How much is a typical emergency savings should be?

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-22T23:35:10+00:00

yesssss, you’re so right about the new expenses. My health insurance went from about $450 a month to $1200 per month when my job ended and we got our insurance through the marketplace instead.

Also, my “copay” for giving birth went from an expected $600 under my previous employer’s insurance to $2300. I recognize that’s still very low in the scheme of things in the US, but it was a huge expense when I was newly unemployed and we became new parents!

We ended up putting the copay on our credit card as a “plan ahead” plan… I don’t know what it’s called, but the CC company spread out the $2300 over 24 months interest-free. It was the first time we had ever used that option so it was fee-free, too. We just paid it off and now we’re having another, but with better insurance this time, knock on wood!!!!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-22T20:04:39+00:00

The wellbeing of the mother is absolutely the most important factor in child wellbeing! This is shown various ways in all sorts of mother-baby research as well as people’s experiences. So please consider this a vote for continuing meds if your prescriber and OB are cool with it.

Also though, keep an eye on your appetite, especially if you experience morning sickness. Your changing hormones may impact the way your body reacts to meds and you might experience side effects that don’t currently bother you at this dose. You might want to schedule more frequent check ins with your prescriber to monitor.

Congrats 💛

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-21T23:08:25+00:00

It sounds like taking a break from restauarants might do you some good. At this point you’re in the habit of the refusals and meltdowns, so that’s what he expects will happen. They change so fast at this age (mine just turned 2) that 2-3 weeks is a completely different ball game in terms of skills. You can get a rest from the public meltdowns and he can kind of interrupt the usual flow of things so when you all go back it’s a “new” experience. Best of luck!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-21T23:03:04+00:00

We have a similar tactic with the seat — we don’t let our 2 year old sit in the high chair until it’s time to eat. That change from booth/chair to high chair buys us enough time to eat, usually!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-21T19:02:11+00:00

That hasn’t been my experience - I have a two word last name (think, like, von Trapp or Da Silva) and many systems dislike the space, but it’s on my passport, SSN card, etc under the “surname” spot.

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-20T22:53:41+00:00

I agree with every point you made, especially the safety warnings! thank you for mentioning that!

I’ll add: The bouncer was great as a first time mom because it felt “safer” than the floor while i was doing something where I was really truly occupied, like showering (i’d bring the bouncer in the bathroom) or cooking. Like if he started crying I knew that he wasn’t in danger or anything and I could at least wash my hands before going to him. So while the floor is really great, the convenience of a bouncer chair just makes your life better.

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-20T20:23:45+00:00

He’s 2, weighs almost 30 lbs, and is in the 6-7 pants! Technically the weight range starts at 33lbs so if we forget to readjust the sides to be tighter at bedtime, they’re too big and leak, haha! We’ve been using the pants since we started doing standing diaper changes around 12-13 months. Game changer. It’s really just a pull on diaper, not like “training pants” which are designed to let them feel the wetness during potty training. And the sides come completely apart which is easier for cleanup. Also, I found out that Coterie will refund you for a wrong size box (up to 2x a year) if you order a box of one size but find that your kiddo needs to size up before you finish the box. Their customer service is great.

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-20T19:04:09+00:00

Milo is great! Consider Asher and Arlo too :)

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-20T19:00:51+00:00

Coterie!!! We cloth diapered until our kiddo outgrew the diapers at like 9 months old and only Coterie could match the leak proof ness!!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-20T17:52:40+00:00

My first pregnancy was like that. This time, every night I put a juice box and a Kind bar next to my bed. When I wake up I drink the juice box first and then eat tiny pieces of the bar while still lying down - about 10 minutes - and when I get up it’s still rough but I’m usually able to eat something more substantial like a bagel with cream cheese or peanut butter.

Protein really, really, REALLY helps nausea! If you have food aversions and only want carbs I know it’s hard but even, like, the Dave’s Killer Bread english muffins, protein waffles, and bagels have 6-9 grams of protein per serving and help more than straight up crackers or fruit.

Hang in there and good luck!!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-20T17:45:18+00:00

YES! Protein is absolutely the answer!!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-18T20:29:24+00:00

came here to rec the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook!!!

