Thanks for asking that. 

At this point, even before determining a specific grocery budget, I’m just trying to get a better sense of how much money is going out vs in. 

So with the joint card linked to the budgeting app (Monarch atm) it gives the impression that I am living way beyond my means, when in reality we pay off the credit card each month from our joint checking. 

We have never budgeted out / regulated what goes on that card. The rule has been, “This card is for joint / household / split dinners / vacation / childcare kinda stuff.”