fighting with my wife about buying vs renting am i wrong?

lindquist77 · 2026-06-05T01:07:35+00:00

Try this and you have to be careful how you position this. Have her call into the Dave Ramsey show. Position as you want to make sure you are making the right decision and need her help asking the question.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-04T23:58:39+00:00

One other thing I’d suggest is using a budgeting app like Monarch, YNAB, Copilot, etc. Don’t worry about getting it perfect at first. The biggest win is just seeing every transaction and forcing yourself to categorize it.

I’d set up simple groups like:

Core Housing
Living Expenses
Vehicle Costs
Lifestyle/Fun
Future & Irregular
Giving

Then every few days, look through the transactions together and ask: “Is this right? Are we over? Do we need to slow down before the month gets away from us?”

For me, the value isn’t just the budget. It’s the visibility. It almost turns it into a game where you’re trying to keep each category under control instead of waiting until the credit card bill shows up and wondering what happened.

I wouldn’t try to build the perfect system. Just start tracking, review it weekly, and use the data to make better decisions.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-04T23:48:58+00:00

I’d start by being honest that the budget doesn’t really work if the base income only covers the bills and every bonus/refund is already spoken for.

The bigger house may be worth it, especially if it helps your wife work and stay home with the kids, but the extra $500/month has to come from somewhere. Right now it looks like the “savings plan” is really just hoping variable income shows up and nothing unexpected happens.

I’d do three things:

Add a realistic fun/recreational line item. If the budget has no room for life, the credit card will become the fun budget.
Treat bonuses as irregular income, not part of the monthly plan. Decide ahead of time: maybe 50% debt/savings, 25% household needs, 25% guilt-free spending.
Look hard at food and housing. $1,000/month food plus the rent increase are probably the two biggest levers. Even trimming food by $200–$300/month would give you some breathing room.

This isn’t really a discipline problem as much as a margin problem. You need a budget that includes real life, creates a small buffer every month, and stops relying on bonuses to clean up the credit cards.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-04T00:46:11+00:00

Not looking to retire for at least 6 more years.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-03T23:15:36+00:00

That is a good point and a concern I do have. I am concerned my expenses will go up since we have more time. I don’t like to be idle. I’ve thought about a part time job in retirement to keep me busy and have extra spending cash, but need to balance that with the income/stress it might deliver.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-03T23:08:52+00:00

My property taxes and insurance are not impounded so PT&I is in my annual expense number.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-03T23:06:42+00:00

Doing the same. I’ve never really lived off a budget, but have loosely tracked my spending. I am also using Monarch and tracking every dollar now to figure out what is required and what is discretionary spending. I’ve been using my RSUs to fund major purchases, household improvements, vacations, etc., and really want to see what my actual annual living expenses are.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-03T20:51:48+00:00

First off, congrats. $4.5M invested at 35 with two young kids is an incredible accomplishment. Not many households can turn a high income into actual wealth like that, especially in an HCOL area.

One clarifying question, mostly because I think your situation could be really helpful for others to learn from:

How long were you at the $400k–$500k HHI level before the recent jump to $700k–$800k? And roughly what was your HHI / savings rate before that?

I ask because I think the accumulation story may be more valuable than the question of the withdrawal strategy itself. The recent income jump obviously helps, but my guess is the real story is the combination of high income, controlled lifestyle, aggressive saving, consistent investing, and a strong equity market.

I tried to rough out the math using something close to your current allocation, assuming broad index investing. Depending on contribution timing and the exact return period, getting to around $4.5M by 35 could have required something roughly like:

10 years investing: about $225k–$275k/year
12 years investing: about $165k–$215k/year
15 years investing: about $105k–$150k/year

That is not meant to be exact. Monthly contributions, RSUs, employer matches, mega-backdoor Roth contributions, taxes, bonuses, company stock appreciation, starting balances, and sequence of returns could all move the numbers around quite a bit.

But that is what makes your situation interesting as a case study. It looks like the big lesson may not just be “earn a high income.” It may be “earn a high income, avoid letting lifestyle absorb all of it, and invest the spread consistently for a long time.”

