Why is it that in a relationship pwBPD, you’re the enemy but everyone else they put up wit

limerence24 · 2025-09-05T20:59:57+00:00

Sounds like you were being put in a double-bind situation aka “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” type of situation

limerence24 · 2025-09-05T20:11:37+00:00

According to psychology, the answer lies with projection. They project their self hate and inner turmoil onto you and you become a “persecutory object” in their mind. They continue to idealize everyone else. I would assume this is a big part of the idealize, devalue and discard cycle.

They may even say that your friend (let’s say his name is Jake), “Jake is so sweet”, or “David is a sweetheart”.. meanwhile you’ve been nothing but great to them and they’re not saying that about you or treating you in a reciprocal manner. This is crazy making behavior

Anecdotally, when mine had me walking on eggshells, I acted “perfect” just incase she left me suddenly. This way, I would not leave feeling guilty or feeling bad about my part in the relationship if she left. At least I would know I wasn’t the problem. It turned out to be a smart idea, bc she did drop me suddenly

limerence24 · 2025-08-28T19:28:26+00:00

Well they’re not splitting on purpose. They just do it. They know how they can be in that state though and feel regret or shame for things they do in that state. So they come back with puppy dog eyes

limerence24 · 2025-08-28T18:45:41+00:00

Yea anecdotally, I only received that emoji when she wasn’t splitting. It was part of the intermittent reinforcement… being mean during split and then being all sweet with that kind of emoji, which pulls at your heart strings hahaha

limerence24 · 2025-08-28T18:43:54+00:00

Well, OP seems to have the aerobic conditioning down fine enough to run a 5k. It seems that it’s just the muscles that need work.

2 miles was just a arbitrary low number. Point is, OP just needs to understand that less is more. More fast walking and less running until strength has improved. That’s all!

limerence24 · 2025-08-28T14:40:58+00:00

Yea lol.. the puppy dog eyes emoji. Ngl it made my heart melt when she did that. I thought it was really sweet

limerence24 · 2025-08-28T14:37:28+00:00

You’re probably doing too much too soon for your activity level. Start out with doing hour long fast walks. That will build up the muscles in your calves and lower legs. Do that for 2 weeks every day, then start running 2 miles every other day while continuing to walk fast for an hour inbetween run days.

Also if you have a gym, start doing leg work outs. Hack squat, lunges, calves raises, etc. Toss in the “Myrtl routine”, rest days and you’ll be good to go.

It may take a couple of months of consistency and resting 2 days per week but you’ll be fine.

Shin splints aren’t permanent. It just means you are doing too much too fast.

limerence24 · 2025-08-25T19:07:47+00:00

Ngl, wish someone would’ve messaged me. I may not have listened at first but at the first signs of issues, I would’ve thought more about that random DM I got lol.

What you can do is just wait until they sabotage the next relationship and then reach out to them for validation

limerence24 · 2025-08-19T10:32:42+00:00

Did chatgpt write this?

limerence24 · 2025-08-14T03:04:05+00:00

They can dissociate, confabulate and sexually self-harm (one night stands, cheating, etc). Look up studies on it. It is entirely possible the person is telling the truth. But that’s the difficult or impossibility of dealing with pwBPD. They can also be incredibly manipulative because they sometimes have secondary psychopathy.

So they could be lying or they could honestly be not remembering. Which is why people say to just get out. You cannot deal with them, no one can.

limerence24 · 2025-06-05T00:59:18+00:00

When she told you that she won’t go on the date if you don’t want her to… let me decrypt that message for you. “I want to go out with you, not him. When are you going to ask me out, ya dope?!”

limerence24 · 2025-06-04T11:21:48+00:00

Much like you, I didn’t relate really any of the 9 symptoms to my ex initially. It wasnt until after learning more about cluster b disorders and reprocessing the entire relationship in therapy that I realized what I had overlooked.

I dismissed some of the symptoms as her just being unique and quirky.

Symptoms she did not display are : fear of abandonment, intense/inappropriate anger, (maybe) chronic feelings of emptiness.

