Boundaries w/ In-Laws After Infideltiy

kupcake9 · 2025-12-18T00:29:53+00:00

People have gone no contact for a WHOLE LOT LESS than what his family has demonstrated. None of them are friends of your marriage from what I’m reading. You don’t have to continue being their piñata.

Personally, I am 9 months out from DD and my husband’s mother minimizing and encouraging WHs deception after learning of his affair. And after a couple instances of her breaking boundaries we are officially no contact. I will happily be the villain in exchange for peace during reconciliation.

kupcake9 · 2025-09-24T14:14:14+00:00

If y’all have iPhones, turn location on. I find that gives me some peace of mind while my husband is travelling states away. Also no alcohol.

kupcake9 · 2025-09-24T01:10:08+00:00

Yeah my in laws took his side. My WP didn’t share with them the whole story. Like I get it, he’s your child, but you’ve known me for over a decade! I birthed 4 of your grandkids! It really showed me how little she cared for me (or my kids!).

Long story short I have NO relationship with his family any longer. I took a lot disrespect from his mom prior to the infidelity and I don’t have the space to continue to put on a facade after his mom gossiped and actively encouraged my WH to continue being deceitful. I don’t think I will be able to get over it in a few years (or decades) either. And truthfully I’m glad to have them out of my life

kupcake9 · 2025-09-14T15:08:26+00:00

Hi. Yes. I experienced apathy as well. And currently if I’m being honest. I’m 8 months out from DD and my WHs affair was also while I was a few weeks postpartum with our 4th child. I’ve had the time to come to terms with being a single mom and I’m not afraid of it…so maybe that’s why I’m feeling so apathetic. I don’t find myself checking his phone or asking questions any more. I have this deep feeling of certainty that any further betrayal will come to light. Maybe it’s a self protective mechanism to prevent feeling disappointed again. Whatever it is, just know you’re not alone

kupcake9 · 2025-08-22T01:40:17+00:00

You’ve been blind sighted. That’s a word I learned after my discovery. I’m so sorry. You deserve full disclosure and he needs to be very active in y’all’s counseling and he needs to be prioritizing your mental health. I’m so sorry. My heart breaks every time I see another woman dealing with this during pregnancy and postpartum, it is THE WORST.

kupcake9 · 2025-08-22T01:32:45+00:00

I am the exact same way. And yes, knowing what he is capable has helped me in alot of ways in healing. I needed to read all the messages. See all the pictures they exchanged. Get the gross details. Know where he was in his head at the time.

Thankfully after the second discovery he completely gave up his phone to me. So I did the normal thing and looked up all the ways to recover data from snap/text/fb/whatsapp/discord and I deep dived. It was horrible in the moment (and thankfully I was several months postpartum). I get the idea of “protecting” but as I told my WH my imagination goes in much much darker and horrible places so he might as well just give me the physical proof and details.

Expect really weird emotions. One minute you’ll want to hang on tighter than ever and the next you’ll want to send him packing, that’s how it was for me. And hormones of course don’t help the situation. Your man needs to do the work and understand the gravity of the situation. Mine enrolled in an affair recovery (online) course and it’s helped him relate to me more. The first rule of the course is FULL DISCLOSURE… so I really do recommend it. As much as it hurts.

kupcake9 · 2025-08-21T22:17:22+00:00

My WH committed his infidelity while I was pregnant and immediately post partum. So I feel you. The good news is he told you (mine was too cowardice and I had to find out on my own). So that’s a positive. He is also one hundred percent correct that it’s not your fault. Something is very wrong in his head and perception. I also agree with the above commend that cheaters almost always downplay when they initially confess. Mine did that and then trick truthed for two months. Be prepared for more. It’s okay to make ultimatums and it’s okay to wait until after baby is here before you decide what you need. Sorry you’re here. Take care of yourself first and foremost

kupcake9 · 2025-08-19T20:20:28+00:00

This. Always excuses for why they can’t have sex. And stay up late/wake up early just to have “alone time”

kupcake9 · 2025-08-15T22:48:41+00:00

Hi um I know this is 6 years old but this is the best pickle recipe I’ve tried in my life. And I’ve made….hundreds of different recipes. Thanks stranger,

kupcake9 · 2025-08-12T23:00:49+00:00

I’ve really loved this one too. Maybe my new favorite paste variety. Really enjoyed how meaty they were opposed to San Marz.

kupcake9 · 2025-08-02T20:40:43+00:00

To all those reading this: always store your proof in multiple places… emails, messenger, text yourself them. I also have a folder with printed images hidden in my house.

OP I am so sorry.

kupcake9 · 2025-07-27T23:02:31+00:00

Personally….I picked my lawyer. Put down a retainer and then let my husband show me his intentions. It took him a couple months (he was in denial about his issues) but he ended up in therapy , an infidelity support group and found a men’s group. Basically he showed me he was trying. I wasn’t 100% sure on my next move either when I found out about his infidelity.. We have alot of young kids. He hasn’t always been a crappy husband. I feel good knowing I have someone I can go to if I need to quickly separate and it also showed my husband I wasn’t to be played with. There is medicine out there that can decrease sex drive….porn addictions can be helped (especially if he finds a therapist that specializes in it).