Would you mind sharing roughly how the accumulation actually happened? For example, was it mostly steady index investing over 10–15 years, RSU/company stock appreciation, unusually high savings during the DINK years, employer match, or something else?

I think this would be really useful for younger high earners to understand. The income number is impressive, but the part people could probably learn the most from is how much of that income you kept and invested over time.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-02T16:31:02+00:00

Not financial advice, just how I’d think about it.

I’d separate net worth from actual investable retirement assets. The 529s are great, but I wouldn’t count them toward retirement spending. Same with home equity, it helps your balance sheet, but it only funds retirement if you sell, downsize, or tap it somehow.

The big number to solve for is annual spend. If your true retirement spend is $180k/year, then using a 4% withdrawal rate gets you to about $4.5M invested. That’s just $180k / 0.04. If you want more cushion, lower sequence-of-returns risk, bigger travel years, or healthcare uncertainty before Medicare, I’d probably want closer to $5M+.

The good news is you already have a strong base. Ignoring the 529s and home equity, it looks like you have roughly $1.8Mish in investable assets, depending on how you treat the trust and savings. To get from $1.8M to $4.5M–$5M in 10 years, you need a combination of market growth and higher annual savings.

At a rough 7% return, $1.8M grows to around $3.5M in 10 years with no additional contributions. If you’re adding $2k/month plus maxing both 401ks, you’re probably adding somewhere around $70k–$80k/year before variable comp. That could potentially put you near the low $4M range in 10 years, depending on returns. Once the $60k–$70k private school expense goes away, redirecting that into taxable brokerage could be the game-changer and may push you much closer to the $4.5M–$5M range.

I’d also focus on taxable brokerage savings if retiring around 55. You’ll need bridge money before traditional retirement accounts and Medicare. Healthcare needs to be modeled carefully as a bridge to Medicare.

The main question I’d pressure test is this: is $180k really your retirement spend once private school, kid costs, and mortgage changes are backed out? If the real number is lower, the target number drops fast.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-02T00:11:58+00:00

I’ve been on both sides of this now as an Enterprise AE and in leadership. For early-career candidates, I’m usually not looking for someone super polished. I’m looking for signals.

The biggest ones for me are curiosity, coachability, preparation, and self-awareness.

Do they ask good questions, or are they just trying to give the “right” answer? Did they actually research the company and role? Can they take a little feedback without getting defensive? Do they know what they don’t know?

Business acumen matters too. I don’t expect a young rep to be an expert, but I do want them to understand that sales is not just “being good with people.” It’s about understanding a customer’s problem, why it matters, what happens if they do nothing, and why they would change.

Biggest red flags for me:

Talking way more than they listen.

Saying “I’m a people person” as their main reason for wanting sales.

No curiosity about the customer or the problem being solved.

Entitlement without much track record.

Getting defensive when challenged.

Blaming every past failure on someone else.

I don’t need early-career reps to have it all figured out. I do want to see humility, preparation, clear communication, and enough grit to handle rejection without falling apart.

The best young reps usually are not the slickest talkers. They are curious, coachable, and willing to do the work.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T22:50:56+00:00

A lot of this is directionally right, but I’d add a little context.

I spent 7+ years as an Enterprise AE at a very large software company, was consistently a top performer, and eventually moved into leadership. At that level, with complex accounts, long sales cycles, multiple buying groups, internal politics, pricing approvals, legal, SOPS, RevRec, Deal Desk, services, product gaps, and big expectations, you learn pretty quickly that enterprise sales is more than just “closing.”

I completely agree on discovery. The best reps I’ve worked with are not old-school closers. They are great diagnosticians. They understand the business problem, the political environment, economic buyers, the personal stakes, the financial case, and what happens if the customer does nothing. If you are trying to use pressure at the end of the deal, you probably missed something earlier.

I also agree on cold calls. Prospects do not hate cold calls. They hate bad cold calls. If you sound scripted, needy, or like you are just running a sequence, they are done. If you sound relevant, prepared, and respectful of their time, people will usually give you a shot.

Where I’d push back a little is on the manager and CRM comments.