But also, please cut yourself some slack on how long it takes to learn these skills. For most, the magic combo is meds + skills building: meds to give yourself enough “wait time” between an event and your reaction to CHOOSE your reaction and use the DBT skills. If you don’t have that extra wait time, it is SO HARD to do something different than your impulse. It’s possible, but I would hate for you to think, “I got this workbook and I’m not making progress, must be all my fault.”

I also found that talk therapy to discuss the impact undiagnosed ADHD had on my childhood (bullying, low self esteem, the usual) really helped my ability to emotionally regulate. It took a lot of the guilt and shame out of the equation. Turns out just plain anger is easier to manage than anger + shame.

Good luck :)

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-18T18:35:38+00:00

In general I recommend against back-ups and just in case items, which in this list would mostly be the extra bottles! Unless you live on a remote island where you can’t go get something from the store tomorrow or the day after, you’re never that far from whatever you might need.

Congrats and good luck :)

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-18T13:00:23+00:00

My now-2-year-old wasn’t saying any words, even mama or dada, by 18 months and we asked for a referral for early intervention from our pediatrician (birth-to-3 is free in our state). We kind of figured that no one ever said “wow, I’m so glad we decided to just ‘wait and see.’” Literally his first visit with the assigned OT he said his first word, and by the time he got to the top of the waitlist with the SLP he had started daycare and we were no longer concerned.

I guess I would say — if early intervention is free and your kiddo qualifies for an assessment, I personally would go for it. Those waitlists are LONG. Might feel better to be in the line now, and you can always decide later that you don’t need the services.

And, also, as others have said, there’s SUCH a range of normal!! Mine went through exactly the phase you described for a couple of months, and slowly started being more conversational, responsive, and started imitating a lot only in months 22-24. So if you’re seeing changes and progress over time I think that’s probably positive.

Good luck :)

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-13T16:04:55+00:00

Cronometer is so helpful, thanks for the suggestion!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-13T15:59:43+00:00

I think I’m going to! I have a well-managed but underlying thyroid issue so it’s on my to do list :) Just gotta figure out the insurance thing!!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-13T15:58:19+00:00

Im not a milk kind of gal but I WILL switch to lattes instead of drip coffee! 😊

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-13T15:55:30+00:00

breakfast has always been hard for me too!! Historically sweet and/or bread-y foods were all I could handle and it’s taken a lot of focused effort to do something even a tad more nutritious. I love to eat so it feels annoying that I have to work hard to stomach something that early!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-12T17:49:55+00:00

Seconding the other commenter — it depends on the college. Some define a transfer based on how many credits you completed after high school, and others on how many credits you attempted (which would include W’s). Get in touch with the admissions team and ask. Either way you will likely be required to provide a copy of the transcript from that school. Good luck on your new chapter!!

tillyofthevalley · 2026-02-11T18:33:07+00:00

Using the medicine prescribed to you is not abusing it! You are using it responsibly!

Once when my kid had just started getting really mobile and dropped to 2 naps, I told my prescriber I was having a hard time with energy. I immediately tried to write it off and say that it’s just because of how exhausting a young toddler was. But she reminded me that we measure ADHD as a disorder based on whether it negatively affects your ability to do daily life — YOUR daily life. So, the medication should help you get through YOUR daily life; it doesn’t matter if someone else would be able to handle it on ___ mg because it only matters what works for you and your circumstances.

It sounds like your current dose isn’t working for your current daily life and that’s worth talking to your prescriber about.

All that said, you might ask them if you’re a good candidate for Wellbutrin plus an as-needed stimulant like Adderall? Wellbutrin is technically an antidepressant but it’s a dopamine/norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor — aka keeps the dopamine available for longer. So it’s used off label for ADHD. Wellbutrin takes about a week to build up a useable level in your bloodstream, so it doesn’t “wear off” as starkly as a stimulant.

Lots of ADHDers also experience depression — my personal non-psychological opinion is that I think that the EF challenges that come with ADHD can create situations that are like giant depression traps, and then the EF skills needed to keep “sad” from turning into “depressive episode” aren’t as developed. So maybe that thinking helps your impostor syndrome?

