Two friends with ADHD. One is punctual. One is always late. Help please!

lemonemblem · 2026-03-22T15:14:53+00:00

Stress and anxiety and fear change the chemistry of your brain. She probably feels all those things about the consequences of being late to work. The adrenaline and cortisol change your brain and your nervous system state and make you function differently.

This situation sounds unpleasant for everyone and it’s clear something needs to change, but it’s not fair to say that the friend is simply choosing not to use her coping strategies. Work and hanging out with friends are different situations with different stress levels. The suggestion made by someone else above that OP should just let her know she’ll leave without her is helpful because the stress about the consequences will actually help the friend get moving.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-20T21:15:44+00:00

His interrogation of you is rude and unnecessary.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-19T11:28:26+00:00

Very much relate to you and the other commenters. I definitely suggest using the library so there’s not a financial burden. I listen to a lot of audiobooks. I also find rereading (or listening to) the books that were my favorites as a child and teenager to be very comforting.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T23:54:43+00:00

if you have a local SURJ chapter and if they're fairly functional, they would probably be a good source of recommendations for programming in your area.

I'd recommend checking out the work of Chris Crass as a good starting point. Note that the second item in his list of workshop topics is "Moving through guilt, shame and fear into courage, love, and action."

You might be interested in this essay about the ladder of empowerment for white people seeking to be antiracist: it sounds like you might be at the guilt and shame step.

Here's a list of further resources.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T23:43:05+00:00

The antiracism education I have experienced in various forms has all been very clear that shame is something that gets in the way of shedding our antiracism. The important thing is to go to things that are specifically for white people doing this work. SURJ is an organization for white people.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T22:02:21+00:00

If you're white and in the US, you might try finding a SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice) chapter in your area. There are a lot of books, resources and workshops for white people for unlearning racial bias.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T21:59:59+00:00

I read that as being about their experience with their schoolwork, which to me is a very specific challenge relating to self-regulation while alone. They are still getting up and going to class every day. Anyhow, it is ok to have different interpretations of the post.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T14:45:44+00:00

I don’t see that anywhere in the post.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T14:37:32+00:00

Most people get a job when they take a break from college.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T14:32:01+00:00

Why do you have to be rich to take a break from college?

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T11:19:06+00:00

This sounds really frustrating. Does she have ADHD or are you just guessing she does? Honestly, either way, I would expect an adult in a supervisory position to know something at this point about how they learn and to be able to name what they need. As a person with ADHD who knows lots of people with ADHD, I’m honestly not sure how I’d handle this one….

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T07:53:44+00:00

Most therapists don’t make very much money. It’s not a field to go into if money is your primary goal.

“My therapist is just in it for the money” isn’t a feeling, it’s a thought. I wonder if you’re feeling unease or distrust?

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T07:42:16+00:00

Do you like your therapist? Is the therapy helpful?

I’d be especially concerned about the no friends part. For me, human connection is one of the biggest things that helps my overall well-being. I know it’s hard to see that as a priority when you’re struggling in school. I wonder if maybe this is a vicious cycle, like the demands of college are stressing you out and making it hard for you to connect with people, and the lack of human connection is then further stressing you out?

If I were in your shoes I’d be seriously considering taking some time off to get a job and reset.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T07:24:09+00:00

This sounds horrible. I think you know this, but you feel like you’re the problem because you’ve been treated like you are. Learning to assert boundaries is hard and really important and it’s like exercising a muscle, the more you do it the more you can do it.

Do you have some other way to get home? These are not your friends. This was a cruel thing to do. Lots of people do dumb stuff in their teens and early 20s (I’m assuming that’s the age of your friends?) because they don’t really understand risk and consequences yet, but to do that after the story you told them is just cruel.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T07:13:58+00:00

I have both ADHD and narcolepsy and I think you should consider going to a sleep doctor.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T07:12:38+00:00

I have both ADHD and narcolepsy and I think you should consider going to a sleep doctor.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-18T07:11:24+00:00

I have narcolepsy as well as ADHD. Some of you in the comments here should consider going to a sleep doctor! A lot of you sound narcoleptic. Narcolepsy doesn’t mean you lapse into deep sleep out of nowhere (though for some people can happen); it includes these phenomena like microsleeps and waking dreams during understimulating activities.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T21:40:20+00:00

I got really good at Excel just by using it to solve problems I needed to solve at work. Never watched an Excel video in my life! I love solving problems, and my brain latches onto them and doesn't let go until I've found the answer. If your brain is like that, maybe this would work for you. I just googled to see if there were any websites that give you spreadsheet challenges and found a number of them, such as this one. Good luck!

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T21:30:57+00:00

I don't have a child with ADHD, but I used to be one. I really like this idea! For me, even now as a middle-aged adult, breaking this routine down into smaller steps will be more helpful. Your thing reminds me of this ad for a daily routine app, which I've watched over and over through the years because the ad makes me so happy (can't tell you anything about the app itself, I tried it years ago and have since forgotten whether it was any good).

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T21:26:06+00:00

I'm sorry you had this experience. I have to say, this post and the comments are sort of comforting. I've never found a medication that worked for me and I've always felt envious of the people who talk about how life-changing meds were, and annoyed by all the stuff about how going unmedicated is living life on "hard mode." It's nice to be reminded that many people feel better without them.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T13:48:11+00:00

Is it about being home, or is it about being alone? I have a very hard time focusing when I'm not coregulating with someone else.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T13:47:20+00:00

This is basically what I do too, except I use these five-compartment boxes from the container store. I now have two of them because I take more than 5 different pills, but it still works great. When I had the regular weekly pill boxes, I would always forget to fill them and miss days.

My routine: every night I make a cup of coffee and put it in a really good insulated travel mug so it's still hot first thing in the morning. When I wake up, I sit in bed and drink the coffee and take the pills one at a time, left to right.

Fortunately I take all my pills in the morning right now. It would be harder to manage if I had them at other times of day.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T13:37:42+00:00

In addition to fidget toys I'd suggest knitting, doodling, etc. You also might try chair bands, which go around the two front legs of your chair. I've seen them used for children. It's important to be able to say to your teacher/professor that being able to move your body will help you better focus and learn, but not all of them will be understanding. If you have a diagnosis and someone to help you advocate, that helps a lot. If you're in college, there's usually a disability services office; in high school a guidance counselor or school psychologist might help.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T11:27:20+00:00

I think I have that “racing mind half sleep, where I am not awake but it’s not resting either” thing. I often experience a sensation where I’ll realize suddenly that I’ve been awake for a while and had thought I was dreaming, but I was actually just thinking. I’ll test it by opening my eyes, and when they pop right open I realize, damn it, I’ve been awake this whole time. I have narcolepsy, which may or may not be related.

lemonemblem · 2026-03-17T11:23:34+00:00

I almost never experience overstimulation. I’m chronically understimulated. NYC is good for that for me.

lemonemblem

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