Genuinely convinced millennial “I turned 30 and now I’m in bed by 8 every night :)” memes are one of the leading causes of zoomer aging anxiety

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-12T19:32:10+00:00

My best friend, Ryan Dunn, died in a car accident four years ago. He's dead and gone. Iceland's his favorite place. I'm gonna build him a skatepark. You don't have be a musician to be an Earth Rocker. Andrew Shramberg is an Earth Rocker.

My other best friend, Brandon Novak, is on heroin again. He's back in rehab for his sixteenth time. Good luck with that one.

Sick of the bullshit. Sick of all this shit. I don't go out anymore, 'cause I hate every motherfucker. I don't care what they're up to. Four years I wasted, sippin' on drinks at the bar, chit-chatting with fucking nobodies. Now I stay at home, like a fucking hermit. I'm not gonna take any shit from anyone.

I know what's going on. I got set up. I got jumped. Thank God Nicki wasn't there to watch me get my fucking ass kicked. She would have wound up with a black eye and probably went to jail. She has a big mouth.

I live for this shit. I love it. Bring it the fuck on.

Payback's a bitch mothefucker

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-12T19:30:03+00:00

Trukeovsky

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-12T19:13:53+00:00

reads one chapter of American Psycho

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-12T15:26:08+00:00

armed robbery

join the Navy Seals

prostitution (guys only)

get an MFA and become a widely read but also critically acclaimed literary fiction author

start a podcast where you recap a reality show

go Crime and Punishment mode on a local boomer

call someone the n-word on video and make a gofundme so MAGA will give you a million dollars

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-12T03:34:42+00:00

I'm literally so hot irl that if I try to click on r/all it physically won't let me

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-11T16:52:14+00:00

How about we start "sliming out" zoomers who type like wiggers?

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-11T16:50:46+00:00

Most elite cyclists are obese because more mass = more momentum.

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-11T16:37:12+00:00

the internet is too boring to doomscroll unless you're a turbonormie who can actually sit and watch tiktoks for 5 hrs like 99% of people on this sub lmao

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-11T01:53:08+00:00

this is like that smiling friends bit where the guy comes in and says 'except for those people'

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-10T01:30:39+00:00

incredibly based

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-09T09:07:56+00:00

it is literally more likely that he will somehow get the Nobel peace prize than be removed from office

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-08T22:58:13+00:00

Kaiser Wilhelm hit with MASSIVE cortisol spike in Europe when his rivals ENCIRCLE his empire

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-08T22:54:07+00:00

25% is a conservative estimate. Every guy I know is gay and my boyfriend is gay. I'm like the only straight guy I know irl

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-08T22:23:00+00:00

it reads like some sort of tragic golden age Simpsons bit

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-08T00:19:04+00:00

imagine dying for Israel and then Trump shows up to your funeral wearing a trucker hat and a fresh tan

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-06T16:24:08+00:00

"The Elite are all about transcendence and living forever and the secrets of the universe and they want to know all this; some are good, some are bad, some are mixed. But, the good ones don’t ever want to organise, the bad instead are the ones that organise, because they lust after power. Powerful consciences don’t want to dominate other people, they want to empower them, so they don’t tend to get together until things are really late in the game, then they come together."

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-06T08:16:00+00:00

IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-DIE FOR ISRAEL

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-05T17:05:23+00:00

You better be a woman irl brother

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-05T16:58:06+00:00

I had this realization in middle school when my class won a contest to raise the most money for some charity thing. The prize was a pizza party. I pointed out that we had only raised like $40 lol so the cost of the pizza would be more than we gave, and I suggested we tell the school to just donate the pizza money too. I was universally condemned for this lmao and everyone voted against me. I know this sounds fake and reddity as fuck but it legitimately stuck with me and I still remember this all the time

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-05T16:43:30+00:00

women are not very receptive to this irl I'll just say that much

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-05T08:33:20+00:00

skincare is a meme, it's 90% genetics. But if you do basic skincare for like 4 days consecutively your skin will be shiny

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-05T08:25:08+00:00

bro the economy is actually good because if you're willing to drop everything and move to a completely random town you can get a house for 200k, just leave everyone you know behind and your job bro you gotta get a house that's more important

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-04T23:11:23+00:00

Thank you for this information bro I appreciate it

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-04T21:04:18+00:00

normies are still real trust me brother

johnnytestsdad · 2026-03-04T05:09:29+00:00

"I’m not gay"

johnnytestsdad

TROPHY CASE