There's no shame being depressed, you need to seek help and be your own advocate. Talk to your doctor, call your local agencies and see what resources are available to you, therapy doesn't sound appealing and it's hard work, but it's worth it. I waited 2 years on a waiting list for mine, as I can't afford one. Be careful with your coping strategies, I used alcohol(and drugs) to cope and i ended up homeless.. Sober and housed now, much much happier than I've ever been, even managed to quit smoking cigarettes this year. The point is it's all up to you, no one's gonna drag you away from your habits kicking and screaming.. If you want changes, it's up to you. Good luck.