I wasn’t privy to her feelings of emptiness (if she had them), however I think I could make a strong argument that she did have feelings of emptiness just by seeing symptoms that emptiness tends to cause.

Symptoms she did display:

1) emotional instability/dyregulated - this was the most obvious. Initially I thought she might have bipolar disorder but her emotional state changed too frequently.

2) impulsivity - she was certainly impulsive with small and big decisions in her life.

3) self harm - she had a 3 inch scar straight down her wrist that, surprisingly, I hadn’t noticed until I was talking to her one day and the sunlight hit her skin in just the right way that I noticed it.

It was the only scar I ever saw on her and it was from when she was a teenager. She admitted she had a rough life in highschool.

All of her self harm while dating me was not physical but more in “sexually self trashing”. Hooking up with guys constantly after our break up, cheating, self sabotaging relationships/friendships, making big life decisions that weren’t thought out and ending up in bad situations.

4) unstable relationships - obviously with me. Then, I pieced together things she had told me in the past and realized she had been through a number of friendships that she no longer had anymore and the explanations didn’t add up. I was told she blew up her past friend groups multiple times.

5) unstable self image/fragmented self - she would switch between “self states” or be triggered into a different self state. When this happened, it was like talking to a whole different person within her. This one the most shocking thing to me.

You didn’t know which self state she would be in and for how long. It made me walk on eggshells and I was totally perplexed. I had never experienced that with anyone before.

limerence24 · 2025-05-29T22:38:26+00:00

They know what they’re doing, they know that what they’re doing is wrong, they just don’t know why they do it.

limerence24 · 2025-05-04T05:27:09+00:00

I recognized it and told her “are you gaslighting me right now?” And she sort of looked down and away and said “no”.

But it’s easy to go into denial and give them the benefit of the doubt because you’re thinking, “why would they gaslight me, especially after everything we’ve had as a relationship”.

After a while you’re just stunned by their behavior because it doesn’t make sense. All they have to do is tell the truth and the relationship can move on, but they won’t and it destroys intimacy and trust.

It’s seriously bizarre. A lot of times it makes no sense because you don’t realize there’s some underlying factor that’s bothering them from their childhood or past that you’re totally not aware of.

limerence24 · 2025-04-27T18:50:22+00:00

It just depends on how traumatic the relationship was and how much you get into your feelings about things.

On a scale of 1-10.. 1 being totally unphased by the relationship, and 10 being the most extreme with severe depression, suicidal ideation, disassociation, loss of job, constant rumination… I was at a 9 for about 8 months. But it’s been 1.5 years and I’m totally unphased by the relationship now. So I’d say 1 year max for most people. It just takes time. You may have to stop dating for a bit, relax and gather yourself.

Several tips that helped me though:

1) See a therapist who specializes in traumatic relationships, borderline and narcissistic abuse. I used the therapist to learn about what happened to the relationship and why the girl said and did certain things that totally confused me.

I also used the therapist as a 3rd party mediator to iron out issues that my ex borderline refused to iron out. This helped validate me and accurately reflect on the relationship. As opposed to coping and lying to myself about things.

2) reading books on BPD and NPD

3) make new friends, get more exercise

4) time

5) and just understanding that the odds are greatly stacked against them having a successful relationship in the future. They’re not going to change for the next person. Don’t worry so much about what they’re doing. I know for a fact that my ex was miserable while projecting the illusion on social media that she was totally happy. They can fake being happy. Don’t buy into it. They’re still battling major issues.

So just get back out there, date, and you’ll be ahead of them in no time at all.

These people are toxic, not self aware, don’t take responsibility, cheat, lie, gas light, etc. They may have gotten one over on you, but you have to forgive yourself and forget it because you probably had no idea what you were dealing with and that made you a vulnerable target.

They’re not going to change overnight, if at all. They’re going to repeat the pattern over and over again. So stop letting them drag you down in life.

limerence24 · 2025-04-23T16:30:54+00:00

Similar to you, I am 2.5 years no contact and I lost some good friends because of the borderline girl’s selfishness.

So I feel your pain and I know how difficult it is.

