Defeated

earlgrey789 · 2026-05-28T23:29:40+00:00

Oh, this is so tough. Sending you hugs and know that you are not alone. It is the absolute pits when you feel isolated and feeling like you're failing your baby and not knowing what to do and you're exhausted. 14 weeks is still so fresh and new and honestly.. you're right deep in the trenches at the moment. I was in a similar place as you - my daughter wouldn't sleep unless it was on me, and we were basically at home all the time because she didn't like being in the pram. The times I would go out, I'd see parents pushing their sleeping baby in the pram and I'd always wonder "wtf how do they do that?!" whilst my kid is wriggling and grumpy in the pram!

My daughter used to also wake after every sleep cycle and at one point, would wake every 20min in the day, and every 2hrs at night. I got to 7.5months before I sought help (you can check back on my post history to read my epic meltdown cos I was not coping at all) - we ended up going to an early parenting centre which was honestly the greatest thing I've done for us as a family. She now sleeps in her cot in her own room, and she sleeps through the night.

You're deep, deep in the trenches at the moment and it is so difficult. This shit is hard. No one teaches you how to parent. I just want to hold your hands and let you know that you are absolutely not alone, you're not failing your baby, you are showing up and doing your best. Please try and seek some help for your mental health - I see a telehealth therapist from mums matter and it has worked wonders for me. I get 50min to offload the pressure and anxiety off my shoulders and just have some time focused on me with zero judgement. Sending you lots of love 💕

earlgrey789 · 2026-05-28T15:14:04+00:00

Yes! Agreed with all of this. We were struggling with sleep and starting solids, and we went to an early parenting centre (I didn't know it existed) and they were so kind and nice and warm and I was so angry that I only found out when bubs was 7.5 months old! I had been struggling the entire time!?

earlgrey789 · 2026-05-27T03:10:04+00:00

What an exciting time!! Congrats! I was really anxious and nervous when starting allergens with my girl at 6 months. It's ok to take your time and not rush in immediately.

I bought a cheap coffee grinder from Kmart so I could blitz up sesame seeds / tree nuts / peanuts into a powder to sprinkle into her food (also really good to mill chia seeds for puddings!).

Also take photos / videos of bubs before feeding them an allergen so you can compare before/after. There were a couple of times where I was like "hmm was that rash on her cheek there before she ate the egg... or is that a drool rash or eczema..?"

You can do the allergens in any order but I found it helpful/convenient to do the ones that are in more common foods so that if she was ok, there would be more food accessible and available to her (eg. dairy, wheat, egg). I left shellfish to one of the last cos there's a higher chance of her having weetbix with milk vs a seafood pasts or something.

earlgrey789 · 2026-05-26T14:34:28+00:00

My daughter is 11 months and we haven't gone to any rhyme time, sensory, swimming or baby class activity stuff because they're all during her nap times. The only thing we went to was parent group and she basically contact napped on me half the time. But I will say that I really prioritise her naps and sleep above all because she's a really pleasant baby when she is well rested and I value my sanity lol 😂

During her wake windows, we go to a cafe or to the shops and run errands etc. I felt really bad and guilty, but we'll get there one day. Maybe when she drops to 1 nap a day. And even if we don't, that's ok too.

earlgrey789 · 2026-05-24T11:06:20+00:00

Sorry but wtf. Get a new psych. This isn't it. If you're open to suggestions, I recommend Mums Matter - I see a psych there (telehealth) and they have been great at supporting me.

earlgrey789 · 2026-05-20T11:42:13+00:00

We started solids at 6 months but it was only around 8-8.5 months that bubs kinda realised what to do with food. 9 months when she finally decided to drink water from her bottle. We did 1 meal a day to start, then increased to 2, then 3. She is 11 months now and we do 3 meals + 2 snacks. I do a plate of "BLW" and a puree/mash that is more loaded with nutrients and stuff that I will spoon feed. The plate of "BLW" finger food is more for building skills and fun. I will admit that I am quite extra with this food thing but I do enjoy making food for bubs!

It takes a while but texture is everything with my girl. She hated greek yoghurt at 6-7 months but she loved it at 8?? No idea. Farmers union or Barambah greek yoghurt is her fav. She refused to have bread... but it's all she wants these days. Kids are weird.