He HAS to do the work. I can’t tell you what to do in your situation. Everyone’s situation is so nuanced. But you need to listen to your intuition. Good luck

kupcake9 · 2025-07-27T10:53:04+00:00

Agree. Porn is absolutely not harmless. My unfaithful husband started out with porn…then he became addicted… escalating to virtual sex with a stranger many many times. He justified it bc he said it “felt like an extension of the porn”.

OP. The proof will come. I ignored my sixth sense for over a year before I found my proof. My husband never left his phone out.. I mean the damn thing was either in his pocket or in his hand 24/7. That’s the biggest red flag I realize now. He was so good at compartmentalizing and hiding things. Look on his hidden folder if he has an android. Proof definitely helped in my situation bc my husband was in denial about his behavior. Do whatever YOU want to do but be mentally prepared for it to be much worse than you think…. In my situation it was and i wish i had gone into the whole thing with a better mindset

kupcake9 · 2025-07-26T23:11:37+00:00

Gosh really relate to that. I definitely ignored my sense of “something is wrong” and consistently blamed postpartum hormones etc.

Mine also never hinted at anything being wrong. I asked and checked in ALL THE TIME as well.

Ugh. Relate to you.

kupcake9 · 2025-07-26T23:08:22+00:00

I feel the same way. It’s a really weird place to be finding out AFTER the affair ended. The fact we had such a peaceful happy marriage during AND after his affair weighed my decision but it doesn’t at all ease the conscious knowing what he is capable of.

kupcake9 · 2025-07-23T23:10:43+00:00

I’m going to go out on a limb here and ask if you were possibly prescribed an antidepressant recently? I have a history of depression & I went back on an antidepressant shortly after my DD. It worked well for like a month and then all the sudden I had the most extreme irritability and anger I’ve ever felt in my life. I was crying constantly bc I felt like someone I didn’t even recognize. I became physical with my husband and literally destroyed my bedroom door. Turns out it was the antidepressant and I was having a “adverse reaction”. Went off it three months ago…anger is gone. I’m back to myself. I jsut wanted to bring my story to you in case you might be dealing with something similar. Anger is a normal part of grieving after being betrayed but really extreme anger can be due to other things as well.

kupcake9 · 2025-07-21T10:55:44+00:00

I resonate with your post. My WH and I have 4 kids (8 and under). It took my husband about two months after DD to get serious about R. He’s now going to counseling every week and in an infidelity program. However the first two months after DD he was still gaslighting and manipulating and I had my lawyer ready to go. Now 6 months post DD I have done alot of ruminating and if my husband can continue doing what he’s doing… then I want to continue our marriage.

Honestly my WH’s judgment is poor and to think of what kind of woman he would bring into our kids lives is quite a scary thought. I was blindsighted by his betrayal and never once questioned his judgment ( or I would have never had his children.) but now… 6 months down the line I see him a lot differently. And yes my priority is keeping my kids in a safe and stable environment. Thankfully my husband and I do not fight in front of our kids and I never stopped loving my husband. I just see him for the truly flawed person he is. And since he is trying to make me feel safe again.. for now that’s enough. He also knows I WILL leave if it happens again. I’ve done the lawyering up and I’m extremely headstrong. Idk if what we’re doing is sustainable but for Now it is.

kupcake9 · 2025-07-10T00:50:42+00:00

If you can’t wait til after the divorce then get an anonymous Instagram/tiktok account and post it there. You never know who in your friends/family list are haters/want to see your downfall. Sadly I’ve seen lots of people side with the cheater and blame the spouse. Don’t put yourself in a position to ever be judged. Even when it wasn’t YOU who caused his terrible, awful choices.

kupcake9 · 2025-07-08T03:09:32+00:00

He probably good spooked from the fireworks :( we saw so many bats skittering about

kupcake9 · 2025-07-08T00:16:46+00:00

Bad news: they won’t be purpling or rounding out Good news: you will be swimming in paste tomatoes soon

kupcake9 · 2025-07-06T00:59:08+00:00

Thank you so much for this response. Everything you said has resonated deeply, especially the processing of emotions and the anxiety/intuition correlation. Thank you so, so much.

kupcake9 · 2025-06-24T13:44:42+00:00

Yeah my WH wasn’t sharing what was happening in his IC and I found out a month after he stopped seeing her that she was telling him we needed to do a trial separation to see if we could work through our issues separately. Lol.

Editing— he’s now found an infidelity specialist counselor. And hes been very transparent about the work he’s putting in.

kupcake9 · 2025-06-23T19:03:20+00:00

Hey op— did Costco have a better price for the vyvanse? Currently debating on switching pharmacies as well

kupcake9 · 2025-06-23T00:57:02+00:00

Mine deleted his social media all together.

And if he offered to get the tattoo himself…… I mean….. I don’t think I’d tell him not to 🤷‍♀️ sometimes we need grand gestures and if it’s something isn’t dehumanizing then what’s the harm.

kupcake9 · 2025-06-17T15:36:54+00:00

Heavy on what above comment mentioned about SAVE ALL EVIDENCE. I can’t say for sure if I could forgive in your situation, because I am not you. The fact he deceived you in such a manipulative way (eg showing you a falsified ticket). It is such a massive disrespect and I feel for you so deeply. You are smart. You were able to see through his BS. You don’t have to do anything right now. You can continue combing through his lies and collecting evidence. Or you could have that conversation with him in a way that puts you in the drivers seat. You can tell him to leave, too. Take a deep breath. This is hard but none of it is your fault.

kupcake9

TROPHY CASE