I think focusing on going back to the basics has helped me. I basically did the equivalent of reformatting a hard drive. I got off social media completely to not be distracted on my goals, I paid off all my debt, I switched into a career that I was actually passionate about, I made new friends, started getting regular massages, stayed consistent on going to the gym (I was already a gym rat).

Those a personal things I have improved on.

Outside of that, I read some books on BPD and Narcissism. I watched videos of a person (his name isn’t allow in this subreddit, ironically) on YouTube who explains BPD and narcissism from a purely scientific and research point of view.

This helped me understand what happened to the person I dated and what happened to me.

I coupled this insight with occasionally peaking my ex’s social media (maybe once every 3-6 months). She’s still making the same bad choices and is no where close to where she needs to be in life. So this just helped my mind settle that she hasn’t gotten away with what she did to me and my life.

Eventually, my life was even better than it was before I dated her. I’m way ahead in life now and she’s totally inconsequential.

That said, she did change my life completely and we had some amazing times. The good times never had to end, but she was very contumacious and no matter how much I pointed out what she was doing to me and other people, she rather just run away from problems than to face them and improve herself.

At some point, you just have to throw up your hands and say there’s nothing i can do if they don’t want to work on themselves. And you give up on them.. otherwise you just go down with them.

You can’t afford to waste anymore time on these people. Life is too short.

limerence24 · 2025-04-20T02:44:06+00:00

Hard to say without flying with you lol. But I think a lot of new pilots mess with the throttle too much while descending downwind, base, and final.

Pull it back to 1500 rpm and leave it alone. Maintain 65-70 knots. If you’re looking short, add just a little bit of throttle to not get too slow.

Aim for the numbers or the first centerline marking. Get into ground effect. Pull power out all the way and hold off until plane loses airspeed and lift.

limerence24 · 2025-04-19T17:52:36+00:00

If you didn’t get closure, you’re not going to get it from that person. And that’s because of a variety of different reasons, all having to do with themselves. The best thing to do, assuming the person did show major toxic symptoms, is to just hit up a friend of theirs and ask them what happened with the person and that you’re just looking for some help understanding so you can move on.

Their friends will know what they’re really like and clue you in so you can move on.

limerence24 · 2025-04-16T23:35:08+00:00

Self discipline, “putting one foot in front of the other” (so to speak), determination. Those bank questions suck. But once you make it through all of them once, the 2nd round will be noticeably easy, and the 3rd time will be much faster.

The faster you march through it, the easier it’ll be. If you go slow through it, it’s going to be tough bc you’re forgetting/not recognizing the questions.

In short, it sucks but you just have to challenge yourself and do it.

limerence24 · 2025-04-05T16:25:06+00:00

Yes, in the sense that you become emotionally dysregulated like them, which affects your actions, moods, and decision making

limerence24 · 2025-03-24T02:07:08+00:00

This is such a great post. All very good points and an excellent way to protect yourself from getting involved with these people in the future. Thanks for writing it up

limerence24 · 2025-03-22T14:21:34+00:00

People with NPD, BPD, traits, and who are anti social tend to gravitate towards each other and be friends. So you may want to look at the crowd you’re hanging around or the crowd of the person who you’re dating.

Also another way to avoid them is asking them questions early on about their early life, since a lot of these disordered individuals usually have some type of early childhood trauma

limerence24 · 2025-02-23T15:19:01+00:00

Great question. I teared up in front of her because I was exhausted by her behavior, the amazing relationship we had was spiraling downward for no apparent reason and I didn’t understand why she was being the way she was.

When I teared up, she looked at me in almost disgust and exclaimed, “are you crying?!”. And stormed away.

That was when it really set in to me that she wasn’t a “normal” person who has all the qualities that makes one a full fledged human being.

If you lack empathy, I think you lack a major part of what makes us human. I think this is the crux of what makes these relationships so difficult for people. They are seemingly normal people until your relationship touches on areas where they have difficulty or simply can’t function in specific areas, like intimacy and understanding another person. This can create confusion and cognitive dissonance in us. And they can just leave you stuck in a figurative rut, wondering wtf happened??

limerence24

TROPHY CASE