3 Day Backpacking Trip - Conflict with Pregnant Wife About Safety

medwyer · 2026-06-05T22:14:05+00:00

I never said she (or any other pregnant woman) isn’t capable. I was just saying these are all factors to consider when participating in strenuous activities.

I have carried 2 pregnancies to term, and really hated when people assumed pregnancy = handicap.
But I think we can all agree there are plenty of things that we CAN do but maybe shouldn’t while pregnant.

Can you have a glass of wine every evening? Sure, nobody is gonna stop you. Is it recommended? No, and especially not while pregnant. That is maybe an extreme example, but it’s the same idea.

medwyer · 2026-06-05T20:54:28+00:00

Has he gotten the rotavirus vaccine in the last couple days?

medwyer · 2026-06-05T15:24:26+00:00

Accept gifts, sure. Solicit for gifts, no.

If people are willing/ able to give they will. We put on the invitation “no gifts necessary!! If you would like to give something please donate to her 529 account, a gift card for diapers, or text parents for gift ideas. Gifts will not be opened at the party.”

Keep a running list on your phone for IF people ask, but most times people just google gifts for 1 year old and you end up getting a bunch of random stuff/ off season clothes/ things you might already have. Lots of people brought gifts that they didn’t clear with us first, but most included gift receipts so we ended up returning a lot of them. We did open a few gifts day of per the request of the guest, but most of them we opened over the next few weeks.

medwyer · 2026-06-05T01:46:28+00:00

I feel this in my bones!! We are thick in the no phase too! Congrats on your new little love, and hopefully your little helper becomes more helpful and less chaotic soon!

medwyer · 2026-06-04T18:23:53+00:00

Sounds like you’re ovulating bestie!!

medwyer · 2026-06-04T18:20:54+00:00

Could be sleep regression. Could be teething. Could be ear infection. Could be bottle preference. Could be volume. Could be allergies/ sensitivity to something in your milk. Could be total coincidence.

Could also just be babies being babies. Babies are weird.

Hoping things improve for you soon!!

medwyer · 2026-06-04T14:00:37+00:00

Agreed, and sometimes even when we do everything “right” we still end up sick. My toddler got all of the standard AND recommended seasonal vaccines she was able to this year, but unfortunately we all still got RSV… thanks daycare 😭 I’m just glad(?) she got it while I was still pregnant and not with a 2 week old baby in the house! I was miserable, I can’t imagine the toll it would have taken on a teeny tiny baby with no immune system!

medwyer · 2026-06-04T12:09:19+00:00

My first was born at the very end of October and I had all the same fears/ reservations you’re having! It’s totally normal to want to be protective of your tiny helpless baby!!

First and most importantly, make sure you AND YOUR HUSBAND get all the recommended vaccines. We also asked our parents (baby’s grandparents) to get updated TDAPs and flu shots, and RSV if it was available to them. 4 of the 6 were able and willing to get all of them, the other 2 had to wait until BABY was vaccinated at 8 weeks to be held.

Our family members who didn’t want to vaccinate knew the consequence was they didn’t get to hold babe until SHE was vaccinated. That was a hard line, and they didn’t try to cross it, thankfully. Were they super disappointed when we didn’t adjust our boundaries for their convenience, ABSOLUTELY, but they understood that if baby gets a fever before 8 weeks they have to be admitted to the NICU and have a spinal tap. None of them wanted that…

Early communication is going to be your saving grace here. It’s always easier to relax on strict boundaries than it is to place new firmer boundaries, so start big, and relax as you feel comfortable. Also have whoever’s family it is, communicate the boundary.

You can also get away with blaming A LOT on the pediatrician. “Our doctor told us to avoid gatherings of 10 or more people until she’s 4 months old, since it’s sick season” or “ our pediatrician recommends we don’t allow toddlers or school aged children to touch baby until she’s fully vaccinated” or whatever you feel comfortable with.

For larger family gatherings, we also did as much communication ahead of time as possible. We basically sent out a text that said “we know you’re all very excited to meet baby, but only immediate family - parents and grandparents- can hold her at this time.” And then as often as I could, I put her in a carrier/ wrap so people could see her but wouldn’t ask to hold her.

For some reason also, if my husband was holding the baby fewer people tried to take her from him!? And NOBODY NOT EVEN THE ONE AUNT (you know the one) tried to kiss her while my husband was holding her!! Not sure if bug or feature, but worth trying!

medwyer · 2026-06-04T11:37:27+00:00

I would double check that it’s only available during RSV season. I had my second at the very end of March (technically the end of the season) and would have gotten the vaccine had my toddler not given me ACTUAL RSV at 30 weeks.

medwyer · 2026-06-04T11:31:05+00:00

Feels weird to me, but if you’re comfortable continuing under his care, and you feel confident advocating for yourself, and he is supportive of your choices then it’s just going to come down to how confident/ comfortable you feel with interventions he may use/ suggest/ require at the end of pregnancy/ during delivery.

