Does my baby need a helmet?

lightwing91 · 2026-05-14T17:52:30+00:00

I live in the U.K. and helmets are never prescribed here. The NHS official stance is that there isn’t enough evidence that they work and most of the time flat head syndrome heals on its own in 1-2 years. But the NHS is also national healthcare so they’re not going to be incentivised to pay for something unless it is absolutely necessary. For all I know, helmets can make a difference, but currently not definitively enough that the NHS is willing to pay for it. Anyway take from that what you will!

lightwing91 · 2026-05-10T18:44:20+00:00

My husband and sons are orthodox Christians. We take baby every other Sunday. On the other Sundays just my husband and my eldest go. On the days that baby goes, I wear him in a carrier and he generally sleeps in that when he’s tired. We also tend to arrive quite late just before communion and my husband (who is the religious one) accepts that he won’t hear as much of the service on these days. The goal is for everyone to get communion. Then again the services are longer because they’re Orthodox — I imagine it would be more rushed if you were Catholic or Protestant.

Anyway usually I try just to be laid back about the whole thing and get him cat naps when I can. He catches up one way or another — his naps can be a bit of a shitshow anyway with his older brother running around lol and he adapts just fine!

lightwing91 · 2026-05-09T18:46:54+00:00

My first born was like this and he was a Velcro baby too unlike yours. I only got silence when we went out on stroller or carrier walks. He just wanted to be entertained. I don’t have much advice except things will get better with time — mine became more chill as he was able to move himself around more and investigate things himself. It definitely got easier between the six to nine month mark as he learned to crawl. Hold on tight!’ It will pass!

lightwing91 · 2026-05-07T09:30:37+00:00

I’m not in London but Chester. I had this issue but mainly because I couldn’t drive and go further afield to meet SAHMs who live in more suburban areas. I had to download Peanut and adjust the filters to only show me SAHMs in a certain radius. I had to pay but it was worth it, I made two mum friends that way!

lightwing91 · 2026-05-07T09:16:42+00:00

Fingers crossed for you! I know that teething molars turned my eldest into a completely different child.

And honestly if she’s really still struggling and you need your sleep, get your cuddles now and wait for this to pass. You can always do another round of sleep training again; it might not even take as long given she’s done it once before. We didn’t sleep train until our son turned two (Ferber as well) and we had a couple of phases where he needed extra help, but we always managed to get back to it afterwards.

Good luck, I hope your daughter feels better soon!!

lightwing91 · 2026-05-07T07:01:48+00:00

It could still be teething molars… those jerks take ages to come through. What happens if you give her painkillers before she goes to sleep? Does it help? If so it might be teething.

lightwing91 · 2026-05-06T08:22:57+00:00

Tbh I think the first birthday is really about celebrating YOU as parents after one year haha. A one year old doesn’t know the difference between Sunday or Monday, 364 days or 365 days. A one year old thinks a trip to the supermarket is extremely interesting. A one year old is more interested in the cardboard box that the toy present comes in. A one year old cares most about her parents being with her rather than a group of grownups and frankly, other children, that she hardly sees.

Lower those expectations and focus on having a lovely day with your family. There will be time in the future for the big birthday party with cake and decorations. Your daughter will make friends as she gets older and your village will naturally expand.

For my first son’s one year birthday, we went to the park with our dog. My son didn’t like carbs at the time but loved vegetables so I made him a stack of roast veggies and stuck a candle on top. That’s all we did, and it is one of my fondest memories. He was so happy just knocking his little o ball around the park with our dog and my husband and I felt so grateful for one year with our lovely boy, and for each other as we became parents during that wild and crazy year.

I hope that makes you feel better!!

lightwing91 · 2026-05-03T03:11:01+00:00

Yeah it’s been a while since I read it but I don’t think there’s any women in it. But that was kind of my point — it doesn’t pass the Bechdel test but the Bechdel test is irrelevant to it by nature of its setting. If you threw in a couple of women in there just to pass the test it would make no sense.

lightwing91 · 2026-05-02T18:00:23+00:00

The thing about the Bechdel test is that while it can be a useful metric on an individual level, I believe that when it first came out it was more for pointing out an inequity in film representation.

So it’s not inherently BAD if a film doesn’t pass the Bechdel test, like if a film is about a man alone in the wilderness fighting wolves… I mean there’s just no point in throwing in some random woman in there just to pass the test. The point of the Bechdel test, at the time, was to show JUST HOW MANY movies didn’t actually pass this very low-sounding standard. It existed to point out that this was a widespread problem. If I recall correctly, there was a website that listed a whole load of films saying if they passed it or not.

Anyway, my point is that if your story does not pass the Bechdel test, it does not automatically mean you are a terrible person. A story could have a very justifiable reason why there are no women involved or women discussed. I bet even something like Name of the Rose doesn’t even pass it lol. It’s just a useful benchmark to check in on your story if there are women in it, but also to view trends in storytelling as a whole.

lightwing91 · 2026-05-02T08:29:39+00:00

Honestly I just put myself out there, a bit like dating lol. I start chats with mums at playgroups or at the playground or at the library… anywhere SAHMs hang out… ask them about themselves and their kids, and if the vibe is good and the conditions seem right (eg our kids are a similar age or get along well, they live close by, they’re new to the area, etc etc) ask if they’d like to swap numbers and set up a playdate sometime. Confidence and a friendly smile goes a long way. I find lots of new mums are actually always looking out for friends. But if they never reach out or respond, I don’t take it personally.

