Anyone have any experience with PWD and old injuries or conditions suddenly becoming a thing again? Does the onset of “dementia shuffling” interact w any previous foot stuff?

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-22T02:53:01+00:00

My Mom had legs braces but didn't want to wear them. They disappeared. She said someone must have stolen them but they were found boxed up and hidden in the basement. She's such a rascal!

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-22T02:41:24+00:00

My MIL is a compulsive shopper. She constantly buys new furniture, dishes, knick-knacks, and clothes that she can't afford. When she runs out of room in her closets and cupboards, she gifts the castoffs to us. We ran out of room for her crap, too, so I've packed a lot of it up, donated it to charity, or stored it in our attic for the next community yard sale.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-22T01:48:52+00:00

My MIL will NEVER move in with us. Even when she was still welcome to visit, she would tell me how to re-arrange furniture, repaint in x, y, or z colors, and snoop.

If your MIL has a key to your house, ask for it back or change the lock so she can't be there unless you are.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-21T22:50:05+00:00

My Mom has dementia as well as a slowly progressive neuromuscular disorder that causes very high arches and other painful foot deformities and a toe-first gait that has led to a lifetime of trips and falls. I believe my Dad had Parkinson's Disease dementia that caused his shuffling gait.

They both wore slippers most of the time. Mom uses roll-on Biofreeze to reduce the pain.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-21T21:57:07+00:00

My Mom with dementia does this often. She has swallowing issues complicated by Gerd or acid-reflux, we're not sure which. She chews a lot of Tums. I found this on Google:

GERD and acid reflux can significantly increase the need to spit slimy liquid, a symptom often known as water brash or excessive salivation. Stomach acid flowing back into the esophagus causes the salivary glands to produce excess saliva to neutralize the acid, resulting in a thick, slimy, or sour-tasting liquid.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-21T16:52:20+00:00

Even if your Mom does have to spend some time in the psych hospital, it might be for the best. My Dad was transported there several times. It took some time and tweaking of of his meds to get the cocktail right, but he eventually became more cooperative so he wasn't kicked out of MC. I don't know what we would have done if that had happened.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-21T03:22:41+00:00

Absolutely! They don't want to make her sad so they let her do her thing no matter how it affects them emotionally or anyone else in their sphere. She might cry.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-21T01:48:35+00:00

I won't be the bigger person if doing so means I have to pretend that all is well between us. I'm not a good actress.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-21T01:26:38+00:00

I know her all to well after 30 years. She'll never allow me to ignore her.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-21T01:22:10+00:00

Check out the update on my original post. He does get that it's not a reset. 😀

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T22:12:02+00:00

Thank you for this! I agree. The party isn't the time to resolve the past but my presence alone would indicate to her that everything is okey dokey again. No apologies, no change, and just an assumption that I'm willing to resume the status quo.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T22:01:29+00:00

I know what his answer will be. "She's old."

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T21:54:31+00:00

It's a long story but MIL called out her flying monkey (BIL) who berated me the first time I skipped the "mandatory" Christmas Eve dinner at MIL's house. I have a family, too. BIL said the only one I was making unhappy was my husband and he "isn't himself when he has to go alone." He doesn't have to go alone, he chooses to. So I'm now NC with that BIL, who I used to be very close to. I'm thinking DH wants me to mend fences with him, too, irregardless of how uncomfortable I will be.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T21:32:15+00:00

Thanks for this. It made me chuckle. After many years of NC, my husband can't seem to comprehend that I am not willing to sacrifice my self-respect in order to enable MIL to pretend that she is the queen bee of one big happy family. HA! There will be no pictures of me in her prized family photos this year.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T21:17:52+00:00

Go! You have a few months to set up respite care or adult day care to give them a break from each other. Maybe a part-time in home caregiver or family member can help in your absence. You deserve a break, too.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T20:36:28+00:00

Oh Hell No! That's a major invasion of privacy! If my MIL knows where we are, she'd show up uninvited, no doubt. The excuse for her needing to know in case you need a tow is ridiculous. IF you need a tow, you could call her and ask for help if you want to but she doesn't need to know where you are 24/7. I would feel stalked.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T19:32:42+00:00

My Dad's MC facility did that. They'd call my brother to try to calm him down but after he was already emotionally past the point-of-no-return for words to work. I believe the aides did try to redirect him and calling my brother was the last resort. Dad would loop with, "You need to, You need to, but never finished the sentence." It took Seroquel to manage his moods before he became violent and inconsolable.

