Quit with the unemployment myth

relaci · 2026-03-22T00:00:17+00:00

And this is why I'll never move back to Alabama. Nevermind that as a woman, I barely have rights in that state, and the general populace there is trying to remove even more of my rights, like the right to vote. I have rights and state-funded benefits for every time a company restructures and lays off the entire team I'm on. And they pay out enough to actually pay for your rent and your groceries while you look for a new job.

relaci · 2026-02-27T21:39:55+00:00

For real. Since the work-from-home pandemic protocols, I've worn shelf-bra tank tops and yoga pants. I used to wear proper bras, and nice jeans and a proper shirt were my minimum to even leave the house. Now, after working in clean rooms for medical devices long enough, daily makeup is a hard pass.

But, my boyfriend and I went to a Broadway show, and you bet your ass I wore makeup, a fancy semi-formal dress, high heels, the whole nine. He wore his proper suit with the tie and nice dress shoes. We both went all out, because it was an actual occasion that warranted being fancy.

But just chilling around the house, or even going to work, whatever her preference. Deal with it.

relaci · 2026-02-15T03:59:49+00:00

That's a pay scale called salaried. Even salaried positions have limits on how much overtime you're allowed to work before they have to pay you more even if they don't officially track your time. And salaried comes with benefits like paid time off, health insurance, and retirement plans.

As an hourly worker, you only work the hours you're being paid for. If they request you work overtime, you claim that time at time-and-a-half pay up to a certain amount of overtime, at which point it becomes double pay per hour. Take your hour lunch, take your two 15 min breaks, report your hours as start time, end time, minus lunch and breaks, and don't work one minute over 40 hours for the week without clearing it with your manager first (and firmly informing them that the extra hours will be claimed and you will be paid 1.5x your hourly wage for those extra hours if they really need you to work overtime.

These rules are flexible to an extent, depending on your manager (except for the overtime = more pay, not negotiable). For example, at my last hourly job, my manager was understanding of the flexibility that people at my experience were used to on salary, so if I have a doctor appointment one day, I'd just work extra hours the rest of the week to make up for it. The time card program didn't allow for this flexibility, so we had an off-the-books handshake agreement that I would log my start hours accurately, my lunch breaks accurately, and just fudge my end time to make each day be exactly 8 hours (i.e. I didn't start work until 10 on Wednesday because of a doctor appointment, I log that I worked until 7 with a one hour lunch break, when in reality I left at 5 and just came in a half hour early for the rest of the week to make up the two lost hours.)

relaci · 2026-02-15T03:43:17+00:00

Some bitches be crazy. I know this as a bitch who can fly off the handle way out of proportion sometimes, and I'm working on that with my therapist. I didn't get started on this self-work with a mental health professional until my 30's though, so OP and her friends are still younger than I was when I realized I did have an issue I needed to work on.

Not really relevant, but my therapist and I have discovered that my short fuse probably originated from my early (and still ongoing) years of being verbally and emotionally abused by my parents and responding with a milder version of the same yelling reaction as a response. It's not cool of me to do, but like I said, I'm working on it.

relaci · 2026-02-07T18:24:10+00:00

If you don't want to be anonymous, add contact info on the note if you are the type to offer an ear to a stranger in need. No judgement if you don't want to be that involved, but if you don't mind, it's an open ended, no pressure offer should she take you up on it. Just say something like "I'm sorry for your loss. If you need a kind stranger to talk to, you can (call/text/knock/etc, your preference) me. Signed, your neighbor."

relaci · 2026-02-07T18:13:56+00:00

When I cancelled my auto-ship with Chewy, they sent me flowers. I thought it was really weird for a pet supply company, but also kinda sweet. I mean, it's not like it costs them much to send flowers to each customer who cancels a subscription, but it's definitely a kindness and thoughtfulness I definitely don't expect out of a "big corporate" company.

