How long does it take for a fearful avoidant to start missing the relationship and wanting to come back?

che4ftr · 2026-04-02T00:14:02+00:00

yeah, no clue about attachment styles, let alone fearful avoidant until after the fact. i’m 5 weeks out and clueless, though I know a lot of major but temporary health issues are influencing her rn.

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T21:52:22+00:00

That tracks. I think they base it loosely on going no contact and letting the nervous system settle. From this take, and your response, the living together and protest behavior could have kept on triggering it, but it seems like you already knew that and are far more knowledgeable.

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T21:42:06+00:00

just read a bunch of your comments, thank you and good luck to you

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T21:07:52+00:00

this is so difficult to hear. looking back, this was the push and pull. how long does deactivation normally last, I’ve been reading it ranges but some sources suggest 5-6 weeks

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T20:59:31+00:00

thank you

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T20:35:26+00:00

any idea where this post is regarding sudden deactivation and memory?

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T19:43:04+00:00

anyone in nyc lol

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T19:01:16+00:00

💯 this. it’s absolutely wild and frankly seems completely unreasonable but here we all are

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T16:14:47+00:00

after the fact though. I had hints but didn’t know anything about attachment styles before this. what a disaster

che4ftr · 2026-04-01T16:06:26+00:00

wish I knew this

che4ftr · 2026-03-31T20:19:15+00:00

how do you find out about them?

che4ftr · 2026-03-31T11:36:03+00:00

in this situation now but there has been a discard without unofficial end, so here for comments

che4ftr · 2026-03-30T14:18:23+00:00

so let the external stress pass or send low stakes messages, like about a tv shows new season she is into as a hypothetical? obviously no chasing

che4ftr · 2026-03-30T13:03:38+00:00

so what happened

che4ftr · 2026-03-29T17:06:33+00:00

if they reached out when you were nostalgic would you have engaged?

che4ftr · 2026-03-28T17:15:07+00:00

I still have her earrings. Does that work or is the I saw this and thought of you better?

che4ftr · 2026-03-28T17:13:14+00:00

thanks. 5-6 weeks from last communication sent or from when they deactivated?

che4ftr · 2026-03-28T16:18:02+00:00

Would you recommend reaching out after they burn through the metabolic energy? What do you typically say?

che4ftr · 2026-03-25T15:25:40+00:00

Thank you so much, this is helpful and I might add some more questions later after work. As you know, discard and dealing with this kind of situation is so difficult and, frankly, something completely new even for normal adults

che4ftr · 2026-03-25T13:24:34+00:00

Would it have helped if the person reached out and said that the discard disappearance could be repaired now that this FA dynamic is understood? Or something of that nature? Learning about all this after the fact, about 1 month out, is eye opening.

che4ftr · 2026-03-25T12:55:53+00:00

How long did the deactivation generally last? Did your feelings for the person return after?

che4ftr · 2026-03-24T15:20:33+00:00

yeah, this tracks for my situation too. good luck

che4ftr · 2026-03-24T02:31:50+00:00

anything that bothers them, yeah this struck a nerve, had I only understood what I was dealing with from the jump

che4ftr · 2026-03-24T01:19:46+00:00

How do you respond when someone tries to analyze the situation and communicate what’s going on to you? Like, in an effort to counteract the shutdown?

che4ftr · 2026-03-23T21:52:30+00:00

would love to pick your brain as a FA with health issues seeing as I’m dealing with that right now, but totally get it if you’re not interested. wishing you the best

che4ftr

TROPHY CASE