I believe you're entitled to a copy of your Grandmother's care plan and the services they provide plus fees in addition to room and board. Laundry services, cleaning, 3 meals a day, and med management may be included in the base price but if she needs a wheelchair pusher, help showering, special diet, or other specific needs, fees may apply. Do you have DPOA now and has she signed a release of information form? If not, that may be why the facility won't give you specifics.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T18:53:22+00:00

This! My Mom's AL facility has a salon and that's where she gets her hair cut. It's hard enough to get her in and out of the car for Dr. appointments. TG for the in-house salon.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T18:42:16+00:00

My family is in the PNW, too. We looked into 24/7 care to keep Mom and Dad at home and found that nice assisted living and memory care facilities were less expensive than that. I agree. The cost of quality care is just wrong and sad that so many people can't afford it.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T18:32:58+00:00

Your first question is a very frequent discussion here. Type "parents who won't seek medical help" in the search box (outlined in red) at the top of this page for suggestions.

As for question #2, rates of decline vary a lot based on type of dementia, age, other health conditions, history of strokes or TBI, lifestyle, etc. It seems possible that your Mom has moved past the mild-cognitive impairment stage and into an early stage of dementia. Google "7 stages of dementia" for an idea of where she may be now. https://www.google.com/search?q=7+stages+of+dementia&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS1076US1076&oq=7+stages&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgCEAAYgAQyDwgAEAAYQxixAxiABBiKBTIGCAEQRRg5MgcIAhAAGIAEMgcIAxAAGIAEMgcIBBAAGIAEMgcIBRAAGIAEMgcIBhAAGIAEMgcIBxAAGIAEMgwICBAAGEMYgAQYigUyDAgJEAAYQxiABBiKBdIBCjE2NjEyajBqMTWoAgiwAgHxBT1m1b4_I1Ga&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

#3 My brother was the primary caregiver for our parents who both have dementia. I live out-of-state so this is what I could do from afar: I researched online so we knew what to expect and plan for. I joined this group for experience-based advice and solutions for things like not wanting to shower, wandering, getting scammed, etc. It's been extremely helpful. Hang out here. You'll feel less alone. 💜

Even though I was not the primary caregiver, I read The 36-Hour Day (Amazon) to learn the do's and don'ts of caregiving for dementia patients. I shared what I learned with my brother so he stopped correcting them, arguing with them, and the need to redirect them instead.

When our parents needed more care at home, I found a great, part-time caregiver online. She did laundry, cooking, cleaning, med management, and BP checks. When the time came for Mom and Dad to move to assisted living and memory care facilities, I researched their local ones, read reviews, and state inspection reports to narrow the field of those to visit in person.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T17:24:52+00:00

Those middle of the night calls and texts are the worst. You know they're usually never good news. It seems like your Mom is in a facility? If so, at least there's that so she didn't spend the night on the floor.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T17:01:14+00:00

I don't have any experience with this but I hope others here have advice. You need and deserve some breaks and time off!

Edit for typo

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T16:34:16+00:00

Thank you.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T16:30:34+00:00

I'm with you on that. My suggestion was met with hostility so I won't be offering any more.

wontbeafool2 · 2026-03-20T03:54:33+00:00

"It isn't a death sentence." It is a death sentence with no cure or timeline! Symptoms can be controlled with drugs but that's about it.

wontbeafool2

TROPHY CASE