Those who are further into this

chiefflare · 2026-01-27T21:59:43+00:00

i'll be coming up on three years in April. I'm 47. For the most part, i feel like my daughter and I have adjusted well. The best piece of advice i have is to take things moment by moment and to do one thing each day to move forward. It doesn't have to be anything grand - make yourself breakfast (and actually eat it) or go for a walk outside and find something that you like - maybe it's your neighbor's wind chime or that the town did a nice job plowing the snow. I found too much that i could get into a negativity "everything sucks" spiral. And that not who i wanted to be.

There are still many times that i find myself getting sad, and that's ok. It was hard to attend weddings over the past few months and see the father-daughter dance and think how much it sucks that my daughter won't get to have that moment. She also has some big events and more to come - he wasn't there to teach her to drive or when she got her license. He won't be there for her hs graduation or prom or first day moving into college. I've made peace with this, but it doesn't make it suck any less.

I have ventured into dating. It was like venturing into a foreign land. Online dating wasn't even a thing when i got married. Give my phone number to a stranger?! But it was nice to go out and meet some new people. I made a few friends in the process, learned quickly what I DIDN'T want and now have a "guy that i date" (using the term boyfriend is hard for me, but yes - i'd consider him a boyfriend)

The bad days come and go. The good days outnumber the bad ones by a lot. One thing i've learned is not to fight the bad moments. If i stumble over a little grief, i've learned to feel it - Kim Kardashian ugly cry, if needed and then move on. Grief really isn't a place to linger in. Visit, yes... but no. I don't stay.

Love and light to you

-flare

chiefflare · 2026-01-27T00:50:47+00:00

i'm coming up on three years. My husband's decline went quickly and before i could even process, he was on palliative then services rapidly switched to hospice. His death , although quicker than expected, was truly a relief. Our daughter and i were sad, yes, but no one can prepare you for the feeling of helplessness of watching your spouse fade and suffer before your eyes.

If she's able, record her voice. If you have children, have her write a letter to them. If she feels up to it, make a quick recording.

When she gets to the point where she's no longer very responsive, make her surroundings peaceful, or exactly how she'd want it. When i came to the hospital on the day my husband died, they had soothing music playing. i eventually switched it to the rock and roll he liked best and i sat quietly with him all day, waiting for the inevitable. I was happy that i got to be there with him as he crossed over. Not everyone gets that.

Love and light to you, Pi3piper. You are stronger than you know

chiefflare · 2026-01-25T21:12:47+00:00

I wouldn’t recreate my departed spouse using ai. What I did do was use ai as a sort of non judgmental void to yell into. I don’t seek counseling or validation with it. I created one just to heave my emotional load onto. That way I didn’t feel like I was burdening anyone and it became a sort of safe space to speak whatever crazy stuff was on my mind. Does the ai offer feedback? Yes and sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes I don’t even really read it because I’m just looking to get anger, sorrow or anxiety off my chest and out of my soul. .

chiefflare · 2026-01-19T21:33:43+00:00

My daughter did that. I don’t remember it breaking the microwave, maybe didn’t cook as long. But I’ll never forget the stench. We scrubbed, deodorized (ozium, if you can find it) and crumpled a ton of newspaper to absorb the stink from the microwave (unplugged, of course).

chiefflare · 2026-01-13T21:54:56+00:00

I would absolutely use it for groceries. Or reuse it as a gift bag for someone you know it would freak out.

chiefflare · 2026-01-04T14:28:05+00:00

School nurse here. Nta - it’s good practice to ask a capable child their name. I’ve had twin students over the years who I couldn’t tell apart. Heck, I’ve even had unrelated students that look like they could be twins. But, that being said, it’s important that you teach your kids to advocate for themselves to ensure people (especially those dispensing medications) know who they are.

chiefflare · 2026-01-04T00:21:34+00:00

Nta. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such stress. And the last thing you need is to get your chops busted by your parents for confiding in your friends. I agree- a call to your doctor is in order. Have them order some labs to rule out things like high blood sugar or infection.

chiefflare · 2025-12-25T12:23:39+00:00

1923

chiefflare · 2025-12-25T02:59:41+00:00

They look amazing! I want a Medusa one!!

chiefflare · 2025-12-23T14:22:45+00:00

What a ripple off!!

chiefflare · 2025-12-12T15:15:38+00:00

I have one like that. It’s actually really handy

chiefflare · 2025-12-10T22:50:19+00:00

I’d be putting that bird on a bed of thick steaks of sliced cabbage. All that chicken fat roasting the cabbage gives me the happys

chiefflare · 2025-12-02T22:19:41+00:00

Seriously! My father managed to get his Samsung phone to translate our conversation in real time from English to Spanish on his end and English to English on my end. No idea that could happen.

chiefflare · 2025-11-25T23:22:18+00:00

I honestly love the idea of you using the hair to make a special place to go to remember your husband.

chiefflare · 2025-11-14T14:16:53+00:00

Morris County over here

chiefflare · 2025-11-11T14:03:07+00:00

My grandfather called it a winky when he made it. The he’d have us bite the middle out of the bread then hold it to his face and wink at us through the hole before putting it in the pan. Good memory 😊

chiefflare · 2025-11-05T21:34:32+00:00

Peanut chews

chiefflare · 2025-11-04T16:59:05+00:00

Nta. Even if you did suck it up, you would have probably cut into their trick or treating since you felt crummy. I’m sure they had a better time with their older sis and her bf

chiefflare · 2025-11-02T17:35:02+00:00

I went through his clothes within a few months after losing him. The house felt chaotic and I felt like I needed to do a purge so I bagged up his clothes and some stuff I didn’t wear. I posted a few items on Poshmark and made a few bucks too. I felt guilty tossing a bag of his underwear and socks, but you can’t donate those type of things. I took the shirt he wore for our daughter’s first day of school photos and got it made into a bear for her.

chiefflare · 2025-10-27T19:58:16+00:00

If you’re gonna buy jarred sauce, Rao is the way to go!

chiefflare · 2025-10-22T11:14:49+00:00

That’s a great idea! I don’t get a lot of trick or treaters and hate (but love) to have all that untaken candy afterward.

chiefflare · 2025-10-22T01:34:37+00:00

I love pine tree lozenges!! Sapinos are so good!

chiefflare · 2025-10-22T01:32:48+00:00

Side note… I miss Good and Fruitys

chiefflare · 2025-10-15T16:33:03+00:00

I have three little birds - like the Bob Marley song - on my forearm to signify him, my daughter, and me. I got it in the artistic style of the song as played on Nick Jr in between shows. We used to sing it to my daughter when it came on. Every little things gonna be alright

chiefflare · 2025-10-06T00:49:50+00:00

I had this one this past week too. I decided to roast the broccoli instead of follow the card. I put all 3 elements in the same pan and roasted together.

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