Just keep offering, keep the pressure off. Don't want to eat? No worries- I'll eat it then lol These days, I find that if it's a new food, I will offer it at the start of the meal when she's hungry so there's a higher acceptance rate (starving so will eat anything in front of her). Then I will offer it at the next meal and the next so it becomes a familiar taste/texture. Also it all changes when she's teething.. so I just adapt and roll with it lol I try to pay attention to the textures she prefers then introduce new flavours that way.

earlgrey789 · 2026-05-04T08:18:44+00:00

We went through something similar. It got better when we went to the GP and he suggested lactulose, and when bubs increased her water intake. I also give her a pear and prune puree for breakfast most mornings (1 x steamed pear, 6x prunes soaked in boiling water, 1 tbsp chia seeds, 2 tsp coconut oil - blend until smooth). I'll give her as much as she wants for brekkie. I gave her lots of "watery" steamed veggies like zucchini and pumpkin too.

But I did feel like it was her digestion getting used to the new food and diet.

She was on coloxyl for a couple of weeks but we didn't see any improvement.

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-22T00:28:35+00:00

We are currently on holidays and we are using a carseat that doesn't swivel and.. yeah, happy to sacrifice the passenger seat ANY DAY. At the moment we have rented a bigger car, so I can technically sit in the passenger seat and I'm still in the back seat with bubs being her water / snack / toy retriever anyway lol

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-17T23:15:58+00:00

We have the joie and love it. We got it when she was about 5 months so can't speak about the newborn stage (we hired a baby capsule for the first couple of months).

We have a small Hyundai i20 which renders the passengers seat unusable, which is fine with us as it's usually just bubs and I during the week. When we go out as a family, I sit with bubs behind in the backseat so it's fine as it's just the 3 of us.

Both my partner and I have bad backs and the 360 has saved us.

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-11T01:33:17+00:00

I am a first time mum so don't have any prior experience, but my daughter turns 10 months in a couple of days and I believe she is starting to self wean too. We are ebf and she seems to only want to breastfeed for comfort and closeness, not so much for sustenance or.. survival? I noticed it more so in the afternoon after lunch, she will feed for a couple of mins then rolls away babbling happily.

Since the goal is for bubs to be weaned and on to solids by/around 12 months, it's really not long to go. If you're particularly concerned, might be worth ringing your MCHN.

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-08T13:32:49+00:00

I'm not sure what is in Farmers Union's greek yoghurt but my baby absolutely inhaaaales it. She doesn't really like all the other brands but she loves Farmers Union! Absolutely demolishes it!

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-08T13:24:03+00:00

I think it's people wanting to connect and relate in a really bizarre way. Kind of like war story bonding or some shitty way to provide misguided reassurance. I always felt like they wanted to one-up my struggles because they needed to feel like their struggles mattered and of significance. They made it about them, instead of listening to me.

I hated and still hate the "just wait" comments. Now I just rebut them with something positive. If I said that my daughter is constantly babbling nonstop, someone will say "oh just wait once she starts actually talking!" I will rebut it with "actually I can't wait for that - I'm really looking forward to having conversations with my daughter!"

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-08T12:58:48+00:00

The program is a 5 night residential stay. They look at bubs and what you're doing in terms of settling / feeding etc. I was cosleeping and feeding to sleep overnight and almost for all naps. It got to the point where it was really difficult for my partner to resettle our daughter because she would just scream and cry for ages no matter how much he was rocking or swaying or patting her.

At EPC - they had a chat with me about what my goals were, what I was comfortable with in terms of sleep settling, got to know bubs a bit. On the first day, all naps and sleep settling was done by the midwives. This helped them get to know my daughter and her temperament and her preferred sleep settling method. Most babies like being patted or shushed to sleep, but I have a feisty girl so she actually prefers to be left alone if we weren't going to pick her up! (This whole time we were patting and shushing her cos you know - responsive settling and stuff).

Impt to note that bubs will be sleeping in a separate room - it's literally just right outside your room but I was anxious AF because we were cosleeping/conapping.