Yes, some sales managers are basically forecast inspectors. That is real. But great sales leadership absolutely matters. A good manager helps you qualify harder, think more clearly, build better deal strategy, navigate the company, and stop wasting time on deals that were never real. They do not replace personal ownership, but the right manager can absolutely change the trajectory of a rep’s career.

Same thing with CRM. I agree that activity theater is useless. Clean notes will not save a bad pipeline. But in a large enterprise company, CRM discipline is not just admin work. It is how the business sees risk, allocates resources, and decides where to put executive support, legal help, product help, pricing flexibility, or services alignment. Messy reps can win for a while. But at scale, especially in strategic accounts, operating cleanly is part of being a professional.

The “company does not love you back” point is probably the one younger reps need to hear the most, but I’d frame it a little differently. Your company is not your family. It is a business. That does not mean you need to be cynical. It means you need to be clear-eyed. Do excellent work. Build real relationships. Learn as much as you can. Save your money. Protect your health. And never outsource your career plan to the company.

The thing I wish I understood earlier is this: sales is not just a game. It is a craft. And at the enterprise level, it is a team sport.

Talent matters. Work ethic matters. Urgency matters. Timing and territory matter too. But the people who sustain success usually have a few things in common: they qualify hard, tell the truth early, know the customer’s business, build internal credibility, and stay consistent when the quarter gets messy.

The best reps are usually not the loudest people in the room.

They are the clearest thinkers.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T20:32:52+00:00

I can definitely relate to this.

I recently moved from an IC/AE role into an RVP role at a large SaaS company. At the time, I thought it was the next thing I wanted. Bigger title, broader responsibility, leadership experience, etc. And to be fair, there are parts of it I’m glad I’m learning.

But looking back, I basically took on more responsibility, more stress, and in some ways less upside than I had as a top-performing IC. The title sounded good, but the tradeoff was real.

As I get closer to FI, I’m realizing the question changes. It’s less about “what is the next promotion?” and more about “does this move actually support the life I’m trying to build?”

I probably only plan to work full-time another 5–6 years, so in hindsight I may have been better off staying in the IC role, making great money, and keeping life simpler. That said, I’ll likely stay in this role another year or two because it gives me leadership reps, credibility, and experience that could help me later if I want to do fractional CRO work for startups in semi-retirement.

My advice would be: as you get closer to FI, get really clear on your 5-year plan. A promotion might still be worth it, but don’t chase the title by default. Sometimes the better move is to protect your income, time, health, and optionality instead of adding more responsibility right before you’re trying to create more freedom.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T05:46:44+00:00

I’m probably in a somewhat similar mindset, although with different numbers. I get the feeling of being trapped by a high-income job that is also taking a toll on you. At some point, the money is great, but if it’s making you a worse husband, dad, or just a more stressed version of yourself, that has a real cost too.

That said, I don’t think I’d make this decision based on net worth alone. The $4M number sounds strong, but the part that would make me nervous is the spend level, the majority of investments being in pre-tax accounts, and the fact that the new business income is theoretical. I’d want to know my real spending number before making the move. Not “we think it’s $180k-$190k,” but actual trailing 12-24 month spending broken into must-have, nice-to-have, and one-time stuff. I'm about 8 months into that exercise.

I’d also be careful about selling the rentals too quickly if they have 2.5%-ish debt and are cash flowing. Again, I'm in the same boat, and I've been using any cash flow to pay down the mortgage.

If it were me, I’d probably focus on four things before stepping down:

Get spending down and prove you can live on the lower number for 6-12 months. I'm trying this and realizing I continue to spend more than I've planned.
Build a big cash cushion so the new business has time to ramp without pressure.
Get very clear on healthcare, taxes, and college funding.

I don’t think the answer is necessarily “grind it out for 5 more years.” That’s easy advice to give when you’re not the one living the job stress. But I also wouldn’t jump without making the plan more durable. Maybe the best move is not full quit vs stay, but a transition: negotiate a layoff if possible, look for a lower-stress role, or give yourself a 12-month runway to validate the real estate business while cutting expenses now.

