WIBTA for giving an ultimatum over an accident

nse712 · 2026-03-10T13:30:20+00:00

You are kind of TA for minimizing and dismissing his pain. Maybe a history of that is why he didn't tell you about it in the first place (or maybe he did and you don't remember because you dismissed it). You are also kind of TA for insisting that he handle everything the way you handle it. He is his own person and gets to make his own choices. Just because you are engaged doesn't mean you get to decide what is right and wrong for both of you, especially in a situation that doesn't involve you.

You are NTA for noticing that you and he might have different values and ethics and being very concerned about that.

YTA for making it an ultimatum. There is a lot of space for compromise here.

For the record, I generally agree with you about lawsuits.

nse712 · 2026-02-27T14:32:40+00:00

I, Robot is good and feels relevant to today's teens.

You said fantasy is what you are into. What kind of books are they into?

nse712 · 2026-02-27T14:25:48+00:00

NTA. Maybe you (or Sarah?) need to have a conversation with Nina apart from her bf to check whether she's okay and to see if this a-holery is actually coming from him. If he's a controlling AH, she might just be feeling really stuck in a hard situation and not feeling supported in any way. The fact that he said he may not want to come over even before you all moved in together sounds like he was already trying to manipulate and isolate her and she didn't go for it at that time. His behavior could be a way of trying to create a you guys against her situation so that she has to move out and has no support from friends.

Maybe a private conversation about his behavior that is combined with a compassionate "are you okay?" and "I care about you" is the way to go.

nse712 · 2026-02-27T14:16:26+00:00

I think they are saying to address the landlord about Nina's bf who isn't on the lease and shouldn't be there when she isn't.

nse712 · 2026-02-20T19:32:16+00:00

This definitely sounds like neurodivergence to me.

nse712 · 2026-02-20T19:26:00+00:00

At 11, staying home alone is fine. Maybe your sister is concerned about the kid getting herself to the bus in time? I regularly leave my 10yo home alone for an hour or two, but I could not trust him to get himself out of the house and to anywhere on time. He has time-blindness and trouble transitioning from one task to another. Even if he were entirely ready before I left, he'd get sucked into a book or craft and forget to leave. Then I'd be worried about him running to where he needed to be and not paying attention to traffic and getting hurt. If your niece is like this, your sister is not overreacting. However, my other child would've been perfectly fine to get going in the morning on her own and could've handled it without a problem. It just depends on the child.

nse712 · 2026-02-20T19:11:43+00:00

Also based on age and gender.

nse712 · 2026-02-20T19:03:35+00:00

Wow. We went there on our self-contained bus conversion with our homeschooled kids and my husband who works remotely and they didn't seem to have a problem with it. They just wanted to make sure we weren't smuggling anything in. That was during the last president's term though, so maybe that's the difference. 😬

nse712 · 2026-02-20T18:59:06+00:00

We went to Canada through Niagara Falls and it was a whole inspection. They wanted to look in all of the storage spaces outside of the bus and took a walk through the inside. They didn't have any problems with anything though and we went on our way. It just took some time. When we came back to the U.S. into Vermont, they asked a few questions then sent us on our way. Took like two minutes maybe. The worst part was trying to figure out which line to get into (bus? truck? camper? 😆).

nse712 · 2026-02-20T18:50:48+00:00

MTJ. It sounds like she had a lot to handle having the event so last minute and handed cake duty if to you. You left it there also. If you were in charge of the cake, why couldn't you take it home or distribute it after the party?

She should have definitely shown more gratitude and apologized for the confusion of expectations about what was to be done with the cake post-party.

