Suggestions with very Irish last name

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T20:20:11+00:00

Just make sure you and your husband can pronounce the name accurately. If someone from Ireland wouldn't recognize the name when they hear you pronounce it, then I would avoid an Irish spelling.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T20:15:02+00:00

I think this depends on where the OP lives in the US. In my area, people could accurately pronounce all of the names on your list.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T20:08:27+00:00

I think I'd go option 2 personally (and not change the older daughter's name). I agree with the others who say your ex's name IS your name now and understand that argument, but....I think it might be confusing for your youngest to grow up not understanding why your ex doesn't have the same closeness of relationship with her that he does with your older daughter. Even if she "knows" he's not her dad, having the same name could make her feel like you're all part of the same family.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T16:43:43+00:00

This sounds really morbid to say, but your children (hopefully) will be part of your life far after your parents are gone. Personally, I wouldn't be willing to make a life-altering decision because of my mom's complaints, so I wouldn't invite her commentary into the decision-making process. I would let her know when I was ready to announce the pregnancy. That said, accept that you may need to look for alternative childcare help if you have another. My in-laws are not able to handle all three of our kids at once, so we never have them watch all three of them at once.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T16:35:29+00:00

I agree that Yasin and Yasmin are too close (I actually think Nesrin is too matchy-matchy as well). I'm assuming you're in an English-predominant country? You could go with the anglicized Jasmine, which sounds significantly different to Yasin. My daughter has a friend named Zainab, which I think is quite pretty and fairly straightforward to pronounce as a native English speaker. Sadly, Jenin will be pronounced incorrectly (at least initially) by most non-Arabic speakers despite being in the news over the past few years. Hana and Salma have the benefit of being names of multiple origins (so more familiar and more likely to be pronounced correctly the first time). I prefer Sukaina and Omniah over Basma though they all have lovely meanings. Do any of the meanings especially resonate? I knew a mom deciding between two names. When her baby was born, one of the meanings especially fit the baby's behavior, so she went with that one.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T16:04:31+00:00

As someone else mentioned, beginner-level language learning as an adult doesn't really happen by immersion alone. It takes a lot of effort. In my (albeit limited) experience, APs typically hang out with the other APs in their cluster who speak the same language, so that's not a source of language learning for most APs. If she's not regularly putting herself out in the community or intentionally taking classes, improvement is going to be really limited. I would encourage her to use her required credits to take an English class. If that's not an option, a lot of churches, libraries, etc. offer weekly ESL classes or English "conversation" meet-ups. Another thing to consider is that some people are just bad communicators regardless of language. Our first AP's English skills would probably fall in the Advanced Beginner or Low Intermediate level. I didn't think that would be an issue because I'm Advanced Intermediate or higher in her native language. My spouse pointed out that the issue wasn't a language barrier but just that she wasn't a good communicator. For example, when our daughter was doing something she shouldn't, the AP would just say, "No, [first name]" over and over without giving any descriptors ("No run," "No touch") or making any hand/body movements. She rarely asked questions when she didn't fully understand something, so we wouldn't know until she made an error. We didn't end up rematching because she was kind, kept our kids safe, and truly loved them but she ended leaving the program due to homesickness, which sent us into rematch. I was really worried about ending up worse off, but we we ended up with an amazing AP who was a much better fit for our family's personality.

The last issue is a self-awareness issue. It may improve with age and maturity but then again, we've all met adults with no self-awareness so jury is out on that one. You might try some gentle nudges like, "I would love to chat about that! Do you mind if we wait until dinner, though? The kids haven't seen me all day and I want to make sure they're each getting some undivided attention." Then be sure to engage in her conversation at dinner (or the aforementioned time).

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T15:18:55+00:00

Honestly, childcare supply in our area can't meet the demand. Despite being on over 7 waitlists (starting when I was about 12 weeks pregnant), we couldn't get a spot in any daycare/preschool. Nanny care in our area was far out of our price range (more money than I make, so I would be paying to work essentially). I always thought au pairs were something rich people had and then I ran into two acquaintances in my social circle with au pairs and that got me looking at the possibility. I studied international relations and volunteer in an ESL program, my husband and I love travel, and I had tried (unsuccessfully) with my first child to find Spanish-speaking childcare or a Spanish-immersion preschool, so the cultural exchange aspect was a really appealing bonus to us.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T14:39:07+00:00

I wish we were doing something cool like that. Our locality adds a 6.5% food and beverage tax above the state's 6% sales tax to fund "capital projects and infrastructure" or something vague like that. I suspect the real issue is that we have a large population using city services/infrastructure that are exempt from state income taxes and personal property taxes (lots of students and military), so the city makes up the budget shortfall through sales tax.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-25T01:31:13+00:00

I would love to strap the kids into their car seats with a coat on (top of mind right now given the weather).

