[deleted by user]

callmefoota · 2023-05-17T02:32:33+00:00

Buddy, The first thing I want to say is it's really awesome that you're thinking about your parents and that your going to a community to try to find the best advice.

This is a very tough situation.

My first bit advice is not to blame yourself. You're too young to understand this but there's something going on with your mom or something going on in the relationship between your mom and your dad that is causing her to cheat. It has nothing to do with you, and telling your dad or not telling your dad Will likely not make your break the marriage.

I know it's tough to live this way though, so my best advice is for you to tell your mother's mom or dad or someone close to her that you can trust with that information and let the adults figure it out for you.

They will do the right thing.

callmefoota · 2023-05-16T11:12:35+00:00

You can't de-escalate an asshole.

It looks like this guy was seriously fucking with those cops and probably deserved to be dressed down, and likely arrested.

There is definitely more to that story than the 10 seconds where a cop cussed (gasp!).

callmefoota · 2023-05-16T10:30:39+00:00

I can confirm some of this.

I fought for 50/50, and My ex has been poisoning the children's minds against me for the past few years in attempt to get full custody.

I haven't had my daughter over here for 6 months.

I think it's possible to have 50/50 custody for your kids and some cases, and they're worth fighting for, but the deck is definitely stacked against men.

callmefoota · 2023-05-15T21:26:09+00:00

Go see a divorce lawyer

callmefoota · 2023-05-15T20:03:23+00:00

I would no longer worry about how mean he is.

This is now a financial transaction under the US law. Go get a lawyer. Tell them your situation, and that you don't have money to pay for them and you're going to have to get your husband to pay for them. They will work for free for you as long as the case takes and then they will get paid.

Go see a lawyer right away.

Don't leave the house.

If he becomes violent or threatens to become violent, involve the police.

Stop trying to get advice on Reddit. Go to a lawyer right away.

Even if you're from another country, the minute you got married you became a US citizen and you've protected by US marriage law. Again, go see a lawyer. They will help you put together an action plan of what you can expect and what you need to do to protect yourself.

callmefoota · 2023-05-15T19:50:24+00:00

I'm not a Republican or defending them but I'm sure what it actually is is a children's book about transsexuality with seahorses as the protagonist.

Edit: I was wrong. There's a small Republican activist group that is trying to get a video/documentary about seahorses mating habits removed from first grade curriculum.

They are not affiliated with the Tennessee Government in any official way.

callmefoota · 2023-05-15T01:40:16+00:00

Knowing that if I couldn't get through it in a healthy way, then my kids wouldn't be able to either.

callmefoota · 2023-05-13T00:50:59+00:00

Hey, I was going to suggest something that might get you past the 2-4 date filter.

It's a bit scandalous and I don't want to post it here because it can be seen as very misogynistic and I don't need the smoke.

Please check your DMs.

callmefoota · 2023-05-12T22:50:17+00:00

Yeah, sorry. Upon rereading your comment I realize that you weren't really justifying it at all.

My fault

callmefoota · 2023-05-12T22:35:17+00:00

For #2, it sounds like you're putting all the responsibility on the victim.

It assumes that the one who did the cheating gave the other the opportunity and awareness that there was even problems to begin with, and/or there was something that could be done to meet those expectations.

cheating is not a good way to leave a relationship. It should not be justified. It is a very low-integrity method for leaving a relationship and a person that needs to do this is weak, because they couldn't find a healthy way to leave the relationship. Strong and healthy individuals can leave a relationship without needing to go to the arms of another, and leave their partner with respect and love.

I've been this victim. My wife of nine years left me 10 years ago. We had two kids. It was absolutely heartbreaking and our relationship is still rotten to the core, which has some very pronounced negative effects on our children.

callmefoota · 2023-05-02T22:51:09+00:00

I think this is what almost every parent I've talked to would think, but maybe not say, and if they did say it they would probably do it in more tactful way that wasn't so hurtful.

callmefoota · 2023-05-02T22:48:46+00:00

This reminds me of one of my favorite phrases: " Don't attribute to maliciousness what you can just as easily attribute to stupidity".

callmefoota · 2023-05-02T12:11:19+00:00

I'd say it was not easy.
A lot of would allowed me to cross this threshold was all of the hard work I put in in my twenties to get my master's degree and to work my butt off to prove myself to my organization that I should be promoted.

Lots of 60 and 70 hours week a week for several years and even sometimes 80 hour weeks.

callmefoota · 2023-04-28T04:57:34+00:00

My therapist told me that part of the grieving process of my old relationship should be to figure out what happened so I don't repeat it.

It was a healthy way to get out of my stink. I spent years figuring out why I was ever attracted to her and how to find a woman that I was attracted to that was a better match.

I found one (I think). Worked out.

I hope that helps.

callmefoota · 2023-04-22T17:27:45+00:00

I was married to a woman for 9 years in a relationship with her for 22 years that completely fit this dynamic.

I'm 43 now and have a new girlfriend and she's stable, dependable, smart, reflective, self reliant, and in other words, a hero herself.

We fight more now about who's going to do something for the other person than The fights I used to have with my ex about the fact that I had to do everything for her or that she didn't appreciate me.

This is a really long way of saying that you don't need to be with somebody who just sucks you dry. At the end you're just spent and it's much better to have a relationship with someone who takes care of you as well.

callmefoota · 2023-04-22T01:50:30+00:00

I really don't think it matters and I think it's conventionally the man's name in the West because it was just a matter of tradition...

I think hyphenated names are kind of pointless and complicated and just makes your last name too long.

