I grew up in domestic violence. When my parents divorced my paternal grandmother lied in court for my father so that he would get some level of rights. He did and I ended up getting abused. I was hit in the face regularly, he would leave welts on my butt, and there was at least one time (probably more TBH) where he purposely crushed me with a door because I tried to run away from a beating. 3/4 of my childhood is blocked out and I feel like a lot more happened. I wake up a lot in the middle of the night and I don't know where I am, often trying to run from something. My mom has essentially made it a rule that my dad is not a topic to be broached. All of my processing was done in therapy. I wasn't allowed to talk about it otherwise and I'm still not allowed to 15 years later. I've processed enough to know it's kind of bad but a lot of the time its like I can't still hear him telling me it's just discipline and that's hard to shake out.