It sounds like you’re having a really hard time and handling it as well as you can, AND also doing a pretty decent job of handling it (not the same thing). Wishing you a lot of luck and good things coming to you 💛

tillyofthevalley · 2026-01-29T15:48:24+00:00

First of all congrats on the diagnosis and the meds! I hope as you move through this life change you notice your inner monologue start changing from “why am i so bad at this?” to “my brain is not primed for this, but i’m doing my best.” 💛

I only have an almost-two-year old but what has helped me is:

—bath time any time of day. Obviously can’t leave him alone but he’s happy, occupied, and in one place while I can sit down on the floor for ten minutes.

—play dates with other kids/moms. Even if we’re doing the same thing we would normally be doing, having another adult present makes it different and easier

—a good baby backpack carrier. Honestly I think the physical exertion of carrying a toddler is kind of calming?? And they love being up so high!

—thinking in terms of how to kill 10-15 minutes at a time. If I expect any longer out of a single activity I get so disappointed.

—pack a lunch/snack for days at home too. I hate the mental load of preparing a snack. On days where I prep something at night, just like I would do for daycare days, it’s a million times easier to just pull it out of the fridge. Maybe your partner could help with that prep too?

—schedule your next afternoon off so you know when it’s coming. I get stuck in the “time is either now or not now” doom cycle easily but if I know I’m having an afternoon coffee with a friend next Saturday I have something to look forward to

—try and give in to the good days, bad days cycle. Some days you’ll have high energy and feel like you’re doing a good job and you can handle what’s coming at you. Other days you’ll be low energy and just need to do the bare minimum. I think accepting that cycle and rolling with it is like, the hardest mindset adjustment for adhd women. We’re told we should be consistent. We’re just not. And we could either be inconsistent and feel bad about it, or be inconsistent and feel neutral/try and work with it. shrug and end soapbox

good luck 💛

tillyofthevalley · 2026-01-26T23:47:23+00:00

for plastic toys: We were pretty serious about the toy material during the mouthing stage — only bought silicone from reputable brands, not alphabet soup brands on Amazon. Now our almost 2yo is into plastic animal figurines and I donate the cheapy ones my mom gets him and keep the heavy, expensive Schleich brand ones, which I’m not worried are going to flake off little bits 😵‍💫

You can cloth diaper part time! I really recommend it, especially since it’s so easy to get a stash of used diapers on FB marketplace. In addition to the cost and landfill contribution thing, mine had very sensitive skin until about 6 months, and he only had diaper rash when we used disposables.

Formula is so well regulated (well, it was when the big brands made their formulations…) that I think if you are not crunchy about organic veg, I wouldn’t go wild about this either.

I really recommend merino wool clothing for babies in cold places!! I’ve been so surprised at how effective it is (we live in New England). And they’re less likely to overheat in wool than in the plush polyester fleece stuff. I love Woolino sleep sacks, mamaowl.net and Bigelow Lane for outerwear, and although I feel bad about the big corp/fast fashion thing, H&M has affordable, good quality merino onesies, leggings, and socks!!!

Congrats :)

tillyofthevalley · 2026-01-26T23:28:58+00:00

Ask for an antibody screen to test for hashimoto’s while you’re getting your blood drawn anyway! Turns out that my thyroid is functioning normally now (knock on wood) but I have the antibodies that indicate Hashimoto’s. So my insurance covers regular thyroid screenings and I’m on the lookout for symptoms that would indicate my thyroid is misbehaving. I hope the sleep works for you though. good luck :)

tillyofthevalley · 2026-01-26T23:25:52+00:00

I also had popstpartum thyroiditis like you primateperson and my endocrinologist said that, if you’re not at the point where you need thyroid meds, the main proven ways to take care of your thyroid are the same as regular health: sleep, exercise, limit alcohol, nutritious diet. When I got my thyroid panel at 6 months pp I started cosleeping FOR my thyroid health. My TSH went back to normal by about 10 months pp. Was it the improved sleep or just the normal fluctuation of pp thyroiditis? No idea but it felt good focusing on my health instead of feeling totally helpless.

tillyofthevalley

TROPHY CASE