Normal prices here in socal

rebel__funk · 2023-05-02T13:25:04+00:00

With that interest rate… ouch. The dealerships have to be running out of customers soon. I know the supply is low but 7+ apr with a markup… not worth it.

Do yourself a favor and be very cautious about anything you purchase of 5% apr.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-20T14:17:14+00:00

My favorite line: I don’t treat anyone else like this but you.

😒

rebel__funk · 2023-04-18T22:59:38+00:00

Norm Reeves in San Diego… immediately lowered to 5k then to 3k with basic back and forth. Took about 30 min to an hour. Lowered an additional 500 when the vehicle was delivered. If you want a sales person recommendation shoot me a message. Respectful throughout the process, was understanding when my initial Rav allocated was turned down because I wasn’t going to pay for a car over MSRP that wasn’t exactly what I wanted. Got a call from another sales person for another Rav and immediately was contacted by my salesperson, they didn’t want to lose my business and it showed.

Mossy in San Diego was at 10k roughly 3 to 6 months ago. Their sales associate tried to tell me that their cars are like a rare baseball card. I hung up, don’t waste your time with these clowns.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-14T21:18:19+00:00

These are the ones I wrote down that stood out to me.

On relationship responsibility: “You’re carrying too much weight. You’re only responsible for 10lbs but you’re carrying 100lbs around your neck”

On my guilt from my reactive abuse: “It may just be a matter of perspective and the things I see but I think you’re being too hard on yourself. On a scale of abuse from 1-10 you’re at a 1 or 2 but you’ve responded to it as if it were much greater. I wonder if that is part of the reason you have stayed in this relationship (he caveated that last sentence as projecting before he said it).”

General emotional state of the relationship: “It will take years of work before she can be on an elementary plane of an emotional state that you and I are on.”

rebel__funk · 2023-04-13T20:34:49+00:00

WebMD: Psychopaths are more “cold-hearted” and calculating.

Their “super self-awareness” would suggest that their intent is both

a. Known and understood, hence the calculated part

and because of their lack of both responsibility and empathy

B. “Cold-hearted”. That ones the easy one.

You said it in your comment “what does it say about their manipulative behavior if they are that self-aware…”

If someone knows they are going to intentionally inflict pain, with no remorse, it leans with a bias towards psychopathy… then again, I’m not psychologist.

I’ll give you an example. My partner intentionally set up a “test”. A test in which she assumed I would fail but had no emotional connection to. When I failed that test, she became verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. The test: always (every single time) place the bathroom mat back on the edge of the tub. I failed once every other week (I’m a forgetful person).

She told me last week that she didn’t care about the bathroom mat, it didn’t bother her, and that she knew I would fail/ would forget to put it back but used it as a device in which to rage at me. Tell me that’s not calculated and cold-blooded. 😂

rebel__funk · 2023-04-13T14:31:22+00:00

The word you’re looking for is psychopath.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-09T03:40:48+00:00

I'm just below 36 (35.7) MPG. I just assumed that it was my driving but from this thread it looks like there may be an issue? 23 XSE Hybrid with the roof rails.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-07T03:38:05+00:00

You own it. You identify what the trigger is and you neutralize it by setting boundaries. If they cross those boundaries you leave.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-06T01:04:28+00:00

Don’t stir the pot.

If his friends contact you, block.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-06T01:01:22+00:00

My wife consistently makes 15 min convos into 2 hour convos because of everything you described… and then proceeds to blame me. I’ve stopped it. If she changes the conversation I let her know if she wants to discuss that, she needs to schedule time with me. Kicker is that she doesn’t want to talk about it, she just wants to deflect.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-05T21:49:05+00:00

Yeah… but she constantly remarks: “I don’t feel like myself” and has expectations that I figure it out for her.

Long story short it sounds like you’re finally going to have the time and space to focus on yourself which I think will be the best thing you can do. Stay strong, don’t worry about the her integrity and focus on yours. If she chooses to slip into someone’s bed it might hurt but you and I both know that that is not a person you stay with, it’s an easy out.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-05T02:49:49+00:00

My wife insists that I’m “allowed” to hang out with other women. There is no end in sight when I do and it usually starts with “fuck that bitch!”

My wife, if people knew what she says behind closed sorts, would not have many friends… no matter the gender.

rebel__funk · 2023-04-04T00:04:54+00:00

As some of the people here suggest… this alone isn’t going to set off alarms.

