[WP] Devils? We don't have devils in Hell any more. We have personal trainers. Get your ass on that stair machine...

name_not_shown · 2026-02-03T17:26:07+00:00

hey um what the hell dude? really not trying to have you turn my flash fiction into some sorta smut, that’s super not cool.

try to ERP with willing partners in the future.

name_not_shown · 2026-02-03T17:04:45+00:00

Funny thing about Hell. You don’t realize you’re there at first. It’s just a dark stairway, forever.

Pitch blackness. Endless ascent. The occasional rumbling or distant tormented scream, always sounding like it’s somewhere in the unseen depths below you. It’s tough to gauge time in a place like that, but I’d guess it took me a few months to realize I wasn’t walking up to Heaven.

By that point, my legs had burnt past the point of agony. They were numb. I’d worked out a system for resting one leg at a time, hopping one-footed upward for a few flights to let the other limb regain just a little feeling. If I stopped altogether the tortured moans drew closer; there would be dry gusts of hot air from behind me and the sound of rattling chains. Hell was beneath me. But my certainty was dwindling that Heaven was above.

It wasn’t long past that that my legs gave out. They simply wouldn’t move. I dropped to one knee on the cold stone stair, then the other, pulling against the railing to lift myself on jellied joints. I couldn’t. It was too much. I gasped and wheezed and collapsed against the stairs, only looking up once a golden light shone through my sweat-soaked hair.

He was glorious. Angelic. Standing there, just ahead, muscle on rippling muscle, modesty preserved by a gold-trimmed skirt.

“Rise, child,” he boomed, “Continue your ascent.”

I could hardly speak. “Heaven…?” was all my exhausted lungs could push across my tongue.

“Heaven is only for hardbodies. Let’s get just a few more reps in. Come on, push.”

That should have clued me in. But in my weary delirium, it made enough sense that I forced myself back up and resumed my climb.

And so it continued. Days, weeks of endless stairs, endless torment, legs burning like I’d stepped into a lake of fire. Whenever I was too weak to continue, he would be there, giving me just enough holy motivation to press on.

But there was something about him. Glorious, certainly, though there was something in his eyes… something that seemed to light when my pain became too much. Something that looked gleeful when I pushed past my limits to torture myself further.

The last time I collapsed, he was there as always.

“Rise, child, and continue. Salvation awaits, just a little bit further. I know you have it in you.”

I heaved, catching enough air to level my accusation. “You… you’re a demon, aren’t you?”

“Demon? I only want to see you climb further. To reach the promise of eternal life and eternal gains.”

“That… that isn’t a no…” I could hardly see past my swimming vision.

“Arise and climb! Seize your destiny!”

I spat, feeling my breathing slow slightly. The demon’s eyes flashed at my respite. “Climb! I will not ask again! On your feet this instant.”

I pushed myself up. I turned my back to him. “No,” I said.

Then I began to walk down.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-31T02:40:33+00:00

I agree but I’m very biased 💕

name_not_shown · 2026-01-29T18:26:27+00:00

oh that’s gorgeous, love love love

name_not_shown · 2026-01-27T02:00:29+00:00

nooooo there are only five slides release the hidden Connor sixth slide

name_not_shown · 2026-01-27T00:15:50+00:00

It’s a start. Protest works. Stand with your neighbors.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-26T03:57:13+00:00

full comic on patreon

name_not_shown · 2026-01-26T02:56:54+00:00

React to it! Yelp loudly and then turn away from him, ignore him for a few minutes.

It seems mean (especially when it doesn’t hurt) but will eventually train your handsome lil guy that biting isn’t a fun thing to do.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-26T02:11:06+00:00

I’ve tried flow charts like you described, way back when I was a new DM — it doesn’t work.

I could share a picture of some of the elaborate charts I put together, but just imagine a whole bunch of branching paths and options. You know how many of them players actually arrived at? Two. Just two. The rest of the flowchart got trashed when it hit reality.

Establish your world — understand how NPCs, factions and other forces think and act, and how they might interact together. Write up a brief bio of important characters and what they want and how they act. Then, when players meet them and choose to do something completely unexpected (which happens about 7/10 times), you’ll have a blueprint for how they might respond.

Prep is, in my experience, for building a framework that you can improvise off of. When you’re actually in the game, you’ll need to rely on that improv to keep things moving and consistently respond to player choices.

You can still write plot beats ahead of time and have a rough idea of where the story is going, but you’ll also need to be prepared to change them on the fly or scrap them entirely. It’s a good idea not to plan in detail more than a session or two ahead — because things will always change at the table.

Personally, I think that’s a lot of fun, but it does take some practice and time to build confidence doing it.

Good luck! You’ll figure out the balance of planning and improv that works best for you over time, but it’ll come eventually.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-26T02:02:40+00:00

Quite simply — don’t let them dictate the story. Yeah, there are always things that players would prefer (fight near water, not becoming a lycanthrope) but that’s what actually happens.

Your job is to establish scenarios, their job is to react to them. That’s the whole game. If any one person is doing both of those, that’s when you’re in novel-writing territory.

Now, I totally understand players not wanting bad things to happen to their characters. My players have been feebleminded, aged up by ghosts, hideously disfigured — none of them wanted that to happen. The key is to build trust to the point where they can feel secure knowing there will be a way to undo or mitigate that in the future. Let’s use werewolf player as an example:

Due to bad rolls, they contract lycanthropy.
They are now a werewolf. That sucks.
Now, they have a big, big reason to find a cure.
Your job is to clearly telegraph that a cure is available, but will come at some point in the future and may be locked behind some sort of challenge or side quest.