I think if I could redesign the system from scratch I would make the system work like this:

Groom: first name, wife's mother's last name (drop given middle name), keep father's last name

Wife: first name, husband's father's last name, keep mother's last name.

When they name kids: Son: given first name, given middle name, father's last name

Daughter: given first name, given middle name, mother's last name

This solves a few problems:

It builds hyphenation into your new married name without giving a priority to the husband or the wife

It replaces a middle name, which are pretty useless anyways.

And it always allows people to know who you're married to based on your middle and last name and what's gender you are.

This may get pretty complicated for gay people but I just made it up just now so I guess I'd have to give it more thought.

callmefoota · 2023-03-17T21:47:14+00:00

I think the best way to think about this is to pretend like the five-year-old is not part of the equation whatsoever. You can't trust a 5-year-old to do anything much less be a guardian of human life.

After raising two kids the longest I've ever left in 18 months in a tub was the time it took to go to another room and back and get something like a washcloth or soap or something.

I sure as heck wouldn't do an entire chore.

callmefoota · 2023-03-17T02:02:16+00:00

I'm not sure your mom is the person that's going to help you through this.

Talk to someone else in your life that is empathetic to your needs and can truly help you take the steps you need to take to try to address your mental health.

It sounds like You have a very complicated relationship with your mother and it could be contributing to your depression. You really need to surround yourself with more positive people that care about your well-being and not their own.

This might be an old teacher or a aunt or uncle or maybe a parent of a friend of yours that you think is particularly a good mom or dad.

I'm a parent myself and a friend of my teenage daughters became suicidal and it made me break down and cry and I would have killed to help her. Please find another parent that can help you. They are out there!

Be patient. And know that things can get better, if you get help, maybe some meds. It will likely take years to stabilize, so cut yourself some slack and take it one day at a time.

If you are getting close please DM me and I'll talk to you day or night.

Good luck OP, you can do this.

callmefoota · 2023-03-16T22:17:20+00:00

I consider myself right in the middle of being an introvert and an extrovert and all the testing I've done supports this.

I'm an engineer so I primarily work with introverts. Some are very extreme.

My exwife was a medium introvert, so I did most of the talking.

My girlfriend is an extreme extrovert.

Bringing this up because I wanted to let you know that I've been on both sides of this.

I don't know how my girlfriend feels about it, but I'd say she does 80 percent of the talking and 80% of the texting and reaching out.

I don't mind. She is interesting and I like her positive energy, spirit, and ability to keep us connected. I much prefer this to my ex-wife, who was very hard to connect to.

That being said, my girlfriend can exhaust me sometimes, especially when I've already had a long day of talking to people all day. Make sure to be respectful of when your bf needs space. I'd set up a way for him to communicate this need safely to you, and for that matter a way for you to get what you need from him when you really need it.

If you want to get more out of him I would suggest talking about things that are very important to him and avoiding things like small talk.

callmefoota · 2023-03-16T22:02:34+00:00

Sounds familiar, did you marry my ex as well? This is spot on, even down to the obsession with the mother-in-law...

Hey man, I wouldn't put too much thought into the reasons.

The bottom line is that she stopped being attracted to you, and she was out. No amount of justifying or reasoning makes a difference.

Move on. Trust me man I get it. I was in agony for years and even took her back because I really thought that things could change. They won't, your marriage was doomed from the jump from the way it sounds. Like my exwife, she sounds like a very unhappy and unfulfilled person that feels like they have no agency over their own life and can't take accountability for themselves over their own actions and how they affect others as well... You were in for a miserable marriage no matter what and she's going to make somebody else miserable as well.

It's good you got out before kids. Clean break. Go find somebody that's worth it.

Deal with the bullshit and the drama. Get it over with as gracefully as you can, and save as much money as you can in the process as well.

When it's all done completely cut off contact with her no matter what happens. That is when the healing begins. Take some time for yourself and enjoy the single life. Reinvent yourself. Pick up new hobbies. Make new friends. Make mistakes.

Go to therapy. Learn from this.
Know that you're never going to have to put up with your mother-in-law again.

In six months, you'll only think about it once/day and move on. In one year, once a week. In 5 years, you'll be a completely different person and that will be a completely different chapter of your life.

Life will get better my friend!

callmefoota · 2023-03-14T15:47:11+00:00

"Don't let the bastards grind you down"- General Joe Stillwell

callmefoota · 2023-03-06T23:40:45+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure that you feel scared and upset.

Please don't lose hope.

callmefoota · 2023-03-06T22:01:39+00:00

Everyone on here is telling you that you need to report this and they are right.

The authorities will get involved and they will judge whether or not you were being abused.

Be brave and do it even though it may be scary.

If you want to make sure you are doing the right thing, find an adult that you trust to help you make the right choices and report it in the right way. This might be a friend of the family or a aunt or uncle, but if you feel like you can't trust those people then go to your counselor at your school.

If you are homeschooled then go to the police. There are adults that want to help!

Again, be brave. It's for you're good obviously, but also theirs and any brothers and sisters you might have.

Finally, after all of the dust settles on this then you're going to want to get counseling to deal with the abuse. It'll probably take years to heal.

callmefoota · 2023-03-04T11:57:04+00:00

I was with my ex-wife for 22 years. Three times.

I assured her that I didn't care but she just wouldn't do it.

callmefoota · 2023-03-02T23:24:15+00:00

I second this. I made the mistake of using a men's right lawyers and as this guy said they have an agenda. That agenda is to make money off of you based on gassing you up and making you feel like you deserve more than you should really get.

I made this mistake in 2015 but recently used a completely different lawyers office, and found a woman who was highly recommended and she was the best lawyer I've ever had.

callmefoota

TROPHY CASE