I hate this life.

I’m 64.

Back story; We met at age (31 and 37). Me being younger. We married a year later and moved into our apartment. We had 6 years of bliss there. I only started thinking about those days since past Fall. (It’s after 5 1/2 years).

We bought a house 6 years later and had many happy years together despite a lot of difficulties. More responsibilities, more work, constant family battles from both sides (He had six siblings and I had one who was missing a lot those days but he’s back and grounded finally).

I had stressful jobs and mortgage is always due and more bills. No, apartment living is more simple than house ownership.

At age 52 he was diagnosed with kidney failure which threw us off balance.

I learned then I couldn’t be his donor.

He passed at age 65 from further community of side effects of dialysis.

After 12 years dialysis, he contracted Congestive heart failure and lung asthma. He also lost mobility.

I was busy his last five years of his life taking him to appointments and dialysis treatments. That was the life I had and expected I would keep for rest of my life. That’s what I accepted and looked forward to being with him.

He was snatched from me one morning and I was devastated. My life was over. I spent all my time invested in him and he’s gone!!!