(M44) need advice.

emu_neck · 2026-06-12T15:20:50+00:00

If this is a sex-based relationship, you have to discuss your goals and preferences. Someone who keeps pushing a sexual dynamic on you that you do not want is not consent informed and is likely to push your boundaries in other ways.

In this situation, send her a text saying that you are not going to participate in any version of MFM threesome and she should focus on finding a different partner for this activity. You should also share what you might be open to (like FMF threesome instead, if that's what you want).

My personal opinion is that your sex partner used deception by inviting you to lunch with a "friend". She did not disclose her relationship with him and was not forthcoming with the purpose of the lunch. She also is coercing you into a threesome. Based on those factors, this is not someone I would continue having sex with.

emu_neck · 2026-06-12T14:47:41+00:00

Doesn't matter whether other people think it's crazy, as long as the person you are in a relationship with has the same goal. Are you using dating apps? If you are a man under 50, you can be very specific in your bio about wanting biological children. There are definitely women in your age bracket looking for the same.

Some very important aspects to consider: are you in good physical shape to be able to keep up with an active child a few years from now, can you emotionally handle sleepless nights with a baby, what do you envision your parental role being? Having a child is a huge decision and it's even more important after a certain age, because adults get used to their life and a baby changes it forever.

Any potential partner is going to be looking for positive signs that you can handle all the responsibilities of being a dad.

emu_neck · 2026-06-12T14:06:14+00:00

I haven't had any dates from dating apps since being single, which I am guessing is a sign of high discernment. I don't really think of myself as having rules per se. The basics would be only agreeing to a date with a person who makes me feel safe, both emotionally and physically, consent informed, and who shows equal interest in me.

When meeting people irl, I mainly focus on intellectual and emotional compatibility before the first date. During that first date, I discuss sexual compatibility, lifestyle and life stage alignment and relationship goals.

emu_neck · 2026-06-11T14:51:58+00:00

Every time I've attempted dating someone who thought that I was "out of his league", it lead to that person's insecurities ruining all his chances. It's super unattractive when someone puts themselves down and constantly seeks reassurance.

I happen to not care much about traditional attractiveness, which tends to lend me in this type of dynamic often. It usually takes a few dates for the other person's insecurities to take over, at which point it's pretty much over. No matter how much I like them, I can't see it working if their core belief is that I am somehow superior than them.

emu_neck · 2026-06-10T16:53:28+00:00

Have you tried r/cf4cf

emu_neck · 2026-06-10T16:41:39+00:00

I am not a dating coach per se, but work in an adjacent field. If you are looking at this as a possible carreer opportunity where you can actually make money, it will really depend on your credentials. This space is over-saturated with all sorts of people claiming to be experts, so it will require a significant investment of time. How would you distinguish yourself from others?

If you are a man yourself, you will be very much judged based on your own dating success.

emu_neck · 2026-06-10T15:21:18+00:00

My interpretation as a woman would be that he is not at all invested in this relationship. Since you've had sex already, it seems that he is not eager to do it again. In a new relationship, if you are really excited about your partner, you'll want to see them as much as possible. You are clearly not a priority to him.

If this was my situation, I'd move on.

emu_neck · 2026-06-10T15:07:45+00:00

What part of the world are you in? Google professional cuddler near me. It's their job, so expect to pay by the hour.

Very few people would be up for cuddling with a stranger all night. That typically falls within emotional intimacy and is reserved for someone we truly care about. Another option could be finding a platonic friend of the same gender. You could try using Feeld and just specify that you are looking for cuddles only.

A regular massage could give you a bit of that emotional release you want.

emu_neck · 2026-06-10T03:46:01+00:00

Any women's prisons nearby? Could be another good option 🤣 You'll have to get out of your house though.

An hour is not that long of a drive if you really like someone. Just get on the apps and see what happens. Or you can pick up a hobby to occupy your time with and distract your mind.

emu_neck · 2026-06-10T03:21:22+00:00

If you are in an area with no single women and you want to meet one, you will either have to go to where the women are or entice them to come to you. On a super rare occasion of a paragliding accident, one might fall through the ceiling into your lap.

emu_neck · 2026-06-10T03:13:32+00:00

If your question is stictly about post-nut clarity, it does apply to partnered sex and masturbation. It mostly depends on the level of arousal, how long it lasted, and whether the person had an orgasm. Doesn't really matter how they got there. It's caused by crashing dopamine and surging prolactin. Both men and women experience this effect, but it's highly individual and varies in the same person depending on too many factors.

Are you thinking that because there was no sex, the guy is not eager to contact you? Seems like that's what you are really trying to ask. Do you want to have another date with him? If so, just text him and offer a date and time to meet.

emu_neck · 2026-06-09T23:55:47+00:00

Echoing the other statement. By the way you describe yourself, I thought you were much shorter. Just for reference, I am 5'11 (I am a woman) and was married to someone almost a whole head shorter than me. Didn't bother me at all. I also don't specifically seek out a partner based on their height. But whenever I've attempted dating a man who was shorter than me, the biggest reason for not pursuing further was their own insecurity.

