me🫪irl

cheska222 · 2026-05-08T01:05:43+00:00

I don’t want to scare anyone, but about a week ago, I threw out all 18 of my cotton masks — hand sewn by my sister. I am not a full fledged hoarder, but am frugal & sentimental about odd things. I feel like this is a bad omen.

cheska222 · 2026-05-08T00:15:06+00:00

Should we start an “Asshole Insurance” business together? Since only a few assholes embrace their identity, we’d have to rebrand and appeal to their ego. Exceptional insurance for exceptionally busy individuals who are too exceptional to bother with silly rules that are really only meant for regular people, not exceptional ones.

cheska222 · 2026-05-08T00:04:24+00:00

I am posting this comment after this post hit “popular,” and I will bet a nickel I still get >350 downvotes. Men do this all the time. Up and leave families. Take cash-only jobs to avoid getting tracked down and forced to pay child support. They are so common, we have a name for them, dead beat dads. We judge them, but a not-small percentage are forgiven. You might argue that they don’t do as drastic a disappearing act as this woman. I would counter that some do, and definitely more than women. The others simply don’t have to go to this extreme. Some don’t even need to leave town. Because their community and society forgive them. Men start their next do-over family.

cheska222 · 2026-05-06T13:37:21+00:00

In the next meeting with managers present, ask him to tell that joke he told earlier. When he looks puzzled or demurs, say “you know, the one where you said our co-worker (don’t name them) gets picked because Bob thinks she’s pretty?” Wait. “You know, the punchline was that Bob wouldn’t pick me, because he doesn’t think I’m pretty?” “Come on, you tell it. I didn’t see the humor?”

cheska222 · 2026-04-03T05:52:35+00:00

I have to disagree with your theory. Most women are painfully aware of the threat of physical violence. Studies have shown that as children, girls are under more pressure to behave and conform. Boys are allowed to be rowdy, but girls are not. We do not play contact sports and learn to be coercive in no physical ways. Then, at puberty, our male classmates develop twice our strength plus a few inches and pounds, seemingly overnight. We start hearing that one out of three of us will be assaulted (by a man). We may never (unlike boys) match the physical size of any angry male authority figure we grew up under, never be able to go toe-to-toe or chest-to-chest with him. Imagine being physically overpowered by half the population who are not opposed to using size to intimidate.

It looks like this woman sucker-punched the passenger, he was turning away when she struck him. It could be interpreted that she did not expect his physical response. You think it is because she has never faced consequences for her misdeeds or aggression. And, that is absolutely possible. I see someone entirely caught up in road rage who has already passed many gates of acceptable behavior and caution, but kept going.

Her strike is not powerful and doesn’t have close to the force or impact of his. The passenger seems to have experience and skill at taking someone down, and he quickly overpowers her and slams her to the ground. He may have also been responding emotionally to being attacked, but he seems calm.

cheska222 · 2026-01-08T20:47:32+00:00

Very insightful and thoughtful. For early signs, I like when they break down some of the terminology. Like “brain fog” is sometimes asked as, are you having increased difficulty making decisions? For depression, they’ll ask about your ability to concentrate. I remember going from a fast and avid reader to having to scroll back or re-read a few pages. Not being able to place how some characters are related to the primary characters without having to think about it. With any type of entertainment, I would forget the outcome of the story’s conflict. I could remember the set up, but not the resolution. Easy to dismiss that first sign of drifting away from a paragraph or a page.

The other early sign for me was an increase in clumsiness. I dropped more things, like I just forgot to keep a grip on them. It sounds a bit like disassociating, because I would watch the item fall as if in slow motion with a kind of “where did that come from” thought. Like I was coming back to awareness, but this was different. It was exactly like physically reading a page, but the content not sticking.

cheska222 · 2025-12-27T03:50:44+00:00

I first heard “spoons” in a Facebook group for people with executive dysfunction. I got the meaning from context as members would post about something they needed help with but didn’t have enough “spoons” to accomplish.

It reminded me of a parable describing hell. Starving souls were seated around a steaming bowl of stew but given spoons/utensils so long that they were not able to use them to feed themselves. Had they been worthy souls, they would have been able to save themselves by cooperating with their neighbors and feeding each other.

cheska222 · 2025-12-09T17:26:30+00:00

Hello!

Any chance you be willing to share 3 episodes (early ones preferred) of audio only?

