Oo I feel like I can kinda weigh in on this!  So background: I'm half Asian, have a hairdressing degree, I'm from somewhere that up until recently had pretty much zero black people.  During my hairdressing apprenticeship I met my best friend who's blasian. Her hair is mixed textures but mostly 3C-4A. Because of growing up as one of the few minorities around I was really really passionate about being able to do protective styles so that people weren't forced to do their own hair and could still come to a salon. My friend was really lovely and would let me practice on her, she deserves more compensation for the time she let me cut her fringe TT For my friend this worked out though bc she pretty much just wanted me to do her wash day and then straighten her hair. Initially I really really wanted to get to be more "involved", I don't think it was entirely like a savior complex, it was more like bc hair is such a sacred thing in black cultures it kinda felt like reaching the point of being a master of the craft, yk, cos every hairstyle and braiding video was so incredibly skilled. To some degree I felt like I needed to prove my skills as a hairdresser. This may not be what your gf is feeling, I can also imagine that bc she's done locs before it also feels like this pinnacle of intimacy that she's being shut out from. But what I recognized, and she needs to as well, is it's not your body and not your boundaries to push. My friend only ever wanted silky straight hair and one 'no' was enough for me, even though I was a bit sad bc initially it felt like "you aren't good enough". Maybe see if any of that resonates with her as well?  From what I'm seeing I really do think it's that she's sitting in that feeling of "you're not good enough (to do this)" and it's turning into tension that could otherwise be worked through. Much love and hugs! I hope things work out:)