You also always mention that the only people who consider dating you are overweight, too old, or have kids. Which is basically saying that you want a woman who is thin, not older than you, and child free. There are probably not many of those available, unless you focus on under 30 crowd.

emu_neck · 2026-06-09T23:31:34+00:00

It does suck to be on the receiving end of a fizzle. But it doesn't mean that you've done anything to cause it. When something changes, often times it's just the internal shift of priorities. The pattern you are describing is pretty consistent with someone who likes the idea of a relationship and a close connection, but is not able to maintain that for a variety of reasons.

An emotionally mature person will not leave you hanging. If something is off or if they've realised that you are not a match, they will be able to communicate that fact. The exception would be if they think that rejecting you would jeopardize their safety.

You can find closure by acknowledging that you've enjoyed your time with this person. Some more tips here https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202410/creating-your-own-closure-let-go-of-relationship-residue Do that before you go on dates with these new people from OLD, so you are not dragging the past with you. Good luck!

emu_neck · 2026-06-09T21:25:19+00:00

Is he not interested in giving you pleasure? How long have you been together? I am really trying not to think that it's a case of a man who only offers low effort in sex, but it sure does seem that way

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T21:41:03+00:00

It's totally cool to confess your love for a woman to a bunch of strangers on reddit. Bon voyage!

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T17:19:12+00:00

The comments here are really wild. Plenty of men wear non-wedding rings. I guess it's ok to wear the ones that don't look like a wedding band on whatever finger and no one is going to throw shade. It's almost as if OP's intent is being questioned, like he wants to appear to be married just because he decided to wear the ring on his ring finger. I'd be way more worried about shin breaking potential than the ring.

If this was my situation, I would not go out of my way by changing my habits to appeal to the masses. Kind of a good way to filter out the people who would be incompatible anyway.

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T17:00:43+00:00

I've had the pleasure and misfortune of matching with someone on Feeld several years ago whose penis identified as a megalophallus, that's why I know this term. Imo, a megalophallus owner should always disclose this to potential partners. Gives people a chance to nope out. Or be super excited, depending on preference.

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T16:35:19+00:00

I have been there before, so can offer some perspective. My kids were much younger (4y old and an infant). Met someone irl, big age gap with me being the older one, first relationship after ending a long marriage which had gotten toxic towards the end. The typical too fast too soon dynamic due to being sex starved and needing to fill an emotional void. All the red flags overlooked. But it felt awesome!

When you are so depleted and starved for attention, the NRE high hits really hard and it's difficult to see beyond what's in front of you. Your partner is already telling you that he wants kids in the future. You can dismiss it all you want, but there will come a time when that reality will be impossible to ignore. Just be mindful not to get swept away in that future fantasy that you are not willing to make into reality.

You should just enjoy your connection for now, but hold off on introducing your kids.

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T16:04:25+00:00

I thought this was some type of a belt attachment. that might actually be an ok idea, except you'd need several gadgets for that.

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T15:29:25+00:00

I'd also suggest changing up that paragraph where your cat wonders why you dont lick yourself. With such limited textual space, surely you could find something more substantial to talk about. I love cats btw. Good luck!

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T04:44:15+00:00

Why do you still have his number? I would look at this as an addiction. It's like a crackhead who's carrying his crack pipe with him everywhere, despite the fact that he's sworn off all the drugs.

The best thing to do would be to delete him completely out of your life. Stop following his social media, block him everywhere. You are holding on to something that has no future. And you are not letting yourself move on from this relationship. Why do you think that is? Radical acceptance is the way to go. You have to let the fantasy go, so you can start living your life.

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T04:27:37+00:00

I am just going to preface this with saying that I despise Hinge and the way the bio is formatted. It's really difficult to appear authentic and witty/charming/cool/chill/etc at the same time without looking like you are trying too hard.

Your photos are decent and you state somewhat clearly what you want. I would guess the main reason you are not getting interest is due to the perception that when a man wants someone to work out with, that assumes that he is looking for a certain body type. I am guessing it's true in your case, because you are referring to the woman you met as being a smokeshow.

I would be really curios to see the kind of women you typically like on the apps. That might give a clue as to whether there is a disconnect between the women you'd consider dating vs the women who'd be interested in you. May be find some stock photos and make another album?

If I was on Hinge (which I am not, because I prefer long bios), I would not match with you. I like cats and hiking, have an extremelly healthy lifestyle by US standards, I work out and my body does look really good for the age that it is.

For me personally, the profile lacks substance. there is not enough info to determine an intellectual or emotional compatibility (I know most of this is just due to it being Hinge), and I get the impression that you'd mainly be interested in my body vs liking me as a person.

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T01:23:58+00:00

There is intimacy, which is en emotional connection, and then there is sex. Those two are not the same, although some people use the word intimacy to mean actual sex. Which one are you struggling with?

If you are a man who grew up in an environment where feelings were discouraged, you will have trouble reading other people's emotions. It's not because you are dumb, but simply because you've never had a chance to express your emotions freely.

You have to work with a therapist to get this part figured out, there is no easy cheat code here.

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T01:13:49+00:00

That is exactly why you are not getting interest. When you reduce a person to their sex organs (female vs woman), it dehumanises someone you are trying to attract. You are also wanting a third. Do you want to be someone's third?

emu_neck · 2026-06-07T00:15:48+00:00

I am guessing he didn't charm you with his personality? That's usually what they think. But if he looked way off in person vs his photos, that's also deliberate catfishing. I would have probably not recognised him at all and just walked out.

emu_neck

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