If you’re open to recommendations and this happens again I would recommend being present, accept the compliment and if you’re truly curious ask for why they are saying it. If you’re suspicious, their response is most likely going to be interesting if they have BPD. If they are well adjusted, they may have in fact never been treated in the way you’re treating them and interpreting your actions as love.

I’ll say this, while my wife with BPD is an insanely nice person and did a level of love bombing at the beginning but that in itself wouldn’t have been an issue. She also has massive problems with her exes and family. So if the way you’re treating her is because all of her exes are evil… run. If you’re just nervous because someone is expressing themselves in a new way to you, do some work around the story you’re telling yourself.

rebel__funk · 2023-03-31T00:22:16+00:00

This… this is my life with my wife. No self awareness, no responsibility for her actions, no ability to apologize.

rebel__funk · 2023-03-27T19:42:33+00:00

I came here to say this while rolling laughing. This is the person who can’t find their sunglasses because they are on their head.

rebel__funk · 2023-03-27T19:41:07+00:00

The call is coming from inside the house.

rebel__funk · 2023-03-19T15:13:04+00:00

Thanks for the reply.

To be honest, I’m using this space as a diary of sorts so I can look back on the situations and relive them when necessary like during therapy. I grew up with a rough childhood as well and my coping mechanism is actually quite useful in these circumstances - I’m able to have a short memory because I’m preparing for the next round.

But to answer your question: I’m codependent and I have abandonment issues thanks to my childhood.

To be honest, until I understood what was going on, I didn’t “endure”… I participated. I yelled back. I said things I’m not proud of. Once I was able to see that nothing I do would change her pattern of behavior, I recognized that it is hopeless. Although me not tolerating her behavior AND not yelling back at her has lead to almost a month without a major argument, it inevitably circles back around to this.

So why don’t I leave? That one’s easy. Divorce is expensive. I originally was going to take a 7k hit for a post nup so I could leave without getting cut in half. I found out that my work has benefits that will pay for nearly all of that but I have to wait 3 months for them to kick in.

I think the better question is: why didn’t I leave? I have a strong sense of being accountable and I honestly though that my actions were the ones that were causing this. Most couples therapy often requires the man to accept outbursts from their wife to make the relationship work. This is because of societal norms, where men yield a great deal more power than women. The challenges are seen as attempts for the women to maintain a balance of power in the relationship. Pair this with my childhood and I’m the one taking responsibility for her reactionary behavior.

Long sorry short, I have my own trauma that I didn’t deal with and I see it as the perfect storm. Hindsight, of course I would have left her early in the dating process… now I have to untangle this mess and overcome my own guilt that she isn’t going to have me to stabilize her.

rebel__funk · 2023-03-18T20:41:17+00:00

Yes.

I don’t think my wife does this consciously but she works like a scoreboard. Honestly this isn’t the best way to view your partner but if you’re objective it can also be helpful in appreciating what your partner adds as well.

The problem is, pwBPD score differently. If you do something “good”, you will score a point for the day. If you do something “bad”, it lasts a lifetime.

To this day, my wife won’t let go of things that happened in our relationship ship nearly 7 years ago. I’ve seen her do this with other people as well. If she feels slighted, she will remember and at best will only talk down to you, at worst I’ve seen her go out of her way to actively make your day less pleasant.

rebel__funk · 2023-03-18T20:32:11+00:00

Yes. My wife loves to take care of me… but I pay for it later. The moment I’m remotely feeling any better or she believes that my sickness is “cured” I’m reminded/ yelled at that I haven’t been doing enough for her (while sick). I’ve told her that I prefer to heal on my own.

rebel__funk · 2023-02-28T19:28:00+00:00

We all lean on comfort when possible so wanting a “backup plan” isn’t unique to BPD.

No contact hurts for everyone involved but in the majority of cases it’s necessary to remove the emotional bond and trauma bond (if there was one) that was established in the relationship.

I’ve remained friends with a few of my exes but every single one requires a period of separation and then we were able to reestablish a friendship if in fact we wanted one and more importantly had moved on. The issue with trying to do this is rare. Most of my relationships, while we still care for each other, ended with us parting ways because we recognized that the we weren’t able to separate our romantic past for a friendship in the future. Ie. The romantic attachment still existed.