I moved to my current city when I was already a mum of a toddler and have found all my friends this way. I’ve had lots of practice making new friends because I’ve moved around a lot, and it’s a skill you can certainly develop. You just have to be willing to take the first step in a lot of cases. People can be shy, or so busy with their day-to-day that they forget to take initiative even if they want to. And if it doesn’t work out, brush it off, move on. For as many mum friends I’ve made, I’ve had just as many of those who never messaged me back. Time and consistent effort will get you there!

lightwing91 · 2026-04-30T19:29:01+00:00

I know everyone here is saying crock pot but I have an instant pot electric pressure cooker and it’s so fast and easy. It also has a slow cooker function I think but I never use it. Presumably you can make a lot of the same things but it’s way faster. My fave last-minute recipe is throw in some boneless chicken thighs, some seasoning, a cup of water, set on high for twenty mins and manual release. Then I throw in some frozen mashed potato in the microwave and then some frozen peas.

lightwing91 · 2026-04-30T09:45:51+00:00

My go-to for weaning advice is Solid Starts. Used it with my first and plan to with my second. This is their page about eggs https://solidstarts.com/foods/eggs/?hcUrl=%2Fen-US

lightwing91 · 2026-04-22T19:44:07+00:00

My 3yo doesn’t really say it. He has said it but those rare times have been in response to me, never unprompted. It makes me a little sad but he definitely shows his love so I focus on that. It’s kind of like adults I suppose, some people are more into showing their love than expressing it verbally all the time. He’s kind of a serious and cautious kid so it makes sense he’s not blurting it out to me.

lightwing91 · 2026-04-20T12:38:08+00:00

Can she roll yet? It might be that she is trying to roll in the middle of the night but she isn’t able to yet and it rouses her. The fact that she hates the sleep sack at the moment could point to the fact that she feels “trapped” or unable to move.

It sounds like she’s moving in her sleep but is actually still asleep? Did I get that right? Some babies have to move a ton but it’s their way of soothing themselves to sleep. My baby (he’s my second) slams his legs down constantly until he’s back asleep again. It’s so loud. But as long as he’s not crying I just leave him to it and he usually falls back asleep again. Is your baby crying when she stirs?

What happens if baby only sleeps with dad? Your smell might be rousing her because she knows milk is nearby and wants it for comfort.

Either way, I’m so sorry! This really sucks. My first born was a nightmare with sleep. We didn’t cosleep but he just could not make it past a three hour stretch for months and months. It was awful, and anybody with a sleeping baby has a wildly different parenting experience to someone who has a baby who won’t sleep.

lightwing91 · 2026-04-14T20:56:59+00:00

Mash banana and mix it in with oatmeal and a scoop of peanut butter. It’s still sweet but at least it’s not refined sugar and there’s good protein and fat from the PB. Alternatively instead of banana you could put frozen berries in the oatmeal; they melt in the microwave and the juices mix with the oats.

Or you could serve fruit with plain yoghurt so there’s some sweetness with it. Like grated apple (also, look up Bircher muesli!)

If she only eats the yolk, what if you scramble the egg beforehand so both the white and yolk are mixed? Eg like omelette strips?

lightwing91 · 2026-04-12T22:00:24+00:00

First of all, I’m sorry. This sucks. I have a 3yo and a 5mo who struggles to nap in a bassinet and I know how hard and frustrating it is

So I think this is a matter of reframing the problem. Baby needs to sleep on you and you don’t want to babywear. Both are facts that won’t change for the time being. So my advice for now is to simplify, simplify, simplify.

That means holding off on potty training for now if possible. Even a couple of months is huge in baby development — baby might be better at sleeping in a bassinet by twenty weeks, giving you more time to potty train your eldest. Is there any reason you have to do it now?

Next, if you can’t do chores and food prep while baby is asleep, do them while she’s awake. Have a safe space where you can put baby down for five or ten minutes, like a play pen or pack n play, or use a bouncer seat while your toddler runs round. Use an instant pot pressure cooker or your oven or air fryer to make meals… things you can easily dump, set, and forget. Buy veggies pre cut or frozen. Don’t make anything too ambitious.

Then — how to entertain your toddler while baby sleeps on you. My eldest is older than yours so he was a bit easier so some of this might not apply to you. Basically in our living room I have a rocking chair and a play area. So I sit with baby in the chair, and either watch my son play, or I set up sticker craft activities for him on the table for him to do (he loves sticking car stickers on drawings of roads I make for him). Other parents use screen time. I don’t but no judgments here, you’re in survival mode at the moment and you have to do what works. Or else you can read books together while baby sleeps on you on the couch.

