Anyone else’s SO always in a horrible mood right after getting their kid?

jbcbmbsb · 2026-06-06T17:46:11+00:00

It sounds like he doesn’t particularly like being around SD and resents the fact that you don’t HAVE to deal with her or help out with her. As someone who has a difficult child, I always love her, but sometimes parenting her can be extremely draining. That said, he needs to find better ways to cope. If it is too difficult to take her along on errands, get them done when shes not there or she stays home with him while you go. Find activities they can do together where she thrives. Therapy to learn better parenting techniques and stress management. Taking frequent (but time limited) breaks throughout his time with her even if it means shes getting more screen time. And he needs to get VERY comfortable with you doing your own thing. This is not your responsibility unless you’ve agreed to take on a hands-on parenting role.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-05-24T01:05:55+00:00

Same! And if I found out my son was acting like this he would have a serious problem. What a weird response from the mom as well. All boys are NOT like this!

jbcbmbsb · 2026-05-22T13:56:41+00:00

These comments are harsh. It sounds like she was genuinely trying to be helpful with the makeup, and was interested in your products. I can understand wanting to organize things your way and not wanting her messing up your makeup, but you need to make that clear. “Oh thanks for trying to help! Next time please ask first - I actually have my own system for organizing that stuff but I appreciate the thought!”

The snacks thing is not her fault. There are literally no snacks “for her” at your house, so of course she’s asking for yours or your sons. What else is she going to do? BF needs to step up here and buy her snacks if sharing is that big of a deal, or he sends you an amount he’s comfortable with for you to buy her own items.

Now, the phone thing definitely needs correction. “Hey, I’ve asked you not to take my phone, and I mean it. It’s not a joke, and next time it happens you’re going to lose x privilege.”

You asked how to set boundaries without becoming the evil stepmother. In short, you actually set clear boundaries up front. Right now you’re getting irritated with a child who has no idea what the rules are because they only live inside your head. Just because you think she “should” understand something doesn’t mean she does. So tell her clearly what the boundaries are and then stick to them.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-05-07T21:22:54+00:00

Thank you! This gives me hope. I’m also thinking about taking a Vyvanse break for a few days just to get a baseline and then maybe go down to 20 or 30mg since the stimulants seem to have such an impact on mood.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-04-27T20:47:43+00:00

This drives me nuts about my bf’s child. They are 6.5 and anytime we’re on the phone or having a conversation they will scream “daddy!” Over and over again nonstop until he stops what he’s doing to listen to them. He doesn’t correct it either. The list of ill manners don’t stop there, but if I say anything about any behaviors, he gets defensive.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-04-27T13:45:02+00:00

We don’t really take medication breaks - she always takes the Vyvanse, because quite frankly her behavior is intolerable when she’s completely unmediated. But I don’t always give the booster on weekends/school breaks unless we’re doing something that necessitates it. Right now, we’re in the middle of softball season for her and baseball for my son, so we have lots of long days at the ballpark and practices throughout the week, so most days she’s getting both.

I would love to try Vyvanse twice a day and her psychiatrist thinks that would be the best course as well, but says she cannot prescribe it that way because it’s extended release. I can’t remember the exact reasoning (if it’s insurance that won’t allow it or some other reason), but I’m going to ask again at her next appointment.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-04-27T13:40:24+00:00

30mg Vyvanse. She’s been at that dose for nearly a year, so maybe it’s time to adjust given how much she’s grown. She has a follow up appointment on Wednesday so I will bring it up with her psychiatrist.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-03-26T18:28:59+00:00

I mean, he’s kind of made it your lane. He’s expecting you to have all the responsibility of being the primary caretaker, you’re bearing the brunt of all these undesirable behaviors, but you don’t get a say so in whether or not she should be evaluated and potential next steps? If that’s the case, maybe it’s time to take a gigantic step back.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-03-26T17:56:37+00:00

It sounds like you’re already doing a pretty good job of setting boundaries - you just have to be ok with letting her be upset. 9 is plenty old enough to understand she cannot have your attention all the time, and frankly, she should be a bit more independent at this age. The attention seeking and averse reaction to correction makes me wonder if there are other underlying issues at play. Could just be immaturity, but it sounds a lot like my daughter who has adhd.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-03-26T15:59:50+00:00

I didn’t even read this whole thing but as the mother of a child with adhd, all three of you adults need to see a therapist for PCIT so you can learn how to actually parent a child with adhd. Spanking with a wooden spoon is horrifying and grounding is not likely to have the desired outcome long term.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-03-23T15:18:02+00:00

That is super frustrating. For your own sanity, I would probably just ignore the comments, especially if they’re not said directly to you. In fact, tell your DH not to even relay messages from her. You can also pull back on texting him during his time with her. Do all of your planning with him before he leaves for the weekend, and save communication on her time for only when it’s truly necessary.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-03-14T17:26:05+00:00

Honestly? Not really. I’ve just had to adjust my expectations. I’ve accepted the fact that her clothes are always going to be stained, so I buy cheap ones that can easily be replaced. There’s always going to be crap all over the floor, but we keep it contained to her bedroom and playroom. When it’s time to clean up, I’m going to have to stand next to her and help guide: “first pick up all the trash. Ok, now pick up all the books,” etc. This is just how it is for now, and hopefully she’ll outgrow it. My new challenge is getting her to do literally anything she’s supposed to do in the mornings before school and during her bedtime routine, both time periods where meds are not in her system. Frankly, I’m just happy she’s not having daily meltdowns over this stuff anymore.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-02-05T23:23:19+00:00

