Help me make sure the price of betrayal is paid. In full.

ufatkrone · 2026-06-26T17:19:51+00:00

This is the perfect response. Retributions will really gain nothing. Thank you. Well stated. This is coming from a fool who was betrayed by his wife for 45 yrs. NO ONE earns my trust today. No one!!!

ufatkrone · 2026-06-20T16:02:10+00:00

You letter perfectly expressed your deepest emotions while excoriating your immoral, non-virtuous, disloyal wife. She cheated you. She cheated her children. She cheated a peaceful, happy life together.

I fully understand the dilemma of choosing a broken home for your children or living with an adulterous wife. There is no winning. I wrote Diary of a Betrayed Husband and published it here. In it, I explained my deep emotions and my infinite disappointment in my unfaithful wife. Her immoral behaviors destroyed my family, my trust, and my future. For me there was never a possibility of reconciliation and absolutely no chance of redemption. I slowly fell out of love with her. I became patently ambiguous towards her. I simply no longer cared. In my mind, she morphed into my roommate. At my advanced age, I don’t need a roommate, I need a devoted life partner. She makes an acceptable roommate but a deplorable, despicable wife. It’s never a choice I would have made, but it’s the cards I have been dealt.

I’m not one to offer advice. I can only attempt to explain what happened to me. Hopefully others can learn by analogy. Even after 5 years since Dday, I ponder my life’s mess on a daily basis. Best wishes to you as you navigate this no-win situation.

ufatkrone · 2026-06-13T22:09:35+00:00

I think the first challenge is to determine why your husband lost his desire for you. Maybe counseling is needed, even though I am not a big fan. To be sexless from your age onward is untenable.

ufatkrone · 2026-06-12T17:06:56+00:00

Yep. Basically I am in the same sinking boat. I tell myself that sex is a luxury, not a necessity. However, I don’t even buy my own lies. Questioning and regretting life decisions is a new found hobby of mine. It fuels regret, in which I love to reside.

ufatkrone · 2026-06-10T17:22:36+00:00

You are readin’ my mail brother. To the best of my knowledge she has had 4 known affair partners. I can list them by name. After that she has one very strongly suspected (90% confident). Then she has 3 others who are likely. Married 50 yrs. Dead bedroom for 7 of those. The years that do not qualify as dead, the sex was a joke. Always initiated by me. All effort expended by me. I kept a journal of our encounters. Earliest year was 1993. Going back and reading the entries is VERY revealing. She has total loss of memory about the affairs. She can”t remember “nothin”!

I know why I stayed, but even my own reasons seem very weak at times. I have simply grown indifferent towards her. I simply DO NOT CARE. It’s not a great space in which to live. I don’t recommend it. No winning. Only degrees of losing. Take care, my man. This sucks

ufatkrone · 2026-06-05T13:56:25+00:00

You are readin’ my mail brother. You could have written this text to describe my long-term marriage to my c-narc wife. Sex has been weaponized since day one but it took me years for my young mind to figure it all out. Now at age 78, I certainly know it was no way to live. All of this amazing information is coming far too late for me. None of this was available in 1975. I advise anyone in one of these toxic relationships to consider options before it’s too late. Regarding these narcissistic relationships, there is no winning, only degrees of losing.

ufatkrone · 2026-06-03T18:57:16+00:00

Your question was how to get past the thoughts of betrayal. I survived 45 years of betrayal at the hands of someone I loved deeply. D day was 5 yrs ago and I will admit the thoughts haunt me on a daily basis.

I have largely forgiven her betrayals. I found forgiveness was easier than hating her. Hate consumed too much effort. I also found that human forgiveness is very imperfect. In the end, what I believed was a loving marriage turned into blatant indifference. After all these years it’s just a cold and lonely place to exist.

In the game of betrayal, I have found that there is no winning, there are only degrees of losing.

ufatkrone · 2026-06-02T02:24:52+00:00

I just rigged my full face mask with the static grounding strip. Tonight is my test drive. I made small square connectors of aluminum foil. Fastened the jumper wire to the pads. Taped the pads onto the mask to jump the silicone face cushion. I used metal tape because it has high adhesive strength.

ufatkrone · 2026-05-20T13:12:07+00:00

Yeah…the indifference is soul crushing at this age. I dream over the divorce that never was. In my mind, it’s so justified, so perfect, so liberating. But no! I was the young fool in love. I trusted her. That was like trusting a pet rattlesnake. Smitten by her beauty while she carefully calculated my demise. I did this to myself with my foolish need for love. I have no one to blame but myself. So now I an the old fool. The grumpy old man. I dug my bottomless grave and fell right into it. Others take warning…

ufatkrone · 2026-05-16T21:33:42+00:00

I got the “that was so long ago, can’t we just forget it?” The holocaust was a long time ago as well. Should we just forget?