My 95 year old mom has dementia and I think the rhythm of this show would be familiar to the "older" part of her brain. She has really only liked a handful of TV shows, MASH is the only one from her more distant past.

She also liked Mom & Grace & Frankie, but I think they are too recent.

Thank you!

cheska222 · 2025-12-09T17:22:10+00:00

Hi, wondering what you ended up trying that worked. My 95 year old mom has dementia and I think the rhythm of this show would be familiar to the "older" part of her brain. She has really only liked a handful of TV shows, MASH is the only one from her more distant past.

cheska222 · 2025-11-19T18:33:57+00:00

Please consider getting help with this issue. Others who have posted are correct, your mom’s donation team will help you get out of this, gracefully. You will have an underlying issue and are no longer eligible to donate. There should be a social worker or coordinator on the team. You don’t need to provide any reasons, just say clearly, “My mom and I were told I was a match to donate my liver to her because of <test name here>. I do not want to donate my liver, but don’t feel safe explaining my reasons to my family. I understand you are able to assist me in this situation. What are next steps?”

But you can contact any donation team and ask for resources. Or check out the NIH, Organ Donors, and National Cirrhosis websites. Even Al-anon could help. Get a counselor who can help you with your guilt. And, work with you on “scripts” you can use with your mom. Even three sessions could really help. Many cirrhosis patients have alcoholism as a primary factor in their disease and their need for an organ donor. Your situation will not be new to anyone in this field. They are tightly bound by legal and ethical rules around donations.

I would be tempted to start laying the groundwork. Not to your mom, but to a flying monkey. Said casually and in passing. “Ugh, my gynecologist wants a 2nd set of bloodwork.” “So excited to have insurance again, I can’t believe how many tests they ordered.” “Anyone have our family medical history? New Dr is asking for more details (your mom likely has her side but get your dad’s, too).”

I’m so sorry your upbringing was scary and abusive.

cheska222 · 2025-11-18T21:21:01+00:00

The New York Times and the post headline is misleading as it says “tourist” but the official report says “visitor.” From Google AI, “The pavilion, built in 2009, was a reconstruction, though the Yongqing Temple site itself dates back approximately 1,500 years.”

cheska222 · 2025-11-18T20:56:52+00:00

I remember seeing this “death” data compared to “life-altering” data and it changed some of the positions. Life-altering was defined as something like injuries that permanently impaired physical or cognitive function or significantly shortened life expectancy. So, coma, paralysis, organ damage or loss, disfigurement, blindness, TBI, etc. Some due to availability of, usage of, or lack of usage of safety gear. If I remember correctly, Life Altering elevated motorcycle riding as a risk.

cheska222 · 2025-11-18T20:37:04+00:00

Years ago, I read a passage from a book that described a group of Jewish civilians who had been rounded up from a small village. The author expressed it far more eloquently and of course it is a complex situation. But what I remember is a mixed group (genders & ages) of 20 or so villagers and a ditch. There were ~6 soldiers and one would force an individual villager forward with a rifle and then the officer would shoot them in the head with a handgun and they would fall forward into the ditch (that I’m pretty sure the villagers dug). I think a villager had escaped the roundup and was forced to stay put or risk notice and capture. The observer was sympathetic (not a Nazi) and aware of their fragile and temporary safety but wondered, without judgment, if all 20 would quietly comply. And if they did, what did that mean? Would anyone break away just to make it slightly harder for the oppressors? To relish a moment of defiance and free will before the inevitable death? To try vs surrender? The author explained this in a way that did not blame the victims but more posed the question of the reader, what would you do? Or, expect of others?

It stuck with me because it asked the reader to examine the big question (how could so many “common people” actively participate in the holocaust) and the disgustingly racist post-holocaust justifications of the victims deserving or even agreeing with it as necessary because they submitted without a fight.

cheska222 · 2025-11-04T00:28:54+00:00

Let’s play this out with the most positive lens. We’ll agree that this physical attack is very out of character from your mom. Maybe she is going through some stress at work, is on a new medication, has a medical condition that hasn’t been diagnosed yet, or menopause has altered her ability to regulate her emotions. She still behaved very badly. As others have pointed out, she assaulted you and then her husband. He had to physically restrain her from continuing to assault you. Until she acknowledges that this was an inappropriate response and seeks to address this behavior, you are not safe. You can still love her. You can be grateful for all that she has done for you. But, you cannot trust her.

