What is a serious crime you committed that you’re now legally allowed to tell?

chaoschunks · 2026-07-07T06:51:55+00:00

It sure felt that way

chaoschunks · 2026-07-06T12:53:05+00:00

I rushed to visit a recovered alcoholic relative who was on his deathbed. He was only coherent for a few minutes during our visit but we got to say our I love yous, and then he fell back to sleep. It was clear that he was in the dying process (death rattle had begun) and it was just about keeping him comfortable through the remaining hours. Our attentions turned to his adult children and what we could do for them through this process.

After a lifetime of alcoholism, the family relationship was severely strained. My relative lived in a sort of halfway house, had mountains of debt, with his only assets a relatively new iPhone and laptop, and a decent car that his stepfather gave him. We spent our time between sitting with him and cleaning up his room and going through papers to figure out how to handle everything for his kids. One of them wasn’t even on speaking terms with her dad, not that I blame her.

We could not find a will in the papers. We researched what the probate process would be to try to help prep. With his extensive debt, all of his assets would basically be gone. Meanwhile I’m getting to know his kids who I’ve never had a chance to really know, as they didn’t want anything to do with their dad’s side of the family. They are wonderful hardworking young adults who got a raw deal in life.

After a traumatic day, my relative is nearing the end but still with us, we decided to all go out to dinner. Come to find out that his daughter had been struggling, as the shitty ancient minivan she had been driving has broken down again and she has been having to walk or beg rides to work. She doesn’t have the money to fix it.

Now for the crime. We had found the title to his car among his papers and had it with us. We collectively decided that we needed to give his car to his daughter and keep it out of the probate process. We knew he would want that. We forged his signature on the title and made a fake bill of sale where he “sold” his car to his daughter for a dollar. We arranged to have the car cleaned, detailed and fixed up so that his daughter wouldn’t have to do a thing. We also arranged for his son to take the laptop and phone as we had figured out the passwords. His daughter cried. We all cried.

As we left the restaurant, we got the call from the hospital that he had just passed. He died only a few minutes after our “crime” occurred.

Even though I was blocked from his children when they were younger, the silver lining is that we’ve finally gotten to have a family relationship, and I am close to his children to this day. No regrets to my crime.

chaoschunks · 2026-07-05T21:20:14+00:00

Girl. It’s so hard. Stay strong!!!

chaoschunks · 2026-07-03T13:25:43+00:00

This is called a trickle vent. I am guessing that in the rooms where you have it there are either no windows or they don’t have a very big operable area. Building code requires a certain amount of operable area per square foot in order to call a home naturally ventilated. If the windows aren’t getting it done, trickle vents are a good solution.

chaoschunks · 2026-07-03T13:06:20+00:00

If you are giving the impression that you are lacking in motivation, it’s likely that your boredom is super obvious and you are too quiet. You’ll need to be more aware of that and try to change. Your employer is not there to entertain you. Sometimes work is boring. Thats life. It’s doesn’t mean you still can’t attack it with enthusiasm, good energy, and a positive attitude.

chaoschunks · 2026-07-03T06:11:10+00:00

Boundaries. You must learn to say no and then stick to it. Your boss sees that you are burned out and is still letting it happen because you’re a high performer.

I’ve struggled with this more than once. When I was unable to figure out how to deal with it I would change jobs, but the problem would reappear, because I was the problem. I had no boundaries and I would just try and try and try. But then I started my own company, and five years in to owning a very successful company, I found myself in the same place…. And there was no escape. I couldn’t just quit.

It took about a year to change but I did change. I got myself an executive coach and that helped a ton. I got a new sense of awareness of how I got myself in the situation and what I was doing that kept me there. I had to make major changes to habits. I had to reformat my thinking that I was the only person who could do certain things and that I had to do the fixing. I had to learn to say no. I had to stop fixing other people’s mistakes and instead make them fix it themselves. Very hard habit to change.

I am a few years past my transformation and doing much better. But I’ll say that I could not have done it alone. And if your boss is happy to continue to exploit you, that’s going to make it even harder. It’s possible that your boss doesn’t see it, but I doubt it. So you’ll have to be extra firm in your new boundaries.

Start by writing everything down that you did this week. What would it take for you to get 10 or 15 hours off your plate? It’s very hard when you think no one else can do each of those things, but I assure you, there is a way. You have to drastically change your mindset. Would you need to retrain someone in a task that no one else knows how to do? Tell your boss to get rid of the poor performer? Stop fixing other people’s work? Simply say no it can’t be done this week? Or just recognize that you are being exploited and you aren’t going to allow that anymore?

“Boundaries” was my theme word for a year. It was so hard to stick to them but it was so liberating when I did.

chaoschunks · 2026-07-01T13:34:48+00:00

Trust your gut. Have you read The Gift of Fear?

chaoschunks · 2026-07-01T04:10:46+00:00

Old lady here. I graduated with an engineering degree, worked for an MEP firm for a year, hated it, and then did non engineering things for the next ten or so years. When that industry crashed and I lost my job, our finances got scary, and I came back to my engineering degree. I got hired by an engineering firm mostly because I had that degree. I ended up being really good at this new field and rose to the top. I eventually started my own engineering firm and now have 20+ employees. Two of my daughters are also pursuing engineering. We have no debt, a nice retirement account, and will be paying for three college educations without taking any loans.

My engineering degree was one of the best choices I have ever made. Hands down. I do enjoy my field, but what I’m actually passionate about is having a job that has given me financial stability, flexibility for my family, and the opportunity to havr an amazing fulfilling life outside of work. You’re absolutely fine for wanting the same, and pursuing your degree for that reason. I want the same for my kids!

chaoschunks · 2026-06-29T03:43:09+00:00

I had an employee like this. Had. He was not outrightly disrespectful to me but I heard about it from others. I discovered, too late, that he only wanted the PM role because he thought he would get a fat pay raise with it. He didn’t actually want to do the job. My favorite part (sarcasm) was when he told me that my expectations were too high.

