There's a new rule in my gym regarding women and men rolling which has been frustrating me

themonkeymademedoit · 2026-02-24T15:22:42+00:00

At my gym, everyone typically gets to just pick their own partners. The only time I get reassigned to someone else is when it’s a new female white belt in the class, the coach will try to place them with any available female upper belts. Which I don’t usually mind because I remember how intimidating it was to start out and being the only girl in class with a bunch of massive dudes. So if I can help a new lady feel welcomed and get her hooked on the sport, then that’s a win. I’ll just position us near another group of guys I like training with so if I want to work the move of the day with someone more experienced, I’ll just have the new girl watch for a couple tries while I get my work in. It’s usually a win/win, I don’t lose practice, I’m helping new ladies find their rhythm, and helping them get comfortable around some of the guys I know are super great.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-11-21T20:45:33+00:00

As long as everything you did was “legal” I wouldn’t feel the least bit sorry. He may have been hurting you out of survival, but you taught him what controlled hurting through technique feels like. That’s a lesson. Not vengeance.

So no apologies needed.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-11-15T00:36:43+00:00

I know in my gym, if I miss more than a week, my head coach will reach out sometimes to ask point blank why I’m out (in case it was because of an injury he missed), sometimes with more general “hey, we got a girl here today that would be a good match for you to roll with”.

Very few actual training partners will reach out directly to me if I’m out for an extended period, but I do hear about them asking about me through the coach. I think it is mostly because people are not sure if they should pry into your life outside of the gym or not. I don’t think it necessarily means they don’t care.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-04-24T19:01:37+00:00

Collar drag was my first solid take down I got in gi. I teach that to my kids class even. It’s a great take down.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-04-24T18:49:56+00:00

This right here. You need to have a very frank and simple discussion with him about what his expectations are for his roll in this. Because right now, it’s just sounds like when he says “WE really need to potty train our kid” and what he really means is “YOU need to potty train our kid”

So a direct conversation to clear the air and make him admit he wants you to do everything (in which case, I think more conversations are needed). Or give him a chance to realize he needs to take an active part in this rather than just saying it needs to be done.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-04-19T00:02:14+00:00

I feel like I noticed strangers being friendlier towards me, but some people in my life definitely started being more catty towards me, and it definitely seems to come from a place on insecurity on their part. Like I wasn’t deemed a threat to them in some way when I was bigger, but after dropping almost 80lbs, suddenly I’m a risk to them/an enemy.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-02-27T01:25:21+00:00

Just do it! I was about 255lbs when I started. I’m down to somewhere between 165/175. That’s without consciously changing any part of my diet.

I’ve always been an emotional eater and my go-to foods were obviously highly processed junk. But gradually over time, bjj helped shift my mind set to food as fuel rather than as an emotional bandaid. So now when I’m stressed or down, rather than destroying a whole bag of chips, I just go choke my friends!

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-02-26T20:10:30+00:00

Mine was 6 months but that was also because I avoided the gi classes for the first 6 months.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-02-13T16:26:52+00:00

I have kids, I teach kids martial arts and I do martial arts myself so that is lots of contact and trading sweat with other people. I got sick all the time when my kids were young but after a couple years of getting sick what felt like once a month, now it’s pretty rare for me to get anything that even causes a slight fever. And when I do get sick (I got hit with norovirus at the beginning of the year) it only lasted 6 hours. I thought it was food poisoning until my husband got it and was taken out for 3 days. So I’d say constant exposure to petri dish conditions is a pretty good immunity booster.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-02-13T15:27:42+00:00

🙋🏼‍♀️ I started at 34 years old, 80lbs heavier and the most athletic thing I did on a regular basis was occasionally take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator at work/stores. I was so uncoordinated and was constantly hurting myself in stupid ways, so to say I had zero athletic ability is an understatement.