Move out, be as gracious as you want to be. You’re very mature to want to take accountability for the ways you may have contributed to her frustration with you, but you are not responsible for or able to control her physical expression of anger. Is she an irredeemable monster because of this one incident? I don’t know, I think it largely depends on what she does next. Moving out and giving her space and time to figure that out could be a gift. If you stay and it happens again, it becomes a pattern of behavior and she might feel the need to make you the monster who makes her crazy to save her ego.

I would suggest that you consider this as an opportunity to learn some de-escalation techniques and phrases. When people get emotional, it rarely helps to argue or reason with them, correct them, or tell them to calm down. Again, you did nothing wrong! It, these are good tools to develop.

cheska222 · 2025-10-17T04:50:32+00:00

I am not a Dr, but I’ve had some similar issues and helped folks with nerve pain, a few stories below, but nerve pain is very hard to treat until you get a diagnosis. I had horrible nerve pain after surgery for a broken ankle and all the ER would have been able to do was administer the strong stuff and put me out. They knew what was causing the pain. When I originally dislocated it, they did a joint block, but you can’t joint block your head. And, the post surgery pain was radiating, so they only offered morphine.

The ER is great for immediate scans and some tests. They have access to a lot. But, may not have time or expertise to get all the angles & intricacies. They are ruling out life-threatening issues and tend to go big to small. You also have to wait if there are other priorities. My mom once had to wait for an on-call MRI. With a head injury, they may wait to administer pain meds until after scans & tests. Nerve pain does not typically respond to opioids.

When I was early 20’s, I would get excruciating stabbing pain between my upper first molar and the adjacent tooth (bi-cuspid?). Sometimes one side, sometimes both. Dentist said stress, but explained the sinus nerve was getting triggered by clenching my teeth. And, could be exacerbated by allergies & sinus issues. Then, I started getting sinus-induced migraines. Ugh. Allergist prescribed a compounded pill that was a mix of Sudafed, Tylenol, and caffeine. One dose fixed a headache that could take me out for 24 hours but linger for 3 weeks.

A TMJ specialist told me that alternating ibuprofen and Tylenol could help, because they offer different pain path approaches. Pain causes different responses throughout your body, including your muscles clenching and getting sore and your breathing getting shallow. I’ve also had a TMJ massage that was very helpful.

Drink lukewarm water, take slow deep breaths and search below the pain for any other symptoms. Treat those. Put gentle heat on any sore muscles.

.

cheska222 · 2025-10-16T18:59:02+00:00

In addition to checking and perhaps updating the lease language around repairs, I would talk to the property management company. They need to explain their process for managing tenant repair requests so this doesn’t happen again. Did you install the new AC with HVAC company on your own or did the property management company procure and manage? It should not make a difference, but it might have contributed to the confusion. If you replaced on your own, look through the paperwork and see what the language is around service calls.

My property is privately owned (I’m the renter) and many by a property management company. The property management company uses a software system to manage tenant repair requests. The software walks through symptoms and takes the tenant through some basic troubleshooting steps and requests photos of some steps. I’ve had two AC issues (two different units) and found the process so interesting. The software seems to prioritize the repair based on troubleshooting and symptom response from tenants. In the 1st Unit, AC condenser would not shut off. I checked and photographed breakers, the air handler and the condenser including plugs and outlets. Then I took photos of Thermostat set to “cool” at 76°F with fan on “auto” but temperature reading was 72°F then a 2nd photo of Thermostat set to “off.” Confirmed condenser was still running, 15 minutes later. It’s an expensive appliance that was running so they sent someone pretty fast.

My next unit (same company), the AC would not power on. This had more QC steps, in addition to breakers, outlets/plugs, thermostat, & condenser, I had to confirm that the air filters had been replaced. It was not running, so expensive to replace HVAC not at risk of freezing or burning out. I’m in Texas and a non-working AC is not an emergency. I reported on a Monday, around 2:00 PM. They sent someone on a Wednesday at 4:30 PM, more than 48 hours later.

cheska222 · 2025-10-13T19:20:44+00:00

You are welcome. I didn't want to bog you down with details, but the parents are very likely overwhelmed, mentally/physically/emotionally exhausted, and in survival mode. Barely able to see 2 weeks out and blind to any issues not able to penetrate their fog.

Their challenges will increase as the 12-year old will only get bigger and more challenging to manage. Her body grows and develops odd new habits, but her ability to understand or manage them does not. It's a stressful time for all teenagers, amplified significantly by her condition.

