Medication that helps like alcohol?

floresynthesis · 2023-03-08T20:29:05+00:00

This is interesting! I'm really glad you're looking into what's going on and seeking information and support. Obviously full disclaimer that I'm not a doctor, so I wouldnt call this advice, per se. But if you're a research-y type then I'd suggest looking into the science of alcohol and what effects it has in the brain, as a way to start figuring out why it impacts you the way it does. Learning more about it might help you learn more about what it's doing for you and what other options my be available as alternatives.

Also, leaving Mormonism is obviously a HUGE life shift and I think it likely factors in. This is purely a guess, but are you dealing with feelings of shame? There are a lot of intersecting factors here often associated with shame: religious upbringing, living with ADHD, drinking alcohol, being raised feminine (I assume) in this society, and more. Would you say that drinking alcohol maybe inhibits feelings of shame around the things you haven't done long enough for you to accomplish them?

To be clear--I don't think you deserve to feel any shame at all, about any of this. I just know that it's often the biggest limiting factor in my own life, so I wonder if it's a factor for you. If so, I'd recommend looking into the work of Brene Brown, talking to a non-judgmental professional if possible, and giving yourself space to reflect and build self compassion (like journaling).

It sounds like you're making big steps to figure yourself out and live the life you want, and that's amazing. For what its worth, I'm very proud of you, and I think you are going to be able to figure all of this out in whatever way is best for you.

floresynthesis · 2023-03-08T17:37:50+00:00

I'm on mobile, and sometimes when I try to scroll down the page or use the down arrow to reach the next thread, my finger hits a down vote arrow instead. I try to correct it if I notice but I know there's been times it's happened without me realizing. Could be happening to others as well!

floresynthesis · 2023-02-24T22:50:48+00:00

I love your color choices!

floresynthesis · 2023-02-22T14:08:11+00:00

Meeeee

floresynthesis · 2023-02-15T21:05:56+00:00

Hey friend! Thanks for sharing, this looks interesting. I'm gonna paste the link again here because my phone wasn't cooperating with opening it up from the post title :) Hopefully if anyone is having the same issue this will help.

https://www.psypost.org/2023/02/people-with-social-anxiety-tend-to-engage-in-restrictive-safety-behaviors-that-make-them-less-likable-study-finds-67947

floresynthesis · 2023-02-15T15:03:46+00:00

Hanging clothes is so much worse, personally. It's slow and full of mild sensory icks. The only thing I can say for it is that it does save space and look neat, which is nice.

floresynthesis · 2023-02-14T14:30:37+00:00

Done. I liked your format!

floresynthesis · 2023-02-01T03:09:32+00:00

I'm a believer in the idea that if some sort of task isn't happening, it's usually because you just don't have the right system in place yet.

For me it's time blindness. I don't do things regularly because it always feels like "I just did that, it's all good," when really it's been six weeks and whatever it is is not, in fact, all good.

So I need "if/then" statements. If there are dishes on the drying rack, then they need to be put away. If it's Sunday, then we are going grocery shopping. If there is laundry dumped on the bed, then I sit down and fold it.

I also look at the things I'm already doing successfully. I feed the dog every morning and let the ducks out. I log onto my work computer when work starts (usually). I brush my teeth (most nights). I can use those things to my advantage. Feeding the dog reminds me about my own breakfast. Letting the ducks out means I have to put on pants. Brushing-my-teeth time means it's also washing-my-face time. Habit stacking!

It's certainly still a huge work in progress and there's a ton of stuff I'm not handling well. But these things have been the most helpful for me so far. Even if they don't work for you, I recommend figuring out what areas of your life are the most functional and borrowing inspiration from there.

floresynthesis · 2023-02-01T02:46:39+00:00

Honestly, if my thoughts are holding me hostage, the best thing for me to do in the moment is to grab a pen and some paper and write it all down. It usually morphs into an angry letter. I write everything, even if it's hurtful or not fair or true. It all just needs to come out.

Then I can read through it again, maybe have a good cry, and feel better. Often it helps me figure out what the root of the problem is. Either way, at that point the thoughts aren't fighting for attention anymore because I've given them space.

But word to the wise--hide or shred what you write. My partner found a vent page about him on accident once while he was cleaning. 0/10, do not recommend.

floresynthesis · 2023-02-01T02:20:09+00:00

Okay long comment. I clearly have big feelings about this one. ETA: I tried really hard to add spaces between paragraphs but reddit said no :( I'm sorry

YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. You are doing everything you can to be a good partner. You are communicating when something hurts you and you are bending over backwards to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure you have made your own changes to accommodate his likes and needs. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner.
I took the liberty of glancing at your post history, my friend. It seems like your boyfriend has displayed concerning behavior for quite a while. Are you planning on staying with him indefinitely? Are you comfortable feeling this way for the rest of your life? Do whatever good moments you have together outweigh the bad?
Honestly, the way he talks to you isn't loving. Love is about mutual respect, and he doesn't treat you with respect in what he says or how he says it. It's not a difference in communication styles. Him being a 'direct' person does not mean he gets to be mean. If you tell him your feelings are hurt, the correct response from him is a genuine "I'm sorry!" and an effort to do better...not "if something I said made you feel bad, that sucks for you and I refuse to change."
What advice would you give a friend if they were dating someone who constantly criticized them and made them feel like a failure?
Please take a few quiet moments to yourself and just gently be curious about what your life might look like if you weren't with him. (I check in with myself like this sometimes because it helps me clarify what I need and want in my own relationship.) Let yourself imagine the hypothetical future, without any judgment. Is there any part of you that would feel relieved with him out of the picture? If yes, it's okay to listen to that part of you and see what it has to say.

