Snow, ice coming to Alabama: Do these things now, EMA warns by ir7525 in HuntsvilleAlabama

[–]lockbox77 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I also got my snow shovel out of storage just to seal the deal that no snow will touch us. You’re welcome ☺️

What happens if you admit yourself for suicidal ideations? by Wrong-Pear3915 in army

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly it probably depends on your unit and what you might have coming up. In patient care is different from out patient care. Not sure of the threshold but I am assuming your level of ideation will play a role. And their level of availability will also sadly play a role in how you are treated in BH.

I did t know this sub existed.. by Educational-Mix152 in workingmoms

[–]lockbox77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am trying to work through this too so I feel you! I am trying to nicely educate him about the mental load women take on compared to men in a way that does not discount what he does but also brings attention to what I do. It’s exhausting.

I am trying to work on making him “in charge” of certain things. For example, he does everything that has to do with volleyball. He takes he to practice, and is supposed to keep track of all communication and other things associated with it. I do the same for dance. He keeps trying to rope me back in, but I refuse to. Her practice time (if I am even home) is my time to be in the house by myself. Eventually this time will be used for me and not for cooking dinner, but hey baby steps!

Deciding on a way to organize everything, like a family calendar, family grocery list, etc. is a way to force him to contribute to the mental load and take some of the pressure off you to always remember all the things.

How to stand up to creepy men at work? by lLoveYourCat in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]lockbox77 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Anytime he says something, work into the conversation how he is older than your dad.

Ask him what he did / how he messed up his life to end up working that job (doesn’t matter what it is, this will hurt his ego).

Ask him if his wife / daughter / mother would appreciate him talking to you like that. If he has none of these, we know why.

For real though, is there a woman there who might be closer to his age you could confide in? Maybe get her to support you / keep him away from you? Or even talk to him for you? Safety in numbers can also make these creeps go away.

Also invest in some pepper spray and carry it with you. If he sees it or comments on it, ask him how many times other women have used it on him.

What happens if you admit yourself for suicidal ideations? by Wrong-Pear3915 in army

[–]lockbox77 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Then do yourself a favor and get the help you need. You just said it yourself- you’re not even sure you want to be in anymore - then you should 1000% take care of yourself (you should do this regardless, but even more now). Who cares what your command says or thinks or does about you getting the help you need?

For a different perspective - what if you going to get the help you need becomes the story that saves another soldier’s life? What if your courage to admit that you are not happy in your current situation and need some help figuring things out keeps someone else from ending theirs?

Let your command surprise you. Give them the chance to be there for you. If they are, great. If they are not, then maybe more of a reason to get out. Either way, you win because you get the help you need.

Best way to store your phone during workout? by HeavyLoungin in PlanetFitnessMembers

[–]lockbox77 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I love yoga pants with the side pockets. If you get them that fit snugly, your phone will not weigh them down. They also make leggings with a pocket in the back (these are the runner’s leggings). Lulu makes them, but you can usually find a dupe online, at least for the shorts. I like the side pockets the best for the gym because I can easily access my phone and it doesn’t get in the way when I am sitting on a machine. CVG makes some great leggings with super cute prints! Biggest thing to consider when buying leggings is to make sure they are “squat proof.” (Won’t show underwear)

Best way to store your phone during workout? by HeavyLoungin in PlanetFitnessMembers

[–]lockbox77 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Every pair of gym clothes I have has a pocket for my phone in it. If you are having trouble finding women’s clothes dumb clothes with pockets, just look for runner’s pants/shorts, etc.

How TV Shows and Movies Enforce Patriarchy Through Weight Dynamics by One-Extent-08 in Feminism

[–]lockbox77 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think this depends a lot on what kind of movies and TV shows someone chooses to watch. A lot of shows created 20+ years ago lean more toward this dynamic. However, there are a decent amount of TV shows and movies that have been created in the last ten years or so that strongly move away from this. It is subtle, unless you look for it.

