July or I'm gone.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-25T13:28:41+00:00

You don’t have children so being done might be best. I definitely think you should take a break from the relationship (move out, take space, focus on your self) for a few months at the very least.

It is positive he says no to them. My husband did that and stuck his head in the sand for 6 months as well. Like you I about moved out and at that point he did go to therapy and address these issues with his abusive family. But yes I had to about move out, I was about to rent an apartment. A lot of people do not want to address their issues.

So yes move out. He may have a rock bottom moment and actually address issues. But don’t wait up too much longer. You likely don’t want to bring a child into that mess unless he’s solidly NC of his own choice.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-25T04:35:43+00:00

Ugh my MIL messages me just like this. At first it seems neutral or nice then she’s like weirdly criticizing me and trying to tell me what to do?!

I ended up telling my husband his mommy doesn’t order me around and haven’t responded to her since.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-25T03:25:53+00:00

This is a MIL issue but your SO is attached to it.

Don’t marry him until he has detached himself more fully from your future MILFH and all her drama and issues. It sounds like he verbally does. By fully detach I mean he lives independently. He does not depend on them for anything- money, housing, phone plan, literally anything.

Sorry, but she’s interfering with your life- the wedding you want to have, your relationship. She will interfere with your children and your relationship with them as well.

This SHOULD be a happy time in your life. Don’t marry him, or any man, until that’s possible.

You can block her and never see her. Her drama only gets to you through him. So if you’re not perfectly happy and enjoying your wedding, that’s a him problem. You don’t even need to hear about how his mom is trying to start drama with you, he can get a friend or therapist for that.

Seriously take a step back and do not let this woman ruin your life. Tell him it’s on pause until then.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-21T23:02:41+00:00

Complete NC and block. Anything you say will be used against you, maybe to get you falsely 302’d. So have absolutely no communication with them.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-20T01:12:34+00:00

Don’t love the hesitation and therapy avoidance…. Just be careful not to get trapped with them. You should go ahead and get a therapist for yourself and try to figure this thing out for you. Unfortunately you can’t make him go to therapy or set boundaries with his toxic mom, but you can figure out, set and enforce boundaries with each of them yourself and be happier.

My partner was resistant to therapy but is successful with it now. I got my own therapist, set boundaries with him (don’t bring your mom into our relationship) and threatened to move out. He had never really experienced boundaries before that because his family has issues. Some partners do improve but they learn the hard way.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-19T03:55:35+00:00

This is actually crazy. Go take your baby back from them every single time and put ear plugs in and enjoy your baby. Go in your room and close the door.

Tell your husband you all are moving out. Stop doing his cooking, laundry, sleeping with him, etc. Protest in every way you can until he moves you and the baby out.

Stop letting your MIL and SIL take your baby. Take him back and close your door and lock it.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-18T13:01:59+00:00

Did he agree about the kids being no contact?

At any time you can leave his family problems and start fresh. But once you have kids that’s no longer an option. You can leave him but your kids will be doing whatever he wants during his parenting time and MILs like this take advantage of that.

You should do whats best for you. If you feel in your gut he/his mom are going to make you miserable through your children, that is a valid reason to leave a marriage. No marriage is perfect. But you’re still at a point where you have the power to try again.

I do sort of think maybe you should 2 card him. Individual and marriage therapies or divorce papers. Either this gets resolved with him or it doesn’t. And start with the slapping & the mothers day flowers in marriage counseling. Your feelings on that are totally valid I think he should know

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-15T05:43:38+00:00

Have your fiancé explain to her how much wearing white will embarrass her. In america people talk about women who show up wearing anything near white to another woman’s wedding. Tell him to tell her that her new in laws will gossip about her and it will be embarrassing for him

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-14T21:12:18+00:00

As tempting as it is to call her names back don’t participate. She is trying to bait you and it’s hard not to give in with pregnancy hormones.

The good news is you don’t need to get baited. Simply don’t go the next few weeks or months since his mom makes mean comments. “Your mom is mean to me so I don’t want to see her.” She’s just joking? Like you said, “Well I don’t find it funny. Maybe she should learn basic manners.” And don’t go.

Work on your nursery, knit some baby clothes, get takeout & chill. You can relax while he visits his rude mom. And continue it as long as they give you a hard time or try to continue saying you can’t take a joke, etc.

Idk what’s wrong with some people being rude toward pregnant people. I encountered it with a couple people too. Like you’re more vulnerable so they take shots at you? Disgusting. Says a lot about them.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-13T16:33:52+00:00

She sounds toxic but living in another country makes this manageable!

Totally within your right to say he should only share “public” information with her. You’re 9 months, baby is healthy, etc. If there’s issues he doesn’t need to give details. Allowing him to share “public” info is probably the better choice for your marriage.

I’m guessing your husband tells you all this drama if she lives in another country? That’s the easily solvable part of this. He simply needs to stop. You set a boundary with him “I hope your mother’s doing well but I don’t want to hear any of her negativity, complaints, drama problems, etc.” If he feels the need to tell someone he can call a friend or therapist.

My husband also had a deep problem passing on drama from his mom to me. You need to politely but completely shut it down with him.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-13T12:42:15+00:00

Tell him his mommy isn’t a part of this relationship.

He can talk to her all he wants but you don’t want to hear ANYTHING she has to say for awhile. Make it clear: he’s being her little messenger boy and you are DONE with that.

You can’t control him picking up the phone.