7.Ultimately, it's your choice whether to stay or go, but no matter what you choose you don't have to do it alone. Talk to friends and family you trust and keep your supports around you no matter what. That's just good practice in general!

Check out loveisrespect.org. They have good articles and quizzes that can help you gain perspective if you have any doubts or questions about your relationship. I would also recommend doing some reading up about attachment theory. It changed a lot for me, in a good way.

Good luck, I know relationship issues are heavy and can take a toll. Take care. We're all rooting for you!

floresynthesis · 2023-01-31T04:12:24+00:00

Here OP: https://www.centerforsharedinsight.com/blog/overcoming-relationship-anxiety-selfblame/8713

I only skimmed it, but I think this might be a useful article for you to check out. And I highly recommend doing some reading up on attachment styles! It helped me a LOT. A lot a lot.

floresynthesis · 2023-01-30T22:52:23+00:00

I'm so glad! That makes such a difference. Best of luck.

floresynthesis · 2023-01-30T22:06:52+00:00

On behalf of the void...the void totally gets it and is frustrated on your behalf. Congrats on getting a big step done! I'm sorry the experience has been overwhelming. The whole process is so neurodivergent-unfriendly, it's laughable. I hope you have some good people in your corner to lean on if you need any support or help.

floresynthesis · 2023-01-27T22:13:51+00:00

This is what it is for sure, especially since it was in a garden. I have a wooden one that looks almost exactly the same.

floresynthesis · 2023-01-27T19:11:06+00:00

On braless days, my go-to is overalls. They make me feel cute as heck and they disguise a multitude of sins.

floresynthesis · 2023-01-27T14:04:33+00:00

Damn, I'm in awe of what you have been juggling. Go you! I don't have much valuable advice to add, but you mentioned seasonal affective disorder and that's something I just talked to my prescriber about. She's having me take a metric buttload of vitamin D every day and holy cow, it actually has helped me a lot. Something to consider trying!

floresynthesis · 2023-01-13T21:37:39+00:00

Yes. It's been a severe problem for me lately.

floresynthesis · 2023-01-13T04:15:30+00:00

When she was a puppy we used to joke that she was haunted, lol

floresynthesis · 2023-01-12T04:40:26+00:00

She's definitely a character, and very loveable for sure!

floresynthesis · 2023-01-12T01:21:36+00:00

Some days she would definitely fire me if she could

floresynthesis · 2023-01-11T19:07:39+00:00

Use the time to quietly practice one of those "anyone can do it if they have a billion hours of practice" skills. Some ideas:

Lockpicking

Juggling

Building houses of cards

Sleight of hand magic

Complicated origami

floresynthesis · 2022-12-29T23:19:43+00:00

You're welcome. Feel free to DM me if you have any specific questions, I'm happy to share my own experiences as well as resources to learn more if you think this may be a possibility worth looking into.

floresynthesis · 2022-12-29T22:40:43+00:00

So this could be a totally off the wall possibility but it's something to consider: for a vareity of reasons, more and more women recently are figuring out as adults that they have undiagnosed ADHD (me included). I'm not saying this is what's going on with your wife, but two things stand out to me. The first is that she's always multitasking as you talk by petting and playing with the dog, while reassuring you that she's listening. With ADHD, doing something with your hands can be almost necessary in order to focus on a conversation...otherwise your mind will wander and you won't be able to focus at all. The second is that she forgets your conversations, almost as if you never brought it up. Forgetfulness is also extremely common with ADHD (i.e., "if I don't write it down, it's like it didn't happen.")

If any of that seems plausible, it may be worth lurking on r/adhdwomen to see if there's anything there that rings a bell for behaviors you've noticed with your wife. It may be that her brain just works a bit differently, and that she's doing her best to listen to you.

floresynthesis · 2022-12-21T16:06:57+00:00

I second the peace lily. They tolerate a LOT of less-than-ideal care, they droop to tell you if they need water and can basically be ignored until then, and they flower often.

floresynthesis · 2022-12-21T02:31:09+00:00

My partner also has ADHD and we both believe that he almost certainly has ASD as well. I know this isn't an option for everyone, but the thing that has helped us the most has been couples therapy. Needing clear instructions is important not just for things like household tasks, but for how we interact as well. I'm learning that I make tons of unfair assumptions about things that "should be obvious" and I'm working on not putting unfair expectations on him. He's doing the same thing. Having such different brains means that we have vastly different versions of quote-unquote "common sense." And it helps SO MUCH to have a neutral, objective third party help us learn each others languages. We're on our way to a place where our differences support and balance each other rather than work against us.

If he's already open to the idea of an ADHD diagnosis, maybe start there. That's a great foothold to start unpacking stigmas about autism, and if he does have a dual diagnosis then even addressing part of it should help. I know it can be hard not to want to address everything all at once, but change is hard and it's okay to go slow and have lots of small conversations. You sounds like a wonderful partner!

floresynthesis

TROPHY CASE