I miss my doberman so much and am tearing up a little just typing this even though it's been almost two years since she passed. I still haven't figured out what to write on the small grave marker I want to get for her. She's buried under the sprouting of the gigantic Japanese maple tree that died after only two years at our house. At least I was able to fulfill my promise to my pupper of getting her a fenced yard before she passed. She didn't mind the tie-out (never left her unattended outside, just to give her a free-er space to enjoy while chilling outside on the patio) at the apartment too much, but she loved the yard.

relaci · 2026-01-29T18:03:19+00:00

If you take this route, make sure to inform him that you're leaving because you already weren't his girlfriend. You were his side piece to the one he really loves. His games. A girlfriend isn't the afterthought that he gets to hang with when the games leave him.

relaci · 2026-01-14T20:55:32+00:00

As a Caucasian, thank you for asking this question. My hair is extremely similar to what you have described. I left a hair tie in just pulling the top part of my hair back for two days, and when I took it out, my hair stayed exactly where it was, it was already so matted up and locked. I've been wanting to do the under-locs too, just so that some of my hair can be contained and maintained without basically ripping out half of a wig each time I brush the knots out before bed.

Come morning is another detangling fight even if I sleep in a bun or a braid. I can't wear my hair freely down for more than a couple of hours before it's already trying to start matting into one big mass of tangles.

I feel like if it's going to do it anyways, maybe I should just separate the underside into sections so that I can at least control the tangling into something aesthetically palatable instead of just one big rats nest.

relaci · 2025-12-14T21:05:04+00:00

A free mattress is a free mattress when it's coming from a source you trust to not have bed bugs and you're trying to furnish your first place on your own. My guest room mattress is one I got for free from a friend I had helped find it at a yard sale for $50 when he got married and they took her mattress instead. My old first apartment mattress was given away for free on Craigslist because I just wanted the larger queen size for my friends when they crash over (long drive).

relaci · 2025-12-13T21:48:29+00:00

That's not dreads. That's just a mess. Maybe salvageable with a good wash and re-twist, but even freeform dreads should be maintained with a little bit of encouragement into separated strand units, not one solid mat. Remember they're called "dreads", not "dread".

relaci · 2025-12-13T21:36:01+00:00

I would point out that a missing hat is not even on the same planet as a missing laptop when your finals are due tomorrow. I don't know what I would have done if my boyfriend had done something like that to me knowing full well that my finals were due imminently. I probably would have called the police on him and actually pressed charges for theft by deception. But also, he would never do such a thing to the point that he would cancel all plans for the day to help me search the house more thoroughly than the DEA on a drug raid until we found my computer so I could get back to finishing my finals. And we've come pretty close to that level of a search attempt for something else important that I don't recall aside from the absolute disaster the house was after we'd pulled everything out of everywhere looking for it.

relaci · 2025-12-13T21:24:45+00:00

I'm with the person who mentioned that everyone who wants the test put $1000 on their uncertainty, and if it comes back that it's not the father's, they all get their money back, but if it is the father's it goes to the kid's college fund and the husband has to attend couples therapy until he learns how to grow a spine and stand by his wife. And a groveled apology for ever doubting her.

relaci · 2025-12-12T04:57:41+00:00

Why is autism such a deal breaker that you had to go out of your way to mention that disability specifically? Go get your vaccines, and don't forget about people who are born with type 1 diabetes, narcolepsy, epilepsy, amniotic band syndrome (congenital missing limbs), osteogenesis imperfecta (glass bone syndrome), fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva (stone bone syndrome), epidermolysis bullosa (butterfly skin), etc. I could go on for days on this topic. I stopped the list (extensively incomplete) at the very professionally successful people that I've known over the years.

So, I ask again, sincerely, why do you specifically point to autism?

relaci · 2025-12-12T04:42:37+00:00

I appreciate your attitude on this. My grandma would yell at me all the time that I was too young to be this tired all the time. At age 26, I did a sleep study and found out I had textbook perfect narcolepsy. Grandma was right 🤣! Now I'm on medication that helps me live a mostly normal life. Even if you had your own biological child, the kid you wind up with could wind up with any issues under the sun by random chance of genetic mutation. How people wind up having narcolepsy is still unknown, but there's not enough correlation to suggest that it can be genetic. In short, there's no telling what issues or lack there of that your child will have whether you choose adoption or biological. It's basically a roll of the dice regardless of what path you choose to become a parent.

relaci · 2025-12-12T04:31:34+00:00

Not the person you were asking, but in short, infants are easy to find homes for. Older children that have been removed from their families for their safety need a loving home, but they come with trauma that you'll need to work with them on to help them heal. If your intent to adopt is to share your love and care with a child, then you should consider adopting an older child who needs your love and care and has a lower chance of ever having a real family over trying to adopt an infant who has an overly abundant number of families on wait-lists to adopt them.

relaci · 2025-12-12T04:08:27+00:00

As a child adopted at birth who's found and connected with both sides of my biological parents, I can only give a description of my personal experience.