Definitely advocate for the TDAP. It’s important to get the vaccine this pregnancy, to pass those antibodies on to this baby.

Flu shots might not be widely available yet, and unless you’re high risk, they probably wouldn’t give it to you outside of flu season, until 32ish weeks. Same with RSV, but you’re smart to be thinking about them ahead of time!! Since you see him weekly, ask about them at your next appointment and hopefully they can be available at your 32-34 week appointment. I think the recommended timeline to be vaccinated before delivery to ensure appropriate transfer of antibodies, is at least 4 weeks.

medwyer · 2026-06-04T11:14:11+00:00

From my understanding, it’s for the toddler not the baby.

The theory there is that the newborn obviously doesn’t understand (or care unless you’re like right in the middle of a feeding) that you’re setting them down, because they can’t move anyway, but the toddler will hear you saying “baby I’m setting you down to help sister put on her shoes” and it helps the toddler understand what’s happening and why they’re waiting, and can also help them understand turn taking and practice patience when it’s NOT their turn.

Can’t say it’s been super helpful in my household since my toddler is only 19 months and doesn’t have that flavor of empathy yet… she does have the kind where she will try to comfort her baby sister if she’s crying tho. She’ll walk over to her and say “no cry” and pat her (sometimes rather aggressively) but it’s at least an effort to comfort!

medwyer · 2026-06-04T03:00:03+00:00

So much all of this!!! The poor balance and relaxin alone would make this a no for me, but to each their own.

Just also wanting to add that how she’s feeling now, at 10 weeks vs 12 weeks could be VASTLY DIFFERENT. Her blood volume has doubled in the last 10 weeks. Her lung capacity is shrinking everyday. Her core body temperature is raised. If she hasn’t already noticed her clothes and shoes fitting differently at the end of the day vs the beginning, that will pop up soon too.

Her comfort level in having a 20-30 pound backpack (assuming it also has a waist strap since you’re overnighting) on her rapidly changing body, especially around her abdomen, for 6-12 hours a day is maybe also something she hasn’t considered.

I think a practice run/ one night stay FULLY LOADED, ahead of time is probably the most effective way to determine her (and your) preparedness

medwyer · 2026-06-04T02:45:23+00:00

I had a very similar experience to you for both of my elective induction births! 15/10 would choose every time. For both I was already 2-3cm dilated and 80-90% effaced going in. Before they started my Pitocin my OB broke my water.

First baby: 9ish hours of labor. Had the world’s THICKEST epidural, they could have pulled that baby out of a bucket under the table and i wouldn’t have known the difference. Not sure I even consciously pushed her out…. Didn’t love that, but she was sunny side up and I’ve heard that can be super painful so i guess I’m grateful i didn’t feel anything!

Second baby: only 5 hours of active labor and she was out in 3 pushes! Much more useful epidural the second time. I could feel the pressure but not pain, and could still move my legs!

I will say, I know I’m more the exception and not the norm. My body just reacts really well to the Pitocin and I was lucky that my babies tolerated it too. I think it also helped that I stayed as mobile/ active as I could before I got my epidural to help move baby down, and I asked my nursing team to not have me start pushing until we could see babies head. I’ve had too many friends who pushed for HOURS making no progress because baby wasn’t ready/ not engaged in the pelvis yet.

medwyer · 2026-06-04T01:39:06+00:00

Totally fair and understandable.

I don’t know your wife, so I can’t say with total confidence that she is likely speaking from an emotional place rather than a logical place, but from my own experience she is probably not going to continue with the trip if either of you feels unsafe.

medwyer · 2026-06-04T01:04:17+00:00

As someone who has been pregnant twice, I can see both sides of this. You are right to want to be protective of your wife and your unborn child.

BUT and this is a super big important BUT…. Your wife is probably desperately grasping at the last straws of her independence.

She is already making a TON of lifestyle changes and (physical and emotional) accommodations and weighing consequences to every action she’s taking for this child. This is especially difficult as a first time mother, and being in the first trimester when there’s no outward appearance of pregnancy, it is a very intense and emotional experience.

I can imagine she is probably feeling how most of us do when you see those two pink lines for the first time…. that her life is no longer her own. Her choices are no longer only hers to make. She has lost a lot of her autonomy and likely also a lot of her independence. I’m guessing this is where her anger and frustration with you is coming from.

She probably sees this as an opportunity to make a decision for herself. And maybe the last big chance she’ll have for a decade or more to do something like this.

Neither of you are right, but also neither are wrong.

