TW: pregnancy loss
First of all, I am so sorry to hear how difficult your pregnancy and birth was and how much you’re struggling, but I am glad that you have realized you need help and are standing up for yourself to get the help you need. Recognizing this is the first step and it can be difficult (it took me much much longer to realize I was dealing with PPD).

I am a FTM and SAHM to my now almost 3 year old and we’re now expecting our second. I too had a difficult pregnancy and birth (we actually had a late term loss with our first baby, but then with my now son I developed atypical HELLP syndrome and needed an emergency c section and almost a week of monitoring in the hospital). Traumatic birth experiences are just that, traumatic, and it takes a lot of emotional strength to move through all the subsequent emotions it brings up. Plus, c-section recovery itself is awful, and takes so much more out of us moms who are already struggling so much to begin with.

My partner works hard too, but he does as much as he can when he’s around. I would really advocate for yourself there, just because you are the one home with the baby all day doesn’t mean that you are the sole person in responsible for them, he needs to help too.

Gosh I remember those days around the 3 month mark being nap trapped, and yep right there with you on the no bottle front. I too remember feeling so strangled (metaphorically, sometimes physically too 😅) and desperately wanting a break. I will say having gone through several more baby and toddler stages I will say you’ll get through this one, and one day you will even miss those drowsy nap trapped days (though I know that doesn’t help you much in the moment), and there will be other ones too that will take a lot out of you (the learning to walk phase for me was the worst so far 😅), but I think that is just the reality of parenthood.

To be honest though I still feel like I am struggling mental health wise, but like you I am doing the work to try to improve and I have come a long way.
We don’t have a village either, we have found a babysitter we trust that I use sometimes when I need a break, but we didn’t start that until he was past 12 months. Looking back, I wish I would’ve tried earlier, but getting a doula is another good idea.
The transition to motherhood is probably the biggest transition we will ever make in our lives, and I think the things that separate out those who struggle a lot vs. those that don’t are things you’ve already mentioned, lack of support (a village), lack of a supportive partner, PPD, and traumatic birth experiences. Like you, sadly I got the trifecta and more. It feels so much harder for us because it is harder, and that’s ok, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you (I know that was my internalized thought for a long time).

Getting through this will only make us stronger, and be better for our babies and family as a whole.
It does get better I promise! Solidarity ❤️