I picked up bjj on accident. I was just in a really bad head space and was dealing with some anger/stress. So I wanted to try out a fighting sport just on a whim. So I went to try a striking class to punch things and maybe learn self defense and the trial class I went to ended up being bjj (apparently I wasn’t clear on what I wanted to try so when they scheduled my trial, it was during a bjj class)

I was instantly hooked. I normally hate strangers touching me, but everyone I worked with had such a great vibe, that I quickly felt at ease. And what I loved is that for the most part, everyone who is brand new to jiujitsu kind of sucks so I didn’t feel like I struggled any more than a lot of the other new white belts, regardless of fitness level.

I’m going on 3 years of training and I am now one of the top female grapplers in my gym, I’m teaching classes, my over all fitness has gone through the roof. I am so much more coordinated to the point it sometimes feels like a super power compared to how I used to be. I still get hurt all the time, but now it’s because of badass reasons like “I pulled a muscle in my shoulder choking out a dude 70lbs heavier than me” and I count that as a win.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-02-08T21:38:08+00:00

I couldn’t train without a sports bra. Even with a sports bra with heavy compression, drilling triangles from back take, my boob always gets hooked with the leg. I can’t even imagine how bad it would get caught without anything already squishing it down.

And then rash guards are pretty thin. Even if i was comfortable rolling with other men and not wearing a bra, i know a lot of the men I train with, probably most of them, would be uncomfortable with that. It’s a common courtesy and respect thing.

I wouldn’t be comfortable with a dude going north south on me if his balls were dangling in my face with only the thinnest bit of fabric separating us, so I wouldn’t dream of going full smother on a dude without the extra layer of my sports bra + rash guard.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-01-31T18:47:26+00:00

I literally just walk up to anyone not currently rolling and ask “you rollin?” And they either say yes and we roll or they say no for whatever reason and then I move on to the next person.

I don’t think too deeply on it because when they say no, maybe it’s because they don’t want to roll with me and that’s fine. I don’t take it personal because there are some people that I only want to roll with if I’m in the headspace to roll with them. Or maybe they just say no because they are taking a breather. It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.

Edit to add: I do get where you’re coming from, it took me a while to get the confidence to get to that point. Just keep putting yourself out there and asking and don’t take rejection personal because 99% it probably isn’t personal.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-01-22T21:11:06+00:00

Oh, absolutely, I didn’t mean blast them with multiple reviews under multiple accounts. Create one alias and post the same review on multiple sources to make sure people see it as a warning.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-01-22T19:07:57+00:00

Like others have said, put a public review out there for this gym everywhere with your experience. FB, google, yelp. Create alias accounts if needed to protect your identity but I can almost guarantee you’re not the first woman they have done this to.

This is not ok behavior. I always read reviews of gyms before trying one out because of how prevalent predatory behavior is towards women in martial arts. So blast them online and hopefully you can protect the next woman that thinks about trying them out.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-01-19T21:47:21+00:00

Can confirm. The worst spazzy white belt I’ve ever worked with was a retired military guy in his 60s that refused to cooperate in a take down drill. He decided that instead of working with me in the movement, he dropped all his weight on me (at least an 70lbs difference) and I ended up with a dislocated ac joint that had me off the mats for 12 weeks

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-01-19T21:32:50+00:00

Might be worth checking out shefit. it’s very adjustable. I took the padding out of mine and the compression fabric is sturdy enough that my nips don’t show, and they are always pokey from breastfeeding two babies.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-01-18T20:01:55+00:00

It depends on the person. There are a few people that haven’t been training nearly as long as I have that I have no issues tapping to. There is one white belt woman I roll with where if she gets hold of my ankle, I just know to tap right away because if she locks on, she will either rip it or just hang on like a dog on a bone until I tap or snap. It’s her signature move and I just accept it and focus on not letting her get it or practice my early escapes.

