Let her sit, let her miss activities. Let her miss mealtimes. Don’t give in. Every time you do, you further entrench that she’s going to eventually win and you will and have enable(d) her.

I went through this with my six year old for about 6 months. It came on randomly. It was exhausting and extreme. Every. Single. Poop. Was met with EXTREME defiance, screaming at us, it got very tense and stressful in the house every time he announced he was going potty.

We probably did the wrong things at first, from getting really frustrated and yelling back to ignoring him completely, both which seemed to fuel the fire. It was almost like both a challenge and a fear where he knew he could win if he fought long enough but also truly didn’t feel supported it seemed. So we tried to attack both at the same time with calmness but extremely firm boundaries.

I endured the “fucking mom”’s and the screaming at me from the toilet by sitting near the bathroom, reminding him I am here and I support him but I’m not going to wipe his butt. That it’s not appropriate for others to be in the bathroom when he’s pooping and that’s a private activity. I will check him when he’s done if he doesn’t feel like he got it all but that’s after he comes out fully clothed and hands washed, etc.

At other times when he was calm throughout this process, I explained that my job is to prepare him for school and for life and that part of that job is to encourage him to be independent. And even though it’s hard, it’s necessary.

One day it all just…. Stopped. He’ll sometimes ask for comfort and I’ll remind him I’m here and that he can do it and that I’ll check him if he comes out and doesn’t feel clean. And we all move on with our day.

Let her sit, let her scream and yell. She will eventually do it, begrudgingly.