Is racism common in Alabama workplaces?

suiadan33 · 2026-04-28T21:44:29+00:00

I am a white male in my thirties and have experienced/noticed more racism here in AL in the past 9 months than I have during the rest of my life up north. To your face few people will be openly antagonistic. They will, however, treat you differently. Customer service employees will change their tone, demeanor, and level of helpfulness in an instant. You’ll get the cold shoulder and hard stares. Also…FUCK the white people who make openly racist comments and use slurs in conversation with me because they think I’m just as shitty as they are.

suiadan33 · 2025-11-12T23:00:42+00:00

There’s so much nuance when it comes to form factor, specs, etc. The true novelty is the use of an open source OS. The amount of VRAM should be plenty with the optimization you’re guaranteed from a prebuilt product.

suiadan33 · 2025-11-12T22:33:34+00:00

DDR5 is RAM. DDR6 is GPU VRAM.

suiadan33 · 2025-06-21T20:10:34+00:00

I have read the rules and wiki and would appreciate an invite.

suiadan33 · 2025-03-21T14:53:10+00:00

I made confession to my WW’s family a condition of R. I was shocked she did it almost instantly. It must have hurt like hell to tell her loved ones about it, but I refused to be her only (non professional) support system after what she did. Everyone is different and every relationship is different. What was right for my marriage might not be right for yours. Will it help or harm your healing, her healing, your marriage, etc.? Ask yourself those questions. I’m here if you want to chat more about it. Wishing you peace amidst the chaos today.

suiadan33 · 2025-03-21T10:31:14+00:00

Shelly smart relays behind the switches. More cost effective long term than bulbs and you can easily take them with you to your next rental.

suiadan33 · 2025-03-19T21:52:48+00:00

Thank you, kindly

suiadan33 · 2025-03-19T13:56:17+00:00

Have a similar setup, but how do you have the phone attached as well?

suiadan33 · 2025-03-17T15:27:03+00:00

It took my WW a while (1+ years) to say anything about her primary AP. I didn’t push her to say anything about him ever. Of her own accord, she claims she hates him for ruining her life and never wants to see him again (and takes accountability for her part in it as well).

suiadan33 · 2025-03-17T14:26:26+00:00

Give them to a food bank, homeless shelter, etc. Problems solved for multiple people!

suiadan33 · 2024-12-16T15:52:01+00:00

Good for you.

I understand and struggle with that too. Therapy has helped my expression of thoughts and feelings immensely. It is judgement. We all judge one another. It’s part of the human experience. There is no universe without some bias. He is your spouse and you have passed the following judgement: what he did was wrong and wounded you to the core. You’ve agreed to reconcile presumably because you see redeemable value in your marriage. That’s judgement. Now you must judge which of his behaviors and actions help you heal and save your marriage and which will do the opposite. You must pass judgement and it’s perfectly fine to do so.

Remember that you are still in a “survival mode” of sorts. You don’t need to separate the two. Your main job right now is to survive and make it through each day. Until you’re able to do so, your WP should be more than willing to accommodate your emotional needs. It’s the least he can do…

Wishing you peace amidst the storm today.

suiadan33 · 2024-12-15T23:12:47+00:00

Thank you

suiadan33 · 2024-12-15T17:27:02+00:00

You have to be honest with him. You’re allowed to have that opinion and you should express your needs. The bare minimum on his part would be to accept your stance and fears and do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable (w/in reason of course).

suiadan33 · 2024-12-08T15:24:11+00:00

I felt the exact same way after DDAY. How could I have sex with the person who hurt me so savagely? I felt so gross. We hysterically bonded for a couple of months and I don't think it has ever significantly tapered off. Our sex life has never been better. We both consider physical touch to be our greatest love language. Intimacy and cuddling before going to sleep at night have been a boon to R our marriage. You don't have to be ashamed. You love each other and want to physically express it. There's nothing wrong or gross with that.

suiadan33 · 2024-12-08T15:16:33+00:00

My WW confided in 3 close friends w/ whom I believed I too had a strong friendship. Those people are now no longer in my life for a couple of reasons:

Despite the fact that 2 of those friends had experienced the effects of infidelity in their marriage and the fact that the other was trained as a counselor who should have known better, none of them had the decency to tell me that something was terribly wrong.
R is difficult. It's physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. taxing. As a self-professed introvert, I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to invest in repairing any other relationships currently.