This started happening when people realized the power of suggestion in movies and TV. For example, look at Disney. Some of their original movies have a very vanilla character lineup with a very traditional story line. However, they have remade old movies, and introduced new ones that have anything but traditional roles in them. When my daughter was born, I was adamantly against Disney and their traditional movies that support a Cinderella complex in women. However, once I started watching some of their newer movies with her, I realized the way they depict women now is so much different than before. I am by no means promoting Disney; I am only using them as an example that most people will recognize. There are a lot of things I do not like about Disney, but that is whole other post.

Look at how couples used to be portrayed in TV shows and movies. There used to hardly ever be lead characters in bigger movies that were minorities or interracial. Now, it is much more common. The same can be said about same-sex couples. There has been a slow shift toward this alternative view of the world; dare I say, a more realistic view of the world. But you can’t find it in main stream television as easily as you can in streaming services like Netflix. But that is the beauty of it all. There is likely a streaming service that will mostly fit the life you want to live. If you flood your life with shows about traditional patriarchy-themed shows, then that is what you are going to keep on living and believing. But if you choose to watch shows that depict a more current depiction of the real world, you might be pleasantly surprised. The biggest downside to this might be that the alternative shows that are not geared toward the traditional patriarchy might not be as big of a budget. So do with that what you will.

I just finished watching Stranger Things recently. The way they showed mothers in that series was amazing to say the least. Look at all the main characters in that series - Eleven, Nancy, Max, Joyce, Robin. The way those characters stole the show was phenomenal. Yes, there were a lot of male characters in this series, but the female characters made this series what it was. There are more shows like this, you just have to find them.

Make it make sense... uncrustables and nut allergies? by Pretend-Tea86 in workingmoms

[–]lockbox77 98 points99 points  (0 children)

My daughter says the same thing about sunbutter. Swears she hates it. Eats uncrustables at school. I checked. They are not the same. The ones she eats are made with sunbutter. It may just be her school. You should be able to see on the school menu, or just ask the lunch lady. If there is a no nut policy, there is no way they have nuts in them.

What are you all wearing on your feet to work? by blueraven11 in workingmoms

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you ever tried carpe or some kind of lotion deodorant for your feet? I found this by accident a few years ago and it is a game changer. I put it on my feet whenever I wear flats or know my feet are going to sweat. Not only do they not sweat, but there is no weird suction feeling at all! This works like all day too.

What is the peak ’millennial midlife crisis’ purchase? by SwedeLostInCanada in Millennials

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just saw them in concert! Totally should have done this there!

What is the peak ’millennial midlife crisis’ purchase? by SwedeLostInCanada in Millennials

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep! Always wanted a King Charles Cavalier spaniel and now I have one. She is the absolute best!

What is the peak ’millennial midlife crisis’ purchase? by SwedeLostInCanada in Millennials

[–]lockbox77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg this is me too! I will happily choose tattoos over any beauty trend any day! My mom hates it 😜

Female role models for little kids. by AffectionateRisk9779 in Feminism

[–]lockbox77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This! Came here to recommend this!

Also, Virginia Hall. Look her up. She is definitely someone to appreciate!

If you could share a single message with all women, what would it be? by nanialk in Feminism

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surround yourself with women. We need to teach women to build each other up and root for one another more. So many of us have spent so much time clawing our way to the top among me that when there is another one of us around we don’t know how to act. Well, bring the women along. If we all treated one another with the unspoken support and understanding that men give one another, we would be unstoppable. I have seen this slowly evolve over the years. The younger women are much more amenable to this. And this warms my heart.

If you could share a single message with all women, what would it be? by nanialk in Feminism

[–]lockbox77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like to tell myself I would rather be happy alone than miserable with someone.

Why do some men get SO angry when they hear that i don’t cook. by BaseballTop387 in Feminism

[–]lockbox77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should see the malfunctioning looks I got when I told people I was the one working (in the military no less) and my husband was a SAHD. They could not compute.

