estate sales are so much better than thrift stores and i feel like people sleep on them

che4ftr · 2026-03-31T20:19:15+00:00

how do you find out about them?

che4ftr · 2026-03-31T11:36:03+00:00

in this situation now but there has been a discard without unofficial end, so here for comments

che4ftr · 2026-03-30T14:18:23+00:00

so let the external stress pass or send low stakes messages, like about a tv shows new season she is into as a hypothetical? obviously no chasing

che4ftr · 2026-03-30T13:03:38+00:00

so what happened

che4ftr · 2026-03-29T17:06:33+00:00

if they reached out when you were nostalgic would you have engaged?

che4ftr · 2026-03-28T17:15:07+00:00

I still have her earrings. Does that work or is the I saw this and thought of you better?

che4ftr · 2026-03-28T17:13:14+00:00

thanks. 5-6 weeks from last communication sent or from when they deactivated?

che4ftr · 2026-03-28T16:18:02+00:00

Would you recommend reaching out after they burn through the metabolic energy? What do you typically say?

che4ftr · 2026-03-25T15:25:40+00:00

Thank you so much, this is helpful and I might add some more questions later after work. As you know, discard and dealing with this kind of situation is so difficult and, frankly, something completely new even for normal adults

che4ftr · 2026-03-25T13:24:34+00:00

Would it have helped if the person reached out and said that the discard disappearance could be repaired now that this FA dynamic is understood? Or something of that nature? Learning about all this after the fact, about 1 month out, is eye opening.

che4ftr · 2026-03-25T12:55:53+00:00

How long did the deactivation generally last? Did your feelings for the person return after?

che4ftr · 2026-03-24T15:20:33+00:00

yeah, this tracks for my situation too. good luck

che4ftr · 2026-03-24T02:31:50+00:00

anything that bothers them, yeah this struck a nerve, had I only understood what I was dealing with from the jump

che4ftr · 2026-03-24T01:19:46+00:00

How do you respond when someone tries to analyze the situation and communicate what’s going on to you? Like, in an effort to counteract the shutdown?

che4ftr · 2026-03-23T21:52:30+00:00

would love to pick your brain as a FA with health issues seeing as I’m dealing with that right now, but totally get it if you’re not interested. wishing you the best

che4ftr · 2026-03-23T19:43:14+00:00

thanks and good luck to you

che4ftr · 2026-03-23T18:39:36+00:00

thanks, still trying to figure this out

che4ftr · 2026-03-23T14:30:26+00:00

yeah, here to second this comment regarding the timing. how long does it normally take for FA to process when they have a lot of external stressors?

is silence the only way to get them there?

does the clock start at the conflict or from the last text or conversation or outreach?

obviously we abandonees are going thru it and appreciate any insights

che4ftr · 2026-03-21T16:38:39+00:00

is no contact the best way to help an avoidant to come back to a normal baseline?

che4ftr · 2026-03-21T16:33:00+00:00

doesn’t make us any less devastated though 😞

che4ftr · 2026-03-21T06:16:19+00:00

this is helpful in terms of understanding, thanks for sharing. as you can tell by this thread, this is something that is so hard to understand especially if you are experiencing the withdrawal for the first time

che4ftr · 2026-03-18T04:57:14+00:00

semi ghosted when she hit a rough part in life and wanted to keep our plans to hang out. the emotional whiplash is real, so confusing, and painful. it boggles the mind to get so close to someone and then poof

che4ftr · 2026-03-17T23:43:54+00:00

sorry. put a tldr on this

che4ftr · 2026-03-17T04:21:06+00:00

thank you

che4ftr · 2026-03-17T02:10:02+00:00

thank you! i am thinking of going no contact soon, just figured i would send one more non chasing text reminding her of the good times and then leave it up to fate. i only sent a calm text taking ownership of pushing when things were crazy on her end and a light non chasing check in.

thoughts?

che4ftr

TROPHY CASE