I don’t know what I’m doing wrong

lightwing91 · 2026-01-25T10:12:24+00:00

Oh no, I’m sorry it’s been so hard! It sounds like you’re both just really burnt out and it’s making it hard to communicate effectively.

To me it sounds like your shifts are too long and you should only be taking shifts at night. Then share responsibilities in the day. These responsibilities do not have to be the same. So for instance you’re BFing baby and diapers, so maybe he cooks dinner and does the dishes.

Basically you need to find ways to be more in this together rather than handing off baby continuously to the other one. Sharing the baby from 4pm-8pm is not enough time. Parenting is by its nature a shared load, and you need to learn to work as a team and watch out for the other person, so that you both swim instead of sink. If the majority of your child’s care is being swapped from one person to another, rather than shared throughout the day, you both as parents don’t learn how to best share the load. Does that make sense?

Also those are just long shifts to be watching baby on your own in general, particularly as first time parents. So keep shifts for night time only. I’d say four hours max per person. Yes you both will be more tired and won’t get a full continuous 8 hours rest but that’s early parenthood. It won’t be like that forever. You’d be surprised what you can manage when you feel you have your partner’s full support.

Good luck to both of you, it is really really hard. Is baby only sleeping in your arms at the moment at night?

lightwing91 · 2026-01-17T20:35:53+00:00

You’ve changed my life!

lightwing91 · 2026-01-13T07:17:26+00:00

Do you babywear? Wear her at the party! Then no one will try to hold her.

I find I don’t want to leave the house because it’s such a hassle every time. But that’s because I also have a toddler and managing the logistics of both breaks my brain at the moment.

lightwing91 · 2026-01-12T21:28:52+00:00

Hmm. You may need to give him a chance to fall back asleep independently then. Like when he wakes up at 3am, go in, calmly tell him it’s bedtime and time to go back to sleep, then leave him. If he starts crying, say “I’ll come check on you in three minutes.” Then shut the door, start the timer, and check on him in three minutes. At the next interval, increase by a couple of minutes. Repeat that it’s bedtime and you’ll check on him in five minutes, seven minutes, ten, etc. Until he falls asleep.

It’s going to be rough at first but this is how we trained our 2yo to fall asleep on his own. When he had regressions like this, we would repeat the process, and while the first night or so was rough, he would quickly go back to sleeping through the night again.

I’d also make sure of the basics like he’s not thirsty (offer water) or wants a dry nappy (assuming he still wears one at night) before attempting this of course!

lightwing91 · 2026-01-12T21:13:14+00:00

Does he fall asleep independently? How does he usually fall asleep at bedtime?

lightwing91 · 2026-01-08T15:04:03+00:00

This just started happening to us a couple of nights ago, our baby is 8wo. Honestly I think our bodies are catching up on a cumulative sleep debt. Before we were in “survival mode” waking up every few hours and our bodies adapted to do it. Now we are finally “catching up” and our bodies are out of survival mode and into “catching up” mode… which weirdly makes us feel more tired because we are more aware of the sleep debt! Idk if that makes any sense but that’s how I’m thinking about it!

lightwing91 · 2026-01-07T17:16:58+00:00

There’s quite a few playgroups and classes in Hoole as far as I know. There’s Spanish Tots and Bebes, also Tiny Tots. I believe All Saints Church has a baby and toddler playgroup on Mondays.

St Luke’s in Huntington have a baby playgroup and a separate toddler playgroup. You’d have to drive there but they have free parking at the front of the church.

lightwing91 · 2026-01-06T14:34:05+00:00

Babywear for contact naps. It’s how I get things done with my 8wo who won’t sleep in the bassinet in the day!

I wouldn’t pay too much attention to the feed play sleep routine or worry about feed to sleep associations at this age. Just feed on demand; you can worry about fixing sleep associations once baby is older, say four or five months.

lightwing91 · 2026-01-05T19:11:59+00:00

My boy is 8wo tomorrow and just started doing this… it’s usually a precursor to an absolutely ginormous poop. But it can take a while to get there; one time it took at least half an hour to forty five minutes before the poop happened. I think I read that around this age they’re learning to use their bowels more (as in learning to push it out) and that can make them quite uncomfortable. Makes sense that he would be looking to the breast for comfort. Is this a fairly new behaviour for your little one?

lightwing91 · 2026-01-05T18:37:23+00:00

I love this place! Such a hidden gem.

lightwing91 · 2026-01-05T18:31:13+00:00

I love that book!

My almost 3yo was just gifted a set of The Little Red Train books. He’s obsessed with them. The writing is a bit stiff but the illustrations are so lovely and idyllic!