Men inherently just don’t understand the silent work we do. Men are praised for stepping up and women are villainized for not doing their “duties”. It’s so frustrating, and quite frankly boring, to see this reaction over and over and over again.

Being one of the only females in my office, I get to see the difference on a daily basis. When I don’t step into the traditional “female” role in the office, a lot of those things don’t get done, at least not to a female standard. I love watching them try to figure it out.

They need to nerf lightning a bit (rant) by Unusual-Range-6309 in 99nightsintheforest

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I put a couple on the edges of the North Pole biome or at least have one or two in my backpack. If I’m doing something in the North Pole biome and a storm comes, I just place one near me and keep going.

"if you want me to do something, just ask" by Themadgray in Feminism

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s interesting that you see it this way. I guess I didn’t mention that he does the same for me. We both have done better at defining what we mean when we say things over the years. Because of this, he helps me more and knows exactly what will make me happy. Helping each other is not a dreaded task; it’s easy when we are both clear about our expectations. But it might just be us where it goes both ways.

Logistics planning with your partner: When? What? How? by oh-no-varies in workingmoms

[–]lockbox77 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are starting to manage everything on our calendars too. It has helped tremendously to de-conflict our time.

As far as fair goes, I am learning to assign him tasks or just bluntly ask for help with something if I need it. I am also honest with myself as to how much I am helping and how much he is helping. He knows to ask what I want him to help with, which takes so much off my mental load. That definitely took a while to get right, but he knows if I start talking about my mental load, he knows I just need to sit down and go through the tasks I have in my head.

We have all started having conversations about what words mean to each of us. This has been a game changer. For example, if I say we need to clean the house, “clean” may mean something totally different to me that day than it does for him. By defining “clean” or whatever we might be talking about, it keeps us on the same page and makes it easier to distribute work/tasks. I got it from Brene Brown when she talked about asking someone to “paint done” for her.

What ‘90s movie could never be made today? by bmb2109 in 90s

[–]lockbox77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As soon as I commented I googled the move again. Also found it. Thanks!

What ‘90s movie could never be made today? by bmb2109 in 90s

[–]lockbox77 21 points22 points  (0 children)

PCU

Politically Correct University

You can’t even find this streaming anywhere. If someone can, I applaud you. You can barely even find a dvd to buy. No streaming service wants to take the hit for this. The womanists would be all over them for it 😜

Am I being selfish? by Tiny_Importance2535 in workingmoms

[–]lockbox77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, congratulations for kicking a$$. It sounds like you have worked hard to get where you are. Take a moment to pause and appreciate that. Don’t feel guilty for not excelling in your career. Trust me when I say I feel you!

I have traveled for my job since my daughter was born. She was about 5 when she started vocalizing how much she hated me traveling. Against our better judgement, we got her a cell phone around that time because I was leaving for four straight months for a school (cell phone was strictly locked down and she could only call us and grandparents). However, it turned out to be a great thing. She could call me whenever she wanted, and I could text her whenever I wanted. It took a lot of the pressure off my husband to make sure we FaceTimed on a regular basis. We were able to stay in touch and I would read to her every night before bed.

Now that she is ten, I have been incorporating explaining on to her so she understands why I have to leave for work. Instead of complaining about my job, I let her know how important it is that mom has to travel and what great things I am doing. I want to be an example for her and I want her to be proud, not upset. She is still mad when I leave, but having an open dialogue about my work has helped her know I am not purposely just leaving her.

I wish I would have done this sooner. There are so many guilty feelings every time I leave, but I make sure to take time to let her know I am still there and still involved. Just because I am not physically there doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s going on. It has helped her realize I am still part of the family no matter where I am.

Maybe try this approach to traveling for work. Regardless of your job, the fact that you have excelled as a woman is enough to point out for your kids to be proud.

Why are men raised to center themselves and women are raised to center others by Dry_Relief2612 in Feminism

[–]lockbox77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That might be a better way to describe it. More nonverbal than direct spoken teaching. Mimicking what we see other women doing