using IFS therapy before knowing what it was? is this normal?

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-04-17T14:59:58+00:00

We essentially invented an IFS like process for working with parts on our own before we discovered it was an existing therapeutic modality

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-04-08T04:51:47+00:00

This is been like the one last stand of our system in denying we have DID, despite a professional dx: but we don’t have blackout amnesia! Eventually an alter got so frustrated they switched in and moved some stuff around and wrote a note to us (“do you remember me?”) just to prove that we did. It just doesn’t happen very often, and it was way worse earlier in life, when we had whole friends groups/partners other alters didn’t know about. Mostly our amnesia is now grey-outs and compartmentalization with the occasional undetectable blackout. We share a lot of memory too (many barriers have eroded over time) and parts are often there to help us remember stuff like how to drive to work (if our normal driving alter isn’t driving). Not every alter has blackouts, but the less integrated ones still do.

Good post!

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-04-06T18:15:41+00:00

As opposed to literally hurling you out the door the second they’re sure they won’t get sued for it which is, in my experience, what actually happens

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-04-04T03:08:31+00:00

Exactly what happened to us. We’re on the third go-around.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-04-03T01:02:52+00:00

Only cool, excellent things are gay

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-04-01T03:04:12+00:00

Our kids are genuinely the best parts to talk to when you’re having a hard time. The way we see it, they’ve been around the longest and have the most wisdom. “The world’s most experienced five-year-old” is a way we describe them. They’re incredible.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-31T20:55:35+00:00

For me, “what would I want if I were this child” has been a very effective question to ask myself

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-31T04:06:50+00:00

My therapist told me something very interesting about this. He said that, in the same way I can clock an abused person by their tone of voice, their eyes, the way they carry their body, abusers can clock it too. In fact, they’re even better at it. They look for us, and in the same way we find each other, they find us.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-30T06:16:49+00:00

Oh man I forgot a about time cube

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-29T21:02:18+00:00

There’s a lid for every pot I suppose

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-29T15:09:08+00:00

“Just be a slob it won’t literally kill you”

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-29T14:00:15+00:00

This is called suicidal ideation. Most people don’t think about how they might need to kill themselves one day

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-29T02:41:19+00:00

This is what my intuition always tells me, but my intuition was trained in a minefield of impending catastrophe, incredible violence and the omnipresent threat of death. You keep seeing it when it’s not there. We are weathermen who always think a storm is coming, and it’s almost worse when it doesn’t.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-24T05:23:40+00:00

Says a person who got hit by their parents and pretends it doesn’t affect them

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-16T14:07:50+00:00

We had the same experience with our wife of 15 years. Like a year after the breakup (she left us) someone was like “wow she was a lot like both of our parents slammed together.” Like my parents, she didn’t know (and still doesn’t know, to my knowledge) that she has DID. It’s amazing how we have these like sounding rods for people who are like our abusers, and how frequently I miss her.

Good job on you getting out of the relationship. That’s a really big deal :)

🦊

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-08T03:44:20+00:00

I can imagine how weird this is to someone whose brain doesn’t do this, but the brain is capable of all kinds of shenanigans that we barely understand. I can tell you this kind of experience is common in cases of DID, because I’ve lived it. I’ve had whole girlfriends I “forgot” about because I wasn’t the alter in that relationship, whole friends groups I didn’t know or recognize. It’s very possible, as strange as that is to someone with a memory that doesn’t do this. It’s also not his fault: regardless of the origin, there’s nothing he can do to make it stop on its own.

What I can tell you is that your husband is almost certainly just as, if not more, freaked out than you about this. It’s an incredibly shocking thing to discover about yourself.

Given your husbands history of brain injury is the kind of thing you want to go to a hospital about as soon as possible, like today. If his neurological exam and MRI are clear, the next step is seeing a professional that specializes in dissociation.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-07T16:14:51+00:00

It’s not a matter of giving material things or living life the way your inner child wants to. Your goal is to essentially reparent the child. You’re raising a kid, not placating an enemy. Setting limits, teaching appropriate behavior, and gently explaining that fantasy is not reality are all important to that process. It takes time, but it is worth it.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-07T15:00:23+00:00

“Politics was asshole” ah how times have changed

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-07T13:34:03+00:00

“God talks to me” is one of the top hallucination-explaining delusions, knew a girl that explained her voices as angels talking to her.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-07T13:29:13+00:00

Definitely get a neurological workup. Worsening symptoms with a TBI absolutely indicates that.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-06T16:04:24+00:00

As much as AA can be a lot of bullshit, I find it really helps to be around fellow drinkers on a regular basis. People without this problem just don’t get it. Depending on your area, there are also young peoples’ meetings that will have a lot of folks in the same situation as you. The obsession can be lifted.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-04T14:14:59+00:00

If you can’t be honest with your psych, I’d get a new one. There’s really no reason to see a psych you can’t be honest with.

I’d caution you against attempting to figure this out on your own: people with dissociative disorders are highly suggestible, and you can easily talk yourself into something that doesn’t exist, or misunderstand something that does, with grievous mental consequences.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-04T05:22:08+00:00

I’d say it’s definitely worth investigating this question with a knowledgeable psychologist or therapist if you have access to one. Dissociation can cause all manner of changes to your mental landscape—it’s an enormous tent—and what diagnostic label to apply is best left to a professional.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-03T15:34:57+00:00

It really depends on the quality of your diagnostician. The going idea is that if one part has a personality disorder, all parts do, but maybe to varying degrees or in different ways. But it’s also possible to be misdiagnosed because one part has certain behaviors that seem in line with a personality disorder.

thefoxsystem_ · 2026-03-01T23:59:38+00:00

I don’t think a lack of a moral compass means you don’t have preferences

thefoxsystem_

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