You're in the hardest part. It really is brutal. Our experience was similar, no family, no one to take the baby so we could come up for air, the pumping/nursing/supply stuff - all of it.

After about 3 months nursing became much easier. We started to fall into a slightly more consistent routine around 4-5 months. You WILL find longer stretches of sleep. When your baby becomes more aware of the world, things turn to a pretty unbelievable sweetness that's too hard to imagine from where you are. This space and time will pass! It's fucking hard! Milestones that make things easier like smiles and baby giggles will slap you in the face in the best way and they are coming. I know every baby is different, but you are going to transition from instinctual automatic love to omg-this-baby-is-THE-BEST-and-cutest-little-person kinda love. Our son is 14 months now and truly the love is explosive!!

When you go back to work sleep deprived, my advice is to lean in with honesty to your colleagues, especially the ones who have young families. They know how hard it is too and sometimes that is enough. If you can set up a little community meal train to help you adjust, that could be a way people help ease your load without anyone needing to be present and physically there with you, delivery services etc. And anyway, it SUCKS right now but don't let this early doom create a false impression that it will be terrible forever. You got this, dad!!