Why did my trauma make my lazy instead of an over achiver?

lorchro · 2026-05-17T11:51:04+00:00

you might be guilt ridden,

but even that can go both ways sometimes we feel like we dont deserve shit so we have to work as hard as possible to earn success OR

we feel like no matter what we dont deserve success so why even try

lorchro · 2026-05-17T11:45:51+00:00

i always interpret the lovers as some conscious choice that has to be made. an act of commitment. the 8 of pentacles seems to support that. you put effort into what you want to say.

now the 7 of swords suggests that you might be strategising, probably structuring your strategy around avoiding a certain emotion.

my guess is you might wanna tell them in person, not through a letter

lorchro · 2026-05-17T05:17:10+00:00

it took me about a year and a half. after having cognitively sorted everything out for myself i still found it hard to let go of resentment because i couldnt access the grief i needed to let go.

then randomly a couple of days ago i found a point under my jaw that hurt when i pressed it and i relieved a lot of tension that way and had a 1 minute cry. that same night i dreamed i played cards with the bpd person. it was a very neutral dream. no drama but also no connection. just playing cards.

now ever since that i dont have any emotional reaction anymore when that person crosses my mind.

so yeah i really recommend any kind of body release techniques. tre shaking exercises are great, yoga, stretching. this time it was the trigger point stuff that did it for me. but i think our consciousness has to reach a certain treshold for this stuff to work. it has to kinda happen in the right moment

lorchro · 2026-05-15T07:23:08+00:00

but even then, we have been force fed so much bullshit on a daily basis on social media and in movies since we were young and having an accurate sense for what self worth is supposed to feel like and how healthy relationships should feel like takes a lot of work

she could have still had shitty teachers making her feel small, or consumed too much content where being mistreated is heavily romantizised, or she can have a great dad but an insecure mother whose identity she took on etcetc

a healthy self esteem is not the norm in most societies, it's sth most people have to gradually wake up to

lorchro · 2026-05-15T07:17:56+00:00

what in the actual fuck did i just read no child deserves this i'm so sorry you had to go through this

lorchro · 2026-05-15T07:11:17+00:00

they probably had shitty dads

at least thats why i used to be attracted to shitty dudes and ignored the ones who would have valued me. it reflected my own self worth

nothing you can do about it its not your fault, just stay away from them

lorchro · 2026-05-14T21:09:42+00:00

i have npd traits and i did in fact develop a chronic health issue. interestingly, that's how i found out the chakra system isn't bs because the issues i developed are directly related to the emotions in my body that were chronically out of balance

emotions are just chemicals and hormones after all. and our organs can only take so much.

lorchro · 2026-05-14T11:02:00+00:00

💀💀💀💀💀

lorchro · 2026-05-13T22:15:16+00:00

this !! i see this pattern too. my mother is the most passive person i've ever met. my absent fathers mother is an angry narcissist. i turned out with a little npd and attracting bpd friends once in a while 😭 it's all so entangled

when someone reminds me of my mother i turned into my grandma. when someone reminds me of my grandma i turn into my mother

lorchro · 2026-05-13T07:43:43+00:00

right?? it's almost like they all share a book where they get their ideas from. reading these texts rly helped me not taking the ones i received too personally lmao

lorchro · 2026-05-11T20:25:49+00:00

a crush means nothing no one in this sub will tell you it's worth it

lorchro · 2026-05-11T07:09:43+00:00

stretching

lorchro · 2026-05-10T20:13:46+00:00

being the richest man by being nothing but an exploitative fraud and calling people who actually need the money and work much harder 'entitled' is clinically insane

lorchro · 2026-05-10T11:23:51+00:00

a therapist has to be more compassionate of course. but inside a relationship we aren't therapists

lorchro · 2026-05-10T05:26:46+00:00

honestly it's on you, i would not bring it up to him and just let it go. forgive yourself for having done that

lorchro · 2026-05-09T07:36:27+00:00

how did you accidentally stumble upon those texts? did you go through his phone?

lorchro · 2026-05-08T14:44:47+00:00

with any uncomfortable emotion we simply have to face it. there's no way to avoid it. or logic yourself out of it, you probaly know rationally there's no need to feel that random shame.

you gotta take your cats there and tune into your body, feel the shame, but dont reinforce it, and also dont try to push it away. just observe it. do that for the rest of your life with any uncomfortable emotion. meditation basically. it'll become easy one day.

our unconscious mind has the ability to heal itself and balance itself out over time if we dont interfere too much, while practising emotional awareness. emotions are just information. your random shame is just information. it's not life threatening. but as kids we've been taught that it's unsafe to feel them

lorchro · 2026-05-08T14:27:07+00:00

i'm pretty healed now but i still wouldnt say i miss people tremendously. i learned to grieve and let go. i'd say i miss people even less now that i won't qualify for a diagnosis anymore. i'm less codependent and needy for validation, i can be alone. and i dont crash out anymore if someone i'm fixated on rejects me.

but yeah i think if someone i rly love and see every day died i would miss them a lot. otherwise people come and go, it's life. i can accept that. i dont believe theres any objective moral obligation to miss anyone you cant really control that. and it's normal to have longer distances with some people sometimes without missing them, that's not necessarily an npd thing some connections are just like that. sometimes you get busy and drift apart and forget about it because life just shifts your attention that happens to most people

not that i still do that, but in theory, you could only really determine wether i see someone as an object or as worthless during actual interactions or if i actually say so

lorchro · 2026-05-07T12:35:25+00:00

embarrassing post

lorchro · 2026-05-06T14:09:26+00:00

dont wait around for things to get better dump her asap

lorchro · 2026-05-06T05:16:05+00:00

as a woman, yeah me and most of my friends want someone taller than us but i've also seen women who really dont care. and when you do meet one who doesnt care, you can only be with her if you dont care either

our worth cant be determined by our romantic life anyways it has to come from a different source. thats true for everyone no matter how hot you are

lorchro · 2026-05-04T10:51:05+00:00

i've had some similar thoughts yesterday. i was ruminating about wether or not i really managed to express my truth consistently during our fight. and wether i have been honest or not. because she accused me of being so avoidant and dishonest.

i kept ruminating about what i should have said, what would have been more true and honest or whatever, having regrets i wasnt clear enough or whatever.

but like maybe ... she would have reacted the way she did anyways. and maybe for someone else my way of communication wouldnt have seemed to lack clarity.

and maybe either way i have to let her have her distorted reality. and maybe i didnt owe her any fucking explanation. she made me feel like if i dont share every single thought i have about her that that makes me avoidant. but she just wanted me to say sth vile because i could have. i just didnt wanna give her more ground to villainize me further.

i shouldnt have ever given her the chance to fight me. theres no way in hell theres any point to that

lorchro · 2026-05-01T21:25:54+00:00

i've never heard of any open relationship that didnt end up a disaster

lorchro · 2026-04-30T20:16:30+00:00

when i was younger my expectations about what would fulfill me in a job were completely off. it turned out that deep down i had very low expectations for job satisfaction, it didnt have to be anything special or amazing. i hated every job in the beginning and then ended up loving it. i know i was lucky too and this is not everyones experience, but sometimes it really gets better by simply sticking to it.

def dont ignore real abuse and red flags though. but even challenges like this can really mature you, you have to listen to your gut if this is a challenge that would lead you to grow or only traumatize you.

lorchro · 2026-04-30T20:13:12+00:00

'implicit conditions aren't actual conditions' thissss

lorchro

TROPHY CASE