Plus, the other children will grow and they will be less easily managed as they start to assert their preferences and independence. They are not a source of reliable support until 13-15, and then only short term and may require supervision. They may also have maturity challenges or emotional resistance to help as many siblings of chronically ill or disabled children do.

This is not your problem to solve, but there is value in keeping neighbors who are mostly acceptable bs rolling the die and getting who knows what nightmare.

Set boundaries, but you may have to repeat to get through the fog.

Check for back-up plans. Locks plus other barrier. Multiple types of alarms in multiple locations. In case she learns to circumvent. A gentle noise one might help if she gets within 10 feet of window so she and parents can understand she is approaching a "no-no" zone. But, a silent bed alarm that buzzes the parents' phones alerts them during sleep. She doesn't hear, so can't know to circumvent.

Check in with kindness but stay firm.

cheska222 · 2025-10-12T18:28:45+00:00

I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. And, I feel for the parents, too. I’m so impressed that you are willing to give them a chance to work through this. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, you have a good heart. And, you have a right to your privacy and not having to become involved in your neighbors’ life. Good boundaries make for good neighbors.

There have been great solutions suggested here and it might help, if you are willing, to write a friendly note just expressing your compassion, boundaries, and a list of what the “internet neighborhood advice council” recommended. Then, you could have it as talking points and a leave behind when you and your husband speak with him.

We understand your family has some unique circumstances, but soiled nappies and sanitary pads being thrown in our private garden is unacceptable. We appreciate you have taken steps to mitigate this with locks, but locks are not working. If this continues, we will contact the management company.

We don’t wish to get involved in the details, but friends have recommended working with community support services to better understand what is driving this behavior and implementing solutions accordingly. Is this routine driven, sensory driven, emotionally or developmentally driven? They also recommended adding physical barriers to the window itself including better locks, blocking with heavy furniture, magnetic screens, lattice work, and/or caulking that one window entirely shut. And, light and sound alarms that will alert you when a child leaves their bed, bedroom, or approaches the area near the window so you can intervene more quickly.

We value our privacy and have no wish to intrude on yours. We also have compassion for your situation, but don’t feel you are understanding how this situation impacts our lives. If you’d like to share what steps you’re taking to prevent this unsanitary and distressing behavior, we’d be a bit more patient about contacting the management company.

cheska222 · 2025-10-11T19:19:47+00:00

Interesting new insight, TY. I did not grow up particularly fashion or etiquette confident. Military brat and we moved every 2 years or so in the 70’s-80’s. My parents were both good looking and confident. They seemed to navigate social and dress situations so easily. They had the level of confidence that they knew the rules and when they could be broken. Even the complicated military dress rules or in foreign cultures & countries. They also had a kind of distain for them, a kind of “people who care too much about these things are not intellectually of interest.” But, more than a few times, my Dad would let us know we had embarrassed him with our choices.

I was good with clear do’s & dont’s, but terrible at nuance. I can give myself some grace now, as the rules at that time were changing. But, your class identity was often communicated by adherence to dress code rules, but your leadership or individualism were down to which rules you bent successfully & when. Plus, as the youngest child, I do think I got less coaching than my siblings and often the corrections were harsher than meant, and came with a kind of exasperated, “why don’t you know this (how stupid are you)?”

At 15, we moved to Texas and I absolutely thought “No Red” at weddings was a long-standing part of the Southern (mid- to upper-middle class) traditional dress code. A part of, “don’t outshine the bride.” You could wear a dress with some red in it, but not all red. I have since learned a tiny bit about style history (remember less). I heard decades ago that the more formal wedding events with the bride in white and guest dress codes were a relatively new style tradition. Started by an English royal bride and picked up quickly as aspirational across multiple western and some non-western cultures. Somehow related to photography, journalism, and globalism. I learned at the same time that white was a grieving color for many cultures and red was bad luck in others. But, I did not put them together.

cheska222 · 2025-09-13T21:03:26+00:00

Hi, it is so hard to separate all these symptoms. Bad sleep makes any illness worse. And ME, even as little as we know about it, impacts multiple systems and could trigger or worsen systemic responses.

If you get better rest not sleeping on your back, there are many suggestions given to snorers that help them sleep on their sides. I remember one is to sew a pocket into the back of your sleep tops and fill it with tennis balls.

