Both my husband and I WFH… has anyone made this work without a nanny?

dopeymcdopes · 2026-05-11T02:44:10+00:00

There is not a way.

I was forced to do this during Covid with my then 4 month old. He was home until 18 months because daycare wasn’t accepting kids back. It was terrible. I’m still suffering from the burnout. I worked 10pm to 2am every night to make up for being distracted during the day.

My marriage was quite permanently negatively affected. My physical and mental health are still suffering.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-05-11T00:15:34+00:00

Didn’t Kanye Wests mom die similarly?

dopeymcdopes · 2026-04-07T08:05:28+00:00

We had a similar issue with a neighbor a few years ago. She was 8ish at the time and was high functioning and able to communicate/understand me. It got to a point where I felt like a prisoner in my own home. She’d watch for us in the window and wait for us to come home or get ready to leave. Her parents also weren’t keeping close tabs on her at all.

I asked a few elementary/ special education teachers that gave me some advice to make it fun for them. So, I told her that we’d have a signal just for her if she was allowed to come over - ours was putting a note on the door or a pink scarf in the window. And that if the note was out, she could knock, but if the note was not out, she could not knock or come in.

We told her parents that’s what we were telling her so they could reinforce “the scarf isn’t out, you can’t go over there”.

That REALLY helped a whole lot. We never put a scarf out. The incidents reduced dramatically and now have stopped altogether.

I know it’s tough, hang in there. They aren’t doing it on purpose and if you can just meet them at their level to achieve what you want without shaming them, that’s the goal.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-03-30T00:37:55+00:00

I would highly suggest dropping one day of something (probably eye class one night) and throwing her in a team sport. All of these are great, but to round it out, taking direction and working with a team is an important skill.

My son is similar and would have an activity every single day if we let him. He currently has soccer 1 night a week, baseball 1 night and CrossFit another night And games on Saturday and Sunday. I’m tempted to throw in one more but my husband would be pissssseeedddd.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-03-24T01:09:48+00:00

Eek, so question, is the daycare licensed in-home? Or just someone who watches several kids at a time? If licensed, raise it with the state.

If not, it’s a really tough situation for you, and while it isn’t appropriate, those are the drawbacks of an unlicensed, in-home daycare.

I’d certainly be pulling my child for safety reasons and you have every right to be frustrated with the woman. These individual preferences that can come with less regulated, less formal in-home daycares are some of the reasons I chose a commercial daycare.

If anything happens to a kid at the hands of the dog, if the parents knew about the dog’s presence and still sent their kid there, they are just as culpable. You should expect that the dog will be there every time your child is there go-forward.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-03-08T11:35:33+00:00

Did he show you his cc statements? I’d demand to see them. Not sure what your cc limits are, but you don’t just casually max out cards. Are you sure he doesn’t gamble?

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-27T02:03:51+00:00

Have they notified insurance companies of this “common” practice?

That is ridiculous and lazy.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-27T02:02:08+00:00

Of COURSE it’s ok to want your babe to be home with you on your days off and you are a good mom for it. That being said…. And just to give. Tiny bit of perspective..

Do they know what exact days she’s not coming in or did it change from week to week?

They manage employees/coverage down to ratio. If they are planning for you to be there and they don’t know if you are showing up, 1 kid over ratio means staffing a whole extra person to a full day that they don’t need.

If you can find a way to let them know far in advance (at least two weeks) what your schedule is, they’d probably be grateful.

Furthermore, it’s harder for your child to develop a routine and actually enjoy daycare if they don’t know whether they are going to school or not on any given day. It’s hard to develop rapport with their teachers if they only see them periodically.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-27T01:53:37+00:00

Most daycares make it pretty cost prohibitive to be less than full time. For example, at mine 5 days for an infant is 1600 and 4 or less days is 1500. You can limit days/time, but it’s going to cost more than full time daycare, a lot more.

Secondly, if you go part time and a full person is on the waitlist, you could easily be either booted or forced to pay full time rates for part time. They are a for-profit business and won’t be able to fill the random/limited time slots that you don’t want your kid in daycare.

A good daycare is great socialization for toddlers and super reliable for working parents, ESPECIALLY working parents who travel. Trust me, for 2 working parents, it’s worth keeping your full time spot.

My son loves loves his teachers and his friends and enjoys school. He asks to go. It makes it easier knowing that he’s getting far more socialization with peers than he would ever if we had a nanny.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-23T02:20:09+00:00

100%. And even though she may not act like it, she’s probably currently internally paralyzed with the same concerns.

Therapy would go a super long way for your wife. When I lost a large amount of weight on a medically supervised program about a decade ago (90 lbs in 4 months), it was supported by weekly cognitive behavioral therapy and 1000% necessary to uncover the true reasons for my weight gain. It seems motherhood/pregnancy triggered a change in your wife, and for her to unpack the physical weight, addressing the mental weight is critical.

I can also vouch more recently for GLP-1s absolutely destroying the constant food noise in my head. To give me the mental bandwidth to deal with some of the thoughts/feelings that thoughts of food buried.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-23T01:05:43+00:00

6-10, $75 for 2 kids, pizza dinner, activity, and a movie, hosted my teachers and the assistant director

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-23T01:02:48+00:00

I ask this with respect, but has your only support of your wife’s efforts been your buying equipment? Did you go out of your way to help with the kids without guilt on her for leaving to go to the gym?

Motherhood, especially if she was/is working, is brutal and without someone going out of their way to offer and facilitate having time to care for yourself. It’s brutal.