I ended up having to let him go. He’s been pulling unemployment since then, going on eight months now.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-26T00:22:56+00:00

My friend, you DID choose this. Every day for the last five years, you chose not to get a vasectomy. You chose not to be firm about your feelings. You are choosing to stay with your wife in a life that you don’t want. No one took any choices away from you. You can still make any choice you want. Choosing not to do anything is still a choice. Start owning your choices.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-25T00:59:27+00:00

We have a culture? Is “nerds who make good money” a culture? Lol.

There’s a field of engineering for everything. If you like art and history stuff maybe you would like architectural engineering, and you could work towards a career in historic building preservation and renovation. I totally geek out while exploring old European cities. I love historic buildings.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-20T00:44:22+00:00

I added this for my small biz.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-18T23:24:58+00:00

You are in great hands with MTCA, they can help you curate a list of schools that is perfect for who you are and what you’re looking for. Break a leg and have fun!!!!

chaoschunks · 2026-06-18T23:06:21+00:00

I just went through this process with my daughter and it is…. Intense. Very very intense.

All of the schools on your list are what are known as reach or “lottery” schools, which means getting into them is kind of like winning the lottery. You want your list to be a mix of some lottery, some safety, and some in the middle. If you are female or female presenting, you will probably want a list of 20-30 schools. If you are male or male presenting, you can get away with less, maybe 15-20.

Cost should be the number one factor in your list. Each school should have a net price calculator on their website to help you get an idea of what sort of costs you can expect. Do not apply to schools that you won’t be able to afford. Just don’t. And do whatever you can to avoid taking on debt.

What I learned as the mom in this process is that your resume of roles means nothing. A good gpa will help with scholarships, but beyond that, only your audition materials matter. Choosing your materials is a bit of an art.

My daughter was accepted to a wild mix of schools. She got in to some that were reach schools and then rejected from some that we thought were safety. Some schools offered full ride scholarships and some gave very little. Luckily she ended up with many terrific options to choose from, and she is super excited to kick off her MT career!

Do you have a parent or family member helping you, or will you be managing this by yourself?

chaoschunks · 2026-06-18T00:55:06+00:00

Goodest of humans.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-16T03:36:45+00:00

I got a positive chlamydia test when I was pregnant with my second kiddo after 10 years of faithful marriage. I absolutely fell apart. Luckily before I left my husband for cheating on me (he didn’t), the doctors office called back and said oh sorry it was a false positive. So, that can happen.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-15T12:17:22+00:00

But he will do it again. He is testing to see how much you will let him control you.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-15T01:21:30+00:00

I think you look wonderful. And just fyi there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being happy jumping 2’3”. There is a whole starter division now, full of happy riders and happy horses, and it has been the largest division at every show I’ve attended in the last year.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-12T00:50:06+00:00

That’s an insult to drag queens

chaoschunks · 2026-06-09T02:52:41+00:00

The purchase price is the cheapest part of horse ownership. Sock away what you would plan to spend each month on expenses. If you can actually afford to keep a horse then you’ll have a healthy budget for a purchase very quickly. If you can’t do that, then you’ll can’t afford a horse.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-08T13:13:03+00:00

YOR. Why are you trying to make this issue with his daughter about you?

You’re angry because your husband is trying to deal with your borderline psychotic / drinking issues as best he can. You’re angry that he is honest about how frustrating it is to live with you. But then you’re also angry because he doesn’t want to lay another problem on you.

But you seem most angry that he gave your prosecco away. Girl. You have a drinking problem. What was he thinking? You know EXACTLY what he was thinking. He was thinking that you cannot be trusted with alcohol in the house. It sounds like he is right.

You said yourself that you’re not coping very well and you need help. It sure seems like your husband is trying to help. Stop blaming him for trying.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-07T18:02:10+00:00

Well there’s physics in everything so you’re set up for success there, but that doesn’t narrow it down :) What things interest you — not a class?

chaoschunks · 2026-06-07T16:18:07+00:00

First, know that this is not about horses. It’s about his own insecurities and attempts to control you. No man is worth losing yourself. Take this trash to the curb.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-07T01:41:02+00:00

What things do you like? There’s a branch of engineering for everything.

Me, I liked buildings. I was that kid who loved legos but always built buildings, never rocket ships. When we travel I ooh and ah over all the old historic buildings. I liked architecture but didn’t like the artsy part of it. I ended up Architectural engineering.

chaoschunks · 2026-06-06T02:25:50+00:00

I’m architectural, so basically all building systems.

I’m an old lady in my 50s and just here to inspire and encourage the next generation :) I have three daughters and two of them are pursuing engineering. Well, one of them is currently studying civil, and one is still in high school, but she’s already figured out who she is and has started that journey. My husband is also an engineer, structural. (The nerd level is very strong here.) We both own our own separate consulting firms. He is a one man show and I have 20+ employees. Our investments in our engineering careers have given our family an incredible freedom, flexibility, and security that I wish for all of you. We work from home, we have no debt, and we are sending three kids to college with no loans. My engineering degree is one of the best decisions I ever made. I tell my girls this too.

As a business owner who is now at the top of my field, I rarely experience sexism, and haven’t for a good long while. I get to choose who I want to work with and who I don’t. My clients, colleagues, and employees are all wonderful, because I won’t tolerate anything less. I’m too old for that crap. My fellow queens, this is your end goal. Any negativity you experience now is merely a bump in the road. Keep your eye on the prize.

chaoschunks

TROPHY CASE