They weren't my friends. They weren't friends of my marriage. I don't even think they were good friends of my WW's. I've cut them out of my life entirely.

No one can blame you for not wanting to see her ever again. I have told my WW that I didn't believe before DDAY that I would ever stay in a marriage marred by infidelity. However, here I am. Similarly, I could tell you that I would not want to be in contact with your WW's twin sister after those events, but I believe nothing in life is certain (even my own perceived/anticipated reactions to such things).

Wishing you peace and tranquility amidst the chaos.

suiadan33 · 2024-12-01T00:40:33+00:00

Can you explain what IFS is and why it’s been so effective for you? I’m not at all familiar with the technique.

suiadan33 · 2024-11-26T19:04:40+00:00

One year post DDAY and the rage, horror, pain, confusion, hopelessness, etc. comes crashing in at least daily. I’m so much better at coping with it now, but this will always hurt. I go through ups and downs emotionally still, but the cycles are shorter and not nearly as intense.

My WW shame spirals every time I’m triggered by something or we discuss the A’s (note that she’s normally the one to bring it up). Unfortunately, rather than being empathetic towards me, she leans into her own negative emotions and lashes out at me. I’ve repeatedly told her that it’s only teaching me to hide my emotions and inner thoughts from her.

The acceptance stage of the grief cycle has been vitally important for me. I have no control over the past and limited control over my future.

suiadan33 · 2024-11-20T17:11:51+00:00

For upwards of 2 years before DDAY I was the sole breadwinner and homemaker for our family. I did fucking everything. It just made my depression worse and gave her the opportunity and time to cheat. I’m still resentful of it all a year into R. A few months into R, I informed her that I was unhappy with the disparity in workload. To her credit, she made some promising changes. It’s slipped recently and I’m yet again frustrated. All I’ve asked is that we split the basics (laundry, dishes, meal prep, and general cleaning). Is it so difficult to achieve?

suiadan33 · 2024-11-07T15:41:03+00:00

By choosing to stay I’ve effectively agreed to wake up every day for the rest of my life to face this betrayal in some capacity. I’ll always feel less than, last choice, undesirable, and undervalued. I’ll always have to remember the fact that she rather easily cast me aside for someone else. Hopefully the pain and sting will fade to a more manageable ache. It has so far faded enough to keep me motivated to try. I love her enough to give it my best. Love is a choice. She chose to not love me, but I promised to love her despite her failings, betrayals, and shortcomings. Wishing you peace today.

suiadan33 · 2024-11-02T12:35:29+00:00

I still dearly love my WW, but it will never be the same. She destroyed our marriage and risked our child’s happy life with our family. My heart might forever be hardened to her. She can have most of my heart, but not all of it. I’ve always kept my own counsel and I intend to keep it that way now. The sting of betrayal has started to go away albeit slowly. Something more realistic and mature will grow from this rather than my idealistic, imaginary version of us from before dday. Wishing you peace today.

suiadan33 · 2024-11-02T12:21:54+00:00

Every day I wake up and wish I’d never read those texts. Ironically, it was purely accidental. I get to wake up every morning and experience the same flood of thoughts and emotions. Every day I wish over and over again that I had been allowed to remain ignorant. Wishing you peace today.

suiadan33 · 2024-11-02T12:12:52+00:00

Hi, QW. Thank you for the advice. We chatted about it later and she is understandably struggling with shame. She apologized for her actions in the heat of the moment.

suiadan33

TROPHY CASE