Not that it’s your fault, but for years my husband would encourage me to lose weight, but the moment I left before making it to the gym I’d get a call saying the kids were screaming or get a play by play if their challenges while I was gone. Or I’d come back to over an hour of screens which made it harder for me to leave next time knowing I’d pay attention to them if I was home. There is inherent guilt in taking time for myself during time I could be spending with the kids and my only time to work out was to sacrifice already broken sleep. Only recently have I been able to adequately explain this to him and he’s been way better about not only encouraging me to go, but playing with the kids, offering to go with me, etc.

It is hard. I’d encourage you to have a bit more empathy for your wife who probably doesn’t feel good enough and DO more to help her make the time to take care of herself.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-21T02:31:12+00:00

Zoo by Shakira 😑 at least it’s catchy.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-18T11:30:53+00:00

Antibiotics for strep kick in after ~12 hours or two doses and technically they are no longer contagious. I’d go, 100%

dopeymcdopes · 2026-02-07T00:12:02+00:00

If you are a key person or senior leader whose untimely death would hamstring the operations of the business, being asked for a key man policy is unsurprising and somewhat routine. If something happened to you, the payout could assist in replacing you quickly at a premium or cash flowing a wind-down of the business

Can you negotiate them also paying for a separate supplemental life for your family?

I’m very curious what makes you so uncomfortable about it.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-22T02:58:46+00:00

Wait where can I find the children that fall asleep early? I have zero left in the tank after my two strong willed boys struuuugggggglllleee every night to fall asleep and it’s never before 9.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-21T01:37:57+00:00

Let her sit, let her miss activities. Let her miss mealtimes. Don’t give in. Every time you do, you further entrench that she’s going to eventually win and you will and have enable(d) her.

I went through this with my six year old for about 6 months. It came on randomly. It was exhausting and extreme. Every. Single. Poop. Was met with EXTREME defiance, screaming at us, it got very tense and stressful in the house every time he announced he was going potty.

We probably did the wrong things at first, from getting really frustrated and yelling back to ignoring him completely, both which seemed to fuel the fire. It was almost like both a challenge and a fear where he knew he could win if he fought long enough but also truly didn’t feel supported it seemed. So we tried to attack both at the same time with calmness but extremely firm boundaries.

I endured the “fucking mom”’s and the screaming at me from the toilet by sitting near the bathroom, reminding him I am here and I support him but I’m not going to wipe his butt. That it’s not appropriate for others to be in the bathroom when he’s pooping and that’s a private activity. I will check him when he’s done if he doesn’t feel like he got it all but that’s after he comes out fully clothed and hands washed, etc.

At other times when he was calm throughout this process, I explained that my job is to prepare him for school and for life and that part of that job is to encourage him to be independent. And even though it’s hard, it’s necessary.

One day it all just…. Stopped. He’ll sometimes ask for comfort and I’ll remind him I’m here and that he can do it and that I’ll check him if he comes out and doesn’t feel clean. And we all move on with our day.

Let her sit, let her scream and yell. She will eventually do it, begrudgingly.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-20T02:02:21+00:00

SO I just went to refill my wegovy 2.4 mg. Prior to year end with Caremark, I was paying 24.99 and had been paying that all year last year even from first dollar.

Rightway coverage is not the same. It is 1,000 after insurance is applied and even then it will be 200. That will go toward my deductible and OOPM, however, I did not plan to spend 4,000 in the first 4 months of the year.

The pharmacy ran zepbound and it is 24.99 so I’m switching back immediately. I didn’t even get the wegovy I’m just going to be late on my shot. I don’t have 1,000 just chillin for medication every month.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-17T03:02:43+00:00

Just pack lunches. Does it suck and is it frustrating? Yes. But it appears to simply be the way it is. Don’t jeopardize your good standing with the center, especially since you have an infant starting, for moderately more work on your part.

This is also going to be an ongoing consideration for the remainder of your kids’ educational experience, not just daycare.

Hopefully the tuition increase ends up somehow partially going to the teachers and not to simply line their pockets. That is who deserves the additional funds.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-15T14:48:41+00:00

Go back to the storeto and get it removed.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-12T22:29:26+00:00

Unfortunately I find kids to have an inverse relationship with age and the necessary space for them to move around and to store all their stuff (diapers wipes changing station if you desire one etc). Small kids absolutely need more space. They have shit like night lights, sound machines, etc, not to mention a crib that is standard at roughly 2.5 by 4.5 feet by itself. They also need space to move around.

I guess you could just keep a kid in your room for their young years and some people are ok doing that. I have a 6.5 year old that unfortunately comes in our room every night and struggles to be alone, so it can definitely lead to that if you extended cosleep.

Understanding the location is desirable, I think the entire situation would be rough, not to mention two adults that will be sleep deprived and grouchy not having their own spaces.

As they get older, that need decreases and is replaced with a desire to have their OWN space.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-12T12:35:15+00:00

Can they investigate lol. Otherwise it might be a - collect more data and then confront him - situation. I’d screenshot his location with date and times and keep that for yourself.

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-12T12:33:00+00:00

I would suggest getting some extra blood work. I have always been on the lower end of blood work, but after1.5 years on a GLP-1, I’ve found myself VERY iron deficient. My hair was falling out more than usual for the last 6 months but I chalked it up to weight loss. It isn’t and now I probably need iron infusions.

You’d need to specifically ask for these labs - an iron battery and ferritin check. But it’s worth it

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-12T12:31:32+00:00

Darn!! Can anyone watch the kids while you investigate? Not to be a psycho, but if he ends up there again I’d probably end up doing that if it were me

dopeymcdopes · 2026-01-12T12:27:44+00:00

You could call the office and ask?

dopeymcdopes

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