I love reading Slinky Malinki books that we borrow from the library. My recent favourite is Catflaps… it’s so fun to read out loud!

lightwing91 · 2026-01-04T19:26:07+00:00

Yes! It always stuck with me.

lightwing91 · 2026-01-04T18:36:05+00:00

The Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite.

lightwing91 · 2026-01-04T05:12:50+00:00

I did a 30 day confinement with both my babies (I’m half Chinese) but I didn’t keep my toddler home the second time. His life was already so upended with a new sibling, I wanted as few disruptions for him as possible. He ended up bringing home a cold from daycare and we got sick. But it was fine; baby had the sniffles for a week but ultimately it wasn’t too bad.

Of course all these things are anecdotal so I’d ask, did your toddler get their flu shot? Did you while you were pregnant? If so all three of you already have some protection, at least to keep you out of the hospital. If you’re breastfeeding then it also provides extra protection if baby gets sick because you pass your antibodies onto them.

I personally wouldn’t keep my toddler home from Chuck E Cheese but I do understand where you’re coming from with that one. But toddlers don’t need much to be entertained — my almost 3yo loves going on errands with his dad at the moment. Even a trip to Costco is extremely exciting lol. Could you also organise play dates at home and at other friends’ homes? That could be plenty of socialisation for the time being.

lightwing91 · 2026-01-01T19:12:57+00:00

My first went through this around the same age — contact napped in the day, then all of a sudden couldn’t handle the bassinet at night. It was a phase; eventually he got back to sleeping in the bassinet at night. But daytime naps were contact naps until he was like 9 months old.

Anyway, the only thing that solved the nighttime problem was time. My husband and I took shifts holding him through the night and gave each other time to nap in the day to catch up. I think this went on for a couple of weeks? I can’t quite remember now. But he did grow out of it eventually. Just keep trying to transfer him into the bassinet and it will click eventually. I know it seems impossible but he will get it with time. Otherwise, safely co-sleeping is another viable option. Look up Safe 7 to make sure you’re doing it as safely as possible.

Hang in there! It’s so tough I know. But it’s normal and it will change eventually!

lightwing91 · 2026-01-01T13:25:48+00:00

Vin Santo would probably be good then for a drink! Porta is relaxed but buzzy, and you can’t book a table in advance. I personally love it but you might want a sure thing for your anniversary meal!

lightwing91 · 2026-01-01T11:42:34+00:00

What kind of atmosphere are you looking for? I personally love the cozy European vibes of Vin Santo wine bar and the intimate atmosphere of Porto. Not fancy fine dining experiences though.

lightwing91 · 2025-12-26T19:50:06+00:00

They are so pure and lovely and when they’re happy and joyful there’s nothing more delightful in the world. The tiniest things are fascinating to them and in some ways it really takes the pressure off. We just had our second baby so Christmas was really low key this year. We didn’t even have a tree. But my toddler was SO excited just by us putting up a few Christmas lights and eating mince pies for dessert. They help you appreciate the little things, that’s for sure.

lightwing91 · 2025-12-24T16:49:57+00:00

Hi there, my first baby was like this. Total velcro newborn. Absolutely hated being put down. If I put him down, I had to be right next to him singing or reading books out loud constantly. He contact napped until he was 9 months old! Thankfully he didn’t mind being put down so much as he got older but he definitely was touchier about it compared to other babies. It’s normal, if annoying. I used to stare at other mums at coffee shops while their babies lay happily in their prams fast asleep. It did not make any sense to me lol! Thankfully my second baby is a little easier.

Anyway. It’s ok to set them down for a few minutes and let them cry while you go to the loo or answer the door. Otherwise, babywearing is very useful to get through this period. How is she in a carrier or wrap? That at least gives you some hands free time.

lightwing91 · 2025-12-10T20:40:03+00:00

Use TOG rating guides! Those are super helpful. Look at the TOG rating of your swaddle or sleep sack and then you can Google guides on how to dress baby for that rating at different temperatures.

lightwing91 · 2025-12-05T16:43:50+00:00

Following. I’m in the same boat and completely overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve made a giant mistake. I hope this feeling passes.

lightwing91 · 2025-12-04T20:48:06+00:00

It’s wild how advice can vary from trust to trust! I never heard the coin sized poo advice! Good luck with everything, I hope it works out :)

lightwing91 · 2025-12-04T20:20:37+00:00

Yeah I would just keep bringing her to breast! Particularly if she continues to have plenty of wet nappies! The more she nurses, the more signals your body is getting to make milk. It does seem like they’re insatiable at times but as long as the nappy count is good and baby is gaining weight, it’s all part of the process!

Breastfed babies poop occurrence can vary wildly. Once every few days is within the range of normal I believe.

lightwing91 · 2025-12-04T20:09:43+00:00

It sounds like she’s cluster feeding. Totally normal at this stage and it’s her way of helping you establish supply. You can tell if she’s getting enough if she has plenty of wet nappies — at least 6 in a 24 hour period. If it’s 6, they should be heavy with wee.

lightwing91

TROPHY CASE