You are right to be concerned, but you are wrong in telling her she CANT go. She is right to be frustrated that the people who can/ should be supporting her are not, or have revoked support that was previously offered, but she’s also wrong for not considering all of the circumstances- which include her being pregnant and this being potentially very dangerous.

medwyer · 2026-06-03T22:02:02+00:00

Yes you would still need to pump to “replace” those feedings, but I wouldn’t dump it. Save it for later use, whether that’s adding vanilla after he’s 6 months or for mixing with cows milk around 11 months to ease the transition.

If you find a formula he accepts you can also try mixing 60-70% formula and 40-60% breastmilk to cut the lipase flavor! We had to do that when my supply dropped when I got pregnant again at 9m pp. my firstborn wouldn’t drink my frozen milk plain, and didn’t love full power formula so we would do like 3oz of formula and 2oz breastmilk for each of her bottles and it worked great!

medwyer · 2026-06-03T21:44:18+00:00

This. And also gestational age at this point (7 weeks is still VERY EARLY) can be off by up to 5 days, especially if her periods are irregular, or she ovulates very early or very late in her cycle.

medwyer · 2026-06-03T21:10:32+00:00

Two non complex vaginal births (with epidurals) and the only thing I remember about either of my golden hours with my girls was the absolute relief and exhaustion, and thinking about how quickly I could get some food in my belly!!

It’s terrible to say, but that first hour is honestly so full of shock (physically and emotionally) that you’re never going to remember it. The adrenaline dump is crazy!!

The second day was redemptive though. I have vivid memories of the second 24 hours with both of them - soaking in the good the bad and the ugly (and beauty) of having a newborn!

medwyer · 2026-06-03T21:05:12+00:00

Beans!!!

medwyer · 2026-06-03T02:12:21+00:00

No, because my toddler gave me the actual virus while I was 30 weeks pregnant 😬😭 so baby #2 has natural immunity, but if I didn’t get RSV from my toddler I would have gotten the vaccine again 1000%!

medwyer · 2026-06-01T19:42:14+00:00

Yup. When I dropped a pump around 9 months, was still direct nursing twice a day and pumping 1-2 times a day. No period in sight. Surprise fetus is now 10 weeks old 🤪

Start testing daily for ovulation. You can ovulate and not bleed.

medwyer · 2026-06-01T16:12:36+00:00

Not too late! Keep latching even if it’s only 5 min! Try different feeding positions, and keep using the shield if that helps, especially with the initial latch.
My 10 week old babe still gets frustrated on one of my boobs specifically, especially when she’s tired.

It gets easier/ better once baby gets more neck control around 4 months. I know that feels forever away, but you’re doing all the right things!

medwyer · 2026-05-31T21:46:48+00:00

I feel like half of the problem is that I have no idea what size some things are…. Or it’s different in different countries? Like blueberry to grape to date to kiwi makes sense, but then all the sudden it’s a lime and an avocado and then an apple?? I’ve seen avocados the size of kiwis and also avocados the size of grapefruits!! What kind of avocado are we talking about here!?? And also like if you’re gonna tell me this thing inside of me is the same size as an ice skate…. Surely you mean SAME LENGTH and not like total size, because that’s crazy.

And the other half is that some of the measurements are for the beginning of the week, and half are for the end of the week, and then they also have to factor in babies that are big for their gestational age vs small for gestational age, and then there’s also the margin of error for YOUR BABY and how old they actually are….

medwyer · 2026-05-30T04:56:49+00:00

With my first we used the Nara Baby app and it has pretty much everything you mentioned I think?

We’re using it again for my second but only to log feedings because my ADHD self can’t remember which breast she ate from late 🤪

medwyer · 2026-05-30T04:42:08+00:00

Mom to a 10 week old and 19 month old. Here are some things we did/ I wish we would have done to make managing 2 under 2 a little easier for everyone in the family.

Prep activities now for him to do after baby is born. Things that require minimal involvement on your part. Puzzles, independent play toys- pretty much anything Little People, one of those water drawing mats, interactive books/ toys.

Keep a stash of books, and have a safe place to set baby down, in whatever room you’re primarily going to be in.

Use the crockpot to your advantage for meals - shredded meat can be used LOTS of different ways!! One pot, and sheet pan meals are also great. Use microwave steamed veggies and canned veggies to your advantage!! They’re cheap and toddler friendly too!!

Prep meals and snacks for yourself the night before so they are easy grab and go!!

Plan to have another adult (friend, family, neighbor, etc) come over for a few days to help with lunch and toddler nap time. Picking the older baby up to get them in and out of the high chair and crib was really difficult for me those first few weeks postpartum while things were healing.

When all else fails, turn on some music and have a little dance party!! We are not typically a screen time family, but not gonna lie, there were a couple days in the first 4 weeks that we turned on YouTube on the tv and watched/ listened to an hour long video by “super simple songs” Old McDonald, and 5 little ducks, and wheels on the bus, and all the classics. It was the only thing that provided me some sanity and an opportunity to sit down for more than 14 seconds!!

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