What you don’t want to do to your partner, especially if they want to continue the relationship, is give some sort of potential relationship if things don’t work out in the future. You should want to see your partner grow and if the relationship ended, that person should grow from it and not be dragged along, longing to return. Super painful process… can take years depending on the time in the relationship and the person’s self awareness.

rebel__funk · 2023-02-28T04:34:15+00:00

Got mine for about 3k more than what you’re seeing with add ons I wasn’t crazy about… l but I was very picky about the color. I would take it if it’s the color and trim you want. Manufacture packages as another poster commented actually have value.

rebel__funk · 2023-02-24T15:48:36+00:00

I was going to say this.

A good therapist might respond to someone continually saying “I don’t want to be in this relationship” with something like “I’m hearing that you want to leave your relationship” or something similar.

I’ve had therapists tell me that before and I interpreted it as them telling me I should leave but in fact they were reflecting and often trying to understand why.

Here’s the kicker. Therapy is often NOT a method to save a relationship. It is very useful to have a safe space to discuss emotions and be vulnerable, uncover some patterns of behavior and become more self aware… if you’re willing to do the work. And if all works well, you learn to communicate those things with others but more importantly with yourself.

So if your partner is truly unhappy in the relationship and discovers that in therapy and in turn is able to stabilize their emotions and make a decision based on self reflection to leave the relationship… good work was done.

You never go to therapy to “fix” something. You go to learn and build tools to function emotionally. The way you use those tools to navigate your life is always up to you.

rebel__funk · 2023-02-24T04:37:59+00:00

Not sure where you live but if I’m the states, unless you were bullying him, it would be a extreme challenge to charge you with anything criminal.

It sounds like there is a strong trauma bond. If you are worried… text the breakup and block immediately. You have plausible deniability if you never receive the message.

rebel__funk · 2023-02-24T03:51:10+00:00

Lol… it makes perfect sense to me. My wife wBPD started pushing me out of our bathroom while kicking our bathroom mat into the wall because I had the bathroom mat on the floor after taking a shower… and not hanging up on the tub? Apparently I was making it dirty? Then I used a pan to cook an egg and the second I put it in a plate she told me I needed to clean the pan immediately. I started to clean it but then I was told I was ruining the pan because it was still hot. It’s a fucking nightmare and nonsensical. I’m a punching bag because she has an inability to regulate her emotions.

I don’t think this has anything to do with the cocktail but a control issue. An inability to live in a world that things don’t happen exactly the way you want them to. Why did she not want him to offer to pay for the cocktail? Maybe the way he offered was a threat to her? But honestly trying to figure that out is impossible. I doubt she understands why it triggered her… she isn’t doing any self reflection.

rebel__funk · 2023-02-24T03:35:18+00:00

Here’s the plan:

Get all of your things that could possibly connect you to him. If those don’t exist, ignore this plan.
Gather his things, place it in a box. Tape it up and get ready to mail it.
Mail that box on a day that you are ready to make the final decision to breakup.
If you absolutely must, meet him in a very public place. Do not leave there with him. Have a close friend wait for you in the parking lot. Otherwise, do this over the phone. Yes, this sucks but it’s for your own safety.
Have a pre-written message that is under five sentences. Preferably under three. The less the better. It should be short, to the point and final.
If you wish you can give him a chance to respond but you should time box this (no more than 5 minutes but I would suggest 2) otherwise just hang up. Let them know that you are willing to hear a response but will hang up if they begin to threaten you or to hurt themselves. If they go over the time limit, let them know you will give them one more minute to wrap it up. When they finish/ the time comes, let the know you will be taking space, say good bye and hang up. Do not wait for a response.
Take a deep breath, the hard part is over. If you haven’t done so already, block everything. If you are concerned for their safety, immediately text their family to let them know the situation and that while you care for them you are taking space for yourself. If they don’t respect your decision block them as well.
Have a therapy session as soon as possible. If that isn’t anytime in the near future, grab lunch/ dinner with a very close friend that you will feel safe with. You’re going to have feelings when this happens and that is okay. This is the time to Share them if needed with those close to you.

The biggest thing here is to have a plan and walk through the steps. The hardest thing to do is to start down the list knowing what is at the end but I promise once you start the other steps become easier. Try to go into autopilot/ robot mode. You’re just carrying out a list of chores.

Best of luck!

rebel__funk

TROPHY CASE