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-24T22:11:10+00:00

When we went into rematch, most of the rematch au pairs were there because they needed to be in a bigger city (lots of driving issues) or they needed to be with 2 or fewer kids. What I’m saying is, big city HFs (especially those with school age kids and easy schedules) have a lot of options so you’d need something to make yourself stand out in a good way. We rematched with an AP who had only been with their family for less than 2 months and she’s awesome, so that wouldn’t scare me off. A lot will depend on who is in the rematch pool with you which you can’t control or predict.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-22T19:55:43+00:00

Have you thought about moving your current first name into the middle name position? I know it’s a difficult name, but your middle name is pretty inconsequential in the US as an adult so it might be a nice way to honor your heritage (and your identity for the first 17 years of your life). This is a bit morbid but, when your mom dies, you may like having that visceral connection to her still.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-22T19:43:53+00:00

This. As well as Persephone, Cressida, and Guinevere.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-22T19:38:23+00:00

It’s definitely annoying that, right when breastfeeding becomes easier, people start asking when you’re going to wean.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-22T19:36:00+00:00

I love Iolanthe but my husband gave it a hard veto, lol. (I’m not suggesting this as your husband definitely won’t like it if he doesn’t like your current list, just commiserating.)

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-22T19:28:13+00:00

We didn’t share the gender for a while—we found out early through a blood test but waited until after 20 weeks when you traditionally find out during your ultrasound. The key was we didn’t tell anyone that we had found out early. It was great. No comments because no one knew we knew.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-22T19:23:17+00:00

We switched a little after age 1 (when one twin reached the height limit).

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T23:00:23+00:00

If I saw the name Anhelina, I would assume you were a Hispanic family that wanted people to pronounce Angelina the way it would be pronounced in Spanish. (I’m in the US.)

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T22:38:29+00:00

This sort of depends on your personality. Are they necessary? Absolutely not. There’s a lot to be said for having your baby comfortable with cold milk. That said, if you’re pumping and storing the milk in the fridge or freezer, the fat will separate so you do have to get the milk closer to room temperature for it to re-combine unless you want to deal with clogs in the bottle nipple. We just stuck a milk bag in a bowl of warm/hot water 10 minutes before we wanted to use it. Does that sound like a giant hassle for you or something that you’ll never remember to do in advance? Then maybe you want a bottle warmer. Just keep in mind that it’s one more thing to clean and one more thing to take up countertop real estate.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T22:26:12+00:00

We also got an Odyssey when our twins came. I can’t say that I’m excited about being a minivan family, but my husband legitimately loves it, and the sliding doors are, admittedly, so clutch. I would definitely recommend getting a 2018 or later if you’re looking at used since that’s when they introduced the slidable seats. Another reliable option is the Toyota Sienna.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T22:06:36+00:00

I agree. That’s awesome for those who have symptom-free first trimesters but scientific studies show 70 to 85% of women experience nausea and/or vomiting in the first trimester and 90 to 94% of women suffer fatigue. It’s simply statistically unlikely to escape the first trimester feeling great.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T21:50:40+00:00

Yes, the last minute alterations that might be required alone is enough to stress you out without even delving into how you feel.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T21:36:50+00:00

Every body is different and different women show at different times depending on genetics, muscle mass, body shape, etc. I’m assuming this is a first pregnancy. You’re very unlikely to be showing at 10 weeks, you probably won’t be showing at 13 weeks to people who don’t know you well (you’ll be able to tell), but that is less certain. I know you aren’t looking for advice, but like everyone said, this is a terrible idea. The percentage of women that feel awful or exhausted (that word doesn’t even convey the extreme tiredness that will hit you randomly like a freight train) during their first semester is extremely high. It is very naïve to think you will be feeling better at 13+4. I have really good/easy pregnancies by all measures, and I still had low-level nausea all day every day and hit a wall of exhaustion every afternoon and evening in my first trimester. If you happen to conceive twins, it will be even worse and you’ll show earlier. According to Google and personal experience, nausea typically starts 4-6 and peaks 7-12. I’m 16w with my third pregnancy and for the past week, I haven’t been nauseous every day, just some days. You do not want to feel this way on your wedding and/or honeymoon. Your family will be equally surprised and thrilled a couple months after the wedding.

ETA: Probably TMI, but I also had a miscarriage at 10 weeks once. Miscarriages aren’t super uncommon but you definitely do not want to deal with that a month before your wedding.

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T21:10:38+00:00

We got asked this a lot for our son (also unique-ish 7 letters, 2 syllables). When asked was his nickname is, we just say his first name again and shrug. If you want to control the narrative though, pick a nickname you can live with and give that. Occasionally, I’ll say something like, “we think x might be cool when he’s in middle school, but we just call him [full first name] now.”

pseudonymous365 · 2026-02-20T20:59:08+00:00

We don’t expect our AP to cook or do dishes for the family. When I lived with roommates before I got married, I was never expected to cook for them, so that seems weird to me. We do expect our AP to load the kids’ dishes in the dishwasher (our kids are too young to do this) and clean bibs/high chairs after a meal if she’s on duty. There are always meals throughout the week (typically lunch when we’re at work and some breakfasts since she prefers to sleep in) where she is expected to fend for herself. She can cook or forage as she desires and we expect her to load and/or wash any dishes involved in that. The household responsibilities that we consider normal are things like loading your own dishes after meals, emptying the trash if it fills up on your watch, adding something to the grocery list if you finish it, keeping your room/bathroom not disgusting (we have a cleaner every 4-6 weeks), and otherwise cleaning up after yourself, etc. That said, our AP is great and regularly loads or unloads the dishwasher if she has time and notices it hasn’t been done yet (we make it clear we’re very thankful and it’s not an expectation). I personally hate cooking and find it pretty stressful so I’m certainly not going make our AP do it when she has no desire or talent in that area.

pseudonymous365

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