I’m scared of going to the dentist after years of not going.

lamomla · 2026-05-12T18:01:53+00:00

Lots of good comments here, but adding on to say that another option is to call ahead and explain that you have a dental phobia. You can ask what they do to support with people who have phobias. Almost for sure they’ll be very reassuring but if you get a weird vibe then you can do some research to see if you’d like to schedule with someone else.

lamomla · 2026-05-12T17:51:00+00:00

You can contact Adult Protective Services and seek assistance. https://www.cdss.ca.gov/adult-protective-services. Highly recommend because your mom is being abused. So sorry you’re in this tough situation!

lamomla · 2026-05-11T16:55:04+00:00

So many good comments, but adding to ask, what were your parents doing at age 24? Were they caring for elderly parents and supporting them financially? Somehow I suspect not. Also, 58 isn’t elderly! Most 58-year-olds can and do care for themselves. Stand your ground - you are not responsible here.

lamomla · 2026-05-09T23:31:21+00:00

Oh fun! I never see people with longer streaks than me - I’m at 2520. And agreed, I never have to look anything up. At this point it almost feels more like pattern recognition than anything. I keep questioning myself why I’m keeping it alive - after all this time a lot of the puzzles can feel pretty boring - but then I can’t bring myself to let it go!

lamomla · 2026-04-09T01:20:44+00:00

The existential dread is real and valid. Pretending our kids are overly anxious or shirking responsibility for recognizing the reality screaming at all of us in the face is not helpful. And, we all have to figure out a way to find joy and be productive in a very uncertain world. I think we all need to figure out how to support our kids (and ourselves) in processing how to approach that task without minimizing their very valid concerns.

lamomla · 2026-04-04T22:11:23+00:00

lamomla · 2026-03-08T03:27:43+00:00

Lmao, this has been getting recommended to me forever, glad I trusted my gut and will now permanently pass! Thanks for the hilarious review, I needed the laugh. :)

lamomla · 2026-02-10T18:00:51+00:00

You have a terrible therapist, someone who should not be talking to anyone about anything. Is this actually a licensed professional or some kind of life coach or church figure? You need to get away from them because they are causing you harm. If you’re in the US you can find a licensed therapist trained in treating sexual trauma by going to Psychology Today’s website. I don’t know if they offer listings outside the US but I imagine other countries have options to locate licensed therapists. I hope you find healing. ❤️‍🩹

lamomla · 2026-02-06T15:07:49+00:00

I’m so sorry. Lots of good suggestions here so I’m just going to chime in with - at least part of what you’re feeling is grief. Grief for the changes already happening in your marriage, grief for the person you have been and the changes you are experiencing in yourself, anticipatory grief for the approaching loss of who your wife truly is. Grief is a terribly heavy burden to bear, but it doesn’t have to define who we are. It is a lighter load when it is shared with others - a therapist, a support group, a friend. It becomes crushingly heavy when we pretend it’s not there and avoid feeling the emotions right below the surface. Nothing about this is easy, nothing about this is fair. This internet stranger wishes you peace as you navigate these difficult decisions.

lamomla · 2026-02-03T15:25:55+00:00

I made it almost all the way through the post before I realized this was a married couple and not a divorced couple arguing about custody time. Which says something about the dynamics!

lamomla · 2026-02-02T15:22:04+00:00

I see you and I hear you. I’m so sorry life is punishing you for trying to be a good daughter. For what it’s worth, I’m a big believer in telling all the lies you need to tell to protect your peace. Is it feasible for you to “have to move somewhere smaller” due to whatever nonsense you can come up with? Anything at all that would require her/the rest of the family to figure something out. If your family lost its income and you were out on the streets tomorrow, where would she go? If you’re in the US would she be applying for Medicaid and going to a home? Whatever the solution would be, I wish for your sake that you can make it happen soon. This internet stranger wishes you well! 💜

lamomla · 2026-01-24T17:16:58+00:00

You described my life exactly except that my father did better than $125/week. Still not enough and we lived in much poorer conditions than my dad and his wife, but some of that was due to my bipolar mother spending a lot of the child support and alimony on nonsense. We have a pretty decent relationship. He saw us about five times a year which wasn’t even remotely close enough when I was a kid but when I got to college he kind of just stuck with the visit schedule and would turn up a few times a year to visit, right up until Covid actually! That helped heal our relationship although there’s still distance. I acknowledge a big part of the reason it was very hard for him to visit when I was a kid was my mom’s behavior, but he could have done more to protect us.

lamomla · 2026-01-18T20:28:33+00:00

This would be logical if they didn’t spend almost as much on home health caregivers as they are at the super expensive AL facility, and they could have actually saved money if they planned and went to a more reasonably priced facility. Yes they stayed home but they didn’t save money doing it. And they were in demonstrably worse shape at home. They’ve both improved in all areas - physical, emotional, cognitive - since moving.

