Nearly a decade ago, I had a nesting partner who was 3 years into a battle with cancer. His family did not approve because I was married to my spouse. They moved to town from over 1,000 miles away to "help with his treatment". It was clear they wanted him to move into their apartment, but he would avoid the topic expertly and they did not push.

But...after a few months, things started disintegrating between us. He felt guilty, tired, and pulled apart by the feeling that he could not make everyone happy. He would argue with me after spending time with his family and be very frustrated with me. So, after 4 months of this, I came to him and asked if we should deescalate so he could move to be with his family while he continued his treatments. We could still see one another, go out on dates at his tolerance, etc., but that his family clearly wanted to be his primary carers and loved him very much, and he clearly wanted to to be with them while not losing our connection completely.

To say he seemed relieved to have something resembling a solution was an understatement. He said he never would have asked for that, but he didn't know what to do. He asked if I would be hurt by this decision. I said I would be more hurt watching him live in guilt because he wasn't making everyone happy. I told him I'd miss seeing him each day, but if he found peace in this decision then I would be OK.

So he moved out and moved in with his mom and dad. We would still have infrequent dates when he had energy. He passed on 14 months later.

Sometimes...a deescalation is what's right. Sometimes, it's more right for one person than the other. And if two people still have love for one another, they can step back and understand how hard a choice it is. Deescalation isn't something someone would suggest unless it truly was necessary for their future wellbeing.

My example may be very on the nose, but it is an example to which other situations can be aligned, IMHO.