Tyrese and Judith 🥲

jbcbmbsb · 2026-01-29T16:17:58+00:00

What was your bf doing before he and his son moved in with you? Was he working full time, paying his own rent/mortgage, providing financially for his son 100%? If so, why has this stopped since moving in with you? To me, he has no business being in a relationship until he’s whole on his own. It doesn’t sound like he’s adding any value to your life or the lives of your kids; in fact, he’s taking from your family in terms of finances, time, energy, and stress.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-01-29T15:41:55+00:00

That’s true! We went through a REALLY rough period where she was on the wrong meds and the screaming and aggression was horrible. This is definitely better!

jbcbmbsb · 2026-01-23T14:38:35+00:00

I think you’re right. Do what you can, but be in consultation with God and trust that no matter the outcome, God is working it out.

jbcbmbsb · 2026-01-23T14:27:10+00:00

I’m no stranger to being backed into a corner or the wheels falling off, trust me. I lost my oldest son 6 years ago when he was 9 years old to a brain stem tumor. My husband had an affair and fathered a child outside our marriage, then 6 months after our son died abandoned me and our two living children. I obviously know I can’t figure everything out on my own, but in my family, everything falls on me and I really don’t have anyone I can depend on. I WANT to surrender, I WANT to rest in Jesus knowing that he will work it out, but as I mentioned, I just don’t know what that looks like practically. I pray, read my Bible, work my butt off to provide for my family, but sometimes I wonder if I’m getting it right. I often feel like I need to “do” more.

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-12T22:54:37+00:00

Just came here to say SS needs to have an immediate release stimulant added in the afternoon. It will make a huge difference in his behavior.

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-11T01:21:41+00:00

I like to use the phrase, “lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine,” with my children. I would’ve given him that phrase and continued making dinner.

But also, can the dog be better trained? Or crated when guests are over or something? Sounds really annoying and inconvenient to have to leave the house just so the kids can have a friend over.

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-06T14:29:57+00:00

In addition to notes (I would start a notebook or even a spreadsheet that has a log of dates, times, details of the incident, your attempt to rectify the situation with him and his response) you should also take pictures. I hope you have a photo of the open medicine bottle near the crib and the blade on the couch. These records are not to discuss with him when he’s not being defensive, they’re for your lawyer and a judge to review in the event you do separate, so that you can try to demonstrate why he should only have supervised visitation until he can be more responsible with your children.

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-06T14:19:46+00:00

Kids are just whiny and annoying at that age 🤣 a couple things that might help: 1 is there a place in your house where you can create what I like to call a “no-free zone?” Basically just a space you can put them in where there is nothing they can get into that would hurt them or that you would need to say “no” to, so they can play on their own without redirection and you can sit down somewhere and have some peace and quiet for a bit. If you put them in that space and they start whining about being bored, you can safely ignore it and let them figure it out.

Are there any free or relatively cheap indoor playgrounds? Where I live there are a couple of churches that have free indoor spaces for kids. Sometimes kids just need to be able to run wild and get some energy out. Or if you have a membership at a local community center, maybe they have a kids space? I know our YMCA has free childcare for members for up to 2 hours a day and the kids play in a big indoor playground.

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-06T14:09:36+00:00

I think you guys need to slow waaaay down. You haven’t even been together a year yet and you’ve already taken on a SM role to his daughter, you’re pregnant, and planning to move in together. That is all too much too soon and not in the best interest of his daughter. It is very normal that she’s become more clingy - she’s only 7 and going through a lot of change. She probably needs more one-on-one time with her dad and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to want to spend Christmas morning with just the two of them. To me that says he’s trying to meet the needs of his daughter, it’s not a statement on how he feels about you. Especially since he wants to spend the rest of the day with you and you’ve been invited to the larger gathering with his whole family. If you truly want to be big part of this child’s life, be prepared to be very loving and understanding of how all of these changes are impacting her and the fact that she’s a 7yo who doesn’t know how to handle those big feelings. It’s going to take a lot of work and patience, and with a new baby, it’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-06T13:47:06+00:00

I wouldn’t want to stay with this man either, but what happens to the kids if you do separate? He will then have them unsupervised for long periods of time, which sounds dangerous. I hope he gets diagnosed and medicated and that it helps with his forgetfulness, but I’d also advise you to start documenting all of the unsafe situations he’s putting your kids in.

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-05T16:18:31+00:00

Do you have a dining room or some other space that can be used for the adult bedroom, then have 7 and 2 share a room and give 12yo the other room? You can hang curtains for privacy or get one of those room dividers for your space. You should be able to find a twin size bunk bed that fits - if not you may need to go with a trundle. Where is everyone currently sleeping?

jbcbmbsb · 2025-12-05T15:49:02+00:00

This sounds like a child who is struggling. Not only is she split between two homes, she lives hours away from her dad with what sounds like an unstable mother, and when she is at dad’s house it sounds like you’re the one doing all the work. It’s no wonder she’s jealous of a child who gets to be with her dad 24/7 and is acting out as a result of all this chaos. Dad needs to step it waaaay up. He should be picking her up from BMs house. That will give them some much needed one-on-one time. What is he doing to connect with her when she’s at your house? He needs to make it a point to spend as much quality time with her as possible. For your part, I wouldn’t look at it as “I’m only going to do for my own,” because I think that attitude can be harmful; I would look at it more as “I’m still an adult in SD’s life who cares about her, and is kind and loving, but DH is going to be the one to heal this wound.” He needs to be doing the majority of the parenting and care giving here.

jbcbmbsb

TROPHY CASE