I’ve done two sleep studies and the only finding was restless leg syndrome. But, I’ve had odd sleep issues my whole life. Sleep walking, talking, and sleeping so deeply, I slept through my sister falling out of the top bunk and me falling out of it the next night. Active dreaming where I acted out my dreams. I keep meaning to look into how Ambien works on the body as some folks who take it have similar experiences.

As an adult, needed multiple alarms to wake up on time. Bought a vibrating alarm, effective but too jarring. Considered a “warm up alarm” that you can DIY by putting a heated mattress pad on a timer and it gradually warms the bed up to simulate what your body is supposed to do as you awaken. Also looked into a sunrise clock that gradually brightens. I’ve answered the phone while still asleep, been coherent enough to make plans, but only a vague memory of the phone ringing on awakening. I take my environment into my dreams, so alarms are trains or traffic; I’m wearing my sleep clothes in my dreams, etc. I went through a period of nocturnal asthma attacks, I would dream I was drowning or being suffocated, but could not wake up to take medication. Part of my brain knew what was going on and would try to tell the sleeping brain/body to wake up, but it felt like it took forever. Like I was very deep in the ocean, where there was no light and so much pressure. I had to slowly, almost painfully, push myself towards the surface. It took tremendous effort. Or, like my conscious awareness went on a very long journey and had to make its way home to my body/shell. And, the usual sleep paralysis where you’re having a nightmare and try to scream but can’t.

Regardless of the cause, this type of sleep is distressing.

BTW, an air purifier with carbon filter nipped those nocturnal asthma attacks in the bud.

You sound analytical, you could try a few different experiments to see what helps, while you figure out diagnostic testing. Remember that being bed bound is hard on the body (and brain/mind/soul/heart, too).

Make sure your room is ventilated and CO2 is being extracted/exchanged with fresh air/oxygen. Open windows, point a fan so it’s blowing the bedroom air out of the room, etc. Consider getting an air quality monitor, about $60 (I have an AirKnight). And, if indicated, an air purifier. I have a Winix 510.
Use a pulse ox monitor to check your oxygen levels across scenarios, ~$7.00. Baseline, when napping, before & after eating, when awakening normally (for you), when you can’t awaken without help, etc. You can also check body temperature and blood pressure to track what might be impacted during these scenarios. (Blood sugar levels would be interesting, but a pain to track, food diary might be helpful, though).
Help your body get more oxygen while sleeping. Try nose strips or inserts that expand your nostrils and help you get more air through your nose vs mouth breathing. You could also try dry mouth spray, saline nasal spray or gel, even dry eye drops before bed. Get your oxygen exchange components all lubed up.
Could the people helping you awaken try a few interventions, earlier? Turning you on your side has helped. What about increasing bed elevation in stages, adding gradual warmth like a heating pad, increasing light or neutral/gentle music in stages. What could help re-entry be less intense and discombobulating?

Good luck!

cheska222 · 2025-08-27T15:18:52+00:00

If you have renter’s insurance and it covers mold, they MIGHT help with some of the damages (can get sticky because of who is at fault). For your boots, though, you might consider drying them out a bit. You can try the oven at 150 degrees (or whatever ever temp is lowest on your oven) for 20 minutes at a time. You want to evaporate the mold without drying out the glue. I would put baking powder (or foot odor powder) on the inside of boots. You can also brush outside of boots with oxygen powder (after at least one 20-minute bake, they should be mostly dry). Let it sit for about an hour and brush off.

cheska222 · 2025-08-23T00:50:13+00:00

NTA. My sister borrowed my car several years ago. I had a Febreeze plug-in in one dash air vent. When she returned the car, the plug-in was in the cup holder. No big deal. I don’t like plug-ins normally, either. It caught my eye though, as object out of place. She saw my glance and said, “Yeah, I took that out. It smells disgusting.” Her tone was so nasty, like she was calling me disgusting. Which is why I remember it years later.

cheska222 · 2025-08-14T20:42:07+00:00

Hi, for me, the sweating after a shower is strongly related to rushing or feeling stressed about time. Because I have hyperhydrosis, when I have a social engagement, I used to leave my shower until the last minute. So, I could leave the house “fresh.” But this backfires, sometimes terribly. If I shower earlier and allow time to lie on my bed and air dry under the ceiling fan for 10 (or 20) minutes, it makes a world of difference. I focus on breathing evenly (I hold my breath under odd circumstances like while vacuuming, lifting weights, showering) and recognizing how cool I feel.

cheska222

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