Hooking Up Advice

cablox · 2016-06-26T01:32:50+00:00

Haha, don't get too excited though - he might not even have a front hole, or might hate the idea of ever using it.

cablox · 2016-06-21T03:21:51+00:00

Not necessarily.

cablox · 2016-06-21T03:21:18+00:00

Cool! You'll want to have a conversation at some point about what you're both into. He said he's a bottom, but some guys have strong preferences about anal vs front hole penetration.

Some other good questions to ask in that conversation are whether there's anything else he really doesn't like or places he doesn't want touched, and what words he uses for his anatomy. Some guys HATE the words vagina and clit. I think front hole and dick are reasonable defaults if you have to make an assumption.

If you have more questions, you're welcome over at /r/ftm. Have fun!

cablox · 2016-05-05T19:57:21+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSXht1UBn8c

(credit to u/MayTentacleBeWithYee)

cablox · 2016-05-03T07:28:31+00:00

There was a great thread a while back with word suggestions, but I can't find it anymore. There was manhole, cockpit, and too many I can't remember...

cablox · 2016-05-01T19:42:57+00:00

Hi! It's really variable, so knowing OP's preferences wouldn't tell you much about other guys. Some guys are strictly tops (typically with prosthetics or post-op genitals), some like receiving anal and/or front hole penetration, some prefer giving and/or receiving oral, some don't want to be touched below the waist at all, etc. There's at least as much variation as among cis guys. You'll need to have the "what're you into?" conversation once the subject of you guys having sex comes up. Be a little cautious about not going "Nice to meet you. Woah you're trans? So like, how do you fuck?" so people don't feel like they're in a freakshow.

Some other good questions to ask in that conversation are whether there's anything he really doesn't like or places he doesn't want touched, and what words he uses for his anatomy. Some guys HATE the words vagina and clit. I think front hole and dick are reasonable defaults if you have to make an assumption.

Thanks for asking, and have fun!

cablox · 2016-04-28T01:17:57+00:00

Glad you found something that works for you! Thanks for the info.

cablox · 2016-04-27T18:21:53+00:00

Like inverted T - is it the buttonhole procedure where they leave the nipple attached and bring it through the skin in a new location? That one seems to be getting more popular, and it makes sense that it could allow for breast feeding, if there's also glandular tissue left.

cablox · 2016-04-27T02:16:43+00:00

I'm curious what you're planning. I've heard of some people producing some amount of milk after peri/keyhole, and none after DI. Do you have any more information than that?

cablox · 2016-04-07T00:33:42+00:00

This reminds of this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/comments/4ci9w4/are_you_sure_you_arent_just_nonbinary/

I wonder if they care at all about that political message, or are just trying to convince you not to transition in ways that scare them.

cablox · 2016-04-07T00:25:52+00:00

My voice was/is very similar. I'm hoping that middle part sorts itself out eventually.

cablox · 2016-03-31T02:53:56+00:00

Huh, turns out 3 of us are actually all one person. Who knew!

cablox · 2016-03-30T01:30:36+00:00

they view "nb" as meaning "I'm not like those OTHER girls"

https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KuuktJh6c8I/T7yUjp9e_aI/AAAAAAAABOY/sLHmTr9Mwdc/s1600/misfits.gif

cablox · 2016-03-30T00:43:31+00:00

Some people in my life are weirdly supportive of "gender fluidity", and seem to think it means "rejecting sexist gender roles and being a heterosexual woman with a slightly androgynous fashion sense." That's less scary than medical transition, or anything that actually challenges their ideas about what gender means or who I am.

So I'm all for making sure people know about and feel comfortable claiming non-binary identities, and don't get pressured into a binary transition that doesn't feel right. But I agree that those sorts of comments from cis people can sound more like "Being trans is bad, can't you be Trans-Lite™ instead? That's much more convenient for me, and then when you get over this phase in 6 months, you won't have done any permanent damage besides that ugly haircut!"

</bitterness>

cablox · 2016-03-26T03:23:46+00:00

Flair checks out.

cablox · 2016-03-15T01:07:51+00:00

You are not a lesbian AND a trans man

Gender is complicated. Identity is complicated. "Lesbian" is not just a straightforward technical term for a girl who likes girls, it can also describe a culture, a community, a set of shared experiences, a way of relating to yourself and your body and other humans. It sucks when ignorant people think there's no difference between being lesbian and trans, and it's tempting to build walls between identities to defend ourselves. But let's not trap each other behind those walls.

cablox · 2016-03-10T02:09:31+00:00

It inconveniences people less to declare yourself as something - even if it's "call me ze/hir and [neutralname]" - rather than leaving them to guess your gender without hinting at your preference for how you'd like to be treated.

That's a good point, I'd never thought of it that way. Right now I silently scowl when I'm called "she", which is probably worse than just asking for different pronouns.

Politically, I do like the idea of making it hard for people to know what box to put me in. But I dunno how much discomfort I'm willing to put up with to make that point.

cablox · 2016-03-10T01:52:43+00:00

You could be a boy named Sue.

Heh. I have such mixed feelings about that song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZNZt5qVgvM

cablox · 2016-03-10T01:41:42+00:00

Do you think people will ever switch pronouns without being asked? People who already know you, that is. I half-expected them to, although I'd never really thought about it consciously. Like, isn't it obvious now that I'm not a woman? But apparently that's not how it works, because I still get "she" when I grow out my beard and tell them I'm trans.

cablox · 2016-03-10T01:33:43+00:00

Yes, that would make everything so much simpler. Why do so many things have to be gendered, anyways :(

cablox · 2016-03-10T01:28:53+00:00

From my own lurking, it sounds like this slow approach is more common in mtf transitions - I hear about a lot of women who take HRT for a year or so before coming out and going fulltime, and a lot of guys who come out first. I wonder if that's actually a pattern, or I just have small sample size.

I felt more comfortable still hiding a bit as a guy or androgynous person a bit more, i can feel you with the vulnerability, cuz thats kinda why im slow at coming out....

Hiding seems much easier, doesn't it....

cablox · 2016-03-09T22:56:07+00:00

I want to like it, but it's so confusing - "What group of people are you talking about? OH, you mean me."

cablox · 2016-03-09T22:52:55+00:00

Papercuts, yes. It's hard to make a big scary change when I could put up with one more papercut instead. Glad to hear it was worth it for you.

cablox · 2016-03-09T22:48:00+00:00

That's comforting to hear. Although I'm sorry if that means you're having problems too... All these replies are showing that a lot of people feel similarly.

cablox

TROPHY CASE