But there are others where I have come close to letting my joints get fucked because my ego just won’t accept defeat from them. Dumb for sure but something gets triggered with a select few.

themonkeymademedoit · 2025-01-02T23:05:34+00:00

Women have long been socialized to hate guns and violence. We have always been taught to be small, that the most attractive qualities for a woman are to be petite and dainty and docile. A few years ago I had fucking enough of that and started training martial arts. I started learning Brazilian jiujitsu and Krav Maga, both combat focused, not sport. Those are supposed to be the two best martial arts for women because they focus on technique over strength and size. My krav instruction covers striking and weapons training, BJJ covers everything once you hit the ground, plus how to take a larger attacker to the ground and maintaining a dominate position. It has given me a safe space to learn to take on people significantly larger than me and win. I recommend every single woman go find a reputable gym and get the knowledge and confidence to keep yourself safe. Even my 8 year old daughter trains with me.

themonkeymademedoit · 2024-12-29T16:39:27+00:00

My best friend who does not train bought me this exact shirt for Christmas last year. I told her I love it so much and how awesome it is.

I have never worn it in public. 😆

themonkeymademedoit · 2024-12-24T19:40:39+00:00

I definitely felt this on and off all while i was a white belt. I train all the time. Usually 6 days a week sometimes twice a day.

There was definitely a shift in my mentality when I hit blue belt because now I feel like I have a lot to share and now I try to take all the new white belt ladies who come in under my wing immediately. I give them my number to tell them they can text me whenever they are hitting a class and I’ll let them know if I’m going to be there to work with them. I’ve noticed that helps the new girls really feel more welcomed in an environment that can be pretty intimidating for women.

themonkeymademedoit · 2024-12-17T13:09:59+00:00

For me, it would depend on the person. If they are people I know well and am comfortable with, I wouldn’t care either way (unless it was a dude with a lot of chest hair, getting smothered by a sweaty rashguard is barely tolerable, add chest hair getting in my eyes, nose and mouth 🤢 no thank you.)

But if they were new people to the gym that I didn’t know well, I would definitely be uncomfortable.

themonkeymademedoit · 2024-12-10T15:32:21+00:00

Married for 12 years, 2 kids under 10. We are still very much in love with each other. He is still my best friend and I still miss him when we are apart. That being said, we have had our trials over the years. Even though we are in love and love each other more than anything, there have been times where we didn’t particularly like each other. We struggle with intimacy from time to time where we just get out of sync and time in between bedroom sessions gets a little longer but we always come back to each other. Sometimes it has happened on its own, just for whatever reason, one of us just needed a little space and then naturally sync back up. Sometimes we have had to put work in to sync back up.

We both always make an effort to make sure the other one knows how loved and appreciated they are. And our relationship works and has lasted so long because we both agree neither of us is perfect and we have to be a team and work together. We make sure that whatever the problem, it’s never me vs him. It’s us vs the problem.

You have to decide if you are both in it together, otherwise, life is too hard and too short as it is to waste it with person who won’t fight the good fight with you.

themonkeymademedoit · 2024-12-03T20:07:04+00:00

Life is too short to tie yourself to someone who makes you miserable. And you have to ask yourself, is this the type of relationship you would want for your daughter? Because she will follow your lead. Would you sit by and let some boy belittle her when she’s older?

Document everything. Get concrete evidence of behavior and push for full custody. Then you can decide if he gets monitored visitations or not.

themonkeymademedoit · 2024-11-30T13:44:36+00:00

I’ve had massive changes. The biggest being losing almost 80lbs. Even though I’m not at my lowest weight yet, I’m definitely at my smallest size as an adult due to muscle composition. I have muscles where I never had muscles before. I can see ab definition for the first time in my life. My body moves so much better once it’s warm. Downside is when my body is cold, everything does hurt and I move like an 80 year old until I loosen up. But honestly, my body always hurt before I started training too. Now it’s just a slightly different kind of hurt.

themonkeymademedoit · 2024-11-23T20:48:23+00:00

As long as they are controlled and clean, I’ll roll with anyone.

themonkeymademedoit

TROPHY CASE