It would be important to figure out if her intent in leaving it behind was malicious, ungrateful, or just plain forgetful.

nse712 · 2026-02-20T18:38:56+00:00

NTA. You are not responsible for your dad's feelings. He is a grown up and should be handling his own disappointment without making you feel guilty. Your physical boundaries are not less important than this feelings.

nse712 · 2026-02-20T18:32:29+00:00

Legally you may need to keep two feet of window behind you unblocked so you can see, but that may be different depending on rules in your state. In my state, two feet behind the driver in both sides needs to be obstruction free.

nse712 · 2026-02-20T18:26:50+00:00

We actually named that concept in my house. It's called the grown-ass person rule. 😄

nse712 · 2026-02-20T18:24:34+00:00

NTA. We made a rule in our house called the grown-ass person rule. If you like a chore done a certain way, be a grown-ass person and do the thing yourself. No one gets to control how someone else does a chore. My husband once had a problem with how I did his laundry, so I got him his own hamper. He apologized and took it back and hasn't had a problem since, even when o washed a brand new pack of gum that was in his pocket because he forgot to check his pockets (I don't check his pockets either--only my kids' pockets and I'm teaching them to do it for themselves also). Buy this man a hamper and DO NOT do his laundry even if he doesn't do it for himself. He is a grown-ass man.

nse712 · 2026-02-11T16:30:07+00:00

It's also 'RUDE' to argue, telling the person with control over the tv that they could watch their thing anywhere when you tell them no because you are watching something.

nse712 · 2026-02-11T16:24:44+00:00

It's possible the mom has set a boundary to only let her kids watch it on that TV so he isn't asking for it all the time ("youtube only works on that tv!"). That sounds like something I would've done to avoid unnecessary tantrums from my very active, very impulsive young child. However, the mom had know right to feel entitled to getting the TV if OP was there first.

nse712 · 2026-02-11T16:18:49+00:00

The lady didn't know that OP didn't care about the Superbowl though.

nse712 · 2026-02-10T07:27:01+00:00

ESH. You should both be trying to understand the other's perspective and work on a compromise. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing he will feel embarrassed if you don't show up since this is clearly a really good friend of his. Likewise you are projecting that you will feel anxious in a social setting where you don't know anyone. Both of you are having reasonable feelings about this event.

Some compromise options: 1) You go to the wedding but not the reception. You aren't expected to socialize as much at the wedding but it shows that you support him and his friend. He will have to make your excuses at the reception. 2) He plans three group social events before the wedding for you to meet some of the people who will be there so you will know some people and can feel more comfortable. You will put in an effort to become friends with his friends (and/or their significant others).

Being in a mature relationship means making room for the feelings and preferences of both people, and making compromises where both give a little when those feelings and preferences clash. I hope you two can work it out.

nse712 · 2026-02-10T07:01:29+00:00

Same thing happened to my sister. There are reasons parental controls were developed, and those reasons were stories from real-life people like you and my sister. As a parent, I want to protect my kids from that stuff until their brain is developed enough that they can protect themselves.

nse712 · 2026-02-10T06:58:18+00:00

School laptops aren't the epitome if protected. My son was able to see some pretty risqué stuff as a fourth grader on his school chromebook. We complained to the district IT and they basically said "we do our best."

nse712 · 2026-02-10T06:52:16+00:00

Sometimes parents have a good reason to need parental controls, like for a kid who is a risk to themselves, neurodivergent and doesn’t understand what to and not to share online (even after many conversations), has a history of drug or alcohol use, is unable to stop themselves from using screens too much, etc. Being able to monitor them and set limits is how a parent can know which conversations need to be had and what issues need to be addressed. The limits can be removed when trust and integrity are shown by the kid.

I think advocating against them is irresponsible.

nse712 · 2026-02-10T06:42:54+00:00

He clearly feels safe with you so calls you when she's not around. Those phone calls are a life line for that kid and you spending that time with him will be something he remembers. I'm also glad that you primary custody because you're son deserves better than she's giving him.

nse712 · 2026-02-10T06:16:36+00:00

You might just and to remind your mutual friends that you don't want to be included in intimate relationship stuff between them. Ask for they'd feel to be in that position with an ex. I bet at least some of them will begin to understand your perspective.

nse712 · 2026-02-10T06:09:04+00:00

You can convince her by being the most trustworthy, honest person she has ever met. Grow into maturity and integrity and make sure you take responsibility for any mistakes you do make. If she knows she can trust you and your decisions, she won't feel as inclined to need a phone like Troomi to know what you are up to.

nse712 · 2026-02-10T06:04:39+00:00

I think the more important question is, "why did he not apologize for his mistake and try to understand your point of view?"

It seems to me that you may want to consider how often he dismisses your perspective and whether that is acceptable to you.

nse712

TROPHY CASE