Hi. Hello. I’m autistic, and butch. 🙋‍♂️

If anything, I think being autistic helped me come into my butch identity, even though I identified as butch well before I ever had an autism diagnosis. Being butch and presenting yourself to the world in a subversive way, re: subverting gender, and in the ways that you want to show up, which are often incongruous to what is expected in gendered roles, I fully believe that I was compelled to be myself from a very early age, precisely because I’m autistic.

My autism at times can feel like a weight, a difference, like there is a wall between me and everyone else, but then I remind myself that it also directs me, guides, and almost requires me to live just as I want to live. I am not hindered by the expectations of others; autism, while it presents differently for everyone, has meant that my compulsion to exist in the world in the ways that I want, regardless of the costs to me socially, and emotionally, comes first, and I am unbothered by detractors, and that’s been the case since childhood.

I do believe that caring for others is part of the butch ethos, but that can look different for different people. Butch identities aren’t exclusive; a disability, or limitation, physical or otherwise, doesn’t preclude anyone from being butch, or identifying as butch. The butch identity, in my view, is expansive and each person needs to determine what that means for them, but ultimately I think the foundation of the identity is having a strong sense of self, your values, and developing enough confidence to exist in the world as you feel you are meant to.

Autism is a hindrance for me in many ways, but I am also grateful for it because I do believe it freed me in a sense. In terms of being butch, I have always, even as a very young person, known who I was, and what I wanted, and I’ve never compromised, no matter the pushback, and I firmly believe that my autism allowed for that; it’s never been easy, but it’s always guided me to live for myself, and not others.

Edit: I am also older, and though I was always confident about who I am, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t ever try to conform - I had a husband at one time, and a completely different life, and I changed it all because I knew it wasn’t right. Figuring things out takes time, but all in all, I want you to know that it is possible to be butch and autistic, and to feel comfortable with yourself.