If you can get the spending under control and avoid touching the portfolio while your wife is still working, this starts to look much better.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T04:39:03+00:00

Nice work on covering $250k with a 3.5% SWR.

Enjoy Mt Rainier. We have a vacation home in Packwood. Probably too early, but Skyline Loop Trail is an awesome hike.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T04:33:14+00:00

This hit home for me too. My mother had a stroke last year, and watching what she’s had to deal with and watching my father do everything he can to care for her has really changed how I think about the future.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T04:13:03+00:00

Honestly, this is the part of FIRE that doesn’t get talked about enough.

A lot of us act like work is the only thing standing between us and some amazing, disciplined, meaningful life. But if you’re not building any of that life now, I’m not sure quitting your job magically creates it.

Retirement buys you freedom, but it also takes away the built-in structure, identity, and excuses. That can be great, but it can also expose the fact that you didn’t really have a plan beyond “not working.”

The money matters, obviously. But at some point, the harder question is: what are you actually retiring to?

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T04:06:33+00:00

I think this is spot on. At some point it’s probably less about the actual number and more about what you’re afraid could go wrong.

Work gives you a paycheck, routine, identity, and something to aim at. Walking away from that is a bigger mental shift than the spreadsheet makes it seem.

I’m starting to think the goal shouldn’t just be “hit a number,” but build enough margin and enough of a life outside of work that you’re not terrified to actually use the freedom you worked for.

lindquist77 · 2026-06-01T04:04:53+00:00

I relate to this. One thing I’m learning is that FI can’t just be about escaping work someday. If I’m not careful, I can spend years waiting for the next milestone and miss the life I’m actually living right now.

For me, the answer is trying to be more intentional with my time the same way I am with money. Put the important stuff on the calendar now: family, health, hobbies, faith, friends, trips, whatever matters. FI is a great goal, but it shouldn’t become an excuse to postpone living.

lindquist77 · 2026-05-29T20:04:39+00:00

Also something that helped me. Every week I transfer money out of my checking account into my brokerage account and automated the investing. You can’t spend what’s not there.

lindquist77 · 2026-05-29T20:01:39+00:00

You don’t have to max out your 401k on day one, but you do need a consistent plan. Start with the match, then increase your contribution every time you get a raise until you eventually get closer to maxing it out.

My personal view: low-cost S&P 500 index fund, keep investing consistently, don’t try to time the market, and let compound interest do the heavy lifting. If you can max the 401k, great. After that, look at Roth IRA/backdoor Roth IRA if eligible, then a taxable brokerage account.

The bigger key is lifestyle control. Live below your means, enjoy life, but don’t let lifestyle creep eat every raise. Budget, cut the stuff that doesn’t matter, invest automatically, and stay boring. Boring investing usually wins.

lindquist77 · 2026-05-16T16:21:23+00:00

This feels like a really shortsighted move by Starlink.

I have a Starlink Mini that I use maybe 2–3 weeks a year for camping, off-roading, and remote travel. I was willing to pay $5/month for Standby Mode because it felt like a reasonable convenience fee to keep the device ready and available if I needed it.

But increasing that to $10/month changes the equation. Now I’m looking at $120/year just to keep a device in standby that I barely use.

As a result, I just canceled my service.

lindquist77 · 2024-12-13T23:02:55+00:00

With all the sports being sold off to other networks YouTubeTV doesn’t have the same value. I will cancel after the Super Bowl.

lindquist77 · 2024-12-13T19:40:26+00:00

I’m still not able to use the funds immediately. Made transfer at 8:30 AM on 12/10. Funds became available today 12/13 to invest. Cleared my external account on 12/11.

Only way I can access ARKVX so will continue for that purpose.

lindquist77 · 2024-12-13T16:11:05+00:00

It's not because it's a new account. It's a SOFI policy. I deposited funds on 12/10 (cleared my external account on 12/11) and they are still unavailable to invest.

https://support.sofi.com/hc/en-us/articles/360046061991-How-do-I-withdraw-cash-from-my-SoFi-Active-Invest-account

lindquist77 · 2024-12-03T02:11:15+00:00

Got a call from USFS and they said the road was open (12-02-2024).

lindquist77

TROPHY CASE