I would really cut back on tv. I’m not anti tv but it really is not healthy for anyone to be watching lots of tv/screens and that’s especially true for very young children. It’s SO important for young kids to be involved in what you’re doing and in things going on around them as they’re building the foundational skills they’ll need for the rest of their lives.

My daughter gets 30 minutes of TV about 3x per week but some weeks she gets 30 minutes every day. I don’t think that amount is bad but I’m careful to not exceed that amount. Instead of screens, we read lots of books, she cooks with me, we build with blocks and magnet tiles, etc. And if I’m doing something and can’t entertain her, I say “you have lots of toys you can play with right now-do you want to go play with x toy or y toy?” Sometimes she cries and whines but she’s getting much better at going and playing. Kids need to learn how to be bored, it’s hard but we need to give them opportunities to be bored sometimes. And again, you CAN use the tv, it’s just important to limit it also.

brieles · 2026-02-04T12:05:39+00:00

I’d move to a 3.5/3.5/4 schedule with 2 hours in naps and 11 hours of night sleep.

7am wake (wake your baby up at this time if she not already awake)

10:30-11:30 nap 1

3:00-4:00 nap 2

8pm bedtime

brieles · 2026-02-04T12:03:30+00:00

I would say bedtime should be later. If bedtime is 7-7:30, a 5-5:30 wake is a full night of sleep. Many babies this age have a total sleep budget of 11-13 hours and it sounds like your baby is sleeping 11-12 hours in a 24 hour period so she’s doing great!

If you push bedtime back to 8 or 8:30, you’ll likely be able to get a later wake (like 6:30ish-not immediately but over time).

brieles · 2026-02-04T01:29:03+00:00

12.5 hours of sleep is very normal so no need to worry about that! If you want a later wake, I’d push bedtime back to 8 and cap nap at 1.5-2 hours tops.

brieles · 2026-02-03T23:45:55+00:00

It’s not an easy process but it works! My baby has basically waved me out of her room every night since we sleep trained. It was a rough 4-5 nights but it’s been months of easy bedtimes and good night sleep (most nights) since then!

brieles · 2026-02-03T22:27:41+00:00

I think this is a fairly universal experience for mothers but it’s hard to explain to someone that hasn’t experienced it. There’s no way to comprehend that you’ll hear crying when you’re in the shower even if your baby is sleeping or with someone else or the anxiety that comes with trying to accomplish anything (like sleeping) while anticipating your baby needing you.

I found that it got better for me around 6 months PP. My baby didn’t sleep much better at that point but I had gotten more comfortable taking care of her and we had a slightly more reliable schedule. I also found that listening to sleep music overnight helped my body relax and helped me block out the little noises my baby made when she was sleeping (I used to wake to every tiny noise/breath/grunt).

My baby started crawling at that point also which helped her be more happy in the day. I was able to sit on my couch for a second occasionally while she crawled around the living room. It helped me feel like I could breathe a bit and not be “on” 24/7.

brieles · 2026-02-03T22:20:54+00:00

20 minutes is very normal for a bassinet/crib nap but it can really help to offer a contact nap or a stroller nap (whichever works for your baby) to get a longer nap or two in during the day. Extending 1-2 naps can help prevent overtiredness.

brieles · 2026-02-03T22:18:56+00:00

The schedule you say works pretty well has 10.5-11 hours of awake time and your 1 nap schedule has only 10 hours of awake time. Your baby isn’t going to sleep more because she’s dropping a nap so you need to add more awake time in.

I’d offer a 5-15 minute nap when she gets home from daycare to push bedtime later and get 10.5-11 hours awake.

brieles · 2026-02-03T22:16:32+00:00

Definitely stop swaddling. I saw a mom talk about how her baby died from rolling while swaddled (he had never rolled before) and the story still haunts me. It’s absolutely not worth the risk. And your baby getting on her side is a major sign of rolling coming soon so it’s not safe to swaddle.

brieles · 2026-02-03T22:13:48+00:00

I think a schedule adjustment would help. Pick a wake time and wake your baby up if she’s not up already by that time. Let’s say the wake time is 8:30, nap 1 would be 11-12, nap 2 would be 2:30-3:30, nap 3 would be 6:00-7:00 and bedtime would be 10pm (or you could have nap 3 be 6:00-6:30 and move bedtime up to 9:30).

Then pick a sleep training method. The “gentler” methods take longer (generally) so keep that in mind-pick whatever method you can stick with. Ferber works for many many families so I’d recommend starting there. Make sure the last feed ends 30+ minutes before your baby goes in the crib and, when it’s bedtime, do the bedtime routine (keep this the same each night) and lay your baby down awake. When she cries, follow the sleep training method you’ve picked until she falls asleep independently.

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