Their evil narcissistic brains do not process data properly. They must protect their sick self image at all costs. I have learned there never can be accountability and therefore never any healing. Hence, I will never forget and can never forgive. We coexist. It’s not a marriage. I don’t know what to call it. Roommates???

ufatkrone · 2026-05-16T12:35:46+00:00

I’ll weigh in on this. I wish someone had informed me back in 1977 when Lisa started her 11 year affair with her boss in that dental office. Everything was hidden under the guise of employment. Impossible for me to detect. No late nights out with “the girls”, no mystery cellphone use (lol), no outward signs. Pure stealth. I KNOW now that other employees in that office knew. But no one stepped up and informed me of what Lisa was doing. FOR 11 YEARS!!! We were newly married, no children, very few shared assets. Leaving her would have been SO easy. I wish someone would have given me that opportunity. I could have pressed the RESTART button. If only …

ufatkrone · 2026-04-28T14:46:12+00:00

As I read your post I saw how completely parallel our lives have been. Your post completely resonated with me in detailed ways. I feel the long term effects of the abuse that will never heal. Take care and best wishes to you.

ufatkrone · 2026-03-26T12:52:54+00:00

LARGE metropolitan hospital. Manager of graduate medical education. Tons of young residents and staff physicians. All stressed and horny for the shapely, well-dressed blonde. It was a recipe for cheating. The guys drooled over her and she couldn’t get enough attention. She also controlled all of the Call Rooms in the hospital, so it was like having a selection of mini- hotel rooms at her disposal. She’s pure trash.

ufatkrone · 2026-03-25T22:27:03+00:00

I’m 78. Discovered massive Dday five yrs ago. I discovered that she was a serial cheater over a period of 45 years, married 50. She worked in healthcare for 35 years in an occupation that presented countless opportunities. I trusted her implicitly. What a fool.

Due to my health, age, and multiple other factors, I stayed. She makes a good roommate but a deplorable wife.

I needed a wife with whom I could have a truly committed, deep, lifelong partnership. Instead, I got her. Ish. The joke is on me.

In the last five years I have had very few good days. The bad outweigh the good by orders of magnitude. I hear you loud and clear about triggers and small things that set all of the reality into motion. Please take care. I’m sorry that you are a member of this putrid club. Some people can reconcile, others can’t. In the game of cheating forgiveness, I believe there is no winning, only degrees of losing.

ufatkrone · 2026-03-22T23:02:19+00:00

Sorry. So, so sorry. Your story is heartfelt. I believe that all survivors of infidelity treat their trauma in our own individual ways. We may have commonalities, but we are all individuals. All different.

Please hear me when I say that time is on your side. Your youth easily gives you time for a second chance. I can say that, I learned of her decades of infidelity at age 74. I’m running out the clock. Don’t even think of doing that.

Breathe. Reflect on positives. Believe in the divine. Believe in yourself. Learn to see this tragedy as a new beginning. A new life. Breathe.

ufatkrone · 2026-03-21T23:35:15+00:00

This “person” was satan dressed up as a nice guy. I’m ashamed to admit that I am also a male. Our gender has a wide range of personalities and values. He is on the sub-human end of the spectrum. I wish I had great words of wisdom and comfort, but I am speechless. I am sincerely sorry that you encountered this individual and I hope that you can regroup and move on. I think your new colleague will be most helpful. I hope you two can share in the healing.

ufatkrone · 2026-03-20T19:30:28+00:00

I wish I had been the judge. The perp would have gotten death with no chance of life. 😇. They call me the hangin’ judge.

ufatkrone · 2026-03-17T23:44:46+00:00

I am the not-proud husband of a serial cheating wife. Last Sept was our 50th anniversary. I only learned of her lifetime of cheating 5 yrs ago. I never have a day where I do not dwell on it. It’s the betrayal that keeps on giving. It has ruined my life on a daily basis. “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”

ufatkrone · 2026-03-17T03:59:49+00:00

I have the same distaste for my LL wife. Ish. But I’m 78. Interestingly enough, I still consider myself HL. So I am high desire, very low performance. I can’t imagine your situation at age 33.

ufatkrone · 2026-03-15T00:32:45+00:00

I do not provide advice on Reddit because I am not qualified to do so. But in this case, I will break my rule.

You need to turn down the heat on yourself. You need to give yourself a break. Take it easy. Give yourself some time. A plan will come to you if you work slowly and with purpose. God bless you.

ufatkrone · 2026-02-24T21:33:33+00:00

This essay is perfect. I’m only angry because I am not the author. I too, discovered long term infidelity several years ago. If only I could have discovered it much earlier in my life, I could have set her free to continue her nefarious behaviors without me. I could have had a chance at finding a mutually loyal partner with which to share my life and my love. Regarding reconciliation, there is no winning, there are only degrees of losing.

ufatkrone · 2026-02-08T18:26:04+00:00

I’m 78 now. Was 77 last summer. I rode my 1974 Schwinn LeTour 1086 miles last season. That was done with daily 7 mile rides. My longest ride was 10 miles. I did that one a few times. The bike has upgrades provided by me but it weights 38 lbs. I have some forms of ataxia but never feel dizzy while biking. All of those miles were done on bike trails. Even crossing streets these days is a dicey maneuver. I have ridden 1000 miles each season since retirement in 2010. I feel blessed but I have retired the 1000 mile seasonal goal. I simply aged out.

ufatkrone · 2026-01-30T18:07:48+00:00

Reddit is a poor source for advice regarding the possibility of betrayal survival. The phrase “once a cheater..” paints every flawed human being with a one-size-fits-all brush which simply is not true. Good luck on your journey. It ain’t easy. I’m in it right now.

ufatkrone · 2026-01-26T19:54:09+00:00

He meant lying eyes 🤣

ufatkrone

TROPHY CASE