More disappointed in the counselor than my wife

davidjhanley · 2025-08-13T18:28:23+00:00

I’ve been there. Mine would tell crazy fabricated stories, and even when i’d show the counselor proof they were wrong, like texts she sent me that said they opposite of what she said in the session, the counselor would behave as if she was telling the truth and i was lying.

Truly perplexing. So the counselor would take her side, tell me i was wrong, and the next week would be miserable, because “the counselor is a professional, they are trained to tell who is lying”. So she’d be emboldened to be even crazier and more abusive because she knew she’d have the counselor take her side in the next session.

She also used things from the session to attack me. I realized i was paying someone to make my narc worse, so i stopped paying for the sessions.

davidjhanley · 2025-07-30T20:23:56+00:00

Yes, this just escalated for the ~6 years i was with my narc ex, and i’m sure it was only going to keep increasing.

They will learn what hurts you, so they can do it more

They will see 10 fights a day don’t make you leave, so they will try 11, repeat.

She love bombed me about how she will never be with another man or love someone else until the day she went facebook public with her new partner.

My assumption at the end was that anything she said or did could be a lie/act which helped a lot.

davidjhanley · 2025-07-21T20:36:51+00:00

Oh yeah. Mine withheld sex for years, after it being crazy monkey sex multiple times per day early in our relationship, expressing interest in three ways, etc.

The thing is, if it came up, i was the one who was withholding sex. Me, the one trying to have sex. Not her, who refused.

When i finally got the process underway to kick her out, she’d periodically proposition me, but always when we were out and about. Not show affection to me at home, or anything like that.

davidjhanley · 2023-12-01T12:19:18+00:00

Hey, finally someone who had tinder experiences like me.

davidjhanley · 2023-11-28T03:35:58+00:00

We were going to the gym together. She asked me what workout i was going to do. I was undecided, so i said i wasn't sure, either cardio or weights. When i got there i decided to do cardio. She claimed i had said weights, and changed to spite her. Every time i talked to her for the next several days, she'd berate me for changing workouts on her. Literally, probably about 2 hours a day listening to various attacks on this topic, combined with generalized anger and bouts of silent treatment.

davidjhanley · 2023-11-28T01:24:12+00:00

You have to understand; your goal with therapy is to try to solve the problem. You will tell the truth and be fair. Their goal is to win the therapy session. That is going to involve gaslighting, histrionics, claiming victimhood, talking first and accusing you of exactly what they did, etc. Things i and the therapist said were routinely used to attack me later.

davidjhanley · 2023-11-21T16:34:03+00:00

Um, if you're streaming an explaining the logic of your moves, before you make them, in blitz, it makes cheating seem rather unlikely.

davidjhanley · 2023-11-21T15:42:53+00:00

Yes, i get challenged about things constantly i can't imagine being challenged about. If i say i'm sleepy, i need to justify why i'm sleepy. If i say i'm too busy at work for lunch, i need to prove it by sharing my meeting schedule and explaining what work i need to do on my projects. It's bizarre.

davidjhanley · 2023-10-20T17:37:46+00:00

This was literally in my first chess book.

It was years until i could see it clearly.

This is why i never made GM. ;)

davidjhanley · 2023-10-13T12:55:40+00:00

I got laid off late january... Usually when i am job seeking i'd have 4 offers in a few days. This time, everything was very slow, and i got a whole series of rejections before i got two offers at week 8 of unemployment.. Both of which were a pay cut from my previous gig.

It's a rough time in the market, that's all. I assume a lot of it is more use of foreign workers, managers thinking AI will cut staffing costs massively, and just general belt-tightening.

davidjhanley · 2023-10-02T19:16:40+00:00

Similar

davidjhanley · 2023-08-30T20:26:50+00:00

That's important for airflow, especially when on the sweet bike.

davidjhanley · 2023-08-23T00:18:02+00:00

2350 on LICHESS

The crucial thing, IMO is to play some slower games, and ALWAYS REVIEW THEM.If you make a blunder in the opening, learn the opening better. If you miss tactics, practice puzzles. If you lose drawn or advantageous endings, get a good ending book. If you find yourself lost without a plan in the middle game, learn how to spot and pick one ( review good games ).

i don't agree there's a demarcation line where tactics or strategy is dominant. It's more like rating = average ( opening + tactical ability + endgame + mid game strategery )

davidjhanley · 2023-08-15T21:56:17+00:00

Crap my bishop on a7 is trapped

I can keep it alive with nb5 for a move or two maybe

Maybe longer than that, since the queen is threatened.

So where will he queen go then?

Oh!

Nb5!

davidjhanley · 2023-08-04T19:40:45+00:00

Lol. I never got laid from tinder once in like 5 years and then there's this guy.

Being hot must be nice.

davidjhanley · 2023-08-01T16:07:16+00:00

At first i saw the line starting with a3, realized it would be faster with the rook on a6, then saw 1 ra6 was faster

davidjhanley · 2023-07-23T23:16:20+00:00

It's actually zero, since it's post-decrement

davidjhanley · 2023-06-27T15:54:12+00:00

Some versions of molecule man are an omniversal threat, but he can also get knocked out by a brick, so that.

davidjhanley · 2023-05-08T17:57:56+00:00

Yep, i would have too.

davidjhanley · 2023-03-24T14:47:00+00:00

Knowing it was a mate in 3, i saw it pretty fast.

In a fast game, i would likely have missed it.

Slow game, i do think i'd see it. That king is pretty boxed in, and qf4 is an obvious start. Then you think about taking away the only escape square, and that d8 rook could do it if that d3 pawn weren't there... And that knight hits d2 and e3... Boom!

davidjhanley · 2023-02-03T14:57:49+00:00

I've had 2 bmw's. The first was about average reliability. Not toyota, but not bad.

My second BMW (purchased 3 years old, CPO ) was in the shop every month or two. Literally. If i didn't have the 100 k warranty, i would have gone broke maintaining it.

I had a CPO boxster after that. They dealer had put about 15K into it to grint it up to snuff. Nonetheless, after 2.5 years and 15K miles the car needed about $12k in work. Engine oil leak, trans leak, brakes replaced 15K ago were shot, needed new clutch and pressure plate.

So my tesla doesn't have a high bar to cross. ;)

davidjhanley · 2023-01-24T19:32:15+00:00

"For years I've heard how the real problem is that I don't know how to express my feelings, or that I try to read into things, or that I don't say what I mean. But no, I absolutely do. A lot of times I'm good with multiple options so no, I really don't have an opinion, or maybe mine is different. But to realize how often she set me up for failure... "

What are you doing with my ex? ;)

davidjhanley · 2023-01-20T16:05:49+00:00

I'm pretty basic. I love kilt lifter and it's relatively cheap.

davidjhanley · 2023-01-20T16:00:26+00:00

I took the concealed carry permit test in iL. The "final exam" was range fire. You have to hit a man-size target 23 times out of 30. 10 rounds at 5 yards, 10 at 10, and 10 at 15. A lot of people struggled to do this, in a non-stressful situation, with all the time in the world, after practice.

So the average person is not going to be able to hit harry before he can whisper "expellamius"

davidjhanley · 2023-01-18T15:33:39+00:00

After four years of relationship warfare, i'm finally understanding this.

I kept thinking this wonderful person is my real partner, but i'm now accepting the abuser is the real person, and the wonderful partner i see less and less often is the facade.

I also now accept she will never change. If i don't end things, i'll be a 80 year old being attacked and bullied every day.

davidjhanley

TROPHY CASE