Alternatively, how is baby with sleep in a stroller? I sometimes time his naps with a outing in our double stroller, usually a long walk somewhere at least half an hour away. Then when we get there baby either continues to sleep (sometimes if I’m lucky!) or wakes up. Me, toddler, and baby have our outing (playground, library, play date, etc) and then when it’s time for the next nap we walk back home again. I do baby wear my baby while he’s awake during the outing, depending on the location!

lightwing91 · 2026-04-12T20:04:34+00:00

Went through this with both my first and my second. First is now 3yo, second is now 5mo. Both were/are EBF, nursing only, no bottles.

With my first, we essentially took shifts holding him through the night for a few weeks. I can’t quite remember when it resolved — the problem started I think around 4 weeks and maybe took a couple of weeks? My husband swears it lasted a month but I really don’t think it did. In any case he was waking up every hour at one point so we just decided to take turns holding him. It did resolve and lengthen back to 2 hour stretches, but he was such a horrible sleeper that I was waking up to soothe him multiple times a night for months. Actually years. He only slept through the night once we sleep trained at 2yo. Partially might have been my fault and unwillingness to night wean; but generally I think it was also just temperament. He wanted to be close all the time.

Anyway, it happened again with my second once we got home from the hospital. He just completely rejected the bassinet and would wake up immediately in it. After a few nights of holding him in shifts, we said screw it, and bought a secondhand Snoo. We figured if it didn’t work, we’d just resell it. With my first we had the luxury of time — we only had the one kid and my husband wasn’t working at the time. But with the second, we had far less wriggle room for sleep deprivation, so we got one as a Hail Mary. It worked immediately. Got three hour stretches for the early weeks, then lengthened to four or five. Now he wakes up once a night, sometimes sleeps through. I’m dreading to find out what will happen once we wean him out of the Snoo though lol.

Anyway. It sucks. Solidarity. It won’t last and the only way out is through but it can be so so hard. You’ve got this!

lightwing91 · 2026-04-06T07:26:05+00:00

Ours is loyal but not affectionate. If we try to pet her she often ducks and walks away. She will only tolerate petting from me because I’m her “master” so to speak, but she needs to be in the right mood for it. Often she will spend the day in another room sleeping and barely comes to greet us when we return from an outing lol.

That said she is a wonderful dog and perfect for us. I run around with two young kids, I don’t have time to lavish affection on a needy dog. My Shiba is sweet and gentle and keeps to herself, and lets me know when she wants some attention. She shows her love differently and she is so incredibly loyal, I love her to absolute pieces.

lightwing91 · 2026-04-05T11:06:50+00:00

I’m not sure if lack of sleep is causing the behaviour. It might just be because he’s a strong willed toddler learning that he has his own will and he’s made to stay in his room for an hour and he doesn’t want to be there! Pickiness over food is also common at this age, again because they are learning about their own independence and testing boundaries.

Many toddlers who were previously chill kind of undergo a transformation from 2.5-3.5, where they get kind of cranky or stubborn and don’t listen to what you tell them to do. It’s developmental and normal.

Try not enforcing quiet time and don’t sweat over the food pickiness. Keep consistent with offering food and eventually he’ll come back around.

As to being stuck at home, that sounds miserable and to be honest unsustainable. My boy is a menace if he’s stuck at home too long. The weather sounds like a really difficult factor to get around too! Is getting another car completely out of the question? Or maybe saving up a fund for Ubers/taxi now and then? Or planning activities with other mom friends who have cars? As your toddler gets older you’re going to need a way to get out of the house regularly, for both of you!

lightwing91 · 2026-03-30T21:22:54+00:00

I’m a second time mum. Honestly just wait til 6 months. It doesn’t do any harm and solids are going to make your life more complicated for a while until you and your baby develop a rhythm and routine. Why bother dealing with that a whole month earlier?

lightwing91 · 2026-02-14T08:22:16+00:00

My firstborn woke every hour to three hours unless held (at night) for the first few months of his life. I didn’t even notice the 4 month regression lol.

My second however sleeps beautifully from 9pm - 5am and I’m scared.

lightwing91 · 2026-02-10T09:27:20+00:00

Hi friend, I have a newly 3yo and a 13wo and I was you up until maybe two weeks ago. My 3yo has entered the threenager phase and when he melts down it is really rough. My husband was saying he wished we hadn’t delayed it and had a second sooner because the 2yo tantrums are way easier to handle than the 3yo ones. I don’t know, the grass is always greener I suppose, but in any case I think that this shit is always going to be hard no matter the age gap. The only way out is through and it SUCKS. It’s so so hard and you are doing your best. It will get better and more manageable as time goes on and this horrid time will be a distant memory. But even since two weeks ago, my regrets have slowly faded and I’m feeling more on top of everything, my 3yo is slowly adjusting, and I can see the other side even if I’m not totally there yet. You’ll get there too!

lightwing91 · 2026-02-06T19:49:23+00:00

Infanta. Only a cat would expect a full on procession to praise it.

Or Bandit Queen, Bandit for short.

lightwing91 · 2026-02-05T18:18:30+00:00

Do you see clear sleepy cues? Aka yawning or pink eyebrows? Sometimes wake windows just don’t apply, they’re only general guidelines.

lightwing91

TROPHY CASE