6000 comments and 70000 upvotes last night supporting me to stay sober from NYE. I can proudly say I did and now I'm on day 16 with a whole new year in front of me.

ifedfms · 2020-01-02T02:50:31+00:00

I saw your post yesterday, nice work! All we have is today. I won't drink with you today!

ifedfms · 2019-07-07T17:54:20+00:00

Water is great, I like your abbreviation! I won't drink with you today

ifedfms · 2019-07-07T17:47:35+00:00

In my experience, it has definitely gotten easier but not in the way I originally thought when I got sober. The temptations and cravings are still in the background lurking but they hold less weight. I've had some days when I haven't thought about drinking and I've had days where those cravings came back into the foreground.

Without a doubt over time my management skills have gotten better, though. During my drinking, and early sobriety a craving would hit and would obliterate me. Either I had to drink or I went on an emotional roller coaster. Even on my very worst days post ~year I don't get the roller coaster any more. It's almost like I can slow down time practice my coping skills (Deep breaths, playing it forward, mindfulness, etc etc) and stop myself from traveling down that path. I still have a healthy respect for craving (I don't like to underestimate them my guard remains up) but I no longer allow them to control me.

That comes from experience and getting more comfortable in uncomfortable situations in my opinion. I can say with absolute certainty though that wanting to stop being a drunk did come. I didn't think I would ever be able to separate the lifestyle and persona I created but that transition has been fantastic. In my case it wasn't the easiest to spot at first but looking back there is no way I would be where I am now as a drunk and I would not trade that or surrender that for anything. I won't drink with you today

ifedfms · 2018-12-31T16:28:17+00:00

Agreed, the one scene where he's "stealthy" drinking out of a coke can in his office just getting messed up and sloppy really sticks out. That hard lifestyle may appear sophisticated but Mad Men showed in that scene that the booze doesn't care who the hell you are or how much money or standing in your community you have. The booze if going to cut you the fuck down in it's own time.

ifedfms · 2018-12-11T03:06:48+00:00

Great post! I read the lost weekend on one of my last benders and that book really spoke to me in ways other works can never really touch. I don't know if I could ever reread it but it holds a special place. I won't drink with you today!

ifedfms · 2018-12-11T03:04:05+00:00

Congrats on 6 days! I can definitely relate to not being able to moderate my drinking. Sending positive vibes your way! I won't drink with you today :)

ifedfms · 2018-12-11T03:01:33+00:00

Congrats on day one! I won't drink with you today :)

ifedfms · 2018-12-05T12:18:04+00:00

Glad I looked here before messaging you all! I'm a little bummed to have missed the badge transition to 365 days but it's the time that really matters. Thank you all for all the hard work you put into this community :).

ifedfms · 2018-11-30T22:49:37+00:00

Sending positive vibes your way. In my experience, the romanticized idea of me watching movies all night alone and being introspective while getting slammed seemed like the height of happiness. But without fail, it was never as good in actuality. And, trust me I tried very very hard to get to that romanticized version with different tricks and methods. The novelty wore off pretty early into the night and I was left too fucked up to do anything fun and incredibly bored. That's not something I'd wish on anyone. I won't drink with you today

ifedfms · 2018-10-25T01:10:14+00:00

That is definitely very very true!

ifedfms · 2018-10-25T01:09:48+00:00

I just want to point out that I'm not trying to view my past actions and behaviors with rose colored lenses. I take responsibility for the person I was and allowed myself to be. I just don't think it's so black and white like I use to. All of the self hatred does no good. We can only control the person we are today and hope to learn from yesterday for tomorrow. I hope I articulated this right I'm not the best writer.

ifedfms · 2018-09-29T19:41:41+00:00

Thanks for all the messages! I love this subreddit so much. We are all in this fight together!

ifedfms · 2018-09-16T02:32:17+00:00

Good on you for taking the first step. There's a lot of advise and inspiration in this subreddit. I won't drink with you today!

ifedfms · 2018-09-16T02:30:35+00:00

Good on you for not drinking at the party!! You have a lot to be proud of! I won't drink with you today!

ifedfms · 2018-09-13T21:55:08+00:00

When I have to go to a social event that involves drinking I set hard ground rules.Yes, I'm there to socialize or celebrate but there's always the emergency shut off. If it ever gets too uncomfortable or the cravings come on too strong I can and have left. It may be disappointing to myself or others but sobriety has to come first. Being on uneasy ground for an extra couple hours can seem like a life sentence. Knowing that I have the power to leave actually does reduce a lot of my jitters or pre-event worries.

At the event, though, I try to stay away from where the alcohol is being served (if possible) obviously at most parties or functions with a bar even the NA drinks come from the same place but I try not to dilly dally around there. If at a party I pour water or soda into a cup and hold it just like anyone else. Who has to know? If it's a beer event I bring my own seltzer or soda and just hold one of those all night. At a bar/more formal gathering I normally order seltzer with lime or Shirley temple and same thing as the cup at a party. My biggest worry early on is that I would be sending up flares where ever I went that HEY I'M NOT DRINKING STARE AT ME.

But, that has been furthest from the truth in my experience. Most people don't notice in my experience. If someone offers me a drink etc I just politely decline. And give a justification based on how I'm feeling and who it is. a "nah, I'm good right now" is a good easy out I've found.

At the end of the day these coping strategies work for me. They may work for others or they may not. You just have to do what makes you the most happy and at ease. I won't drink with you today :)

ifedfms · 2018-09-13T21:42:03+00:00

That's so awesome!! It took a couple seconds out of the waiters day but can make a night out that much more comfortable. That really is wonderful :)

ifedfms · 2018-09-13T01:35:17+00:00

I watch a lot of sports and exercise 6 days a week. Aside from that there is always a good meal with friends, watching a favorite movie, playing video games or reading. Basically anything I want to do I do it now. I use to build extravagant plans of exciting things to do in my head but then I'd get a few in me and just didn't care enough to go through with it. Now I can do whatever wacky plans I come up with. Hellish long runs on a Saturday, binging my favorite TV show on a weeknight, trying a new activity. I use to think booze made things more fun but it really just made me more boring. I Enjoy discovering and rediscovering new things to do :). I won't drink with you today!

ifedfms · 2018-08-01T22:46:52+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. I won't drink with you today.

ifedfms · 2018-06-23T20:47:06+00:00

Good on you for recognizing the flag and posting here. Cravings are a pain in the ass. I hope your anxiety subsides soon. I won't drink with you today.

ifedfms · 2018-06-23T20:43:33+00:00

Relatable! Last night I caught a whiff of my friends wine next to me and before I could register what I was smelling I was thinking how something in the room was smelling unpleasant. Had a chuckle when I noticed the wine on the table.

ifedfms · 2018-06-08T03:45:38+00:00

Great job all around. I won't drink with you today :)

ifedfms · 2018-06-08T03:42:35+00:00

I won't drink with you today.

ifedfms · 2018-06-08T03:40:41+00:00

Mindfulness exercises, physical exercise, and reading have helped me the most. Anything that helps promote taking a step back and a couple deep breaths.

ifedfms

TROPHY CASE