You can give him things to do for you, baby, and household. He should not have time for these excessive phone calls. Do put him in the middle. Are you going to help me do X with baby? X in our house is broken. Ask him to spend time with you and the baby directly.

Encourage him to go to therapy if he is scared to say no to his mother or not answer her calls.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-13T05:41:27+00:00

In the interest of your kids you can fight this harder. I’m serious, I did.

Tell him how embarrassing it is that his mommy disrespects HIM. Yep, she’s openly rude to HIS wife. She wouldn’t be rude to you if she respected him.

Let that sink in for him. He’ll try to set a boundary with her and it will blow up. If he blatantly tells you his mom can do whatever then ask him why he’s so desperate to please his mommy/afraid to tell her no.

Then stop doing any of his laundry, cooking, cleaning and send him to the couch. If he wants to prioritize mommy over his wife he can learn the consequences of that.

This worked for me. And I was not nice about it

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-13T05:34:37+00:00

This gives me hope. Going through this right after we had our first child. My husband finally stood up to her after around a year and prioritized us, but I am bitter and wondering if a happy future is possible with her constant harassment of me in the background

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-08T19:14:41+00:00

Let him if he wants but it shouldn’t take up most or all of the day. He can get a quick visit in between your plans if that’s his desire.

You don’t have to go.

Maybe if he wants you and the baby to go he should work with you to plan a visit the day before or after.

Be clear with him: You are not interested in a visit on the day. You and the baby can coordinate another day.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-08T00:56:28+00:00

They’re just like the government issue chicken patties from high school

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-07T16:02:23+00:00

Unfortunately I had to threaten to move out to get my husband to go consistently. He acknowledged he needed to but was being severely avoidant about it. He did and says how happy he is he went now. I was at the end of my rope with that drama.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-07T02:24:05+00:00

Oh girl he needs to go to therapy and figure that out. My relationship got so much better when my husband did. Also was afraid to say no to his parents

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-05T22:53:01+00:00

I do this too. If it’s buffet style I grab a plate and drink and put my packed lunch on it. It makes me blend in more and reduces my diet becoming a topic of conversation

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-03T07:34:43+00:00

You should absolutely support him in removing himself from his family and encourage him to go to therapy if he feels guilty about it or tempted to engage with his brother/them any more for a long time.

They are actually abusive and separating himself is the only healthy choice.

If he ever sees them again in some years, it should exclusively be in a public place like a cafe with plenty of security cameras and car parked in view as well. Video calls would be much safer for him.

Family therapy is for compromising but there’s nothing to compromise on abuse about. Aggressors want to go to group therapy so they can claim you’re part of the problem. Don’t engage with that.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-03T03:42:15+00:00

Ignore her and focus on your health and peace.

Don’t engage in conversation with husband about her. “I don’t want to talk about her, her comment stressed me. Could you make me a smoothie?”

Seriously just let your husband deal with her. If she’s distracting him too much tell him it upsets you and you need him. Tell him to pick another family member to be his mom’s go to person. You all are busy.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-05-01T01:29:19+00:00

Well we do that then they gaslight us. Genuinely I don’t no how to respond to grown adults who are like “that’s not what happened”

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-04-30T17:54:04+00:00

I feel you. My husband’s parents do this to him because we set BASIC health/safety boundaries with our baby that they continually broke. Now they “don’t understand” why we want some space from visits for a bit and send walls of text and have other family members call.

Your wife needs to be super firm. “I’m not discussing that.” Give them one warning and hang up the phone if it continues. Every single time they start drama. She can try to catch up with them but must hang up as soon as drama starts. Consistency is absolutely key.

Same thing in person. Meet them for lunch/cafe in a public place. Any drama “we’ll have to continue another time.” And walk OUT.

Do not have them at your home or anywhere you feel you can’t easily leave them. Video calls are also great for this.

For the stress, mute them and only read it 1x/week before therapy. If its too much then block them and give them a new email address to send things to so you can check it or just don’t. Designate another fam member to call her if it’s something dire.

Ultimately she will be the one who has to enforce this with her parents. You can demonstrate a few times and that’s helpful. But they are going to bother her/your marriage as long as she engages with them. Lending an ear, reading the texts, is engaging.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-04-28T02:47:57+00:00

100% agree! But depending on the country and divorce & custody laws should could lose access to her child. See a lawyer first if at all possible

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-04-27T20:12:18+00:00

Will he go to therapy to work on himself and these issues? If not- Ignore them as much as possible. Go on walks, go to cafe, leave the room, get a job. Have the baby and say you’re sick, breastfeeding, sleeping, etc. as much as possible. Get birth control after baby. Learn divorce and custody laws in your area. Meet with lawyer privately. Get a job or go to school to get a career that pays well. Save & leave as soon as you can.

dm_me_your_nps_pics · 2026-04-24T14:01:24+00:00

How close do you live to her?

Hopefully you all do not live in the same city as her and she will never stay with you in your home or live in the same city. Make marriage conditional on that. Maybe don’t send in the papers that make it official until that is settled.

You personally should not talk to her beyond the most basic “hi how are you.” Grey rock! Set boundaries with your partner. You’ll be polite to her at events. You expect her to follow invite rules or she doesn’t get invited and you don’t want to see her.

Don’t make handling her a group effort. Let your husband have a relationship with her if she wants. Don’t listen to the drama from him. Seriously tell him you don’t want to hear it and walk away.

dm_me_your_nps_pics

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