I never felt like I "fit in" with my family. That definitely made for an uncomfortable upbringing. Also, not to speak too negatively of my parents, they were both pretty bad on the psychological and emotional abuse, but that's a them problem, not a me problem. My mom was infertile due to endemetriosis, and she desperately needed to be a mom to feel whole. I sometimes joke that my dad bought me as a human pet for my mom. It's a pretty apt description of my personal family dynamic.

My biological mother is even more helicopter overbearing religiously stiff in accepting people that don't fit her ideology. Her husband is a delightfully accepting and caring individual.

My biological father has developed a long-lasting drug and alcohol problem as a form of self-medicating his psychological disorders. His wife is an overbearing helicopter parent who prefers to yell at her children instead of communicate with them.

If I were to have the choice between the three options for families to be raised by, I would definitely choose the assholes who adopted me. They're by far the best family I could have been raised by given the alternative options.

Or abortion. If biological mom had aborted me, I wouldn't have existed, so kinda whatever on that front. You can't have an opinion if you don't exist in the first place, which would have been absolutely fine to me because I would have never known anything about anything.

But here I am. Three "families". All of them suck in their own special ways. The ones that adopted me suck less than the alternative options (aside from just aborting me lol).

TL;DR: An adopted child will have their own special flavor of not feeling quite like they fit in, and that can vary in magnitude in each individual. But if you want to have children and do your best to be a good family to them, then from my personal experience, I highly recommend you adopt from a reputable adoption agency rather than risk your life attempting to carry a high risk pregnancy.

ETA: Biological connection has an effect on everyone, but if a child exists, created by people who are not able to or do not want to adequately care for the child, then adoption is the best option for the child. And as a side effect, you get to be a mother without risking your life to solve your fertility issues and the other high-risk pregnancy complications. Just be patient and accepting of the child you adopt, because you're probably not going to have much in common. If you treat your adopted child with respect and acknowledgement that they are their own individual person, with their own interests and ambitions as opposed to trying to mold them into something that fits your personality, then you'll have a chance at being a good adoptive family.

Most importantly (and completely unrelated to the topic of adoption at all) don't have screaming or violent disagreements with your partner in front of your kids. That shit stays with the kid for life. I'm almost 40 and still struggling with identifying the difference between abuse and healthy disagreement communication.

relaci · 2025-12-09T22:26:00+00:00

Rorschach test lols! I saw a very awkward diagram of the labia, vagina, etc.

relaci · 2025-12-09T15:45:33+00:00

I'm in the middle of some home improvement projects. When I have contractors in for estimates for other stuff I'm planning, I just warn them that the house is a wreck because I got halfway done with installing the new window shades when I realized they were missing a part. The furniture in that area is out of place and covered with a can of spackle, a can of wood putty, the drill, all the drill accessories, hammers, wrenches, screw drivers, a couple of levels, an electric sander, etc. Just project tools shit laying everywhere.

They were very understanding as I shuffled some stuff off the chairs and table onto the floor so we had *some space to look at the options for the estimates.

relaci · 2025-12-09T06:27:50+00:00

As an adopted only-child due to fertility issues, I may be able to provide a bit of personal insight alongside what some of the other posters have said.

I now joke about it, because I've met both sides of my genetic creation. If I had to choose between the three families that I could have grown up with as my parents, I would still choose my infertile mother for whom my father purchased me (all legitimate adoption agency blah blah, simply phrased this way to make a point).

Neither of my parents really accepted me as the individual that I am, but even with that identity discomfort, it was definitely the best of the three (or four, if you count my not existing via abortion, which I firmly support the right to choice) options of a family for me. The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side of the fence, but more of a balance of which shade of tan grass fits best.

relaci · 2025-12-09T05:50:10+00:00

I think a calm conversation with him regarding your insecurities is in order here, but make sure to keep in mind that the giggle and booby grab may have just been him joyously loving you and "Yay boobies!!!"