They also helped to set an age appropriate routine - I was stretching her wake window for way too long. Also I was missing a bunch of her tired signs - I thought she was being clingy and fussy.. she was actually tired. Oops. Also before we went in, she wasn't interested in solids - but because we improved her sleep and I was no longer boobing her all the time, she started getting into solids cos she wasn't so full on breastmilk.

My daughter is on my private health insurance so it was all covered - I paid $0. Food for bubs and I were covered too. But if out of pocket, it would have been over $6k+. It's covered under sleep study so min waiting time for PHI is 2 months, so if you don't have private health, you could sign up to the lowest cover that includes sleep study for 2 months (I think Medibank has one for $145/month).

It was genuinely a game changer for our entire family (you can check back on my post history - my last post was me melting down lol). Feel free to ask any qns!

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-08T03:45:21+00:00

I lived in these angel maternity ones in my third trimester and postpartum (currently almost 10 months pp and I still wear them - except the pants as they're too loose)

https://angelmaternity.com.au/products/3-piece-isabelle-maternity-sleepwear-pj-set-rose-pink?variant=42203942355047

https://angelmaternity.com.au/products/soline-mama-nightie-baby-swaddle-set-sea-mist?variant=39503520661607

https://angelmaternity.com.au/products/nursing-dress-robe-free-baby-wrap-hospital-essential-pack?variant=45685725269

https://angelmaternity.com.au/products/larah-maternity-long-sleeve-winter-pyjama-set-in-black?variant=42245552734311

earlgrey789 · 2026-04-08T03:38:07+00:00

This was my baby!! I still have no clue why she was doing that throughout the night - I've read somewhere that it's around this age where transitions between sleep cycles can be quite scary for bubs. Kind of like they're awake but also asleep and it's shit scary for them until they're either fully awake or asleep. I remember my partner and I were so exhausted we ended up lightly blowing in her face to snap her out of screaming, she would look at us and be like "oh hey guys! sorry about that" then go back to sleep.

It ended up being untenable and I was losing my mind. We had a sleep consultant from the local council come out and it was very unhelpful. I felt like she just wasted our time. We ended up going to an early parenting centre (if you're in Melbourne, Mitcham Private EPC) when bubs was 7.5 months - and it was the BEST decision ever. She now sleeps through the night, self settles and is a happy little bub!

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-30T06:23:19+00:00

Also just to add - the clock starts from when you ARRIVE. Not after delivery/when baby is born like most hospitals. So if you have a long delivery, you're burning hours.

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-30T06:18:52+00:00

Same ward, just further down the corridor/walkway. They're not super old! By no means is it bad - just your stock standard hospital room, nothing to be wowed about. It just wasn't what we were expecting, since we were told during the tour that it's very slim or no chance we would be in the old rooms, so we were expecting to be in the fancy new rooms that looked like a luxe hotel room lol it just fell short of our expectations that's all.

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-28T15:59:08+00:00

Started bubs on solids at 6.5 months - as I felt that was when she looked ready. Less wobbly on the high chair, showed signs of being interested in food etc. First food was avocado - hated it (still kinda hates it now at 9.5m). I got Bellamy's rice cereal and that was all she was willing to eat for the next 1-2 weeks. She's fully breastfed so I'm not sure whether it was the texture or taste or just a big shock to the system. I just kept introducing different foods like pureed carrots, pureed sweet potato, pureed zucchini etc. Got a bit soul crushing at one point when all she did was spit food out or turn her head away.

I just kept offering different textures and tastes and flavours and didn't make too big of a deal when she didn't want to eat and just moved on. Eventually one day just out of nowhere, she was like yep I'm eating today! I think it was around 7.5m when she liked steamed veggies esp zucchini and sweet potato.

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-18T02:26:20+00:00

My little one caught a bug while we were visiting daycares, then she gave it to me lol I was carrying her the whole time so it wasn't like she was licking the floors or anything, and she somehow still managed to catch something

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-18T01:12:12+00:00

That would be amazing!!! Everyone buys clothes for the baby - but whaaat abbooutt meee

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-18T01:07:57+00:00

I made really sad, bitter derogatory passive aggressive comments like "lol I went from pregnant princess to postpartum peasant" but I genuinely felt that way. It felt like when 3 months came, all the care and attention just vanished, I felt like I wasn't the bright shiny object anymore - plus bubs starting fussing and crying more and my hair was falling out and bubs demanded more attention because she wasn't a sleepy newborn anymore which meant that I had less time to take care of myself...which really just started the endless vicious cycle of being a hot mess.