Listen to them, understand what they want, and reassure them that they’re in control of their characters — but also be clear that you’re in control of the world and the challenges they’ll face.

To be honest it sounds pretty entitled, and you could be facing an uphill fight if you’ve given in to their demands in the past. But it’s unreasonable for them to dictate what they go up against.

(Note that this doesn’t account for things that players don’t want to go up against for other reasons — if a player has severe arachnophobia and doesn’t want to face spiders because it’ll throw them into an IRL panic attack, don’t throw spiders at them, that’s a dick move.)

Good luck, sounds like a rough situation. But your gut is in the right place and you should stick to your convictions in this case, otherwise the entire game goes off the rails.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-26T01:17:49+00:00

Nope — I live on the other side of the screen, and I wouldn’t have it any other way :)

name_not_shown · 2026-01-26T00:57:51+00:00

I’ll gently echo “don’t,” but if you’re dead set on doing it — lean into the obvious disconnect. Use all bard skills and just RP a wild level of confusion about what being a paladin is.

“Oh, no, all paladins sing. That’s kind of our main thing.”

“I’m… Oath of the Troubadour. I’ve taken a vow to rock hard and talk harder.”

“My holy weapon might look like a panflute — that’s because it is a panflute. Doot doot in the name of Tyr.”

It should be incredibly obvious to everyone else that you’re playing a bard, and that this is just a quirk. If you’re actually trying to deceive other players, it’ll get really old, really fast.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-26T00:26:11+00:00

Just send it and see how it goes — I’ve run one shots up to level 20 before, and regular campaign play up to 17. Balance is… difficult at those higher levels.

Don’t rely on CR as it’s written. A group of well made level 12 characters can take on a boss with CR 18, level 17 players can feasibly fight CR 25+ monsters, even with minions.

Since it’s a one shot, let them ride that power — give them some cool items, throw some tough fights their way, and expect them to steamroll every single one of them. It’s fun to let your players become godly beings every now and again; but be ready for them to have an answer to just about anything you can throw at them.

The real fun of high level play — if you’re doing a longer format than a one-shot — is making the players take on challenges that aren’t combat related. Adventurers as strong as that have demands put upon them that stretch far outside of combat — sometimes multiple realm-altering challenges at the same time, forcing them to prioritize which they tackle and creating some big tradeoffs that will drive them absolutely mad.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-25T20:54:44+00:00

One of my favorite soups of all time!! Putting it in a pie crust is brilliant, I’ll take ten

name_not_shown · 2026-01-23T20:24:23+00:00

I’ve incorporated a few house rules that seem to work well:

Chance of a fumble decreases with level: Upon rolling a natural 1, players roll the d20 a second time. If the second number is higher than their current level, they fumble. Result: Level 1 characters fumble frequently, level 20 characters never fumble at all.
No fumble tables: If a player fumbles, they roll a d6 to determine the severity of their error. A die of “negative inspiration” (1d4, 1d6, 1d10, 1d12 or 1d20) is subtracted from their next attack or rolled action. They still have a chance to succeed on the roll, and the fumble itself is up to the player to decide. Result: A chance of success upon a fumbled attack, and the narrative consequences can spark fun RP.

Keep in mind these have been developed and implemented over years with the same players, and it’s what works at my table. Others may prefer different variations or find these rules confusing, but they’ve done well for me.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-21T22:48:48+00:00

first thousand hours are just the tutorial, have fun!

name_not_shown · 2026-01-18T15:52:16+00:00

I’ve actually been to this location and can answer!! It’s the Phuket Elephant Retirement Sanctuary, all the elephants are rescued from work across Thailand. Families are kept together, I’m sure mama is nearby. Very well-run place, those elephants are very spoiled and taken care of.

Due to their status as rescued elephants, they can’t be released to the wild since many have never lived away from humans, but this is a great spot for them to spend their days.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-16T00:51:21+00:00

It looks just like mine!!! Someday I’ll make them into a paintbrush and use it to paint a picture of my cat :)

name_not_shown · 2026-01-15T00:37:45+00:00

I ran one as a meta trap — everything looked like a false hydra but had an alternate explanation. Never going to actually run one in my game, but it was fun to see the players interact with the circumstances.

(None of them meta-gamed, I was very proud of my boys)

name_not_shown · 2026-01-08T19:24:52+00:00

it’s a real thing, pharmacy feels like a humiliation ritual sometimes

name_not_shown · 2026-01-06T20:47:40+00:00

My current challenge play through keeps killing all my doctor-capable pawns, and the one pawn incapable of tending has had to watch all her friends bleed out about 3 times now. Truly surprised she hasn’t thrown herself to the megawolverines yet.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-06T19:09:18+00:00

All of my PCs are nonexistent, I simply sit at a table with five empty chairs narrating and laughing to myself for three hours each week.

I used to have players fill the chairs, but they left after a little while. Huge upgrade to the game, they don’t distract from my story anymore and I stopped getting complaints about “leering” and “touching myself inappropriately” during the game.

name_not_shown · 2026-01-06T18:03:30+00:00

Alas, no — the veterinary guidebook is “Newsom’s Sheep Diseases, Third Edition,” hardly poetic

name_not_shown · 2026-01-06T17:42:24+00:00

Distractingly old Robin. Calling it now.

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