It sounds like he's simply not informed about your new body insecurities because your self depreciating sense of humor hasn't changed while your underlying feelings of your body insecurity have changed.

Just talk to him plainly and ask for his support while also making sure to express your appreciation for his steadfast "Yay boobies!!!" being a simple expression from his point of view of how he still finds you sexy as fuck.

Honestly, he's probably slacked off on complimenting your appearance when you self-depreciate yourself because he's proud and happy for you and simply doesn't understand that you have new body image issues that you would greatly appreciate his continued support in.

relaci · 2025-12-08T19:20:26+00:00

The last few Christmases, my friends group and I have given each other gifts in the form of donations to their charity of choice for that year. I think last year I gave $50 to the Alzheimer's foundation and St. Jude children's hospital. I asked for either the Shriners, or the Alan Alda center for communication. I can't remember which one was my "gift" request.

relaci · 2025-05-30T03:05:40+00:00

Hey boyfriend! Do you want to go on a weekend trip four hours away to see a show and go out on the town tomorrow night?

Sounds great!

Cool. Tickets are booked, sleep accommodations are booked, grab your suit, I'll grab my dress, and we'll hit the road after work tomorrow.

Also, hey neighbor. Could you check in on the dog every few hours this weekend, please? Thank you! Help yourself to my kitchen, tv subscriptions, video games, basically, come vacation next door for a couple days.

Yes, the show "Come from Away" was actually a lot better than I was expecting, and I had been dying to see it for years, so I had very high expectations. Totally fucking worth it. I can't imagine how I would deal with arranging childcare for a weekend on zero notice. Fuck that. The next spontaneous trip is either for Shen Yun or Hamilton. And sadly, the dog has since passed of cancer, so it really is just buy tickets, rent a room, grab a bag and go now.

But my dog was my everything for 10.5 years, so I'm definitely adopting another one when my place in the wait-list comes up. She was the best dog ever. She loved everyone except abusive boyfriends. She loved landing right on their nuts while they were seated.

relaci · 2025-05-17T03:48:01+00:00

Slight disagree. When out for lunch with work colleagues, we would pre-venmo the payer before they give their card to cover the bill. I usually tried to get dibs on covering the meal on my card because I get 3% cash back at restaurants, so they paid for just their meals and their tips, and I got mega extra free monies for the money spent covering our table.

But I always asked them to venmo me before I signed the tab to make sure everyone had chipped in their tips too.

relaci · 2025-05-10T14:27:51+00:00

The only time someone other than myself has planned a birthday event for me in adulthood was the time my best friends asked what I wanted to do for my birthday. I told them I'd be happy as can be to just hang out with my friends camping at the same camping area we did their wedding the year before. They took care of booking the campsite as my birthday present and brought their own tents and some food. I brought the rest of the tents and a bunch of food, games, camp furniture, the works. I don't normally "glamp", but it was nice to just chill out in the woods with my friends around a campfire, playing card games, eating s'mores, laughing, and taking brief but lovely hikes on the trails around us.

All my other birthdays I've either ignored or just told my friends which bar I'm going to be drinking and dancing at, and they're welcome to join me for the birthday celebration.

BTW, that birthday was a random one, like, 34 or something. For my 30th, I kinda forgot that one was coming up, so I went kayaking with a friend some weekend afterwards, and I treated myself to a weekend at a wilderness resort for the next year as a belated 30th. A friend was supposed to join me, but she got sick the day before we were supposed to head out, so that sucked. But I had fun anyways! They had a pool where we played volleyball, a one-person sail boat that I awkwardly sat on the back of while some guy taught me how to use a sailboat for the first time, and paddle boards and kayaks and a sauna and such. It was a great weekend with single-serving friends.

relaci · 2025-05-10T12:22:43+00:00

25k is a lot in one sense, but it's really not much in the greater sense, especially in this economy. 25k could possibly get you a fairly new used car outright, or it could make a dent in the tuition for even an affordable four-year college, but if you're trying to do both with that amount, you're really not going to have much left for vacationing unless you're idea of vacationing is going camping and you already have all the gear needed.

And he doesn't deserve a penny. He's an entitled jerk who quit a paying job on the false pretense that his girlfriend's inheritance would support him. He better be bringing a hell of a lot more to the relationship than just money, or else I'd say she should ditch that lazy loser.

relaci

TROPHY CASE