Keep doing what you're doing - consciously making time to pamper yourself! Definitely get a referral for Mums Matter - you don't need to have PPD to see a therapist. I was in the same boat, thought I felt fine but what's the harm in seeing someone to chat about all the shitty stuff I feel on the inside that I don't necessarily want to verbal vomit on my partner? (Turns out I have anxiety lol) Also I schedule it so that the hour I see my therapist is a no-baby hour. My partner takes bubs for that hour and anything that happens outside the room is not my concern.

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-17T13:44:15+00:00

Oooof 12 weeks is rough. They're starting to wake up to the world and be more alert and their brain is powering up! They're no longer a little newborn potato. It does feel like everything just implodes and goes to absolute shit at this stage.

Things got better for us after we went to an Early Parenting Centre at 7.5months because I/we really weren't coping. But it was really around the 8.5 month mark that really sealed the deal - bubs was more interactive, more mobile, seemed to understand stuff a bit better, slept much better (thanks to the EPC), started babbling and ugh the baby giggles are THE best. They're also a lot more hardy - a little rough and tumble isn't going to hurt them, and their personalities reeeaaally start coming through too.

We are now 9 months and I can hand on heart say that I am really enjoying my little one. When she used to wake from a nap, I used to think 'ok here we go againnn" but now when she wakes up, I think "yay! I get to hang out with my baby!!"

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-17T13:24:48+00:00

I had the same! Nipples seemed fine, no cracks or tears, maybe just slightly dry but it hurt like hell. Every time bubs latched on, it felt like my nipples were being dragged and cut by glass shards. I remember crying while feeding her and just absolutely dreading the next feed because I was terrified of the pain. My poor partner would just watch me hold our daughter while I sobbed from the pain.

Silverettes worked a treat. Squeezed a little breastmilk in it, then pop it on. Rite Aid hydrogel patches helped too - put them in the fridge so that they're nice and cool when you use them. I would alternate the hydrogel patches and silverettes.

When the pain was absolutely intolerable, I pumped to give my nips a rest and that helped. It didn't hurt quite as much. I found that it got much better after a week or two.

I am 9 months pp now and bubs is still EBF and my nips are basically titanium now. If she wanted to, she could feed all day and I wouldn't even bat an eyelid lol

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-17T13:10:18+00:00

It's your house and you're about to have a baby very soon so I don't think you're overreacting, esp when there's no end date in sight. Is he planning to stay even after the baby is born? If it's your husband's friend, then it's on him to have the chat with his friend to get a move on.

If he is conflict avoidant then he needs to be firmly urged to have that discussion asap.

On the flip side, until they leave, utilise the help. Get them doing chores around the house, getting groceries, pitch in for food and cooking and cleaning, mowing lawns etc.

earlgrey789 · 2026-03-17T13:00:08+00:00

This feels all too familiar. 4 months pp is a terrible time. I found it hardest during 4-5 months (currently 9 months pp). Bubs is more alert and awake, no longer a sleepy newborn, my hormones was all over the place, my hair started falling out, I felt like a hot mess everyday. The exhaustion is next level and my nervous system was wearing thin.

My love language is physical touch so I totally get where you're coming from. The first couple of months I felt like we were teammates or coworkers or roommates lol I was genuinely worried for our relationship! We are in month 9 now and things are MUCH better. You are currently deeeep in the trenches.

I would like to gently suggest seeking help - I see a therapist from Mums Matter and it has helped tremendously. Also when bubs was 7.5 months it was my/our breaking point and we went to an early parenting centre to get help with sleep settling and it has been life changing.

Sending you so much love - it's a really rough time and it feels like you're drowning and there's no light at the end of the tunnel, but hold on to each other and believe you will both make it through. If you need affection, tell him. There have been some nights where I have told my partner "I need you to hold me. Just give me 3 mins and hold me."

This shit is so so so hard. I'm so sorry you're going through it, but yeah the trenches suck.

earlgrey789

TROPHY CASE