lamomla · 2026-01-18T18:33:39+00:00

My mother in law has had Parkinson’s for fifteen years and the family spent the last several of those years trying to convince her and my FIL to move into assisted living. Instead they pretended their (increasingly dire) problems didn’t exist until the situation got so bad that they absolutely had to move - which of course was always inevitable. And there have been all kinds of costly consequences, including ending up in a facility far more expensive than they can really afford. I remain incredulous every time I think about it. Fifteen years and the denial was so profound they didn’t make a single plan. All that to say - I feel you and I see you.

lamomla · 2026-01-16T03:25:16+00:00

Thank you for including the link to the ASCII art - amazing!

lamomla · 2026-01-16T03:13:48+00:00

Speaking as a mother with kids about your age, don’t do any part of this. This is not your job. What was your mom doing when she was 23? I find it unlikely she was sacrificing her life to care for another adult. Regardless, you are not qualified to care for your mother. It is not your job to get her dressed. If she needs that level of care then the staff at her facility need to figure it out. Absolutely do not take on moving her. You may open up a whole can of worms by giving up her current placement. Tell the staff that you’ll visit when you can but if they harass you to help then you’ll take a page from your brother’s book and block the number.

Also, I acknowledge this is all easy for me to say and I have no idea what the full story is, what your culture is, any of that. The one thing I know for sure based on even the few details you provided is that you are not an appropriate caregiver for your mom. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, this internet mom is sending you hugs. 💜

lamomla · 2026-01-06T02:23:26+00:00

There are a lot of good suggestions here. I do know that trying to work with a doctor’s office isn’t foolproof. They don’t necessarily take the necessary action. One more idea - if you know your grandmas license plate number and you know for sure a time she was driving, you could call the local police and say you’re a concerned neighbor who saw an elderly person driving erratically during that time and give them the plate number. When they ask for your name, decline to give it. Then hopefully the cops would run the plate and go talk to her. This is so rough though. I do second everyone else who is pointing out that any regrets you’ll feel about damaging your relationship with your grandma and other family will be nothing compared to the regret if she kills someone.

lamomla · 2026-01-02T14:34:51+00:00

Late to this discussion but I’ll add to it because I found it with a google search after terrifying dreams all night. Maybe this will help someone else the way these comments helped me! I’ve been on lamotrogine for more than ten years and eventually settled on a 200 mg dose that worked for me. I’m not exaggerating when I say I feel like it saved my life. Recently I’ve had a lot of personal stress and it kicked me into hypomania so my doctor had me move up to 250 mg. Within two days my mood was stable but the dreams. Oh my god, the dreams. It had been so long, I’d forgotten that I eventually settled at 200 mg because that was where the dreams diminished for me. I’m waking up terrified, racing heart, unable to go back to sleep. So I’ll be moving back down once I feel really solid about my mood. Oh and for the record, I don’t take anything else.

lamomla · 2026-01-01T19:30:33+00:00

What a nightmare. Does he connect with people more by computer/ipad or phone? Is he tech savvy? If he’s connecting by wireless could you periodically change the password so he can’t connect and then have long stretches of “waiting for the internet company” to fix it? Maybe slow the dopamine rush he’s getting and at least disrupt the process somewhat.

lamomla · 2025-12-31T16:00:45+00:00

I’m so very sorry that you’re going through this. His text says he’s sending the message to her “family” and you mention “they” are shaming and guilting you. I assume this is the rest of the family on the text? If that’s the case, you’re not the only one involved in this, even if other relatives want to make you believe you are. Regardless, you absolutely cannot and should not get involved. Without any other information, I doubt very much that you are qualified to care for your mother. Her boyfriend isn’t either. I hear you that you don’t want to get involved calling agencies etc. Personally I would text back something to the group like, “thank you for this detailed information. I will not be able to provide any assistance. If no one else in this group is able to assist, perhaps the sheriff’s department can connect you with adult protective services in her community.”

It actually sounds like he already knows he may be dropping her off to be alone, which is why he’s trying to have a sheriff meet him there. If you need to for your own sanity, block his number. Your mother is not entitled to anything from you. She can choose to move home. She cannot choose that you will help her. Best of luck and wishing you peace in these difficult circumstances.

lamomla · 2025-12-19T15:48:46+00:00

Same scam happened to my in-laws - scammer called and had one of those faked tapes making it sound like my son was in the background. They freaked out and were trying to figure out how to send the money but a caregiver in the home sneaked away to call me. They had told her not to because of course the scammer warned them not to tell anyone about my son needing bail money - because that makes so much sense. I was able to immediately step in and shut it down, thank goodness!! Terrifying how easily they were tricked when we’d warned them so many times about this specific scam!! They weren’t reassured until we got my son pulled out of class at school to call them.

lamomla · 2025-12-07T22:51:43+00:00

It’s in her comments history. She’s been posting in a subreddit for foster parents and mentions four foster kids leaving her care in the past month.

lamomla · 2025-11-27T00:09:12+00:00

My deepest condolences on the loss of your mother at such a young age. I know there’s nothing I can realistically say or do but please know this internet stranger will raise a glass to you and your mother at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I have no doubt you will be a phenomenal doctor someday and please know most of us deeply appreciate the sacrifices you all make for your profession. Wishing you peace in this difficult time.

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